freedom

'freedom' introduced by tommy hilfigher.will this frangrance gonna give me freedom?or only just the feeling of getting freedom?feelings of flying highly in the sky?however,it'l still bring me back to the reality!im so tired!so exhausted!i read my frens' blogs n oso others which i dunno..they seem so enjoyable in their lives,seriously im kinda jealous with them!why cant i be like them?!u may ask me to think in a different perspectives n i'l be happier.i tried so hard yet probs are stil existing!sometimes,i just wanna buy an air ticket n fly away from home!u may say.."so selfish,foolish,irresponsible..etc".u wont know how i feel if u have never been through the situation!when someone that u lovs so much do not respect u at all..do not put on a trust on u..do not understand u..do not support u no matter wut u do..do not listen to u...etc,wut would u feel then!?wut am i supposed to stand in for the rest of my life?if hez my bf,i would just throw him like a pan cake..however,this man brings me to the world..i really appreciate that!sometimes,he is just too over!i dont need a wealthy family,i dont need him to be a professional,i dun hope him to be perfect..but i want him to know me!it has been many years tat we never talk 'heart to heart'!everytime i try so hard to do that..but end up with debates,disagreements...etc!i just dun understand why my mom knows me so well!she even knows wut i think without me telling her!but my dad is the totally opposite!if there is a quiz for him..im sure he'l get zero..haha.maybe just a few marks!
1.wutz my fav food?
2.wutz my fav colours?
3.wutz my fav numbers?
4.which is my fav car?
5.whoz my fav band?
6.which is my fav music instruments?
7.whoz my fav actor?
8.which is my fav sport?
9.which is my fav dog?
10.wut do i scare of?....etc
i think even my fren could have a higher score than him..haha!he just dun seems to know me....

should i?

i was kinda late to mirado today cos i just need to rush for my bath. i got a feeling when on my way to the music school..i knew that i might not be seeing them..well,i just ignored my feelings cos usually things would be the opposite of wut i have expected!who knows this really happened yesterday!i was kinda sad..not to say sad but disappointed...something was missing...i had totally lost my mood at all eventhough i din show it out..but i know that my teacher should have realised bout it!questions arose when someone told me that tt din come n so to shap!i have no guts to ask lynden cos he might think something else..but i really wanna know!!!speding holidays in somewhere else?sick?preparing for another performance?preparing for exams?the lights are still off!!just a sense of curiosity onlymer...but it seems non of my business=(
during my lesson,my teacher asked me question...it seemed to be tough for me to answer but act i already have the answer,how m i supposed to express it!? "who do u like the most between them?"...i think u could have figure it out rite?however,itz useless for u to know the answer since the person involved does not know bout it!i just have prob of how to treat the one i like!!frankly,i treat shap really good...itz nice n comfortable to talk to him,play with him..hez such a good guy!i just like to talk to him...have fun with him..n i'l melt whenever he smiles cos itz really adorable n sweet!meanwhile,the one i like just treats me differently from how shap treats me!!somehow i just feel that he dislikes me,trying to avoid from me cos i got a feeling that he knows i like him!hez so 'cold' to me..how m i supposed to melt?i feel so frustrating...many people ask me not to like him but my feelings ask me not to let go!i know itz impossible but i just like him!i admire the way he takes music in his life!i love the way he loves music!hez the guy that i hope to have in life...no matter at which stage..there are so many guys out there who are much greater than him..why do i fall in luv with him?i hardly understand..i was really sad when i knew he has a wealthy family background..this will always be the first thing i bother bout a guy that i like..yet hez considered independent cos he seems not to rely on his family!i was so impressed when someone told me that he ran away from home to stand for his freedom where he desires to be a guitarist n a music teacher!i started to admire him since then!'no music no life' just suits him!

hehe!

i had my lesson last friday n so to them.i was kinda down at first cos something bad just kept playing in my mind.i was so sad cos they might not even saying a 'hi'!however,something unexpected just happened...they were there when i reached the music school..i just went to a studio which has organ n piano so that i would have more choices...then i just try to play the song that i like!lynden just came in n we had a short talk bout the performance..he was satisfied with us n i felt really nice with that..he was just saying to have a jazzy song for the next concert but why am i not knowing anything bout it!?i tried to ask him more detail bout the next concert but he just ignored me n continued his lesson with them!of cos i would never bother to ask anyone bout this n just continued with my songs!suddenly i heard some noice..'tuck...' n the light in my studio was off!i was kinda shocked n panic at that moment...power failure might be one of the reasons...wait a moment,my rhythem box was stil on..my organ was still on!!so wutz the pro?i really have no idea bout it!maybe some switches were burned...etc.wut would u do in such a situation?i just opened the door,trying to get some info bout wutz happening...n i knew the answer at this time!someone stood beside the doorway,leanning against the wall,crossing his hands...just a smile to me..a very familiar one..itz something 'good' from shap!i was so pissed off n surprised at the same time cos he did this to me..haha!hez so childish but itz act fun..haha!he said tat it was done by tt but tt wasnt outside..he was all the time in the studio playin his guitar..i think so!"i'l take revenge on u shapour..u better becareful..hahaha"...he just smiled n kept walking past the studio..meanwhile i just sat there n looked at him whenever he tried to take the second chance to off my light again!how i wish tt did this to me...sounds so desperate..it is!but so many people around who knows me well are advising me not to put so much concerntration onto him!even alan said that too!but i seems tough if i really wanna do it..unless something really makes me....to let go....

over...

last saturday was the concert,of cos i was kinda excited bout that..performing with all the guys that i admired..they were really gorgeous at all time!we went to the auditorium for rehearsal in the afternoon,i reached there around one cos my teacher fetched me there..well,the first rehearsal was at 1.30 while mi2 was at 3.30!!that period was act kinda boring..luckily shireen and brian were there to talk me..edd was there too..keep yawning cos his team was the last one..haha!he seemed so boring with all the violinist and pianist up there..haha!i was waiting for them..looking at the stairsway..where are this people?finally shap n t.t were here..men in black!i was shocked when they brought the classical guitars here..wutz wrong with u guys?weren't u guys playing elect. guitars?they were gonna have a duet at tat night...wow!i was melting off by their duet k,even itz slow..haha!they always talk among the men and alienated me!!they like to talk to edd..stupid!hez always the vampire of all..with a sunglasses placed on top of his head..black jacket with a white t inside..those are his favs.
i was act kinda satisfied with my actual performance that night eventhough there was some mistake at first..the tempo was supposed to be 105 but one of the elect. guitarists said it was kinda slow..well,i just adjusted it to 110..and the rhythm sounds fast..i just stopped it immediately n start again...i was so worried that they might blame me for that!!107 was the new tempo i set for the second start..and he just said itz kinda fast..and finally the tempo went back to 105..does it sound stupid?everything has over..and i just have a feeling that this might be the first,last and the one and only performance with them..u may ask me why..well,itz just a feeling..even not a 'hi' when seeing him..i mean shap wont do that..but the one i concerned!i just feel that someone is avoiding me..or perhaps he feels that i like him..haha!they are really chun and i really appreciate all this..i learned so many things from the concert,organisation,cooperation,coordination and oso the most precious of all-friendship!im waiting for the next performance to give me a chance for earning money..haha!

w_h_y

know why im using white in colour..i dun wanna in such a family!i wanna run away from this family!everything has been changing..everyone is changing till i hardly take this to life!im entirely exhausted from my life!none of my family members is there to support me at all!im 18,i want my freedom!!!i wanna be independent!i want my life to be in my way!i wanna make my own decisions!im showing them that im mature enough to take care of myself...but they just dun understand!they think that im changing!im not like my sis..shez totally relying on my parents!i just dun understand why she hates me so much!?i did nothing to her..i din fight to her n she acts innocent in front of my parents!why cant they just put on a trust in me!i know myself..i know wut i want!sometimes i just dislike wut i have..they have planned everything for me..sometimes i just feel like not studying and do something i have never done before...bring all the pocket money n have a flight secretly!!!that must be chun rite?i think i might do that after i have graduate!!so long to go!"...there may be some tears before bed time.."this has been shown in today's star newspaper at the horoscope session(aries).well,this happened in reality!i did cry this afternoon..i feel my life is so meaningless..why is my family being so overprotected?i knwo they luv me so to i...but i need respectation especially from my dad n sis!they just dun respect me at all cos im the youngest at home!i totally disagree with their thoughts but nothing much i can do!im not tough enough to live by myself..my sis is a degree holder n shez proud of herself..she wants to control everything..i just cant stand her behavioues at all!we are so different,i found myself hardly to have conversation with her although we stay under one roof in one room!everytime i try to protect her when my parents scold her...and wut she has done to me now?shez 'inspiring ' parents to scold even i 've done nothing wrong!im so dam frustrating with this..so tiring till i cant take it!others think that im happy-on-going but sometimes i wanna commit suicide!i have no guts to pick up the blade...im scare of blood!i have my concert practise session today,tears just dripped so naturally that i couldnt control..my teacher n teacher pat were so scared..i tried so hard to calm myself,trying to call my bro..i really wanna have someone with me at that moment!i wanna call kah hou,sharon,akun even t.t!!hou will reject me,sharon is working,akun might be busy with her niece...i felt that my world has gone in a sudden,everything is not under control,problems are waiting for me,nobody is able to understand my predicaments..not even my family,but only my mom!i dun wanna tell her..i want her to live a happy life,im mature enough to settle everything by myself!i totally have no mood to talk to them..i mean shap and t.t...tears cant solve the probs but at least i manage to release my tension which can drive me crazy!sometimes i just dun know my dad at all,hez such a stubborn+conservative man..may be we have generation gap!sometimes he just ask me why am i not talking to him...excuse me..u are the one who always scold me n tease me whenever im trying to have a conversation with u..that should be something like debates!i dun wanna fight with u cos im the loser cos u dun even give me a chance to voice out my opinions,u think u are the always the rite one!"u dun have to be the winner,u are the real winner as long as u stand it" was the encouragement from a fren of mine that makes me to continue my life!

monday...

the next practise was on monday..i was kinda excited cos shap would be joining us for the practise since he had came back from dubai last saturday!so rich huh!this guy would easily melt u off with his smile...hez such a sweet guy!my practise began at 6pm and i was trying to reach there by 5.45pm to get my keyboard prepared..well,i just realised something,t.t. is the first person to reach there for every single practise..how could it be huh?!im act kinda impressed by his behaviour..and something is changing.the practise session was really enjoyable!i found that chemistry is on among the us and oso so to adrian and lynden!they are really chun guitarists but they still need me for the keyboard to backup their song..haha!i was really happy cos they had agreed with my settings and arrangements...the variations for the drum,the effects for the melody,the improvisasion..wow!2 hours were so fast to me n the conversations were to begin between us!we were both waiting for our parents to pick us..i was asking him for some ideas in my other arrangments where i need to play a mute guitar n a distortion guitar with a keyboard..and he shown me....itz a disney medley of 3 songs-colours of the wind,whole new world,and under the sea..haha!i cant imagine he played the melody for the songs..haha!so childish!later, he started to play my keyboard...."i play u a song.."..........i was melting when he played cos thatz my song k!..'looking to ya eyes,u'l see,wut u mean to me.....i just smacked him when told him when he asked me why.."i know u'l like this song"...wow!we did played together..i mean i played the chords and he played the melody...canon on D...'wherever u go,wutever u do,i'l be rite here waiting for u..'....and he oso played other songs which i dunno..he said truly korean songs can make me cry...serious?!i gotta go and he asked me a question that sounds perculiar to me.."are u using carol herbal essence?"..huh???i just told him that im using sunsilk..my sense of curiousity arosed n asked him which perfume is he using...he was trying to play around with the answer,asking me to guess...polo,issy,ck,gucci????i really have no idea bout it..."why so expensive!where got so expensive!"...how should i know....and he finally told me the answer:adidas!i should buy this n spray my room..hahaha!

friday...

i'd never blog for a couple of days..finally i finished my finals on last friday,that maybe the last day we seeing each other..why no huggings?i just couldnt concerntrate for the night,i couldnt get myself a rest just to think of wut to do next.i went to mirado in the afternoon,carrying my keyboard..the song 'sorry seems to be the hardest word' was playing in my mind!i went up n saw someone has already playing in the studio..who would it be to play the distortion guitar,t.t was inside..he just smiled to me when i opened the door..everything seems so perfect!i said hi to him n we talked!i just dun need that song anymore!he was dressed so formally with his student card hanging over the neck made me feel like asking a question:'where are u studying?' and the answer :'a level in GIS'...wow!international high school..that sounds great huh!i like his body smells...i mean his perfume..haha!sporting, manly ,strong n outstanding but yet innocent..i think the frangrance that hez using is suitable for sportsman...great!

sorry!

i was so dam pissed off with themla..i mean should be himlo!t.t..chicken hunter..should be chicken runner!!he has the idea..i knew it but why cant he just say it out?!i would totally support his idea rather than adrianz one.i was really angry with thatlo..we just had compromised last friday bout the song and i thought that he was supposed to be the organiser of tat song..who knows everything is just not under his control.why is shap not here?!?im sure he would have told adrian bout the idea!!but i was kinda over too coz i said hez a chicken!!am i bad!?i hope he dun understand but i could it from his face!!i think he should be dam angry with it...so question is:should i apologise to him?this is my first choice..i cant stand with it..i just feel like saying sorry to him but wut if he just dun understand??i dun feel like explaining every word in front of him!"thomas...sorry" would be tough enough to pour out from my mouth!my sis just ask me stand tough and dun bother bout it..well,i just feel that my heart kinda bitter n sour if i dun apologise to him!wut if he dun accept it?wut should i do then?i hope we can build up some chemistry between us and oso among the team members so that it wont be so suffering!i hope to enjoy the jaming session with them but it seems so tough!wut should i do??im feeling bad!i hope he can read my blog..or maybe accidentally read it so to let him knows that im not bad to him..itz just becoz of adrian!im so XXX him!!!i hope he knows it!sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha!

so dam frustratingla...my sis just hit me coz i hit my bro...stupid rite?just becoz that my bro is her bf!!!!!and we are sos....im so dam pissed offle!!!u should have read this...SHARON KONG WAI FUN!!!my bro oso dam bad k!he hit me coz i never bring unbrella...how bout ya luvly berry-berry huh!?!?!?stupid!!!im jealous...just kinda pissed off...but im angryla..haha~!
i saw my mehdi today!!!finally,i saw him with another man...so dam chun k!hez chun at all time!my heartbeat just seemed uncontrolable...haha!i was melting like hell k!so dam surprising!!!!!but he just cant recognise me anymore...but itz enough for me!!!
i just cant wait to meet t.t. and shap!!!i hope edd is there too..so greedy rite?!he said my name is nice!!!!!oh my god!this is the first time that someone is complimenting bout my name...i just cant waitla...but i just dunn wan disappointment to appear in my life and therefore i must not think bout it!!hope everything would be wut i want!!

untitled

so many things just happened in my life..everything is such a suprise to me!kow wut?i din know this gal n she suddenly approached me and asked me some questions..we tried to have a short conversation,i felt weird!she just asked bout my course,why do i stay,and even my hp no!!!wut should i do???no one could tell me at that time...my sis wasn't here to guide me!i was trying not to give her my hp no but she intended to gave me her hp no n asked me to miss called her so that my hp no would appeared in her hp!!!oh gosh!why am i so stupid???i should have learnt more from my sis!!!i hope shez 'ok' to me since shez just a gal!she told me that itz kinda tough for her to have frens here..she hardly to expand her social life since ever she has shifted from her TAR..well,i kinda impressed when she told me all this at the very begining of our frenship..i mean i knew her for bout not more than half an hour n she intended to tell me all this!!u might say im bad if im aware of her...but her situation just inspired me of the problems that i might have in the future..or u may say in 2006....i might be joining the sem2 class n know no one there..how am i gonna survive in this kinda situation???it may even be worse than mandy!!!

i just miss my frens so much since i will be seeing them for this..i mean until this friday,everyone would be missing one and another!we should appreciate this week!!!!i just cant wait to meet my chicken hunter n gentleman on this wednesday but i just hope time wont passes so fast coz therez only one week for us!!!stupid rite?meeting this two guys is always a surprise for me..maybe chicken hunter wont be coming?maybe gentleman won't be coming?maybe both of them are not coming?maybe my shap wont be a gentleman anymore?something that i expected:
they wont be on time,they may be leaving earlier,they will go for break,they might be bringing some gals in,they may be younger than me,they may even not coming!!wut should i do then?call them?quit?go home?practice with another team?dun bother bout it n request for another practice?

chicken hunter v.s. gentleman

finally i gotta meet up this guys,t.t. and sha.frankly,they are really awesome!i discovered so many things in just bout few hours!as usual i will go to mirado for my lesson but recently my classes just hanging to prepare for the year end concert,i went out from the washroom and saw shap. was there to settle his fees..well,hez gorgeous at all time..just a smile could melt me out!!!hez such a sweet guy where u will wish to see him always in ya life!i went up to the studio..where is sir lynden???i thought he should be preparing for his class since shap was stil down there..well,i just need him for a moment!todayz special: t.t was back!!!sitting at the corner with his guitar in his hand,chatting with his teacher!!!some one just told me that he would be back on 20th...wutz happening???i was taken aback by this guylo!hez really chun..was wut i thought at first..however he does. the way he dressed up shows that hez presentable with all his trendy stuff up..i just dislike the nails..too long for a guy but perfect for a guitarist!that was the first impression towards him..not until the moment we began our conversation..shap wasn't there...and thatz why the situation was so different!i just show them the song which my sis has infa to my hp..sorry guys if u think that im showing off...seriously im not!he just claimed that itz not the original one but who cares since shap n me like the limp bizkit version!!!i dun care!i want this one...and he just agreed that..hahaha!meanwhile shap was just walkin n i just show him the song since they asked me to think bout the setting all by myself..i know shap wont do this to me..haha!hez always the sweet guy,gentleman!t.t. just talked too much..somehow i just feel that he has some kinda mentally illness!!!hez childish...needs attention from others...arrogant in such a way where he thinks most of the gals in the world would have fall in luv with him..u might say that hez too confident or proud of himself...hez such a chicken hunter..haha!

okie...

oh my god!i just luv to see him playing those music instruments....wowow!hez amazing!!!he just simply shines in that way!i went to a guitar lesson which was my bro's class..i was just there to 'kacau' them..haha!hez name is joe..pro in bass guitar,electric guitar,drum...etc.i was melted when he demostrated to his students...perfect n clean!i mean the power chords,the way he strums,the way he pluck,something like unplugged,the song is kinda funky,live kit,rocky....i just luv it when my bro played that song in his car..but i never expected that he just plays like the original song or even better!!!thatz so dam great!i just want see him play again!!!can i just come to ya next lesson??i really wanna see him play!!!!!!!so dam chun n melting!!!
i saw edd today..i even talked to him!finally i realised that hez act not as handsome as i think!hez like a drug addict!!!!stupid rite?i just dun like the way he asked me..the way he asked just sounds like a spy!stupid man!!!!i dislike u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i prefer my t.t. and shapour...(i think so)they are so dam chun!!!!!i just cant wait to jam with them!!!!they are so dam chun k!i think they should be dam prolo since they are so 'high' gradesliao!i must be better than teacher eddie..i dun care!my mi2 must be better than final countdown!!!!!!!!we must be greater than them!

finally that two subjects have over..i mean my exams stil on but i just feel better now..haha!wut should i do then..hmm..i just dun feel like revising at this moment but just wondering how am i supposed to maintain the standard???im a very kiasu person n my user name just shows that!
recently i just found out that i act interested to 'didi'!!!!oh my god!i just cant accept it coz they are so young to me..something like younger than me...one year???i just like to see them or maybe ask them to be my brothers!i so desire to have brothers!!!younger or even elder!so many things had happened n i just cant blog them out coz i have no idea where to begin?

he is soooooo coool!i mean i just found it out yesterday!he was riding a motorbike...i know that hez a fans of rossi,motogp,yamaha team through his bike!125cc??i was wondering n his bike is dam cool!i just luv it!but it was dangerous coz he din put on his helmet!!!!

kar mun,i hope u are reading this..know wut?i woke up early in the morning just to msg u n ks..haha!stupid rite?thatz why i never reply coz i slept back..hah!ya exam is so dam early!!!!anyway,i really hope u guys have enough energy to pass through the examz!!aza aza fighting!

i was doing nothing yesterday nite..laying on the bed..listening to all my fav music!!ronan keating,lee hom,david tao,rain...etc..i just luv the way they present..their expression n vocal is just perfect!just remind me something that i used to been through with my frens,with u....i just miss u guys like crazy!cant wait to see u guys!i want to see u!!!!!i wanna know wutz happening in ya life!i wanna wutz wrong with u?i wanna know who do u have to treat me like that?how could u be sooooo cruel?how could u do that to me?dont u even know how would i feel?u never treat me like that before,wut makes u change?i was waiting for ya call everyday,every moment,hoping to hear that.."i was just kidding that day","sorry,i was in a bad mood"...etc
but nothing seems to happen in that way..i would not forget those words not until the day u tell me the truth!can u just pick up the phone n answer my call!?if not,then im gonna ask steve bout everything!u must have told him everything!

rewind

know wut?!i just felt so dam bad mood in a sudden..all the sad memories have come back to me!!!itz just hardly to put in sentences,where should i begin??my closer one should know bout it very well!why are my parents treating me like that?im 18 this year,but i just cant enjoy a teenager life like how my frens enjoy!i have no life at all,yet they think that im satisfy with wut they have give to me!i want my freedom!i deserve it!i need to be respected as how i respect them!i need my privacy!i want my life!i want everything to be in my way!im doing things that they like,doing wut they want me to do!i know myself very well!thatz why i enjoy being at mirado!at least i found myself there!why cant they just put a trust on me!?im not going to kill someone,or dating out there,or crubbing,or doing crimes..but i just want to be with my frens..thatz it!the invitation reminds me of how my dad used to treat my gang..miller,dustin,shawn,goran,gordon,matty,max....were the victims n so many of them where i just cant mention all!i just dun understand wutz act playing in my dadz mind!he just dun allow me to go out with my frens..not even one!n thatz why they sent me to a girl school zit?i just want to go out with them..thatz all!but he just dun trust me..hez tooo protective but i just cant stand that!i need my freedom!should i request for a lawyer..haha!im mature enough to take care of myself!i want to expose to the outside without any help from my family..but they just treat me like a kid!im an adult,not a kid anymore!i've been an obedient gal for 18 years..
sometimes,i just feel like doing something special to release my tension..something like vandalism,gangterism,taking pil estacy,crubbing,car racing..etc. my life is soooo 'dry' n im gonna die one day with those so call 'memory' with me to another world!i just like to see lengchai but i wont have a bf for sure at this moment..but they just dun trust me!i just wanna enjoy my life with my gang!why are they treating me like this!?is there any way to pursue them?should i just do something that let them feel how i feel?they used to have a wild n joyful teenage lives,why cant i have it too?they have been through everything n feel that wut is good n bad to me..but i also want to experience that?itz so unfair!i want to experience it by myself,not telling me from ya mouth!i need to talk to u kah hou!i need u here to comfort me!i know i can only go through it with u here...i cant stand anymore!why is everyone treating me like that?im not a happy-going person..im just escaping the problems,im not as tough as u think,i just dun wanna show to others bout my predicaments,nobody knows me..even the one that stay in the same room as me!i dun like the way she is!we are sooo different though we came from the same stomach!i rather talked to my dogs than talking to her!and everytime u are here for me..but u seems to be one of them now!

bad bad day

i just cant get myself down that thing..the one that i mentioned in my previous blog..i stil feel so bad n down!u would never know if u have never come across this situation..even worst than breaking up with bf..being apart with him is something dam suffering in my life..n i have been suffer for a few years n now he intended not to come back!!!the worst thing is stil those words..which stil playing in my mind!i just have to make myself numb or tire so that i just wont simply think bout those things!i just dun understand why am i crying for such a person?!?!?the tears are just dripping in such a way that i just hardly control!anyway,thanx to my siss..they really cheer me up especially three of u..im so touched when sharon just ask akun not to mention bout his name anymore...i felt better when someone just share it..only at that moment!
there are so many songs that recall all my memories n feelings!just let me mention n u know how i feel now!those are the songs that we like:
1. ai de jiu shi ni
2. wei yi
3. ni bu zai
4. chi ke, ni xin le xing qi shui
5. ai hen jian dan
6. gong juan zi juan
7. more than that
8. how did i fall in luv with u
9. itz the sweetest luv
10.forever luv
remember we always sing 'ai de jiu shi ni' in eric's car with ya guitar!?thatz the best ever thing in our lives k!thatz so dam chun!

exhausted!!!

why do u wanna treat me in such a way!?i just hardly understand!?!?!?i just have no idea wut has happened in ya life!?why u dun wannna share with me!?i know that u r reading this..that z why im blogging this out!know wut?i cried throughout the whole night...i just cant concerntrate on my studies n my finalz is just bout 48 hours more to go!why should u treat me like that?why did u say such thing that made me feel so harsh!i know it was my fault to stop u by saying 'stop bullshitting out there!'...guess wut!?i just cant control my tears from dripping!!!!!why did u have to say those words!?!?"u r so inmature...","u cant forever rely on me...","im not coming back...i just dun wanna come back...","dun ever be so kiddy...","u just dun need me in ya life anymore...there are so many 'guys' around u...","I DO NOT KNOW U AT ALL"!!!!everything u said were stil fresh n ever lasting in my mind!everything is coming back in my mind n would be stalled in my memory forever!im listening ya fav song..'ai de jiu shi ni'...know wut ?i just infa to my phone so that i can hear it often...and this is enough for me..the feelings are all back!i got headache just bcoz of u!im not feeling frustrated or upset or even unhappy..but im just feel like dying!!!those words are stil playing in my mind every moment...n i just feel like crying every moment!u never treat like this b4..something happen zit?

cant wait!!!

i just cant wait to see my luvly fren...ks,km,qw,gordon,hanji,miller,dustin.....and many of them....i just cant wait to watch movie with them after my...no should be our finals alll over....and oso my luvly kohs...kah hou,eric,june!i just miss the way we crab..the way we see chicks n handsome guysla!i wanna watch chicken little with all of u guys!and oso my present bros n sis...i wanna watch harry potter with u guys!just cant wait for that moment...but dunno whether i can be with u guys or not?!?!?!im so sad bout that!i just cant wait to play war game with u sis!i wanna play!!!!!itz so dam excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i want outdoor one k!i wanna experience it!but i just have no money to pay for it...haha!talking trash rite?!can i just play my stupid abc thingy!?kah hou!!!!!!!!!!!!did u read my recent posts???i bet should be no rite...since u never comment on my blog for thousands of yearsliao!are busy with ya job or assignment???winter holiday has began rite?then u shouldnt be so busy wut?so are u coming back n play my stupid abc with me!?i just miss u like crazy!?!?!?i wanna tell u so many things!!!!i wanna share my entire life with u!my thoughts,my feelings,my excitement,my sadness,i just want u to be with me...nothing much!!!!!i wanna cryliao!i need ya shoulder..only yours that makes me feel comfortable!!!!!!i want ula!my koh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!why u never reply me at all!?why u dunn want me to add u at friendster???u seems to be somebody else!!!i'l be a good good gal..i know u dun like me to be rough,i'l change k!i promise!i'l do wut ever that u like as long as u r here with me!!!please pick up the phone whenever i call u!know wut?!?!?none of my lcci fren is studying with me next year!!!!!!!!!!kah hou,see..so sad rite?i'l be alone..im so worry that i just cant click with them!wut should i do then?!?!?!kah hou please come back..at least i'l feel better with u in my life!!!!so can u please come back!!!!????i'l appreciate so much!!!

ooooo....

i saw the guy that i like today in the coll!i was so dam excited coz it has been a thousands of i have never been talking to my frens as in face to face..and today was the first day to begin my battle after one week rest at home.energetic n dynamic are my slogan in life but this guy really makes me recharged!hez sooooo dam chun!no only well looking ,i bet he must be a very nice n friendly guy even i dunno him..at this moment!he dyed his hair n his current hair style is exactly like ryan cabrera..my beloved singer!i was feeling high throughout the day!
a msg to me from my sis really made me felt excited again..some one that i like is a foreigner..hez act a hong kong guy!!!!!no wonder his features are just so perfect!have u heard bout edison chen?just let ya mind to function for a moment ,imagine a mixture of edison chen n ryan cabrera????that should be super cool rite?!

1117

wut so special bout this three digits??itz just a normal number plate tat we usually see on da road.however this meant a lot to me..hahha!recently,i just see so many number plates that are so similar to this one...1117,117,7111,1711,1171........that really reminds me of something,which makes me just smile at that moment..haha!and everyone around me just feel that im kinda crazy!

final fantasy

final exams are just round the corner,thatz why i have never update my blog for thousand years.time has just passed in such a way where yesterday was just like my first day to coll!i stil remember it was wednesday and they had english class,i joined the class after it had began for two weeks,everything was brand new to me!i mis my high school frens at that time..everything is still clear in my mind,we had group discussion bout some tv programmes,and we just started to have topics to talk bout from that on..my group members were sharon,jenn, n rachel.they just told me that i had shown my true colour at the very first day-talkactive!some of them just thought that im a banana...haha!that should be sharon k!we had lunch together with aakun,kiko,yean,sze ming,maggie,rae,jenn,rachel.....i was not used to it at first coz i just found myself hardly to click with them...sooner or later,we get to know each other better,so let me talk bout this people....should be my luvly classmates:
1. sharon- shez considered as my sis,the closest n the dearest fren after i left my high school, quiet,gentle,mature,clever were the first impression..but i just discovered sooo many things after have knew her for some time..just cant put in sentences..the friendship is like more than a year..she knows wut plays in my mind without me saying out!we enjoyed ourselves at anytime...she makes me feel like im studying with my gangs in high school....
2. jenn- happy-easy-going person,this gal was so influenced by me after i knew her for some time..she used to like japanese looking type of guys but i just made her to adore to the orang putih n hairy mature men...haha!thanx to me k!shez a shopping queen with only cosmetic,seventeen,blogs,fashion,shopping in her mind!but sometime u may oso find something funny from her..i know who u admire k!we'l help u since u are studying here next year.well,just come n yum cha with me often then u would have a chance to see him..haha!
3. lai kun(aakun)- i dun know her well at first coz i seldom talk to her gang but for now i just love her so much as a fren duh!shez sooo nice,sporting,funny,understanding,chun!i feel comfortable to talk to her,just nice to pour out everything to her!shez%2

hez cool!

wednesday is the best day for me coz i can see the one that i like..not the one,should be those that i like!i mean i really admire the way they take music in their,they are in pro everything..keyboard,electric guitar,piano,organ..etc!
edd is a very chun guy if u dunno him well.hez always with his polo T on no matter wut happen.i just never seen him with other T before for almost half a year!anyway,polo T just simply suits him!as for a guy,wut would u do if someone says that u r not cool enough or some one else is even cooler ?!?!?!?let me tell u the answer:
he'l just play the piano n the guitar in front of u so to prove that hez the coolest of all!frankly ie really like the way he plays the piano!i was taken aback that he plays quite well.that guitar is soooooooo chun!most probably would be an expensive- up-to trend acoustic guitar,i bet it should be his guitar...showing off huh!
somehow,i just feel that my 'uncle' is even better!!seriously!!!!!he just dressed so formal yesterday that makes me feel kinda weird! man in brown with tone,and the body smell was kinda strong...

wow-wow day!

i din attend class today coz my parents requested to have a 'day trip' with me!dun u think they are perculiar?most of the parents would not ask their children to skip class or lessons just to shop with them..but this happend in my family.
we just went to make our MyKads in the morning.i was taken aback when they were almost 100 over people sitting there or standing to wait for their numbers to be called out!even that happened,yet they were soooooooo many chun guys that made my day fly..haha!i never exspected they were numbers of them,coming in n out,walking in front of my eyes,seeking for seats,talking on phones...etc.
1. dressed in green coloured polo-T..true polo-T,with a khakis long pant,an oakley spectacle with a very clean-without-pimples-looking!
2. looks like some kinda foreigner,with a tug in black-color working shirt,khakis pant with a nice black-leather belt around his waist!thatz really chun for a man who is age around 30!!
3. grey coloured color-T with oso a khakis pant.but this young man is soooooooo clean n fair that reminds me of my sis!pimples and blemishes just cant survive on his face,not even one!i could easily remember him coz his number was 394 n mine was 396 which at counter 4 counter 2 respectively.i saw him when i turned my head to right...haha!and again when we went down to the ground floor..haha!so fainted rite?haha!
4. malay guy that came down from a toyota estima n accompanied with his driver.hez soo well looking eventhough not manly,dressed with a brown t top with a peggy long denim pant that makes him looks like my age.perhaps hez just at my age!hey dude,i know that u are wealthy but just go and get the ticket n wait for ya number..bleah!
5. malay man around 30 who accompanied his wife that sat just a seat away from me.i know that itz bad to look or talk bout someone's hubby,but hez considered a chun man!white T top with a brown jacket outside,long denim pant really suits men who is spectacled n with sideburns!
6. a laptop n a palm phone would be the trend for the working men.i bet this man is a carreer man where he was just so busy with his phone on!spectacled n grey-colour-working shirt really makes him looks pro!passing a few times in front of me really makes me attracted to him!
7. some where around 30,with a white top(british india style) and a long denim pant which really fits his body shape!he looks manly in that,or u may say sexy for a man..haha!
all of them were wearing nice watches,using nice hp..and i just wonder what would be the main for guys when they just step out from they room!?
1. accessories
2. dressings
3. face
4. body
5. attitudes
i just feel that everyone has their personalities that makes themselves shines on front of others no matter wut they choose!

nonsense!

well,i act have many things to talk bout,but just running out of ideas how to compose them.recently,i found myself in trouble,i mean kinda lost with something!i dunno who i like,but i like many people,which is the one that i act luv??haha..that sounds kinda serious rite?!i used to luv matty so much but i just feel different when i attach to him.i had been always hoped to approach him previously but i just feel weird when i really got that chance to do that!
sometimes i just feel my life is so funny to me!i appreaciate the way they feel bout me,the way they treat me,the love,the friendship...and so on.but the age is the prob!some are too young n oso the old one just dun suit me!boys are like a 'didi' for me,they are stil a kid to me,but sometimes they are kinda cute n i really want them to be my little bro!however i just cant accept a little bro as my partner in my life at this moment!perhaps i might have change my perspective of thinking in maybe a minute later..haha!i have always been seeking men who are kinda mature,white coller men,not becoz they are finacially stable,driving luxury car,dressing in branded clothes..n so on...but i just like the way they are!i like how they behave,their body smell,the way they treat those around them,the way they think...i mean they are kinda open-minded..haha!when i really have the chance to approach to this people,just feel that they are really amazing compared to my male frens since most of my gangs are just guys.no matter they are single or 'double',they just care bout others.perhaps their age that makes them act fatherly to gals like me!sooner or later,i feel that they are kinda serious in relationship!they juts think of marriage whenever they have a gf!thatz sooo scary!they reach the stage of not taking risks in relationship!is marriage a guarantee in life!?

the one?

wut so special bout this man?why do i admire him so?me myself dun even know bout that clearly,but the feelings are there.well,i know itz kinda impossible coz hez married,and i admire him as a big brother,not more than that coz hez not the right one for me!however,he just has those features:left-hander,with those silver accessories,smooth n warm-feeling big hands,always in jeans,short hair..haha!i was kinda impressed by the way he writes,itz 'coming in'!i have always been attracted to left-hander guys!i just feel that they are very special,weird rite?but thatz how i feel bout them.
i felt nice n comfortable to discuss with him..i feel that we just have the chemistry between us!seriously!!!!!!!hez like a 'sifu' to me!i was sooo dam happy when he said 'that song is nice,i like it...' wow!!!!!i was really dam happy,just felt like flying high up to the sky!how bout the effects?are u gonna do it for me?hahahahaha!he like people to 'merajuk' him,and this is what i always do to him!am i bad?but he just like people doing that to him,especially gals!
something just flashed in my memory that makes myself feels stupid!i just did the same thing to the boys..haha!would u get ya face red if a guy touches ya hand (as a gal)?well,usually this would not happened to me coz i always attach to guys in my high school life...but this thing happened to me when he did that to me!my heart was like 'dum..dum..dum' in a tempo of 120!my face had gone red!i was sooo shy at that time!i had never felt in such a way before until that incident happened!of coz this was nothing to him..but that was the very first time i began my feelings!recently i did the same thing the those boys,they are too young for me,but i just feel that they are tooo shy and i just wanna be like their sister,the same thing just happened to them when i attached them!i just wanna teach u boys to use pitch bend k!nothing much!

7 years

some one just walked past me this morning,with a very nice body smell where i got attracted to him!that was really adorable to me!i mean i like the perfume which hez wearing!i really like that perfume!i have been searching for the name..the brand..the category for sooo many years!i stil remember my sis tutor used to come to my house and the gang just had their tuition in my room!this thing had been last for almost a year, and my room just had his body smell!i just luv him to be in my house, he is such a freshener for me..haha!the sad thing is i just cant get it!some one says that itz some kinda perfume from CD..but i cant get that feeling n the same smell when i took the samples!perhaps they just have chemistry between the body n the perfume!thatz should be my very first choice n the second1 would be true star for men introduced by tommy hilfiger!i really like that...eventhough it smells simple...but i just luv it!itz the sense of simple yet sopihsicated...just makes me feel comfortable!how i wish the one that i like would have just wear this perfumes!

black!

what so special bout black colour?why was everyone in black yesterday?all my frens were in black...my teacher was wearing a black polo-T...and the main point is ed was in black too!i was wearing a white top n a normal jeans long pant...but he was having his khakis pant...looks kinda casual yet cool...hahah!hez soooo dam chun..the way he talks,the way he teaches his students...how i wish to be one of them...that should be fun rite?i might melt in front of him!he came to my studio again n requested for the cd player...i just thought of some stupid ideas at that moment!!!evil thinkings!!!!i should have bring down the cd player everytime so that he would just come to my studio and ask me for that...hhahahahaha!i could have a better n clearer view of him!!!!!!!!thatz the main point!
hez sooo perfect...but he smokes!the feeling was soooo suck when i passed-by his side!!!!he smells great when he just came to my studio.everything has changed after he has finished his class n have a cigarette outside there!that was sucks man!but i stil admire him..haha!

=(=(=(=(

oh god...we just online at the same time koh!!!!was it fantastic???i mean that we think the same thing at the same time!!!i was kinda surprise when i tried to post my comment for my fren n i saw ya comment for me was just bout one minute ago...haha!have u read my latest posts???r u going to buy for me!?i want everything k!r u coming back at the end of the year...i really hope to see u personally...haha!i have so many things to tell u...bout my life..bout the one that i like...not only one...should be numbers of them..haha!i wanna talk to u!i want ya big warm bear hug!i want the 'entire' u...dun ever bring chicks back k!i dun care!or maybe steve or steven...im wondering how they look now?should be dam handsome rite?where is eric?he never call me at all...stupid rite?june just call me a few days ago..buit we just couldnt talk for long time coz hez busy with his work!!!!everything has changed since every one of us is not together anymore...im so scare that we might not be like how we used to be...=(=(=(=(can i have u guys with me...just a big hug..thatz enough for me!

wut i want...

i think i just have to update the list bout wut i want at this moment..
1. KORG keyboards (PA/triton/oasys...)
2. true star for men introduced by tommy hilfiger
3. en electric guitar (distortion/fusion/solid....etc)
4. 'the doctor' bottle..in white which rossi is using!
5. a watch (DKNY/Nautica/adidas...etc)

true star men

oh my god!that was soooo nice..i really like that smell k!i mean should be that perfume...i must buy it...but itz for men...i know there is another one for women...but itz just has the difference k!i want that perfume...this really can drive me crazy k!
which perfume is he using???he must have wear some coz he smokes!wut if hez wearing true star???aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!i cant stand it anymore...haha!can i buy one and just spray my room...hahaha!how i wish i can do that...but i have no money to do!!!!hope some1 could buy for me!!!!some1 out there should have read this....matty!!!!my true star!wut is the perfect gift for a man whoz kinda mature...above 30?wut should i buy for him!?i dun hope to overspend due to his birthday present..any ideas?how bout buying him the perfume that i like...and i can smell it whenever he wears it...haha!wut if he doesn't like it?then it'l be kinda wasted rite?i think i might get it back and just spray my room if he really does~!how bout clothes?should i just buy a top...or a set?i mean top and pant?or top n tie?how bout pen?he just has everything and im really runnig out of ideas..with the limiting factor that im facing!or maybe just a big bear hug...haha..spending nil cents with the very special present!

a..aa.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

finally i got the chance to see him...hahaha!i have never see this guy for sooooooo long time!i really miss the way he plays his guitar...hez gorgeous with his electric guitar in his hand!i m soooooo adore to him!hey shireen...hez dam chun k!not fair...i should have requested an electric guitar n just learn from him!!!!i dun care...i must buy one....hahahahahahaha!
the main point that makes me soooo happy was that we were in white!!!so happen that we were in the same colour...wah!that was really nice k!i din know that he was outside at first...thanx shireen for telling me bout that...i was dam high when i knew that he was there.....and the main thing was he came to my studio and request for the cd player....soooooooooo clear...he was just in front of me...i think like bout 30cm....oh god...hez soooo chun....with his sideburns...i really like him k...i mean i just admire him!i hope to see him again today!i dun care!t.t. would be another story for me!

guardian angel!

time passes slowly...and i just dun feel like attending class!juts thought of my high school life in a sudden..with the same people together for 2 years..just 19 gals in my class for that 2 years..i mis my school life!we used to play guardian angel in form 4..that was sooooooo fun k!not bcoz of the game..but we go to know each other very well through that silly game..haha!

boring...

haih...feel sooo dam boring early in the morning..hey sis..u might be saying "coz im not here with uma...dun mis mela"...haha!nothing special happen..i never see my spikey guy for a very long period k!i mis him soooo much...haha!
the very sad thing just happened yesterday..i couldnt see him!!!!!i was at home and he just appeared there,u were so lucky sis!how i wished i was there!!!!!!!!sooooo wasted!i really wanna know the perfume...nothing much..haha!i have to attend class later...in bout a few more minutes....haih!soooooo sien...i want something exciting..then life would have be better rite?
how bout building my castle in the air!?i just luv to do that!then i can have lunch with valentino rossi!i can meet rain personally!i can have my KORG OASYS!sharing the beautiful view of blue mountain with him!wow!everything seems to be so amazing..haha!just in my mind!
i want my guitar at this moment...so that i need not to suffer till the afternoon!acoustic?classical?bass?electric?anything...as long as i have it in my hand!!!!i really feel like playing!!koh..help me!how i wish im in ya car now...u know yaself very well rite?

schoolchildren swallowed up by earth!

tragedies are happening everyday...i was kinda sad this morning..bout the earthquake that happened in pakistan..india..and some countries...unfortunate cases are happening continously....
i was soooooo sad bout the children...'please help me...please call my parents..'this shouldn't be happening to them...children are not supposed to suffer in such a way...they have their futures bright out there....i know everything is fated...earthquake is a natural disaster..and i shouldn't be blaming God bout that....
how i wish to take part as the rescue team....helping the unfortunates to seek for their loves1...rebuild their homelands...well, i just feel that we are soooooooooooooo contented with our lives here....we should appreciate that with no wars...natural disasters...only peace and harmonies in our country...i think i shouldn't be so demanding..i should have uses the 'demandings' to the help more people who are unfortunate out there..just be happy with wut i have now!

ooooh....

thanx uncle alan for the tuning process..haha!u r really chun k!this man knows everything....seriously!he plays drum...organ...piano...n his major is keyboard!thatz really cool!and he also plays guitar k!BUT...u really need to practice ya sight reading..haha!
happy to see my primary skool fren...at first i was curious bout the guy next door...n my teacher was saying that therez a 'lengchai' next door...well,of coz i'l just walked past n have a look....just a look!was he from yuk chai?i saw him b4 k!!!and he just admitted that we were from the same primary skool...wow!n perhaps we are going to have some team work...
brian?i like this name...i used to like a guy...a singer.....emmm...just some1 that i used to luv so much...well,my gang should have heard bout him...tension's brian...haha!hez not ugly k!just not as well looking as others!!!!i was kinda attracted by his name at first!when can i get to see him?!

oh gosh!!!!i just saw him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!cant imagine!!!!ta first was like...i thought my sis were like kidding....coz he seems to be so not serious bout that!i saw mehdi!so long time never see himliao!!!!!but anywayz,thatz not the main point...i mean slowly would not be my main pointlooo...
so,whoz the new main point now huh?!spikey guy?!eddie?well,hez not new anymore!hope to see him later!im going mirado!!!!!sometimes i really hope to see him rather than t.t....i think u guys know bout him rite?hez too handsome...too rich...too smart....everything seems to be dam perfet in him....kinda unrealistic!!!!!itz like some character in some story books..some1 acting in some kinda XX movie!stupid rite?it sounds stupid...but itz the truth!

DJ rocks!

everything seems to be so perfect!!!how i wish that time would not pass....or slowly!!!!i really wannna share my day with my closed1!hey bros..sis...it was really perfect for me!!!we performed not bcoz to perform...we really enjoyed ourselves...not nervous at all!seriously!joys!applause!cheers!thatz the greatest performance that i never had for mirado!!i give my first time to them!!!!the very first time...no embarrassment at all k!im so dam happy!we really did a good job!finally DJ rules!how i wish kah hou u r here...listening to that song that u always sing!u really influence me k!itz hard to put in words...u really have to feel it!i was happy with the 'F4'...im proud of u guys k!u guys performed so well....daniel...u shines at that moment!last but not least...elise...u rocks k!im soooooooo touched by ya singing...'yue liang dai biao wo de xin'...fantastic k!im sooooooo happy coz nothing has gone wrong!no mistake for my first singing performance....hahaha!this would really give me sweet and meaningful memories!the best thing was everyone keeps saying that 'u have done a good job','chun,gal!','wow!nice vocal!'......i was dam happy !!!!!!!!

rain!

finally i got my rain's cd n vcd!!!!itz not 'cetak rompak' k!itz the original1 from korea...with all the korean words....those that i dun understand..those that i dun even know how to read..haha!but i just like it coz i like him!!!!!!!!!!!thanx matty!

100!

hey everyone out there...i just got the result!!!i mean itz some kinda test that given by the business stat. teacher...wel,eventhough itz not the exact1...but im still feeling happy coz my frens n i got Ds in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the main point is e both got 100!!!!!!!!!!!!!im so dam happy k!thatz even excited than getting 100 alone!and laikun oso got 91!!!high marks k!three of us got Ds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i was really high at that moment!!!!!!!!!!!i know that i shouldnt be showing off here...but juts to share that we got Ds...haha!how i wish we can have 15 Ds in our final exam huh!that should be sooo nice k!i just like the feeling that everyone succeeds....not only yaself coz they might not feel the happiness as how u feel..
this would be my motivator.....i'l study hard and aim for the golden award!i must get it!!!and oso my fren must get it!!!!!!!!!i dun care!we must get it!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

oh my god!rossi is really driving me crazy!i really luv him so much!and i act found out something that...hez a left hander!!!!!!!!!!!this is enough for me!!!!i luv guys who is left hander!!!!u should know why rite!?they are 'coming in'!!!!sharon should know it!he just won the second place...well,i was kinda disappointed coz it was out of my expectation...he should be at the the top k!however,hez the world champion.....just give some chances to the others..haha!
to all of u out there...my luv1...the unknown1..i just wannna tell u guys that i want that bottle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!white colour...printed 'the doctor'...rossi is using that bottle!!!!i want that!!!!!!!!where can i get that!?

haih....

im so disappointed that he just cant recognise me at all!!!!!!!mehdi cant recognise me anymore!he just smiled to me..and im looking untidy at that time....aaaaaaaaahhhh!dun look at me!!!!!!!!!!'it's raining'...i really like this song...sung by jung ji hoon or rain bi..u'l know him if only u watch 'full house'..well,this thing happened at that time...my sis and i were running back to college..i was in a long denim jeans..just imagine that my clothes had gone wet..with my bag and my spect..my hair!!!!!itz sooooo messy and mehdi was just in front of me!!!!!!wut should i do then?go in to the shop?just walk pass him?saying hi to him?

i want him!

i saw mehdi!!!!i saw him yesterday!!hez always fantastic to me...no matter wut condition..haha!i just want him!!!!wut cologne is he using?is it my fav perfume?how i wish hez matt...hahah!im sorry to say that dude!
u wont understand how i feel now...but one person knows it...sis!!!!i know u should know how im feeling rite?we feel the same!!!!u want him...and i want him too!luckily our 'hims' are so different!different catagory,colour,stage,age....but yet we feel the same!
i think u should just go 'ahem ahem' one day!perhaps we can do it everyday after few years later!remember those things that we discussed at coffee bean??

ooosh!

ooooh gosh!i got my results out!i just couldn't believe that..i got D!hahaha!i mean my piano exam!eventhough itz just grade 5..well,considered low grade...but im happy coz this is my first piano exam!!!im so dam high now!i was act kinda sad this morning coz i did something bad last nite!but not that..so every1 just dun have to be afraid of wut i said!i wont give it a dare not until to my hubby!
wut should i do with this!?i was really happy and sharon just gave me a big bear hug...feel nice and warm!thanx sis!i finally did that kah hou!u always say that i wont get into piano...not even playing or sitting for the exam...but i managed to get through the exam and now im gonna sit for the next exam ..hahha!how i wish u r here with me!champaign!!!!NO!should be chateau!!!when are u coming back!?i mis u so much!!!im so glad that u act read my blog!remember to read every single blog k!i hope to read yours too!

so so day!

last nite was a so so day to me!i mean i just did something really ridiculous!something that i would not do in my life anymore!anyway,it was really fun..haha!i really like bangsar...i think as a malaysian u should know where is this place rite?but to the foreigners...i would say that itz a nice place to 'free' yaself!the street was entirely full of foreigners..and there were really well looking in my point of view!
drinking my teq..hugging and screaming were the best part of the nite!itz fun to have mixture by yaself!red wine + white wine + teq + beer =drunk!!luckily i din do something regretful!!

wut i want!!

i have always been asking for so many things...which i dun think so..im just hoping to have them in my life...so wutz the pro?perhaps some people might say that im kinda demanding..wuteverla...
those are the things that i hope to have at this moment:
1. korg pa or pro station
2. sonyericsson S900
3. land rover
4. rossi...haha i mean the gp tickets!
5. electric guitar
6. perfumes...i mean my fav...u should know rite?
7. scratch kit
8. rain's albums
9. saxophone
10.corona...hahaha,im 18 k!

where are u?

www.blackcurrantberries.blogspot.com would always be the first add for me to type in..any comments?i've always been wondering that..maybe some1 just read my blog and not willing to write their comments..well,itz fine...i dun really mind bout that...but of course i do hope my closer1 would just give me something...at least something please!thank you so much..i appreciate=*

.......

well,i just found out that there some people that i dunnno...perhaps i might know them who are act reading my blog!i feel weird when they drop their comments...haha!but happy too coz they act help me up by giving me those websites...helping me to expose to the world...widen my 'eyeside'..haha!
i was really happy when i saw mehdi yesterday!!!hez back with his brother...hemid!they were walking together..
feel kinda tiring coz i slept quite late yesterday nite...bangsar is always a nice place for me...and many people like to 'lepak' there,which i think so...so many well looking guys!!

hehe

kinda disappointed...i act got my guitar last friday...well,i thought that supposed to blue...but it came to me surprisingly when they showed me...from the box!itz brownish-orange....im happy coz itz foc...but i purposedly wore everything in blue...n my cutex too!!!!i shouldnt be complaining so much!!!anyway,thanx people..i really appreciate that...
anither thing that made me felt disappointed again....thomas tan n eddie were not there!!!!!i was dam boring k!luckily teacher yunice was there with me..haha!why every1 hopes to work at the very young age?i just feel that working is like a battle everyday...insults,competitions,jealousy,hesitations.....n lotz more!i just dun hope that all this things would happen in my future!if yes..how m i supposed to handle it then?im scare!!!!i dunno wut to do with all this things!!!im trying to arrange songs settings,compose songs for my musci school...trying to earn some extra income for myself...this makes me slowly expose to the outside world...and i have to try to protect myself!!!!i dun agree how they judge people...i dun agree wut they say...i dun like the way they treat each other...i just dun like it...but i have to take it!!!i know wut i want....and i'l try not to be influence by them...life is miserable when everything is not under ya control!

satisfaction

wutz the point of being at the stage..playing songs in front of the poeple that u dunno...or u might know?keyboards?guitars?drums?piano?violin?organ......etc.i think those are the commond1 in our country.do u like being at the stage....playing the song that u like instead of the audiences' fav?which would be ya choice?ya favz or others' favz?or just standing at the back of the stage..listening to ya own songs that performed by other people?which would ya choice again?i would choice the second1!and my frenz would say that im stupid....spending days n hours in doing settings and perform nothing at the stage....my parents even claimed that 'itz not worth it'!wel,of course my point of view to it would be something opposite to it...thatz why im asking u!
i enjoy being at the stage...accepting the applause from thw unknown people..that should be an enjoyment...or u may say a sense of satisfaction in life!but when u come the stage where other people are act performing ya master piece...and people are clapping their hands for ya master piece...i think thatz really the sense of satisfaction!

'hi'

whoz that?i saw some1 from far...bout a few shops distance...some1 was in red..not to say red...maroon..i think!thatz not the main point...i knew that some well looking men were walking in front of us...thatz wut came to mind at that moment!nearer....it came nearer....hez walking nearer....guess whoz it?itz my fav man-mehdi!hahahahahahahah!hez so chun in that top k!but i dun give a dare to say 'hi'...haha!so shy..hahah!

my guitar

yow!!!everyone out there...my frenz..my closed1...or people that i might not know...just wanna share with u guys that im gonna get guitar in bout 11 hours more!!!!im so dam high now k!
i hope mehdi is around today..haha!should i mention his name in my blog?wut if he just finds out some day?

surprise!

so dam angry now!i just typed out my blog n suddenly deleted the entire thing!!stupid rite..haha!
todayz title:surprise.wut do think bout this word?any ideas bout it?excitment?enlightment?sadness?
how do u feel if some1 tells u something that is unexspected?wut would be ya reaction?anyway,my fren act have her very own idea bout this word!she was saying 'Ms Poh gives me lots of surprises..' that should be grateful rite?this was wut i thought at first..but we were really got surprised when she defined her 'surprises'!her 'surprises' comes from those cost accounting questions..haha!surprises are excitements...i just like it..but of course not the sad1!if yes then it would be considered as experience that colour my life!however,it all depends on ya point of view!seeing mehdi would be a surprise for me...having distinctions in my exams would be a surprise for me...meeting rain in reality would be my wish...hahah!out of topic d!back to this k...i din see mehdi today=(...i feel boring when he always appears in front of me..but then i miss him when his not around the college!isn't that funny!?i just dun seems to appreciate when he is here n being so desperate when hez not in my life!is he gonna continue his study here?wut would be his major then?so is he gonna study as a full time student?

aaaaaaaa!!!

guess wut?!i felt scary when i found out that some1 is act reading my blog n leaving his comment..why do i blog?u might be asking that rite?i really hope to share my life with others...but some1 i know..perhaps i dunno...just knew everything!!!he knows everything!he knows bout matt,ming yow...but not mehdi..hahah!
i then read his comments...whoz this fellow?how he knows everything!?who did see me cry?itz 3 in the morning...people should be sleeping...having their own sweet dream rite?
when i keep on reading..i slowly find out this guy!itz oyster!!!!!!!my luvly oyster bro!itz kah hou with me!!!!!how could this thing happen???hez in u.s.....and he act read bout my blog!i wanna hav ya big bear hug!!!!!!why dun u email me...then we can hav our secrets on!!!!do u mis me!?u din mention that k!i wanna call u but the cost is so dam expensive!!!!howz every1 there!?is steve stil adorable like how he used to be?
im so dam glad!i wanna have u now!i dun care!

confused???

typing out the words...and keep on backspacing...cracking my mind...really running out of ideas..i feel my life so boring...eventhough i already hav my weekend planned..but i stil feel something is missing in my life!why am i revising...wasting my time...cracking my mind???i know my goal very well..but thatz not my dream!!!where goes my dream then?how am i supposed to achieve it?i know i shouldnt be asking too much..but thatz not wut i wanna hav in my life!people around me keep saying.." u r tooooo simple-minded".."the world is not as simple as u think."..."u cant survive with ya mind n those attitudes"...blahblahblah!!!!
i bet u guys should know my dream rite?i really wanna be an engineer!!!i wanna study automotive designing...i wanna work with my interest!!!! well,im studyin lcci..some accounting course...and i've tried so hard to score Ds in my exams...but i just hardly hav the 'chemistry' with the subjects...u know!

hez just gorgeous!sitting in front of me...i mean at another table with his gang..hah!how i wish justin was there with me at that moment..."u hav the skills,bro!"supposingly i should be revising my c.a..but i just couldn't make it!can some1 just calm me down???!!!im so dam high k!even thought of screaming in front of him!!!!but i knew i wont do that!

yow!

yow every1 out there...im gonna get my guitar on this friday!!!!!!itz an acoustic guitar...eventhough i would always hope to hav an electric guitar...but then im happy with that coz itz free..hahah!some1 is giving me a guitar.....im so dam excited bout that....finally...i can do it!should i attend lessons?who should i learn from?but i hva not enough money to pay him!!!!!i know!kah hou should be my teacher!!!!!!!i want something foc instead of a handsome teacher!

ice-cream!!!!

why should i buy that ice-cream?!icy grape?????stupid ice cream that made missed something precious!!!!!!he passed by the shop!!!!!!!!!and i was paying for that 2 stupid sticks!!!!!i wanna see him!!!!everybody just saw him....sharon,justin,joon saw him n i was standing in front of the cashier!!!!waiting for him to give me back the change!!!i thought of running out of the shop..."just keep the change!"..isn't that crazy?not worth it rite?

melted...

oh my god!!!!hez so dam chun k!i dun even need a breakfast anymore..haha!i should hav came on friday!!!!!!!!!!!i missed it!i should hav gone to the sports thingy!!!!why am i so lazy?!why am i so stupid?!wanna cry....aaaaaaaaaa!i want him!!!!!!!i mean i just wanna see him..maybe just talk to him..not more than that..haha!thatz already enough to drive me crazy!
white coloured t-shirt,really has shown his chest..hahah...he looks clean from the side view...simple n nice...i think hez the greatest in his gang!!!!this is just something in my point of view..my bro just told me that there r 6 of them in that gang...wowow!!!!!!nose bleedingliao...haha!

haih...

i really wanna see that!!!thanx bro!!!i could not imagine that my bro act recorded that for me..haha!he saw mehdi=(..the sad thing is i was at home..doing my revision..itz not fair!i should be given the chance to see him..im the1 who admire him k!can u just bluetooth to me??isn't that a stupid question?

happy happy day!!!!

oh gosh!!!!i saw him!!!i saw mehdi!!!!!!!!!!hez finally back to malaysia!!!!!!im so glad k!i was replying to my fren n my bro called to the lobby...wow!!!!!!!!!hez amazing k!the one that i wish to see,the one that i admire,my ideal man is just in front of me!!!!how do i feel?!melting there..haha!i really wanna scream at that moment!!!!im so dam happy coz i could shared my feelings with my two bros..haha!every1 is back..m&m..haha!u know who r they rite?!

rossi is coming!!!!!!23rd,24th n 25th sept....itz motogp!!!!!i really cant wait for it!!!!the tickets are soooooo cheap k!itz unexpectable...how could it be huh?!itz an international event k!i must watch it no matter wut happen...hahahahah!
hey every1 out there,im going to mirado this afternoon...n really hope to see eddie there..haha!

huh??

i was chit chatting with my sis in the lab...n i really saw him k!my sis did see him...it was him!!!im sure bout that k!how could they not saw him????itz mehdi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hez finally back to malaysia,back to pj,back to systematic college!i could recognised him eventhough with all his unshifted sideburns...act he has a kinda-dirty-look!but i just like it..hahah!it has been too much of surprises happened in this few days...i hardly stand it!some1 just came back last saturday..n the other1 is back now!i really got heart attacked!!!this people really killing me softly...but lee hom's forever luv would always calm me down..haha!

oh my GOD!

how could he be here!?i thought he should be busy with his business out there!wutz happening?!itz impossible!!but this thing really happened in my life..hahah!i miss him but i dun wanna see him!!!hez so 'hamsum'!!!he really makes me feel uncomfortablela!!!i was so dam glad coz im planning to shop with auntie in the afternoon..but he had destroyed my day n my mood!hez standing at my way!!please go away but i just hardly pour out those words!i dun need a guy to pay for me..i want to pay for myself!!!i can affort them k!i can affort my perfumes,my stationaries,my clothes.....i just dun need it!i hav my dignity k!i dun want that!!please dunn pay everything for me!!!!!!!!!!!i'l hate u n oso myself if u dun that!!!!stop touching my hands k!!!!i just dun like it!!kah hou...please help me!!!i want ya ears!!!i need u to guide me!!!

great day!

finally..im so dam glad!!now i could understand why eric cant leave without his laptop!i finally knew it dude!i saw them..n oso some kinda 'extra surprises' for me!i saw that guy...dressed smart,well looking mat salleh,but something really destroy his image...i saw a cigratte in between his second n third fingers!this is really sucks k!anyway,thatz not the main point for today...i saw eddie!!hez a guitarist..having his partime job there,which i think so.hez always in white..that makes him looks clean but somethingz bad behind???he smokes!!!!why guys like to smoke?cool?!relaxing?i just dun understand this!but hez really adorable when he plays guitar!!!
here comes the peak of the day...somebody dressed in white t shirt was coming in...with a white cap on....whoz that????of course i hoped itz him coz my clas wss going to start!!!standing at the doorway..talking to his teacher..'sorry,im late'...wow!wut a nice n polite guy he is!!!can i go up????i think i can bring the keyboard up rite?please!!!

confused???

nice day for me...im going to see eddie n thomas tan in bout an hour later!!!hopefully wut i wan will come true..haha!im listening to lee hom's 'xing jong de ri yue'..a very nice song sung by a talented singer..this song reminds me of the topics that we dicussed this morning...b4 clas started.my bro just confessed to his love1...touching but yet scary in my point of view!'would u like to marry me?be my soulmate?...blahblahblah!!!'this is something serious at my stage...how can their just get married at the very young stage huh?!i mean why there has to be marriage between some1 that u luv!?marriage has no freedom...which i thought at this moment...but sometimes i feel that forming a family is kinda fun... my hubby would giv everthing...with my next generations.....perhaps this is a stage that every1 has go through in their lives..haha!hav u ever asked by a 35 year-old man to get married with him??i think this is something ridiculous rite?i desired so much when i was in high school...but as long as my maturity has improved..i just feel confused bout marriage..marriage=responsibility + luv...

some1 just called me in the midnite...bout 3???i think something around that...i had thought of just rejecting the call not until i saw his name was shown at my hp screen...matt!well,i was kinda glad coz it has been a long long time i never talk to him..not knowing wutz act happening in his life now...i waited for a while b4 i picked up my hp coz my ringtone is toooo nice..haha!sharon must hav experienced that rite?his voice sounds like hez feeling down...hez tired with his battle there!i knew that..i knew itz tough for him!but i trust him..i know he can handle it!!!but i feel so 'sum thong' when he talked bout his life there..no1 can act 'help' him as if pouring out his inner feelings..no where can act allows him to do that!he has to protect hiself at all time...no1 is there to cook for him..listen to him..hez being lonely but not independent!i was felt bad when he said that=(as a fren i hope im there for him...to support him..at least i can prepare his daily meals..haha!that must a torture for him!i wanna take care of my bro!!!!!!!!i wanna be there for him!!!but i knew this would be mistake!a wrong move in my life if i really do that...no matter wut...i'l support him 4ever!i'l be there for him whenever he needs me...of course not that stage!

im 18 k!

my pc down d!!!so dam geram!!!i never on9 for a few days d!!!well,thatz not the main point that makes me wanna blog...something stupid happened last friday..i went to mv with my gang..sharon,jenn n me act wanna 'discover' something which is related to science...we act had stepped in the shop...suddenly a guy approached to us n asked for our ic!!!!stupid rite?im d 18 for bout half a year!!!!!!!!!!n my frenz even look mature...i mean they really look like adults k!i wannna go in!!!!that was my first chance to go in n hav a view of those little cutties..haha!i had this kinda experience b4 when i was f3.my cousin bros just gone in with their icz checked n left me alone outside!!!isn't that cruel?!they were really bad!!!!how could they do this to me!i waited for almost 2 years to go in n just ended up with this stupid thing!im so stupid!!!!!i never brought my ic on that day!!!!!!!how could it be!?why am i so careless
!????!!?!?!?!?!i wanna go in!im 18 k!

so dam boring!!!!dun feel like revising but exam is approaching d!!!wut should i dun??suddenly feel like going some where else...new york city?how bout fluorida?i mis u guys!i wanna see u guys...especially my luvly,well looking bro,steve!i wonder how is this man doing rite now...is doing modelling?blue eyes,tanned skin,tall adorable with his build up body...hez gorgeous!but only if hez ya bro!itz kinda bad n unsecure to hav some1 gorgeous in ya life...i mean as life partner...if only u r at that stage...but i feel contented to hav a fren that most of the gals will rise their jealousy when we walk together!dun u think itz fun...hahhaa!perhaps im kinda crazy or u may say im abnormal!most of the gals will hav a strange look at me when i walked with him!how can a handsome walking with this childish gal!?'it sounds stupid but i hav been through this cases..hahah!itz fun to hold hands n just shop...but nothing more than friendship!or u can say 'brothers'!i hope he'l come back again at the end of the year!!!

itz monday morning...feel kinda boring,sitting at the lab..doing nothing...just blogging here..bull shitting..haha!i feel my life so dry!so boring!i need something exciting(excluding sex!)i feel like seeing my gang..kah hou,eric,jim,hanji,killer...i really mis u guysla!!!!no1 plays basketball with me now...n soccer!!!!!!!stil remember we always play baseball...that game is really nicela!i just mis those days!i wanna hav my gang in my life again...i hope u guys r reading my blog now..no matter where u r!
i mis u hou!long time never talk to this guy d..hez a shy guy,but many gals r adore to him b his talent!how u wish we study together gether at becklee huh!it should dam nice rite?!i wanna pour out everything to u...u r the only person that allows me to do that..

everything just happened in a sudden..wutz gonna be in the next?i really hav no idea bout it..'life is a rollercoaster' by ronan keating..haha!itz nice to hav ur gang together n do something stupid n ridiculous!i mis those days with my gang!we really do wutever we feel like doing at that moment!no sense of embarrassing..with the mind of 'just do it'!well,my maturity has changed my personalities..which i think so..n my mind is changing every second!dun u think itz kinda terrible?!i feel the same!happy friday..with my gang together..term break is always a prob for me to shop!no parkings!traffic jam!but i stil enjoy myself bcoz of u guys!eventhough itz just a few hours..
they bro n sis just broke up next day!everything was so good b4 this..but my sis just told me that she did something bad..she told me a few days ago,n i wasnt serious to it..'she wont do that rite?'but i felt strange when my bro called me!'he shouldnt be calling in the weekend rite?there must b something wrong..em..'i always been hoping every1 in world would hav live a happy n simple life n people would say im too 'kiddy-minded'!i really feel bad coz i understand my sis very well,n i oso support my bro at the same time!i know shez escaping him n im supporting him to go after her!am i bad!?i know their dilemmas..but nothing can be done to it..i know how she feels to him,wut she wants,her dilemmas,n she feels hurt too!hez a nice guy,he feels that shez his MS RITE,i know he loves her more than any other guys..(higher than mountain,deeper than sea by ferhad..hahah)..there r so many things that we should appreciate or enjoy..family,friends,pets,idols,..well,itz fun to hav some1 to luv u or mayb admire u...but i even feel more contented to luv some1 coz u r sharing n giving ya luv to a person which is not related to u!some1 u found in the world n u r giving 'u' to that person!1 in a million*n!itz all fated..i believe it!dont u?!

yow!

two days never blog d..i started to get bored with it..haha!listening to my fav guy singing..nice vocal..nice body!never know bout him til i watched 'full house'..im so mad bout him now!!i just posted a quiz at bebo.com..i really hope my frenz will answer all of them..i wanna know who knows me well..
i went to mirado this afternoon..itz music school..boring!i thought i could have a chance to see eddie..but who knows hez not there..perhaps hez in holiday!!he looks cool when he plays guitar!!this blog is so boring coz i hav nothing to write bout!!!itz like a daily diary!!nothing special happen in life..i mean just today..duh!!!no more mehdi,ming yow......
guess wut??yesterday was a bad day for the people around me...my sis just trying to break up with my bro..me n my sis just saw another bro hav dating with his secret gf!!we probably had destroyed their date..haha!unexpected things would always be something exciting for a boring day..but i hope those surprises would be something good in lives!happiness n excitement r so welcome!i know wut my sis wants in her life..n im so sad with my bro on the other hand!i hope my sis would solve her dilemma..but i dun hope that my bro would be hurt...perhaps time would bring everything back as usual!but how long would it take!?wut would happen during that period huh?!no1 should be hurt or take anything for granted....

finally....

i feel dam high today!!!!!!as usual i went to coll n just checked up my friendster coz my pc cant do it...thatz not the point..some1 has not approve me yet!!!oh gosh!whoz that??i was dam panic k!!!should be himla...rite?who knows his not there d...hahaha!i mean that he d approved me...hhaha!i wanna scream k!i really need to hug some1..i wanna share my happiness with my frens..at least some1 k!but then i dunno wut to write to him!!!!!!im the1 who added him first n how can i write to him???he might not reply me rite?im in confused!!!i dunno wut to do???

go for the rite1!

hey bro..this blog is specially for u!dun u feel contented with all ya crushes?i just talked to this man this afternoon n i found out something bout 'men'!now i finally understand how a man feels when a gal ask him out for a date..itz age a prob for man?im confused with that!most of the men i know will prefer to hav a younger gf..but not too young?!so choosy rite?men dun like gals..they r interested into women..or maybe they r scare to chuck later coz gals r more naive..perhaps men would always prefer to hav some1 who can be their life partner..but for me..this is really scary..wooo!perhaps gals cant fulfill wut men want..he used to reject me by saying "i dun wanna be in jailed coz u r under age..","im a normal man n i wanna hav a normal sex life.."..etc.izit a must??i'l support u to go ahead coz i hope she wont be like me..i experienced the sadness n disappoinment b4 n i hope she dun feel the way i felt..it needs time to recover!but as ya 'bro'..think properly b4 u take 'action'..haha!shez young..she can do wutever she wants!itz just part of her growing..n i bet u oso done something like her during ya teenage life rite?as ya fren i really dun hope to see u chuck in the futurelo..i know this thing might not happen to u guys..but who knows wutz gonna happen in the future rite?guess wut?marriage really scary for gals..haha!lifez short n u hav to make ya meanigful n enjoyable!try2 find some1 that u hav that 'feeling'..itz something like..'itz u'..'i want u to be mine'..haha!aza aza fighting!!guess wut?we hav the same amount of crushes..haha!3 rite?

itz friday!!is he gonna log in?but i know he should b quite free coz he just went on9 in the afternoon..chatting with sharon..well,i wont be jealous bout that coz shez my xx!i saw his pics..oh gosh!he puts on some much weight!!!he looks 'tougher'!sharon said that hez FAT!but hez stil adorable to me..hahah!i dun care bout this..i just want him to approve me!he gives me a sense of security..i really hope to hav his bear hug!warm n secure!i felt so nice n comfortable when i saw his pics this afternoon which i was feeling so down be4 that!he rules my life k!this guy is so chun!sharon..stop saying him fat k..i promise i'l not talk bad bout joonlo!

itz enough k!

im feeling so sad k!i wanna cry!!!not bcoz of ming yow,mehdi,matthew..i feel so stupid!i hav a really bad friendship with my fren!i feel sucks k!i duno wutz wrong with me..perhaps i had done something bad to her..wut makes her thinks like that huh?!im so sick with that k!i dun want this anymore!i dun wanna say or anwer anything!i just feel so tire!my frens never treat me like that b4 n i feel so XXX!i dunno whether itz my fault to make her feel like that..but i really wanna say thatz my style!i know that i always follow my feeling...im kiasu..i admit k!im not gonna stand this anymore!itz enough!i hav to apologize if u r hurt by wut i had said or done to u!thatz all i wanna talk bout it!i feel myself kinda innocent n im so frustrated by this!i want u guys to be with me now...or maybe just for a moment..i wanna hav a bear hug from all of u!i finally realised that coll life is not something like high school..they r sophisicated n nothing is 'true'!battles are happening everyday n i got fade up with that!it would be nice to hav some1 nice as ya fren..but u'l suffer when they try to show their true colour!itz so scary!i really hav 'nothing to comment bout the true colour'!it reflects how realistic is the society n onez has to be so XXX to survive in the 'battle'!'friendsforever' cant be used in the society..it'l only happen in dramas,story books....but not in reality!

why not???

i feel so disappointed!!i cant wait d!i know he should be very busy with his work rite...should i just cancel his name?i feel so weird..im so worried that he dun wanna approve me as his fren!!! wut should i do then??how m i going to accept that??im so dam kiasu!!i feel like crying...haih!
well,im listening to this 'forever love' again..no matter wut happen...this song will always calm me down!but at the same time this song oso reminds me of something special in my life...

tomorrow is friday n i hope hez gonna log in to friendster so that he'l know therez some1 who is actually waiting for his approval!i saw his acc..he log in last friday!is he gonna log in tomorrow?is he gonna log in every friday?stupid rite?but wut to do?i think u might oso be like me if u fancy some1..haha!
sorry phoebs coz i forgotten to ask sharon bout ya title!!i promise to mention u in my blog rite?well,i'l stick to that promise..haha!shez a pretty n out-going blur queen!im sorry but i hav to say that!if anybody interested in knowing this gal..well,of course i can introduce her to u!but just for ya info,some1 has stolen her heart!shez not available for this moment(i think so)

forever love..have u heard b4 of this song?itz sung by lee hom..a very talented n well looking abc k!i was listening to this song..for me itz a very meaningful song if u understand the lyrics very well!i know kah sim should have heard bout it!im tearing!!wutz wrong with me?i thought i should have brought him out of my life..wutz happening?itz all ya fault raaj!!!i could have enjoy my afternoon with my bs..n now i suddenly felt so bad!ya case reminds me of my own1!matthew again..i just feel myself so stupid that i actually liked a man who is 35...haha!i liked him for almost 2 years!i have a meaningful memory with him..he made me feels happy,sad,excited,nervous,shy..etc.he oso makes me cried for many times..not bcoz he scolded me..but he just treat me too good!why is he so stupid n blur!?i d confessed my feeling to him for zillion times n he would just ended up by saying other stupid things!2003:'im 33 n u r 16,u r stil a kid..u r not my cup of tea k!'.fine!i d knew it..but i never gave up n stil confessed to him whenever i saw him ...haha!2004:'im 34 n u r only 17,u r not feminine,im a man k n u r stil a gal...'.i really felt so bad with it!2005:'guess wut?i got a gf..n shez really chun..blahblah..'i got so frustrated..i cried in front of him!but this thing lasted for a period n i got recovered from it..n this time somethinng really ridiculuos happened in my life!'can we be together?'stop bull shitting k!u rejected me..n u asked me such a stupid question!!guess wut?i would have say YES if u intended to ask me earlier..mayb a hour earlier b4 i hav changed my mind!i feel so sorry n wasted whenever he ask me this question..i just cant accept him coz my heart has gone to some1..haha!however,i hope u know that i'l stil luv u..no matter wut,i really hope to be there for u!i luv u dude!

staying or leaving?

matthew is back to life again!i'd got bored with him..well,i luv him but i just dun want anything to change at this time..itz impossible k!we cant be together..for sure!getting high n excited was something 'used to be' n i hope that hez reading this..but i dun dare to let him know my title..hahah!stupid rite?stay or just leave?as a closer1..of course i want him to stay..but i think he would have a better future in u.s. n thatz why i dun dare to say anything which makes him consider that i want him to stay here!i mis out to introduce this man..35 year-old,stil single,malaysian..others as p&c!i really hope he'l stay coz frankly i feel kinda fun to 'hang up the phone'..haha!itz fun to fancy a guy who is so many years older than yourself!he was 17 when my mom brought me to this world!try to figure outla!can i just ask him to stay?i actually have thought if this question for a trillion times but i dun have the guts to ask him!not even via sms!itz kinda expensive to call him or sms him coz hez in u.s. now!anyway,i wanna tell him that i really luv u as my fren!our 'relationship' is actually more than frens,more than couples,more than relatives..something like BROTHERS!!!!!i luv u bro!of course i'l b the younger1 k!

have chun man for lunch!

i got the opportunity to have lunch together!i really appreciate it!we went to mcds..mehdi,my frens n me.i felt so insulted along the way from my coll to mcds!not bcoz of his attitude or the conversation..my height is always the pro!he is so tall..i just reach his shoulder k!we looks like uncle n neice..'uncle is bringing u to mcds for lunch after ya class k!'i just look like a kid whenever i stand beside him!hez pic is getting clearer in my mind whenever i talk bout him!i just dun wanna mis him in my life..i really want him to be here..so that i can talk to him!i really like this man..im adore to his personalities!i like him n i dun really cares bout his family background..like whether hez married..single or even 'double'!i just hope to talk to him coz he really makes other feels better..itz so nice n comfortable to be with this man!

feelings

i just feel like telling others bout this man..so far i hav never met a man like him b4..he has all the good things..i mean those things that i like..tall,spectacled,wide chest,sideburns,hairy..etc.it just hardly to mention eveything here bcoz hez such a perfect man!i just cant compare him with my frenz coz hez so different..just gorgous!i saw him in my coll,n i thought hez a lect here..well,hez taking DICS course..some computing course!normally gals would always attracted to well looking guys..so do i!(hez considered chun in my point of viewlo!)i tried to get a chance to know him..getting his info from my frens,admin staff..finally i got his hp no!!!cant u believe that he gave it to a person that he actually did not know!this guy is really sporting!27 year-old,microsoft engineer,single,free-thinker,iranian,stay with his younger bro,working as agent,plays guitar,not interested into cars..sms really helps me to know more bout this man!

just like it..

i really like this guy!act should be two..haha!maybe some people might say that im greedy..but i really like them!mehdi n ming yow!i think my closer should have heard bout them..letz talk bout ming yow..i first saw him in a school magazine..he was so dam chun k!'superman' post..haha!the one n only that had posted in that way!others were like trying to act cool,attractive,with all the wax or gel on top..spikey look...etc.my first impression was..this guy is so 'true'!really true from his heart!im so adore to him eventhough my frens always say that hez fat..NO!HEZ NOT K!hez chun in my point of view!hez the best of all the guys in that magazine..well im not gonna mention which school so that no1 will take revenge on that!i just added him at friendster n now waiting for his approval!oh my god!i feel weird..wut if he dun approve me!that must be a very very very sad thing n i dun wan this to happen!wut if he approve it..wut m i suppose to write to him!?msg?testi?i cant imagine if that day really come to my life!thatz must be cool rite?i hope i can hug somebody..i really wanna share my happiness with some1 immediately!

oh my god!really dam nervous man!i just went to coll..using the comp in the lab..trying to check out something that i act cant check it at home..how would it be??approve?review those people that i had added them previously n now stil waiting for their approvals..the feeling was really weird!!!i dun want this feeling!!!itz so desperating!!!i get so worry bout not being approve..how long do i have to wait for him!!!????should i cancel??so sad!!!!im so disappointed with it!!

Something special

This is the first time that IM posing my very first bloc here..Well..Kind happy..Coz many people can act share my feelings..Especially my closer1!i d knew this thing long time ago..but that time wasn't willing to let people know bout wut i think..wut i want..sometimes i wanna talk bout something,somebody which i dun really know wutz playing around in their mind k!sometimes i really dun like that attitude..i mean we should respect frenz..accept them..their personalities..but then i dun like it!i think people that know me well would hav understand this..if not..then forget bout it!