hmmm....i duno wut to talk
i dun like a moment of silent, i barely stand it cos im not a silent person...nothing to talk bout has been the prob for us, and i really hav no idea how shud i be resolving for this... perhaps we havent been reaching out tat level yet...hahaha ^^
there are alwis hard time for me in telling him things, or telling him wut i think...i've alwis been worrying how would he feel if i were to say like this to him...how much could he take it if i say that to him... i noe my words jus hurt others without me realising how hurtful are my points...sigh,,i seriously do not noe wutz happening in his life...hav no comment on it.... sigh..
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
im selfish~~
i have no idea wutz gonna happen later...
somehow i really feel myself kinda stupid...why didnt i choose the easy way instead of lying to my dad????perhaps this might be part of my mistake and i've gotta bear the responsitbility too ~but i jus feel that itz time for me to grow!!i noe i'd for sure to been through all these, but jus the matter of time~perhaps this is the time for me to really rebel and get used to being independent wit myself..but it seems pretty sad without sharing happiness and sadnesses wit my family~~~however, i do feel that they dun really share it wit me, i mean when im trying my best to share it out wit them , they seem not to bother so much on me,not like my sis~i dun mean to have jealousy,but somehow, i dun feel a part of them ~itz pretty obvious that i seems to have no communication channel wit them~perhaps, yes but not the right way for it~somehow i jus feel im alwis the exclusion, when i feel sad, they seem not to even bother to ask wut happen, even i choose to cry in the bath room rather than telling them wutz act going on, cos i noe they would jus say, forget bout it or wutever!!i got fucking fed up wit this kinda language...
perhaps of this situation that has cause my upbringing to become someone that is selfish!!
somehow i really feel myself kinda stupid...why didnt i choose the easy way instead of lying to my dad????perhaps this might be part of my mistake and i've gotta bear the responsitbility too ~but i jus feel that itz time for me to grow!!i noe i'd for sure to been through all these, but jus the matter of time~perhaps this is the time for me to really rebel and get used to being independent wit myself..but it seems pretty sad without sharing happiness and sadnesses wit my family~~~however, i do feel that they dun really share it wit me, i mean when im trying my best to share it out wit them , they seem not to bother so much on me,not like my sis~i dun mean to have jealousy,but somehow, i dun feel a part of them ~itz pretty obvious that i seems to have no communication channel wit them~perhaps, yes but not the right way for it~somehow i jus feel im alwis the exclusion, when i feel sad, they seem not to even bother to ask wut happen, even i choose to cry in the bath room rather than telling them wutz act going on, cos i noe they would jus say, forget bout it or wutever!!i got fucking fed up wit this kinda language...
perhaps of this situation that has cause my upbringing to become someone that is selfish!!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
T.T
i was really happie ytd ....
i was so excited and happie tat one of my best frens would support me for cooking pasta for tmr's surprise party~~im soo happie that i found out we are on the same point in a sudden~~~i was quite anticipating wutz gonna be their response after eating my food..kaka~~cos i alwis care how the eaters feel bout my cooking.. ^^
once a blue moon , me and my best sis had so much topics, perhaps cos we were in the similar situations..hehehe~~we had a great chat, was so excited...really hope to meet her up and give her a big HUG~~~~
wel, everything was in a good mode, somehow seems like i've ruined the situation again..sigh~~i jus dun und how come my brain could think so 'efficiently'...kaka~~jus finished my bath, i was crying in the bath room for some time...i dunno wut to do , i jus feeel that my heart is bleeding..T.T.. i have the feeling again , im such a FOOL~~~i alwis choose to believe his words,i alwis persuade myself to give him faith that he really loves me~~erm, but sometimes i jus hardly adapt the way...and i feel frustrated when things are not happening as how i expected...
i tot hez gonna reach at 10..i was rushing to MV, cos i doubt he might be waiting there, who noes he made me waited again...sighh!!i noe that itz soo hard for us to meet, tatz why i din intend to tel him i've waited cos i wanna appreciate the time of being together..why would i being so silly and stupid to believe 100%???when i realised that hez late, the first thing came to my mind is not anger, but disappointment...why he breaks the promise again whenever i put my 100% trust on him???am i nothing to him???why would he to treat me like thiss???T.T
after all, i tried not to bother bout thiss, i forget bout thiss, i take it as nothing happen...we really enjoyed the time...but until he said something that makes me feel really boh song!!!i notice that he seems quite remember wut his ex likes, but he jus dunno wut i wan and wut i feel if im not there to tell him~~anyhow, this isnt the way shud be !!! i seriously DO NOT like to tell everything out, wutz the point if i were there to tel u everything????somehow hez jus not observant, or i may say for a guy to be observant towards someone provided he loves her~seems like he jus dun wanna lose me and wan me to be wit him , but i jus dun like him to be responsive type, whereby he'l not do it if i nv tell him to, or request to!!!the 2 clothes that i bought for him, he jus din bother to wash it or keep it, but jus put aside, i noe itz a little matter, but sometimes it reflects something~~
i admit that im a emotional and complicated thinker, but i alwis control myself not to be worrying so much...but my feeling jus tells me that i dun feel secure!!!! i alwis question his love to me, cos i barely see it or feel it!!!wut i think my fren said to me was somehow true, he hopes to get feedback from his gf, the situation wil jus black off withouth feedback..i feel the same thing tooo..im fed up of oni me sacrificing and contributing....i fed up of believing his promises to me, cos everytime ends up hurting deep down to my soul~~~cos i feel really SILLY~~~wut do i get after loving him 100%???although ppl alwis says nv expect for return when u love someone, but sooner or later i'l get fed up when i give in my total heart and love to him , and ended up like this!!
i HATE to say i hav no money and ASK him to treat me eat... do u noe itz such an embarrassment to me???but i jus cant stand that i have to bear all the expenses~~~this really hurts me cos i really feel that im being fool to jus as someone who can accompany u when u are too free, or when u need some warmth from a gal!!!!this really makes me soooooooooo upset!!!
and another thing i feel disappointed as well, whenever u ask me wut i wan!!!!i really feel no comment i really tot that u'l really getting it for mee, i really believe that u are really doing it, but everytime u are telling me that, '' u can do it, slowly laa...'' then why would the first place u ask me wut i wan ????why i feel that i cant rely on my bf????T.T...and u din even notice that wut im looking at whenever we walk around...u jus tend to look around..haha..then how on earth u to noe wut i like ???WUT AM I TO U ??????
i kept take ya word for it whenever u promise me, but ended up i feel so hurt u noe!!!i feel hurt cos of disappointment and feeling being FOOLED~T.T...when u asked me wut happened, i dunno how to say it out face to face to u, cos i noe i'l cry immediately, and i tried to control and took deep breath, telling myself that, CSL u could do it!!
no wonder my guy frens told me not to rely and believe into men, although they are too..haha!!!!
i was so excited and happie tat one of my best frens would support me for cooking pasta for tmr's surprise party~~im soo happie that i found out we are on the same point in a sudden~~~i was quite anticipating wutz gonna be their response after eating my food..kaka~~cos i alwis care how the eaters feel bout my cooking.. ^^
once a blue moon , me and my best sis had so much topics, perhaps cos we were in the similar situations..hehehe~~we had a great chat, was so excited...really hope to meet her up and give her a big HUG~~~~
wel, everything was in a good mode, somehow seems like i've ruined the situation again..sigh~~i jus dun und how come my brain could think so 'efficiently'...kaka~~jus finished my bath, i was crying in the bath room for some time...i dunno wut to do , i jus feeel that my heart is bleeding..T.T.. i have the feeling again , im such a FOOL~~~i alwis choose to believe his words,i alwis persuade myself to give him faith that he really loves me~~erm, but sometimes i jus hardly adapt the way...and i feel frustrated when things are not happening as how i expected...
i tot hez gonna reach at 10..i was rushing to MV, cos i doubt he might be waiting there, who noes he made me waited again...sighh!!i noe that itz soo hard for us to meet, tatz why i din intend to tel him i've waited cos i wanna appreciate the time of being together..why would i being so silly and stupid to believe 100%???when i realised that hez late, the first thing came to my mind is not anger, but disappointment...why he breaks the promise again whenever i put my 100% trust on him???am i nothing to him???why would he to treat me like thiss???T.T
after all, i tried not to bother bout thiss, i forget bout thiss, i take it as nothing happen...we really enjoyed the time...but until he said something that makes me feel really boh song!!!i notice that he seems quite remember wut his ex likes, but he jus dunno wut i wan and wut i feel if im not there to tell him~~anyhow, this isnt the way shud be !!! i seriously DO NOT like to tell everything out, wutz the point if i were there to tel u everything????somehow hez jus not observant, or i may say for a guy to be observant towards someone provided he loves her~seems like he jus dun wanna lose me and wan me to be wit him , but i jus dun like him to be responsive type, whereby he'l not do it if i nv tell him to, or request to!!!the 2 clothes that i bought for him, he jus din bother to wash it or keep it, but jus put aside, i noe itz a little matter, but sometimes it reflects something~~
i admit that im a emotional and complicated thinker, but i alwis control myself not to be worrying so much...but my feeling jus tells me that i dun feel secure!!!! i alwis question his love to me, cos i barely see it or feel it!!!wut i think my fren said to me was somehow true, he hopes to get feedback from his gf, the situation wil jus black off withouth feedback..i feel the same thing tooo..im fed up of oni me sacrificing and contributing....i fed up of believing his promises to me, cos everytime ends up hurting deep down to my soul~~~cos i feel really SILLY~~~wut do i get after loving him 100%???although ppl alwis says nv expect for return when u love someone, but sooner or later i'l get fed up when i give in my total heart and love to him , and ended up like this!!
i HATE to say i hav no money and ASK him to treat me eat... do u noe itz such an embarrassment to me???but i jus cant stand that i have to bear all the expenses~~~this really hurts me cos i really feel that im being fool to jus as someone who can accompany u when u are too free, or when u need some warmth from a gal!!!!this really makes me soooooooooo upset!!!
and another thing i feel disappointed as well, whenever u ask me wut i wan!!!!i really feel no comment i really tot that u'l really getting it for mee, i really believe that u are really doing it, but everytime u are telling me that, '' u can do it, slowly laa...'' then why would the first place u ask me wut i wan ????why i feel that i cant rely on my bf????T.T...and u din even notice that wut im looking at whenever we walk around...u jus tend to look around..haha..then how on earth u to noe wut i like ???WUT AM I TO U ??????
i kept take ya word for it whenever u promise me, but ended up i feel so hurt u noe!!!i feel hurt cos of disappointment and feeling being FOOLED~T.T...when u asked me wut happened, i dunno how to say it out face to face to u, cos i noe i'l cry immediately, and i tried to control and took deep breath, telling myself that, CSL u could do it!!
no wonder my guy frens told me not to rely and believe into men, although they are too..haha!!!!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
i wan presentable
i feeel soooo tiring.....exhausted~~~~~~~~
woke up so early in the morning, i tot of having a good sleep at night, but wutz wit my life huh????
stressful~~~i have tutorial questions to go , i need time for research , i need time for study, and there are many things happening around that needs my concentration away from it. should i allocate better wit my time???i feel like im so degraded recently... where goes my knowledge??where goes my determination???i need to be good~~i have to be good~~i wanna be good~~
wel, i feel so stressful and in dilemma after a moment of gaming tonight. i tot i would have been so happie after killing the scourage and won the victory, but this isnt the end of the story!!there are stil some story to be continued... i realised no one seems happie and satisfied after gaming, so wutz the point of gaming at the first place rite??i think i would nv do it again...NEVER EVER~~~~my bf jus feel unhappie and my best frenz bf feel the same either, i guess... this really puts the 2 best frens into dillemma.. i feel soooooo arghhhh~~~~i feeel so tiring dy...T.T......i cant picture that i din finish my tutorial work , my research and jus played game wit him since i noe hez bored~~sigh!!!CSL is really losing her way out!!!!and i stil have to make him happie when hez sad... perhaps i really not a good gf for him.... sumore this emo guy stil being emo in front of me..AAAAAAAAAAAA~~FUCK OFFF~~~~~i hate it !i hate it~i hate it!i tot i could jus stay relax and comfortable when i reached home, there are way too many things for me to worry bout outside, and i need to worry bout my bf...sighh~~~
wel, when he asked me how can he fulfil me... i really tot of tonnes of things....somehow, i jus gone speechhless when he pointed out the question to me cos i hav no idea how shud i be telling him the truth....sighhh!!!anyhow, i stil think it shud be kept within myself, at least i wont ruin anything off.... i've been trying soooo hard to maintain and improve the relationship, but it seems tat wut im trying to do isnt working out right its way...
noe wut??i really envy and hope that he can be like wut i wan ....at least the simple things...im demanding, im realistic, im egoistic, im sarcastic.....but wut i expect him to have do not really sounds insane cos i found all these in my frens!!!
i alwis thinking why would my frens be soooo nice and caring to their gals.... i really hope hez the way they are, although i shudnt be comparing them , but this are how usually guys would do for their gals!!!
i cant see any sadly..T.T...i dunno wut to do....i really cant feel any...T.T...and it slowly caught me fed up , and i feel soooooooooooooooooo sad when i feel fed up....i hope my bf could make me happie, not to make me worry....T.T....i feel helpless when im being stucked in the middle of nowhere of him and my frens....u are unhappie wit it, and im saying sorry to making u not happie, and oso saying sorry for making them not happie... so now who is the one not happie after all?????????????????????????????????????
woke up so early in the morning, i tot of having a good sleep at night, but wutz wit my life huh????
stressful~~~i have tutorial questions to go , i need time for research , i need time for study, and there are many things happening around that needs my concentration away from it. should i allocate better wit my time???i feel like im so degraded recently... where goes my knowledge??where goes my determination???i need to be good~~i have to be good~~i wanna be good~~
wel, i feel so stressful and in dilemma after a moment of gaming tonight. i tot i would have been so happie after killing the scourage and won the victory, but this isnt the end of the story!!there are stil some story to be continued... i realised no one seems happie and satisfied after gaming, so wutz the point of gaming at the first place rite??i think i would nv do it again...NEVER EVER~~~~my bf jus feel unhappie and my best frenz bf feel the same either, i guess... this really puts the 2 best frens into dillemma.. i feel soooooo arghhhh~~~~i feeel so tiring dy...T.T......i cant picture that i din finish my tutorial work , my research and jus played game wit him since i noe hez bored~~sigh!!!CSL is really losing her way out!!!!and i stil have to make him happie when hez sad... perhaps i really not a good gf for him.... sumore this emo guy stil being emo in front of me..AAAAAAAAAAAA~~FUCK OFFF~~~~~i hate it !i hate it~i hate it!i tot i could jus stay relax and comfortable when i reached home, there are way too many things for me to worry bout outside, and i need to worry bout my bf...sighh~~~
wel, when he asked me how can he fulfil me... i really tot of tonnes of things....somehow, i jus gone speechhless when he pointed out the question to me cos i hav no idea how shud i be telling him the truth....sighhh!!!anyhow, i stil think it shud be kept within myself, at least i wont ruin anything off.... i've been trying soooo hard to maintain and improve the relationship, but it seems tat wut im trying to do isnt working out right its way...
noe wut??i really envy and hope that he can be like wut i wan ....at least the simple things...im demanding, im realistic, im egoistic, im sarcastic.....but wut i expect him to have do not really sounds insane cos i found all these in my frens!!!
i alwis thinking why would my frens be soooo nice and caring to their gals.... i really hope hez the way they are, although i shudnt be comparing them , but this are how usually guys would do for their gals!!!
i cant see any sadly..T.T...i dunno wut to do....i really cant feel any...T.T...and it slowly caught me fed up , and i feel soooooooooooooooooo sad when i feel fed up....i hope my bf could make me happie, not to make me worry....T.T....i feel helpless when im being stucked in the middle of nowhere of him and my frens....u are unhappie wit it, and im saying sorry to making u not happie, and oso saying sorry for making them not happie... so now who is the one not happie after all?????????????????????????????????????
Saturday, July 11, 2009
my forehead..^^
i plead guilty in hurting someone's heart and dignity~~~~
it was really like a roller coaster life.. i was so happie and excited once i woke up from my bed. i could meet my darling at last~~YAY~~~my feeling was really happie, i hav so much to share wit him!!
unfortunately, my angry mode ruined the day...sigh~~i was trying to control myself but no doubt im a hot tempered person. i told myself to stay calm when i see him..but i jus wanna cry so seriously while i was walking alone, doing nothing at the mall. i nearly cry out while i was walking, i dunno wut am i doing tat time, i felt lost somewhat i have no direction to go for it.. why i was feeling this way again???i dunno, but i knew it clear that i was upset even it wasnt a serious matter.
i was really mad at him once i saw him. i seriously had no idea wut to response, but i knew i was on a hot pan, i could burn anyone tat time, is either i'l hug him and cry, or give him my piece of mind, and i choose the second option. it was really harsh to him, and i noe he jus kept everything to himself cos i think he jus dun hope to ruin the relationship~~i felt even guilty when he really tot like that and i was mad on stupid silly little matters....sigh~i feel myself isnt a suitable for him, i feel im bad for him ~~im so worry he'l be so suffer cos of mee, i feel somehow i did hurt him so badly, wit my words and wut i'd done!im so worry that this experience would stay as a history of memory in our relationship...sigh~~
wel, after all, i felt happie again...kkakakakak~~~i was really touched when he intended to buy me a thing..somehow, i jus dun hope to waste his money..hehe ^^ sumore i din expect myself to be such a good pool playerr...hohohoh~~~me myself too felt quite fake for my playing...kaka~~~but i really enjoyed the time being togather wit him..sadly it was short tat day...and i felt not enough.omg~~i jus wan longer, even jus a min plz!!sighh....
sobs...my plan totally out dy, my perfect plan for his bday..sigh~~~i was planning so well dy, sadly i spent so much..sighh~~~~sighhhh~~~~but CSL is creative!!!!YEAHHH~~~~im superb in that...hohoho~~~i hav tonnes of ideas for sure...hoho~~~~i noe i can~~~YEAHHHH~~~hohohoh~~~
wel, one thing to be rmb, he kissed my forehead for the first ever time since we've been together..hahaha~~i realised he nv done it even he kissed my cheeks and lips for times, but forehead is sooo sweet for my bf to kiss me...tat moment was melting to mee..hehehe~~^^
last but not least,my GUCCI FLORAL~~~OMGGG, i fall in love wit tat perfume, itz sooooo adorable and lovely..itz jus irressistable~~~MUACKZ~~~
it was really like a roller coaster life.. i was so happie and excited once i woke up from my bed. i could meet my darling at last~~YAY~~~my feeling was really happie, i hav so much to share wit him!!
unfortunately, my angry mode ruined the day...sigh~~i was trying to control myself but no doubt im a hot tempered person. i told myself to stay calm when i see him..but i jus wanna cry so seriously while i was walking alone, doing nothing at the mall. i nearly cry out while i was walking, i dunno wut am i doing tat time, i felt lost somewhat i have no direction to go for it.. why i was feeling this way again???i dunno, but i knew it clear that i was upset even it wasnt a serious matter.
i was really mad at him once i saw him. i seriously had no idea wut to response, but i knew i was on a hot pan, i could burn anyone tat time, is either i'l hug him and cry, or give him my piece of mind, and i choose the second option. it was really harsh to him, and i noe he jus kept everything to himself cos i think he jus dun hope to ruin the relationship~~i felt even guilty when he really tot like that and i was mad on stupid silly little matters....sigh~i feel myself isnt a suitable for him, i feel im bad for him ~~im so worry he'l be so suffer cos of mee, i feel somehow i did hurt him so badly, wit my words and wut i'd done!im so worry that this experience would stay as a history of memory in our relationship...sigh~~
wel, after all, i felt happie again...kkakakakak~~~i was really touched when he intended to buy me a thing..somehow, i jus dun hope to waste his money..hehe ^^ sumore i din expect myself to be such a good pool playerr...hohohoh~~~me myself too felt quite fake for my playing...kaka~~~but i really enjoyed the time being togather wit him..sadly it was short tat day...and i felt not enough.omg~~i jus wan longer, even jus a min plz!!sighh....
sobs...my plan totally out dy, my perfect plan for his bday..sigh~~~i was planning so well dy, sadly i spent so much..sighh~~~~sighhhh~~~~but CSL is creative!!!!YEAHHH~~~~im superb in that...hohoho~~~i hav tonnes of ideas for sure...hoho~~~~i noe i can~~~YEAHHHH~~~hohohoh~~~
wel, one thing to be rmb, he kissed my forehead for the first ever time since we've been together..hahaha~~i realised he nv done it even he kissed my cheeks and lips for times, but forehead is sooo sweet for my bf to kiss me...tat moment was melting to mee..hehehe~~^^
last but not least,my GUCCI FLORAL~~~OMGGG, i fall in love wit tat perfume, itz sooooo adorable and lovely..itz jus irressistable~~~MUACKZ~~~
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
im way too silly ~
feel so tiring for the day, headahce~~wut happen to me??
i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~
however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.
i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~
i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~
however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.
i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~
Monday, July 06, 2009
fren vs bf
i alwis wish to have unfinished topics wit my bf...
somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.
why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=
somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.
why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=
Friday, July 03, 2009
i cant live without sniper..kaka~~sui lou~
boy fren, best fren, ssex partner, soulmate!!
how i wish hez the one that i've been searching all the time..how i wish my life partner could satisfy me for this characters..i feel really happie!!!stil remembering that day we went for some inquiries at my college, wel, i felt really bad since i couldnt help him out at all. i didnt noe wut to do to help him since im his gf~~i felt so helpless seeing my bf, having probs wit his enrollment, but wut i could do is to be there for him , i noe for sure he needs supports and cheers~i told myself no matter how i wouldnt give up on him. i noe itz a dampen period for a guy at his age, wit no experiences, no guidance, no courage, facing a new breakthrough in his life, alterations and preparation for a cruel reality, which is the nature of the real world~rationally i noe wut i supposingly shud be doing for my own good, but this isnt the time for such consideration..wut i noe is i shud and i wanna be there for him..perhaps he might not appreciate for wut i've done, at least i'd be there to encourage him, for not feeling that hez alone wit helpless hand~
after all, we finally found out a college!!i was reallly happie wit no reasons~~this was the first time we've solved prob out togather~~i really like the feeling when we've overcome the prob together successfully~~~YAYY~~~when we were at the bus stand, he told me that now he gotta study well, get a good job, and we can live a good life then. i felt really contented wit his words, evvn it might not happen to realise the promise, but at least he does think bout it~~i dunno wut to say, jus to give him a hug~
i alwis hope to have a responsible and protective man... and he might be the one!!however, i do hope hez the one, and i wan him to be the one~~~~however, i nv wan that his family would noe bout us!!!weirdo~~~kakaka... i jus cant und my im being so afraid tat if his family noes bout me and him...but tat day i jus got out from the box, i noe im being selfish to do it this way. parents are alwis concern and worry bout the ppl around their kid. itz normal that they wanna noe who has been alwis mixing wit their kid, tatz why my parents are full of inquiries all the time due to their curiousity. most importantly, i dun hope that he'l assist me in hiding from his parents, which might caught into a dilemma. i shud respect him instead of control him~
although there were times that cause me into anger so madly, but seeing his willingness and intention in adapting the changes and improvements, i noe i shudnt be too demanding, and i shud appreciate all these and takes thing easy~
wel, we went for movie, my fav, ICE AGE 3~~OMG!!it was really funny...i couldnt stand laughing, but to control my volume!!!i laughed until teared off..OMGG~~it was sooo cute~~~at the same time, there was one lady laughing really loud at the hall, which was pretty embarrasing to be in tat manner..kaka~overall, i really enjoyed the movie ^^
how i wish hez the one that i've been searching all the time..how i wish my life partner could satisfy me for this characters..i feel really happie!!!stil remembering that day we went for some inquiries at my college, wel, i felt really bad since i couldnt help him out at all. i didnt noe wut to do to help him since im his gf~~i felt so helpless seeing my bf, having probs wit his enrollment, but wut i could do is to be there for him , i noe for sure he needs supports and cheers~i told myself no matter how i wouldnt give up on him. i noe itz a dampen period for a guy at his age, wit no experiences, no guidance, no courage, facing a new breakthrough in his life, alterations and preparation for a cruel reality, which is the nature of the real world~rationally i noe wut i supposingly shud be doing for my own good, but this isnt the time for such consideration..wut i noe is i shud and i wanna be there for him..perhaps he might not appreciate for wut i've done, at least i'd be there to encourage him, for not feeling that hez alone wit helpless hand~
after all, we finally found out a college!!i was reallly happie wit no reasons~~this was the first time we've solved prob out togather~~i really like the feeling when we've overcome the prob together successfully~~~YAYY~~~when we were at the bus stand, he told me that now he gotta study well, get a good job, and we can live a good life then. i felt really contented wit his words, evvn it might not happen to realise the promise, but at least he does think bout it~~i dunno wut to say, jus to give him a hug~
i alwis hope to have a responsible and protective man... and he might be the one!!however, i do hope hez the one, and i wan him to be the one~~~~however, i nv wan that his family would noe bout us!!!weirdo~~~kakaka... i jus cant und my im being so afraid tat if his family noes bout me and him...but tat day i jus got out from the box, i noe im being selfish to do it this way. parents are alwis concern and worry bout the ppl around their kid. itz normal that they wanna noe who has been alwis mixing wit their kid, tatz why my parents are full of inquiries all the time due to their curiousity. most importantly, i dun hope that he'l assist me in hiding from his parents, which might caught into a dilemma. i shud respect him instead of control him~
although there were times that cause me into anger so madly, but seeing his willingness and intention in adapting the changes and improvements, i noe i shudnt be too demanding, and i shud appreciate all these and takes thing easy~
wel, we went for movie, my fav, ICE AGE 3~~OMG!!it was really funny...i couldnt stand laughing, but to control my volume!!!i laughed until teared off..OMGG~~it was sooo cute~~~at the same time, there was one lady laughing really loud at the hall, which was pretty embarrasing to be in tat manner..kaka~overall, i really enjoyed the movie ^^
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