a flight to UK

i gotta noe many things today...

i saw my second bro ytd at da night market,wit his beloved gf,they looks nice!!wel,i went to coll n had lunch wit my 2nd bro...hez kinda funny if only i dunno much things bout him!!i mean i dun hope to noe bout his family background!!i dun even wanna bother bout it!!but life is like this..where i just cant expect everything to be happened in my way!!somewhat,he teaches me many things which i din notice at this while...i was kinda impressed when he told me all those things...i thought he would never do this in his life since he seems to be a joker!!wel,i knew tat hez considered wealthy but i was kinda sad when i noe tat cos i like to talk to him but i felt da limit is there since ever they told me tat!!i dun bother bout it cos itz i appreciate him as my fren or a bro!
sometimes,there are things which i feel ridiculous n annoying in life...however,i have to get through it no matter how rite?

da very sad thing i mention bout here is tat one of my best n closed fren who studied LCCI wit me last year is leaving to UK tomorrow at 1130!!!im so dam sad!!i stil remember how i was crying through all da way walking when i saw she left wit his dad!!!sharon n me were so upset!!!the tears just couldn't be controlled n dripped it off like tat!!!i hope everything we said would come true one day!!!i really hope we can study togather in UK!!!i'l try my best to fly there even im studying there!!!!i wanna see u!!!no matter wut...i'l miss u always n be there for u...akun!!!

in da blue mood

somehow,i should have get him out of my life..everything has changed..itz not fun at all to have such a feeling...

i dunn wanna feel like this...feel like crying..somehow,im an arien n therefore im kinda stubborn where i would hold my feelings to a person until therez something really makes me harsh..why has he be like this??i mean why cant we have at least a 'hih'?!im really sad wit it!!!not even a hih!!!!i wanna cry at tat moment...i was just there...he could see me so clearly...im just there..he just never gave me an opportunity to say hih to him!!!!im so upset wit it!!!hez leaving...sighz...

however,i met a guy..who act came into my room without my permission..where i was practising a song wit the guitar,he asked me nothing n just got into my studio!!i was taken aback wit it man!
"am i in da correct place?"he asked me..huh????wut should be da best answer from me??and he told me tat he got his time table mistaken..which he was supposed to have his class at 4.30 n yet he was there at 4.00...wut to do then...just talked!!!he looks kinda mature,i mean he looks older than his exact age,which is under my prediction when i asked him!!!hez 16 years old this year...and he claimed tat i sounds old!!!!

wut to say bout this high school boy...first impression was nice..i mean hez funny,'perasan',where he thinks tat hez handsome even asked me bout tat...haha!!!such a kid!da main point is hez da son of my add maths teacher...mrs's son!!!omg!!!!!i was so dam surprised when he told me tat cos i saw him during a St. John gathering n he was like a kid at tat time!!!!omg!!!!i was really happie n even wanna meet my teacher..but my class was on...

i started my very first guitar class last friday!!!kinda fun..anyhow,i just feels tat i would like to be the listener or da audience rather than the player...but i enjoy the process of learning it..lynden is a really nice teacher..i mean he brings da class alive...even i was so worried b4 da class began...but everything seemed to be fine!!

eddie looks cool in black!!hez truely a guitarist..u'l noe wut i mean if u see him in personal!!hez cool man!!of cos he just cant be compared wit tt!!!they are so differ..therez one thing where i cant get it from eddie....something just missing out...

trash!

im sitting in da lab now...my mind has been stucked wit all da rubbish!!!

i shouldn't have been feeling so upset right now since today is friday!!!i might see him!!i should have be happie wit it!!!im trying not to bother so much bout it!!somehow,itz just all trash in life!!i feel kinda frusrtating...and i wanna block this human from reading my blog!!!i hope shez not reading since blogging is a way for me to espress my thoughts n feelings...recently,i just found out tat i have boundaries in blogging,which i dun hope it will happen since i have no where else to pour out my thoughts...not accepted at home..i mean they dun bother bout my opinions..itz tough to compromise...why my frens would feel da same as me instead if my family??i thought family is better than frens...i just found out tat i dun really talk much to my family nowadays..especially to my dad n sis!!i feel strange to them...i mean they never changed but da prob itz me myself!i wanna expand..but it seems tough for me to do achieve my goals in my life!!

besides,i just realised tat my frens have been changing from day to day....from bad to good or vice versa...or something which is unexpectable!!!!however,sometimes i just hardly to accept it cos itz too ridiculous!!!however,i'l try my best to get used to it...i wanna hug some1 now!!!!anyway,thanks to my luvly bro....gary boy...hahaha!!thanks for being a good listener dude!!!!!!!i appreciatelol!!!!

l.o.s.t.

im freaking tiring now...itz a so-so day to me...

i went out wit my dear sis...sharon!!it was really nice to be wit her..i just miss those days..walking around tat area...seeking for tasty food,looking for lcs!!!i had my breakfast wit my gang of guys...they are really funny n jokers...im so happie to have this new gang in my life!!they are so 'clean'..which i might not get in other coll!!!i think my sis should noe wut i mean by tat..dont u?

recently i just discovered tat they are so many things in my life who have changed so rapidly...which are out of my expectation..i cant say here cos itz tough for me to write it here...perhaps i should have start a new blog somewhere,where i dun hope my frens will read bout it..only anonymous...maybe not closed frens...i have so many things to tell at da moment but i cant express it!!!sighz......

well,back to my daily routines...i was kinda feeling bad since he seems kinda excited n putting a rarely high expectation on me...i dun wan him to get disappointed...i'l try my best to get da ticket for u..but do u noe itz really tough my dear??a fren of mine has been so desire to watch lee hom live at sunway lagoon...he just asked me whether i can get da ticket for him or not...frankly i just hardly to tell u da answer rite now...i feel so bad if my aunt cant get da ticket for me..we shouldnt have talked bout leehom at da first place...i noe he likes him so much..so do i!!!i wanna see him too....and oso fort minor!!!!!but i really wanna watch casanova at this moment..where i nearly wanna skip my classes n take cab to 1u...just to watch this movie..my fav actor,heath ledger!i like him so much!!!!hez adorable to me!

wel,i hope i wont disappoint ula...my dear bro!!!!i hope hez reading this!!!

tt v.s. berry

im feeling extremely happie today cos i saw him at mcd!!!!

u might be wondering whoz this guy rite?hez a computing student of my college...considered as my senior although we are from da different schools,he comes from guangzhou..and able to speak fluently in either mandarin or canto..of cos english too!!!his name is berry....and i think i did mentioned him in my previous blog...
combination of edison chen n ryan cabrera!!!hez so adorable!!!i like his features...itz just too perfect for a guy!!not realistic at all!!!i cant believe there is such a 'nice' guy here in malaysia...i mean in my coll!!!

somehow,i just got killed by his eyes!!!!however,tt just appeared in my mind at tat moment..hahaha!!!

i love this guy......

im in da pc lab now..doing nothing...tatz why i feel like blogging...

nothing much to talk bout here..wel,i have lotz of courseworks which are supposed to be done in time but i really have no mood to get them started!!!noe wut?recently i just found out myself tat i would just think of tt at all time in my daily life!!!he really drives me crazy man!i noe hez leavin n i cant keep myself in this condition anymore!!!i noe itz impossible ,yet i can't control myself!!!
i'l think of him when i sees something like chains,shirts,shoes...etc!!!somehow,i feel like buying tat chain n give it to him be4 he leaves!!just a simple gift from a fren...this is wat i wanna express through my present to him!!!but i think he might avoid me if i do tat to him!!!tatz why i intend to keep everything in my heart!!!!haih.....

simple n sweet

i was listening to my econs lect,she was explaining a new topic bout elasticity...

something silly seemed to appear in my mind...some formulaes were introduced...and oso came out togather wit some graphs...can i calculate how much i love tt wit all this formulaes n just determine by drawing out da graphs!???how easy would it be to tell out da answer n decision if there are solutions like having some kinda procedures as in like having experiments to test out da hypothesis of whether i like this guy or not....may be some kinda equations or formulaes which can compute a figure of how much do i love him.....however,it is hardly to be determine!!

'reason' by hoobastank...of cos there might be so many versions of reason in da world ..but for me i have no reasons for loving this guy!all i have is just feelings!!!

last but not least,i would like to thank my beloved fren here...karmun for having da same opinions as i m!!!!shez da only1 tat could act feels how im feeling now!!i told my frens n they seems not bother to listening..haih!!perhaps guys have no feelings to this kinda situation!!they keep supporting me to confess to him..n i think i wont do tat if only i have da guts!!!it seems easy for them but not me!!

"i'l make sure tat i'l get da gal tat i wan!!!"...my fren just told me this...he asked me to express my feelings..try to get wut i wan in life!!!but for me...i wan nothing just happiness!!!i mean i wan him to live happiely,i wan him to be fine no matter where he is...

my sweet chupa chups

i saw him!!!eventhough itz just a split of second in my life..evnthough itz just a hi eventhough itz just a smile,eventhough i dun have a chance to talk to him since he was late for his class,somehow da feelings are here!!itz clear in my heart tat i love him!

sounds serious rite?wel,i was online yesterday wit my frens,we were just chatting n i told him tat recently i feels one of our frens just looks awesome...but da feelings are so differ!i mean i mis tt for not seeing him,i mis his smile,i mis his voice,i mis him so much!!he really drives me crazy!!meanwhile,i told my fren tat i worried bout nit being loyal towards tt..hahaha!!'do u love tt n just being loyal towards him?'...my fren just asked me n this really cracked my mind out man!!for a moment,i just told him my answer...'i love him'...for sure!!he gives me some kinda feelings which are very unique...something like having a really nice n sweet chupa chups..

perhaps u might think tat im crazy or silly..so do myself!hahah...'itz u'...'true'...have listen to those songs before?if yes then u should noe how im feeling now...if not then just go search this guy named ryan cabrera at yahoo!

heyhey!!!im feeling so dam happie now!!!

first of all i saw just met up my bro this morning n have a really nice breakfast wit him...wel,although itz not a very luxury breakfast from those well known hotel or high class cafe...but i really enjoyed it cos my bro was here..haha!another thing was..i met up wit my sis!!not justin..itz sharon!!!im freaking happielol!!!i just met her ytd though but we couldn't get da chance to talk much!!!i hope this can happen everyday..haha!i hope to study wit ulol!!meet in u.k. k!!haha!building my castle in d air..haha!!!

yaya..for ya information...although u might not know me...perhaps u noe for many years...etc..i jus wanna say tat im stil a single!!!!i dun mean tat im being too desperate to meet guys out there...but just tat we have nothing...jsut frens!!!haha..stop inquiring me bout tatlol!da answer is NO...NOTHING AT ALL....HEZ AVAILABLE N IM STIL SINGLE!!!tatz all i wanna talk bout!!!one more thing...we are best frens...like sis n bro!!!!please dun destroy our friendship!!!!

noe wut??i dun have new target...i m a loyal person!!mun,i stil like ttla!!but sometimes jus feel kinda frustrating..u noe wut i mean rite?haih...sad casela!!but at this moment,im stil being so loyal to him..haha!

so many things just happened recently....
1.chelsea n sports got 6 lovely n cute newborn pupps!!how could it be!!?i barely imagine it!!
2.i found out tat hez act kinda cool n adorable..perhaps hez too similar to kah hou n tatz why i feel so nice to talk wit him!we have da same opinion!!i mean we have topics to talk bout..just like kah hou n me..hah!i really appreciate himlol..how i wish hez kah hou..haha!
3.my best fren has a bf!!!frankly i was taken aback when she intended to tell me bout this!anywayz,i'l give her supports n much love since shez my 'sei thong'..much love to u dear!
4.i got my lcci results back!!!wel,i was kinda disappointed where i got credit for my b.stats!!!i tear during my class...haha!thanks pat!!thanks for supporting me to tear out..but da class was too crownded..so i couldnt tear it off there!
5.mun!!!i have my classs on wedla!!!!why never call me out!!!???i was in da library..searching for some books!!!!haih...so wasted!!!!
wel,they are act much more but i just hardly put everything here..u might feel sleepy n boring reading it rite?

awsome!

finally i just solved my probliao!!i dun mean all...but at least i dun feel so sad bout it!!!i intended to call lynden and told him everything...haha!i was so impressed when he said "dun wannala like this.."..although he did mention tat im a 'kinda ma fan gal'..but im really happie cos he wans me to be his student!!u might be saying he just wanna earn more money wit an extra new student.but itz all bout fate..being teacher n student..itz all fated!!i hope we really have chemistry between us..i just cant wait for my first lesson!i hope they dun misunderstand cos i really hope to play guitars..iwanna shift my position from a keyboardist to a guitarist!!!please wait for me kah hou!!!im going to play duet in guitar wit u!!!i wanna let u noe tat i can play!!!please allow me to be ya duet partner!!!i dun care!!!save ya pocket money from today on n just buy a guitar in black n blue!!!i'l go to ya place n have a duet wit u!!!remember our songs!?haih..everything has comes back into my mind!!itz stil fresh in my mind!!!i hope everything i wish will come true..haha!!

last but not least,i just feel like having eddie as my teacher cos hez so dam cool!!!!!!just imagine having the coolest teacher..da most well looking male teacher in mirado to have guitar lessons!!!!this should be a 'wow' in life man!somehow,i just feel tat lynden is da best!!!wel,eddie is good but lynden is pro!!im feeling excited to have lessons wit him!!!!no tt in my lessons!!!!!!!they are not related at all!!!!!!

yaya...a fren of mine just wore a pink shirt!!!frankly speaking,he looks awesome in tat shirt but i just have no idea to say out my compliment!im worried tat he might have misunderstood bout my compliment!i sat behind him..looking at his back..and tat shirt...i mean itz a really perfect match!i like it man!i just have no guts to say "awesome!"

lynden V.S. eddie

stop blogging for a couple of days..actually i did online everyday but i just have no idea of pouring out everything here...

i think i have done a mistake in life!i shouldn't have like him so much!u might have taken aback wit my words rite?wel,things are happening every second.i went to kah simz house last friday..nothing much to talk bout my gang cos they are da greatest of all!i love them so much!i appreciate them being wit me no matter wut!da feelings are so unique!i thought i would have no topics wit them since we seldom meet up..however,things are out of my predictable!everything was so fine til i felt like crying when we hugged each other!somehow,i jus dunno when would be our last met up n da next1!

i went to mirado for my lesson after tat.everything seems to be so fine..however,something sad n regretful is going to begin soon!i took da wrong move!!!i shouldn't have ask for it!why could have i figure it out at tat moment!?i shouldn't have ask lynden bout having guitar lessons wit him!!!!!!!!!i just realised it!!!perhaps i have been so desire to have lessons wit lynden since hez so pro in teaching acoustic n classical guitars!my feelings n emotions would have just drove me crazy!!i should have thought bout it..n how m i supposed to reject my class wit lynden since he has dropped down my name in his time table!!?meanwhile,u might be inquiring bout wutz prob here tat makes me give up my dream?!?haih.......i rather learn from t.eddie than being as a 'victim' here.....it sounds kinda serious rite?i dun hope unfavourable things will happen,i dun wan him to misunderstand tat im trying to approach him through this ways,i jus wanna play da songs,learn to read tabs,i jus wanna have a happie n enjoyable guitar classes without worries n tears!perhaps t.eddie is even better..perhaps we might have chemistry rite?i hope wut im doing is at da correct path!but im feeling guilty to tell lynden to stop me from being his student...i mean i asked for it n now i just reject him!itz so bad,which makes me feels bad since friday!how m i supposed to tell him?furthermore i gotta rush to tat class!?!?!?

express ya love!

haih,i wanted to edit my post which i had save it as draft,i was in a rush from da pc lab...

act i was feeling bored in da afternoon,where my frens just left after having lunch at mcd..nothing special happened,just tat i have discovered something new,something tat amazed me..im proud of u, patrick!i was so impressed when we were discussing some kinda serious issue,act it was kinda fun ,just tat i wouldn't have expected much from him!wow,even hez kinda childish,which i think so,but he could think so maturely when comes to serious issues like marriage,politics,social...etc..hey,u are even more mature than me though im older than u..haha!

recently i have a bad feeling bout a fren in my gang,i dun mean tat i dislike him,somehow,i feels tat he dislikes me!perhaps i might have been kinda sensative bout myself,but i was just asking another fren of mine,who is in my gang too.perhaps i have been too rough to him..haha!but hez a guy,i think it should be normal rite?!everytime when he has encounter some probs or something tat he doesn't understand in studies,he just dun like ask me..i mean tat im willing to explain to him!why has he to ask kai or patrick..i mean his question will finally come to me..why cant he just ask me?i never shy him away whenever they question me..im so happie n be there for them whenever they need my help!!'hez too shy to ask a galmer..'..come on kai,nothing embarassing bout asking a gal instead of sitting alone there cracking ya mind!furthermore he always ask me to express my love whenever i look at a guy!!!i feel so stupid wit it!!he just dun understand how i range guys in my life!!

lmy?tt?

wow,i was just going through my frens profile n suddenly saw some1 has upload some photoes!!!

itz lmy!!!wel,u might say wutz playing in my mind,doesn't tt have replaced lmy in my mind???wel,i think he does,but somehow,i just like tat pose...'superman'!!!!!i love tat pose..hez being so true no matter where he is..no matter wut is he doing...even during his 21st year-old birthday party..how i wish i can just celebrate wit him..haih!i really hope to give him a present,not valuable,but something meaningful...haih!

it has been so long time i've never seen tt n shap,i really miss them,especilly tt!dunno why,everything has come so naturally,itz hardly to describe it here..da feelings is like...emmm,i wanna see him..but im feeling nervous whenever i have a chance to meet him or talk to him;i miss him much until he appeared in my dream!i jus love to compare him n my guys...no1 can replace him!!!hez somehow too good in my point of view even my frens are better than him!i cant see any bad things in him,everything seems to be amazing in him!

bad man v.s. better man

first of school,i mean after a week of holiday..however,im stil in a cny mood!

wut to talk bout my celebration of chinese new year??emm....ang paos?foods?the appearances of all my relatives from overseas?not much bout tat,jus tat i have act discovered something different this year,which brings me lotz of inquirements...my uncle n his family has been so closed to me n suddenly i just felt so strange to them!we really have fun whenever they are back from sarawak,i respect him cos i thought tat hez kind n humble even though hez a most wealthy family among my family!!!but this would never be in my mind anymore..not tat he has change,but my maturity has grown..i mean i understand there are act some hidden things which i din noe all this while n now i have discovered it by myself..i felt kinda disappointed wit him cos it act surprise me when they told me bout tat..not his frens,not his enemies,but his dad(my grandpa),his brothers,his sisters...all da relatives were talking da same issue at da same time!somehow,i just feel so embarrassing being as a niece of him!!!somehow,i just dun hope those things are true but itz da fact!why is he doing tat?we never have a sense of jealousy before instead of being so happy to share his success!but wut he has done to us now?i just think tat hez such a silly person to do tat,hez not a gentleman at all!

thanks for giving me support bro!i really appreciate it!

frankly,i 've been so desire to have lesson wit lyden..but there are so many probslol...first of da most is my financial situation dun allows me to do tat..haih!!wut should i do then??i think i'l just try my best to save as much as i can!!!tatz my wut i wan in my life,i should try my very best to make it successful!!i dun care bout wut other says,i dun care bout wut other thinks,i dun care!!!!i'l just arrange a time wit him n go ahead wit wut i wan!!i dun care!i dun care!i dun care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wel,sometimes i just realised tat not many people have da same interest n opinions as mine,not even my family!
i wanna have a band,i love those things,i love to do in tat ways,i just realised tat my perspectives of thinking is somehow different from my family,frens...etc..which is not a good news to me cos i hardly have frens in my life!
'which would be my choice if i would have a chance to pick a prez between a laptop n an elect guitar?'...wel,letz guess my answer!!i think some of u would just make a choice base on da prices rite?if cos this would be one of da things included in my mind...however,i would not say tat my answer is da right choice,but i would say tatz my choice!sometimes,i feel so left out from my family,frens or even relatives..i dun understand tat why are we soooo different in everything??i love ryan cabrera n they like lee hom,i love the click5 n they like 5566,i mean not even this,im trying to get used to their favs,chinese cds,try to appreciate those things,but it seems tough for me!!!

i hope to have my life..i wanna have something increadible!!i wan something special in my life!i wan my life to be like wut i wan!!!

wow!im feeling really great at this moment...sitting in front of da pc..writting out my feelings...being alone in da room!this really great!!i luv this....listening to my fav guy singing-ryan cabrera!!i like him!!a pretty talented singer who plays guitar,keyboard n drums!!i miss this feeling so much!!
just imagine being alone in da room,having a guitar in da hand...writting scores out wit nice n meaningful lyrics..no wonder kah hou loves tat so much!so chun!

back to da reality,cny is stil getting on,somehow,im feeling so desperately to have a fly to UK!i wanna go to london,italy,rome,i wanna go to europe!!!!hahahahahah...just have to forget bout it cos im got stuck wit my yearly financial probs!!!!apparently,i 've plan to have a guitar lesson wit lyden where i dun wanna tell my dad bout it..why?they won't support in doing tat,furthermore i dun wan my dad to pay my guitar fees!!i wanna have something on my own...wel,i just thought of saving my pocket money,which i'l have to cut off my lunch n oso da way i spent my mone...haih!no more original cds,no more magazines,no more frangrances,no extra reloads for hp...etc..wut should i do??u may just ask me to cut off my guitar lesson..but i think only my bro would noe how i feel now...i so desperate to have a guitar lesson!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!wut should i do bro?!?!?haih!!!!!!!

yaya..i just realised tat there are act so many things which i hope to get it n they are act kinda expensinve...but some of them are uncountable...haih!!!tatz why m trying to save as much money as i can...i must try my best to do it...
1. i hope to have two guitars at this moment,one ac guit, n one elect guit!
2. i hope to have tat keyboard!
3. i hope to have more freedom from my parents
4. i hope to have my 'onw place',where i can have a music corner in my room
5. i hope to have a band in own room where there are drum kit,guitars,keyboards n of cos the ams!(which i dun have it now!)
6. i hope to have a fly to UK n spend a couple of months there n oso in europe!
7. i hope to form a band!hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha..i wan all of u to be back wit me...my 3kohs!
8. i hope to have a laptop,palm phone,iPOD...etc

wel,they are act lotz more tat i hardly mention all here at da same time....