i love u guy!!!muaxxxx!!!

i cried in the noon...

it was like a rollercoaster..frankly i was felt retarded when i received my audit cw from ramesh..i was so upset,part of it would be the fact that i need to redo my cw..but i wasnt in the mood to cry not until i flipped through my content pages...where he'd written the marks for each part..my heart as if was bleeding after a sword went thru it and couldnt breath for the moment..i was extremely sad when i saw my hard work in returned with a 0!!!itz was act pretty hard time for me to calm myself down...furthermore, my gang were there to look at my cw...i was so touched by them,where they found mistake that ramesh might have done in the marking,they searched for the points tat are possible to get extra marks,they even offer themselves to help me out in redoing my cw!!!!tat was the major reason for me to cry...to waste my tears..for me to get my headache and my nose and eyes red...for me to get embarrasing in front on the public..and i think itz worth it since i have such a good gang of buddiess!!!i appreciate and i love u guys!!!!i really love u guys!!!

another issue, i felt sorry to FY cos i might have hurt her feelings...i could read her thought when the moment i saw her laughter..i noe itz not truly from ya heart la...so fake !come on!how long have i noe u??kekek!!but i noe shez trying to show her openess so tat i wont be worrying on her..i noe u la!!!she dun meant tat ...jus tat every single of u guys got really high mark..and i failed for the cw..therefore, she was jus trying to encourage me in this way...shez trying to consult me in this way..she dun meant tat my dear!!she jus being over concern and worry bout me and resulted in saying those things...sorry!!!!i hope u dont take this into concern!!im really glad that u guys were concerned bout me...im so glad!!u guys are my best every buddiess!!
and everything ended up in making a mistake...heheh!!but it was worth it since my gang really showed their true colour...their hero colour!!!oh no!!!!i fall in love with my gang jor!!kekeke~~

then, we went for sports...gym+swimming..hmm,i wasnt good and experience in this ..cos usually i'l jus fast walk or joggin..but not in the gym room..and i dun even noe how to swim!!keke...and u was seriously shy to take off my clothes in front of themm..furthermore,i wasnt wearing a swimming...jus a normal under and bra will do...and the water is cold though itz noon time..luckily i din sneeze cos it might get me into trouble..though it was a hard time for me to float...and even nearly get drown...yet i have the determination since itz a way to lose weight!!!itz my goall..here i come..hehe!!!soya bean is healthy ..and therefore i need to be as healthy as he does too!!kekek!!

u are my soul..u are my nerve..
u are my star..u are my sunshine..
everything i do..will do it for u!!!!!

wooohooo!!!!!

black + blue vs mouth + foot desease

i alwis believe that everything happens in contra with another thing..there is alwis a balance between good and bad, similarly as GOD has brought the creatures of men and women to this earth...

supposingly i was extremely excited and happie cos someone appeared to have made my day..and my intuition hint that there might be something unpleasant happening around..

black + blue = CSL's fav colour match...which appeared on him..wow!!!since ever tt got the right match, itz hardly to get the exact match perfectly on..i really admire it!!but when the moment i saw him, the feeling aroused,the sense of nervousness...i really have no guts to look directly at him...i think hez the oni guy that is making me to feel this way so far!!whenever i try to look at him,my face would naturally turn into a tomato pie...and cant concerntrate,my body temperature wil heat up as i'l feel warm, and of cos the main point is my BP and pulse will be interrupted to an unsteady condition, which indirectly resulting in hormone disorder that is leading me to have the intention to scream out "i love u so much"!!!

after the excitement, here came the side effects..worries, fears and curiosity....but i dun give a damn to extend any further as this might disappoint me..im not as tough as i think,im not as easy goin as other ppl think...itz difficult for me to accept and adopt something which is out of my range of expectation as well as ability. i wanna be optimistic...but sometimes it happens to be at the opposite of the expectation and even it falls within the estimation, the progress of adoption will be disrupted by tonnes of reasons!!!in other words, im escaping from the fact...


on the other, someone has fall sick...and i was pretty sad bout it..somehow, i was impressed with myself in facing this situation...as i've mentioned,good things will be followed by bad things since good luck is not alwis there with us..in fact, i was really upset when i knew that he has fall sick until today since last fri..i tot he would have recovered since it was kinda small matter....and i saw him this morning,walking on the street with a half dead looking face...haih~~~~~~poor thing!!!the regards that i sent really meant it...but i was surprised that why didnt i have the feeling..i mean i jus feel sad and worry bout him as a best buddy, sis point of view instead of cryin like hell as i used to be..i mean mayb i might cry if something bad happen (touchwood)..somehow, i jus wana care bout him as a fren...and this feeling is real great!perhaps i've let go something...hehe!!!im really glad to care so much for a fren...and i dun bother bout wut he might think ,wut i'l get as return.....but jus to care for a fren truely deep down from my heart~~~

get well soon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~if not how to sing ar???

admire or love?

looking at the wide monitor screen,keep backspacing...figuring out wut shud i write as the content of this post....

act there were many things happened,perhaps stil happening..but im not involved into any of the situations!!anyway,im trying my best, and i think i manage to do it...there also many remedies which i have thought about...

keep myself steady and busy so tat i'l have no free time to think bout other things.

get myself to fall in love into a total new guy..hehe!!

stay away from him so tat i'l wont be getting too close with him

less commitment to keep a boundary in between...so tat i wont be thinking too much

keep thinking bout the evil side of him instead of blinded wit all those stupid things!!!

try not to avoid eye contact as this would help me to face him as well as the prob

think with open mind and accept everything with open heart...

jus look at the outside instead of inside to avoid any misunderstanding...

concerntrate on my edu as well as my plan..


i really have no idea how shud i get rid of this...soya beaa?i jus have a feeling tat i got confused with my feelings...admire or love?i got confused...of cos i do hope my bf would be like him..but....were the feelings true??or im jus being too emotional towards a guy...or even a stranger?

no music no life!

no music no life??doesnt it sound familiar??jus look up at the theme of my blog!

there have been something on recently in my club as well as my life...everyday non stop wit my coursework,tiring, exhausting....even the music clinic has caused me so much probs!but i noe i'l be tough to handle everything..im not gonna give up!i really have worries onto wutever events that have been carried out by our club...the response probably would be the major trouble..and of cos the relationship among the BOD...i dun hope to have misunderstandings or conflicts while conducting the events..i really dun wanna see this to happen among the BOD..i wan perfect chemistry!!hehe!

next,im on my way to release someone...to let go...to stop thinking onto him..to have no feelings towards him..to have oni frenship or even as a buddy to him....but the reality is holding back cos there have been many things happening around...but i'l try my very best to not to fall into the same person!!im such a loser!!!CSL>>>u are such a loser!i noe his dream gal...yet im dreaming all the days on him!this is pretty stupid!!my heart has really broken into ...trillion of pieces...for the moment there is no remedy for me to heal...perhaps time and ppl will do!!hehe!!

anyway,i was pretty impressed when i saw the poster did by them..i've been wondering who was the one tat insisted the slogan of 'no music no life'???wow....i really like it...im scare tat it might be him again....i'l be happie if bryan tells me it was his idea...however, i'l be tortured again if it was his idea!!!im so scare and tortured as everything is making me to fall deeply into him!!i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!!

red.red..red...red....

again...im scare to fall into the same hole!!i dun wan !!please save me!!

although i keep persuading myself with thousands or trillions of reasons in return to get rid out of it,itz likely difficult for me implement..it's been a habit for me to look at the MSN list when i sign in,i wonder why i've been so concern whether hez online or not..i feel secure when he is one of them..however, there isnt anything for us to chat with excluding club meeting..i mean we dun chat online even i really hope to chat with him!somehow, i have no idea wut shud i chat with him, or even saying a Hi would makes me feel awkward..there isnt any ideas and ways for me to approach him!

secondly, it has been a habit for me to have expectation on wearing the same colour shirt,same style of dressing....and of cos i hope tat we will be alwis wearing the same things!kakakakka..
anyway, we wore the similar colour today ..red!this is something incredible..for me la!

thirdly,it has been a habit for me to have expectation on seeing him everyday..i hope to see him at the bus,i hope to see him at campus,i hope to see him at cafeteria,i hope to see him at the lab...jus all the time..this feeling is jus killing me...and i feel something missing for the day when i do not noe wutz happening wit him..when hez leaving,when hez not there, when he nv come,when he appears offline.....................................

wow!!even i used to feel similarly towards tt,but i'd considered that tt has nv been thru so much with me before...whereas,this is something different...

i dun put a dare to expect anything higher..at least everyting will not fade as how it is doing now..even a best buddy will do..

im really happie!

im really happie today!!

stil rmb wut happened on monday..i went to campus in the morning and got my proposal and ideas rejected..i was pretty disappointed tat day..during the phone call, i was really emotional as when i was listening to him..a moderate tone in consulting me...as oso consulting himself at the at the same time,really calmed me down..and i worried too on his position to face Mr Wong..i missed the way he speaked on the phone..

and wut happened on today was a total turn out...i was really worried for the last few nights..non stop thinking bout the new BOD..bout how to face the new members..and oso the refunds..wow!but it seems like we are goin along with the luck..im really pleased with this..itz unexpectable cos everyone seems to be unprepared at first,looked uncertain at first..but when everything get started,we've kept the ball rolling as the dynamic has got started!!wow!!im really glad with it..at first i tot wut we've planned may jus be trash ideas...not applicable...who noes!!yeshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
and of cos the main thing tat driven me to the sky is when he asked me "you feel happie for the meeting, dont u?"...i was impressed that he noes...and notice...and rmb...tat i felt upset on monday and now im happie with it!!wel,i kept reminding myself not being overwhelmed with this...but sometimes it jus out of my control..im really happie for our club!!!!and i could see that hez happie too..and being not hesitating to go on with all the ideas though he sounds like nv bother to it...