lmy v.s. tt

if u have read my previous posts..then i should noe bout this guy which im gonna mention later...

wel,i used to like this guy so much..when i was in form 3..i admired him as a bro..as time past on,i found myself in love wit him!i really like him!i cried under my pillow when he left to further his studies...people out there just claimed tat im pretty silly,i thought da same too!whenever i see a guy which attracts me..i'l tell myself tat i like him n nobody could have replaced him..somehow,i just dunno how i feel towards him!da feelings are getting lesser n lesser as other guys appeared to be really good in my life!

i stil remember tat i used to add him in friendster,where i was soo nervous bout it!it has been a year where there are no testi,msg.....from him or from me to him!well,im trying to get myself out of it,perhaps i just wan him to my bro...i would be so happie to have such a lovely bro...sometimes,i just dun believe my feeling which i found myself dun miss him anymore,not thinking bout him anymore,where does he stand in my list?where is his position?i dun see him there instead some1 is at da top of my list!!!i felt bad bout it!

wel,i dunno whether those feelings are right or wrong until da day where i act got a chance to chat wit him on9..i was kinda happie at first...but it seemed to happed in a moment...i was kinda shocjed wit it!when my fren just added him into conversation,i was kinda nervous cos wut should i talk to him....da moment where my heartbeat wasn't there,i knew it!!!!perhaps there is some1 who just replaced him lol!he just couldn't melt me off!!!how could it be??i had waited soo long,and now came da chance to noe him better..how can it happened?!where goes my feeling?why did i feel in such a way tat i had totally no feeling at all!?so wasted!!itz all fated where i always believe in relationship!!!haha..sounds serious?anywayz,i'l be very glad if hez willing to be my bro!

im getting really sad n frustrating bout not receiving a msg from a person who i concern so much...there might a few persons,which u might be thinking,but then itz act one person...wel, i just another msg from a fren...a greeting msg for cny celebration..im erally happy to receive msgs from my frens...somehow i shouldn't be sooo greedy wit my life!i used to send him a greeting msg during xmas,but he dun reply me...this makes me never send him another greeting msg on da new year eve...all my frens were asking me to call him,msg him,chat wit him....
i would like to say tat im a gal,itz kinda tough for me to begin everything!!!u might say tat who cares if u get him...but it seems toughlol...sometimes i just feel tat im wasting my time or even think tat im pretty silly...is tat love?i mean i like some1,and u just hope hez in a good condition,living a happy life,be there for him no matter wut happen.....i dunno!?

simple

i saw him!i saw him!i saw him!!!im feeling tremendously happy!at first i just got a feeling tat i wont seeing them since this morning i just felt tat way.well,shap wasn't here but da one i concern was here!!!well,itz nice to talk to lyden,i mean hez friendly to have conversation wit..not like adrien!!

i din noe tat tt was here for his class..since i was practising so i din bother bout tat first...well,my classs started,n my teacher was asking me some kinda stupid questions...'wut did u talk wit lyden','why are u asking him things like tatle...'..well,supposingly im asking all this for my bro...but she just got misunderstood bout all this!!hahahaa!

i saw him!!!really chun to me!!he was practising in da studio while i was talking to lyden outside there...well,even i said 'hihi' to him when i past by his studio where the door just opened widely..but he din bother to reply me!i was really hurt at tat moment!forget bout itla..i wont get hurt so easily..im tough enough k!

later on,i went back to my studio n have my piano on,kept practising my exam pieces..i was really hurt wit that n tatz why i played so loudly...haha!not to attract his attetion,somehow i was trying to express myself through da music!!suddenly,i just heard someonez knocking da door...with the fingernails..well,itz himlol!hez standing outside of my studio.hahahaha!i was really happy k

'ya class just finished?'.....he din reply me a word...but just blinked an eye n gave me a smile!

i dunno how i feel now?somehow just happy n simple!da end of da story is just a 'bye' to each other...n not forgotten a smile on our faces!itz really simple!

this guy is cool!

something really nice to share wit all of u out there..i went to mahagony wit my bro n uncle raajy..well,it was pretty excited at first cos music instruments will drive me crazy everytime!we went up n supposingly i was searching something for my fren..however,something stupid happened!

somehow,i felt one kinda of strong energy just lead me to tat room...where there are lotz a guitars inside shown!!itz truely awesome to me...hahah!my bro just tried out the guitars there...well,this guy(bob which i think so)was really nice to us...hez wearing blue!!!same as me..hahaha!bro wanna buy an acoustic guitar...i think he should just have one there cos those guitars there are pretty good..clean n solid,nice design...but da prices are not cheaplol!he also tried out for us with a jazzy mood song...tatz really cool k!i just melted there...hahah!hez really chun!how i wish he would have tried out da elect guitars...wowow!then should be perfect for da day!i really wish tat..hahaha!

i just feel no mood today..dunno why...supposingly i would be very happy since friday is da day where i can see all of them!!but....emmm,i felt weird!!??somehow,i just dun feel anything!how i wish to have classes everyday,then i can study wit my gang,chill out wit them..itz really fun k!i mis my gang so much...i never felt like this b4?usually i would always thinking of tt...edd....n may be other people..but now,i mis my classmate!!!!i felt myself so stupid to say tat!

black + blue

finally i got my lesson back on friday as usual,finally i could have da chance to meet them again!!if u ask me who would i put da priority to...well, i think u should have known da answer if u are really a best fren of mine!i dun mean i just like one of them..somehow,i would have a stronger feeling towards the other one!
back to da lesson..well, i reached there 30 minutes be4 my class began...wel, my bro was giving me a chance to talk to t.edd!hahahaha!eddie is not teaching bass guitar...so wasted!!!but just grabbed a chance to see him in a better n clearly view on tat day!even he always appear as a 'drug addict',hez stil cool wit his serious face while having class wit tat little gal..how i wish to be one of his students...haih!further more hez gorgeous in white polo T...only black n white,no others!hez really cool n manly!!
i went to da studio which i would have to pass by 'their' studio..well, they were not there..only lynden..haih!some1 just told me tat tt has changed his hairstyle!!i wanna see!!!!she said itz totally different from da previous one!!!how would it be huh..i was really curious bout tat!
later,my teacher kept asking me to follow her down to get my dvd..frankly i was kinda lazy to get myself move since i was waiting for some1 to come..haha!i ended up to get down n get it...when i opened da door..some1 really chun had appeared in my view..some1 who changed his hairstyle,some1 who was wearing a black T shirt,a very familiar long peggy pant...i just gave him a smile...sincere n happy smile on my face..haha!i got myself so excited!!!!i could feel my heart beat was getting to 130/min..around tat!!!i could my body was warming up by itself...somehow i just felt like screaming at tat moment!u might say tat im kinda hilarios..or even crazy..but this was how i felt!
hez such an adorable guy!with his smile on his face could act melt me off entirely!we hi to each other..well, even sounds kinda strange but i was happy to see him anyway!he was paying for some musical tools,which i thought so..."u changed ya hairstyle..hahaha",he was smiling n just touched his head wit his hand...well,itz really short,something like thiery henry..he jus looks like a traning army..really chun!
"why so short?i prefer the old one..nicerlol.....hahahahaha"i said."nice wut....i dun have to comb my hair anymore...haha"was wut he replied...well, sorry if i had comment something bad bout ya hair..sorry dude!
anyhow,i would just say tat hez awesome no matter how he is...hez stil da top-listed guy in my heart!!!!!!

yippie yummy!

monday was my first day to coll..well,not to say first day cos i'd been studied there for a year..but this day was something special..cos im new yet i feel familiar wit da enviroment n people there!

first of all,i would like to thank my dear fren kar mun for cheering me up!i think she should have understand wut im talking bout!thanks to giving me guts for da school reopen..hahah!wel,itz really fun!i met my bros n sis...i was really high in talking bout guys n jamming wit bro!itz really chun man!!!hez teaching me to approach to the guys tat i like!wow!wut a great bro he is huh!however,itz tough to do it cos i like him!itz pretty much different!i mean the ways to treat da guy that u like.....haih!
i miss gangka!!!so long time i've never been there...i mis da ice lemon tea!milo kosong panas is my fav!so nice to chill out wit my bro n sis!!!!!and oso my uncle raajy..hahaha!i mis them a lotlol..but every1 seems to leave here..haih!well, itz kinda sad but i would want them to leave as soon as possible instead!i hope they can have a better working enviroment out there..i hope they enjoy their lives out there..i hope they wont suffer like how they used to be here..i hope they can do well in their jobs!itz pretty happy to hear tatlol!

one thing tat made me happy was something tat i never expected really happened on monday!!i saw kai n chin ping!!!!i have my two frens who studied lcci wit me last here are now studying DIA wit me now!!!!im so pleased to see them in da classroom!!!noe wut?when i entered da class n settled down everything,i saw some1 in a blue shirt which gave me a feelings in a sudden..tt!i dun mean tat guy sitting there was tt...but somehow i just felt that ttz there cos da shirt tat hez wearing was wut tt usually wears!i was so impressed n curious bout whether hez my classmate or not since we were a combination of different courses...then kai n i went to chin ping,who just sat beside him...we went on wit our sense of curiousity..haha!hez name is eric,he sounds like a china guy..well,tall n pinkish...really cute!!we shook hands n i could feel tat his hand was pretty warm...hahahahah!well,i did know a clasmate too...and hez name is a-yuen..well,sounds kinda chinese but hez a left-hander!!!hez from kepong..and kinda shy guy..haha!i was pretty sad cos i din get to noe many people..i noe it takes time but i really hope to have more frenslol!

everything has back

not meeting my frens..not meeting tt n shap..school life is begining...pressures n arguments...disagreements n predicaments..etc are back to my life once again!

however this has taught me not to take things for granted,i'l appreciate wutever tat i have now,jus remind me not to demand so much,dun expect too much from others n oso from myself,if not i'l get disappoited easily..finally i realised this man!

im really sad with it..eventhough i might not see him if my lesson is on friday,somehow i jus feel happy n contented jus to have some 'little things' with it..eventhough he never talk to me but i feel secured to see him!i have always wonder wut is he doing now?howz his life doing?is everything fine in his life?if he never come for lesson,inquirements arise...wutz wrong with him?has he got sick!?wherez he,has he gone overseas for a holiday?taking a break for his tests?practise sections for some other performances?all da stupid things jus stucked in my mind tat makes my brain hardly function!i cant concerntrate on my scales,i cant concertrate on my exam pieces,i cant concerntrate on my aural...etc.
dun u think im really stupid n mad bout this guy!?please tell me da truth cos i felt tat too!anyhow,i jus like him soo much!i really luv his personalities!!!!!i dun wish to have any relationship between,wut i want itz jus fren!
lovers
noe wut?my fren jus sent me something called..itz a tickle test..itz act some ways to cheer u up when u r feeling down or something fun thing...i did da love test..wow!even i shouldn't take it seriously but it sounds real..itz act a test to roughly figure out wut typr of people tat u are act searching in ya life all this while..if u've set ya own then just see whether da test has got ya thing out correctly or not..if not then this is da time for u to noe whoz ya rite one!?i mean itz jus an idea..nothing much!but da results n analysis were jus match with why in my mind..haha!go try out at web.tickle.com

haih...

wut im trying to avoid is coming back to my life again,im kidan tired with it!i dunno wut to do..can someone just help me out of this?!
perhaps u might say itz not a prob at all,but im pretty scare to handle such a situation!i thought im getting older as my dad will jus give me a little bit of freedom..i mean i wanna rely on myself,stop making decisions for me,stop da inquirements..etc.i jus wanna have a normal life where i can always chill out with my frens..my best ever frens!he jus cant believe me tat im act getting mature each day..im not da used-to-be-daughter,i know wut to do in my life,i know myself well,i know wherez my boundary,i know my frens,i know wut should i do n not,he should jus know more bout me..listen to wut i say,my opinions in life,my everything!
there are so many things happening recently tat make me feel uncomfortable..i really wanna get out of it n have a rest!life is like a battle..pressures from family,frens,people around u...etc.sometimes they jus think itz good for me but i dun think so!they might think itz jus something really simple n i should have done it very well,but sometimes they dun understand da predicaments n tension which i have to face..
perhaps i gotta do something considered fun with my frens but i might just have to pay for it in another way..i mean something i gain n i'l lose something at da same time..but i dun wan this to happen!itz horrible!u wont know how i feel if u've never been through it!

another thing which makes me wanna turn on da pc n jus blog out!i won be seeing tt n shap anymore!im really sad with it my fren!i have waited for my term holiday to finish n some1 jus told me tat i cant have my lesson on friday..my teacher jus cant make it!im really sad man!i was kinda excited this morning cos my teacher may call me to confirm with my new time table,she promised me to get a friday class for me..but who knows..haih!!!im really down now,even wanna cry cos things tat i dun wan n i dun hope to happen is coming to me at da same time!i really have no idea bout solving them!can i jus run away until everything has settle by itself!?u may say im so irresponsible rite?give me some ideas?????somehow,they may not be there too since hez gonna finish his A level..i think he may be going overseas to further his studieslol!wut a sad thing man!im really sad with it!wanna cry!!!!!!!!!!!

2006..hurray!!!

im getting one year older!!!wut to say bout year 2006..of cos i hope everything will be fine!somehow,i just feel tat my new year'eve count down was kinda meanigless...
my family n i went to a shopping complex n had dinner,shopped around..celebrated count down with 'so many 'people..well,i felt itz kinda unique cos we din know one another yet we felt happy n excited waiting for year 2006!well,we went home early.something played in my mind in a sudden at tat moment..those memories in my mind just rewind by itself..i thought of so many things..first of da most wut had i done to my dad,which makes me feel soo bad n guilty ;those frens i knew throughout da year;wut had we done together,either bad or good,but they are meaningful;wut had i learnt in a year;my reflection on da reality world out there;how mature im compared to january;something meanigful tat i'd done in da year tat makes brings no regrets to me;da people tat i like throughout the year..hahah n etc!i felt year 2005 meant a lot to me..itz like a 'break' in my life!at da beginning of da year,i was really sad cos my dad asked me to enrol lcci,where i wanted to do my automotive engineering foundation..i told him tat i hate business studies!somehow i just have da interest cos i met people who really cheers me up!
meanwhile,i prayed so hard be4 00.00 really comes!i really hope tat all my wishes will come true in da year!they are all simple..haha!u know wut?i was so pissed off when i wanna send greetings to all my frens where sendings all failed!i wanna let the msg to be received at 00.00!!!!when 00.00 really came,i was kinda dissapointed cos my cell phone din ring!!!!!!i called my fren and just couldn't reach them!thanks kah sim!u were da first person tat called me after 00.00..haha!i really appreciate tat!i waited n waited so long for a phone call,but he din call me,not even a msg,not even an email!i waited til 1 something...n just ended up with fallinf asleep!i was disappointed tat he never called me!this call seems inportant n meaningful to me!i stil remember we celebrated new year last year..with all da alchoholoc drinks mixed together..ended up with everybody got drunk be4 00.00 really came..haha!i missed those days!i think he might not be back with me for cny..haih!i wish u happy new year here!