let's pray for them

we cant control the natural disaster...but we can avoid from being involved....we are willing to give any forms of aid to the victims....

"Yogya in grief", the headline of today's The Star Newspaper....where a picture showing a man carrying his lifeless nephew out from the collapesed buildings,bloods and tears flooded everywhere..we are save though,and we may not able to picture or sense how they feel without overcome the situation...thatz why i have to thank GOD for keeping us healthy and away from the disaster...therefore,we shud help the unfortunate one,or seek help for them,at least pray hard for them!

fearful!

holidays...

supposingly shud be something really fun with..but it seems the opposite in my life!haih....no inspiration,no directions at all...wut i can do is differ from wut i wanna do!the words are clear in my mind until today.."we went to KLCC...","we walked under the rain...","we then went to the NZ embassy since we've planned in migrating there...","get a house n cars...jobs,stay there....."i cant do anything,rite?
i would have be so happy with my fren who gets a good partner in life... however,i feel upset when i heard bout it..i got so jealous tat why has he be so fortunate to have such nice person in life..so unfair!
recently i've been thinking the same question in my mind...which puts me in fear....since ever some of the ppl around me are claimed to be homosexual,wel,i dun put down on them or even treating them one kind,instead,i'l treat them real good so to let them feel that they are not alienated or discriminated by the society.....somehow,i just do not hope the one i love falls here!im being so fearful that some one i love would just admit that he cant like me due to this;or i'l get hurt cos the guy likes another guy...etc!it seems to be diminishing..i mean i got lack of confidence with the men around me though we are close to each other...i dunno when shud i believe them n when are they telling lies....

finanlly i got my exams finished!!!!im feeling so free now...

i din have such feeling when i got my LCCI exams finished last year,what appeared in my mind was sadness where i would not met my frens...being apart with them...but i know we'll be studyin togather very soon after the exam break..

this exam has been such a torturing period for me..first of all,i've been hoping to do well in the exam so to prove to my family that im not playing a fool in my study though im not really interested in studying...i hope they'll put a trust on me in this way...next,i've feeling so down since my firts subject began,u shud have und through my previous posts...i thought he could save me in the sense that i can get tt out of my mind..who knows things is getting worsen from time to time...i thought hez the best guy of all i met...frankly,im so disappointed to him...i couldn't have believed that til now...i hope itz all lies...i rather hope to see a gal beside him than a guy,which is also a fren of mine!!perhaps i can release myself during the break,where im not meeting them..can u imagine that his 'gf' told me wut happened in their relationship,their future plans,their lives...etc..i really cant stand it anymore....i really wanna cry when he told me all that n yet im listening to him with a smile on my face!u might say that im trying to trouble myself rite?i know he wanna share his happiness with me...he wanna share his love life,sweet stories..etc..and one more thing which made me hardly concerntrate during my exam...where i nearly cried out...both of them are planning to migrate to NZ!can u imagine that he told me just before my exam started!!im really sad with it...u'l never know if u never came across the situation...itz really killing!can u imagine my tears just dripped off when im revising with my gang in the library!?me myslef dun even know why?

another prob in my life is frenship!i hope to help him n treat him as my best fren...but things are happening where i feel unsecure with this fren...can u imagine that he asked me to send him the answers in the multiple choice section via hp!????and he even said that he treats me as good fren..n thatz why he asked me to help him !!i dun mind of spending time in teaching him,or even tuition...but i just feel that hez so scary sometimes..and i felt so cheated today..i came out from the exam room n he did after a few minutes...i was really glad that he did everything by himself...this was wut i thought not until someone told me that he had actually copied from the notes!!!!i thought he would have changed his mind..i got really disappointed with him!

feeling insecure!

few days had just past on..and i have 3 more subjects to go..

do i sounds recovered?this is wut i hope so..but the fact is not really!i cant concerntrate on my study,i tried my very best to do it..but it doesn't work!i cant stop thinking of it!the one that i like so much,where i thought i could have let go someone and pay 100% attention on him!i thought he could save me up,but it seems even serious than the previous case!i feel so stupid with wut i've done...how could i like him at the first place?!i keep cracking my head with this question....i got deeply hurt this time,which i've never felt before....i may accept him to be togather with my frens,but not a guy!and this guy is so good to me where i treat him as my bro!how could my bro being togather with the one that i like!?itz pretty suffering for me to accept this....n stil i have to face them!can u imagine im helping tat bro to deal with his prob between the one i like??or u may say his partner!im trying to consult him to stand tough..treat him calmly....give him freedom...etc!in exchange of this,i got tears and sadness..furthermore,i just found to be strange to one of my frens,i should have known that he may not be honest to me...or he is being honest to me..nevertheless,i just listen wut he says and get into myself after that!im trying to believe his words,somehow,too many ppl have told me the other sides of him...which i've never seen that before,perhaps i dun hope to see that one day!anyhow,i have no idea when is he saying the truth or telling the lies!perhaps,simple makes life easier and happier!perhaps i should have put a trust on him so not to destroy the frenship!my fren asked me to beware of his sweet words..n this makes me feel insecure when dealing with him!!im really curious of his words everytime we talk or discuss some issues.wut shud i do then?i know i should trust my frens.....but..........u will never know if u without experiencing such situation.

im laughing when im crying...hahah!

continue from the previous post...

first of all,i would like to tell mun that they is invigilator but then she has to take care of too many ppl,thatz why they cant bother too much...thatz why they have chance to come n asked me questons cos i was sitting outside at the stairs n waited for my frens...sharon,do u think im daring??i dun noe wut shud i do...but i just thought of helping my frens...but of cos i wont make myself to get into trouble...

anyhow,im kinda in a trouble now!!!!i need u guys to help me out of my prob!!!i need ya opinions!!!tatz really important to me...i've keep reminding myself...just trust myself!!!but sometimes the enviroment will just influence me...wut they say will always influence my point of view definitely!tat makes me feel worry bout it!wel,i think i may start my story now...

i just finished my exam..my very first sub of the course,i was really happie cos it was fine to me...i was supposed to be very happie for the day cos everything seems to be perfect for the day!i've got all my frens here,i've got the one that i like to send me a msg,i thought i would be really excited for the whole day!!but this didnt last long!i knew something unpleasant might going to happen this week since i was really happie last friday...this really came to be a truth.i saw my fren,D n we talked..i asked him,since he has turned to be so differ recently,as a fren,i would always concern bout their conditions,he told me his prob..which i was really happie to it since hez willing to share with me:
"he met this gal few months ago..shez from hong kong...they have good feelings towards each other n turned to be a couple lately....but shez kinda moody in treating him....that makes him feel like dying!he hardly concerntrate on his study...n his examz on during the week...many of his frens have been trying to consult him since they are worried bout him!i noe hez a very serious person in dealing with relationship....he was really unhappie n tend to walked around...he went to mid valley at last...after that,he wanted to see this gal,we therefore called n asked her whether shez around at home or not...n she said yes,but when he saw her with another guy in the house watching some kinda drama!!"

i was really pity him n tend to give him a hug as a fren..he just warned me not to do so cos H was there,i thought he knew tat i fancy him........but the fact is not!HE is the SHE!!!!!my mind was blanked at that moment!i was confused!!"will u prejudice me?" D asked me.hez a gay n the partner is H!!!!!!how could it be???i feel like crying even im just typing out here!of cos i've nv treat them differently cos i dun really mind bout it..but why is this happening to me?D told me H was the one who started everything..he was the one that asking him to have a relationship...of cos i wont believe rite?we then went up n eh showed me some 'evidence'!both inboxes are fulled with the msgs sent by H to D!n the there is one word keep appearing in every msgs..'honey'...yucks!!!!!!!!!!i really couldnt stand it n my tears just dripped off!"i just wake up,i'l call u later!honey!"..."where are u?honey!im feeling hungry..how bout u?"..i cant even type it out!!how could he?my heart just broke off....n D just knew that i like H too!!but some one just told them that i like D..n tatz why he dun bother bout me when i talk to him!n the worst thing was that we even had lunch togather!they have no idea that i knew this....i was trying to act as normal...just talked to eric as usual..n i was so dam angry with eric!H n him are good frens,but he has being so supportive to me to approach H!!wut has he trying to do huh?"i treat u as my best fren, n see how u have treat me!"i hinted to him..i didnt dare to say out since H was there,until when we finished the lunch n both of us talked bout this.."why are u doing this to me?cant u see them being togather?why are u keep supporting me to do so?"i questioned him."u think they are gay?i can guarantee u...for sure not!i dun treat my fren so nicely if hez a gay!"he told me confidently.how am i not supposed to believe it?the evidence just persuading me to believe it!i hardly put a trust on them since then,not even eric!i found them to be too tricky!

i went to library n revised with my gang..i just hardly concerntrate..itz like a drama n the day havent end yet...my fren noticed me n we went to have a talk...she listened to me n i cried out when telling her...i was trying to get rid of it..later on we went to have an ice cream,someone wave to me n asked to have a talk..itz D!he told me that H din reply his msg,H din go back to his own house,he has suspected him to be gather with eric..hahaha!!tat shud be something funny man!hez so suspicious!i then called eric n asked where is he now...hez at home,he thought that i dwas crying n consulted me..n Ddun dare to call H!they asked me wut had i talked to eric...i just told them..i din noe that this has brought a bigger trouble to A!they thought that eric would have told H bout this...which makes Hrefused to bother bout D!i felt even guilty bout that,n msg eric.."will u promise me,if not i'l hate u forever,i'l never forgive u for that,im serious k!"it took me a long time to type out cos i was writting it in chinese..haha!"i dun know why?can u tell me?wut did i do to make u so?"...i was feeling so guilty bout it!!i intended to give him a call.."wut we have said just to be kept between us k!tatz all i wan it to be...i dun hope other parties will know bout it..i dun wan other ppl to be involved..."i was really rude to him on the phone.my gang was so surprised by me!i was really angry with him though he might not have told H bout it!i felt that he cant be trusted!i then went home..Dcalled me n we talked for a long time,they apologised to me where they felt they have being rude to me..i dun mind cos i really felt bad for it!throught the conversation with him,i discovered something,D is kinda suspicious with H,n the relationship sounds unsteady,or u may say that H is trying to get rid of him!

ridiculous

my exam just began this morning...everything seems to be fine until i finished everything n came out early n seated at the stairs...was waiting for my frens appearence...

i saw someone in green shirt,he was walking towards our exam rooms,hez zeng hui.he had exam too in the morning..tatz why i sent him a msg to wish him..he did replied..haha!i was really happy at that moment...we were talking there...n jerry was out..i just found this guy to be rather arrogant...which i dun realised last time..n gal came out from the exam asked me a question bout the exam paper!!i was kinda shocked n just told her..am i doin the wrong thing??suddenly,eric came out n asked me how to answer the last question!!!!!!!!how should i reject him??i dun dare!!!!i just asked him to refer to the answers from MCQ where there was a question similar to the required answer in the last section!!he asked me to sms him the answer n jus rushed back to his place!!how could he do this to me!?i was standing outside the room...n he even showed me the question which he couldnt answer throught the side window!!!!!!!please dun treat me in such a way k!!the invigilator might fail me if she have see that!!how could he??i jus walked away n asked told another fren bout it...they just asked me not to bother bout it!!haha!

to be continued.......

hey!!the battle will be starting on this wednesday!!my first sub!!!im so nervous bout it....

many things are happening n i tend not to update here..i've so lazy bout blogging last few days.letz begin with last friday.i went to college to revise with my gang of frens,to the place where we usually hang,i was kinda surprised when eric told me he wanted to come to college to ask me some questions on the past year papers.wel,i've always help my fren..haha!!n he said he'l bring someone as well!it was around 1.30pm n i had planned to leave there at 2.30pm to have my practice,i did something stupid!!i tend to left there at 3pm,which i wouldn't have time for my practice before my lesson starts..haha!i was really happie when leo was here,n berry came for a moment,wel,hez always the gorgeous one among his gang...but this is not the point to it...

my guitar class ended at 4pm n i saw eddie was there with pat!!!i thought their class supposed to end at 3.45pm,then i intend to say hi to pat..haha!!that was the best thing when a cool guy plays my fav song...thanks to pat man!eddie is so sweet though he sounds like a rock person...hez playing is clear n the chords are perfectly played out!"we can perform this song,i'l be playing the guitar,u'l be playing the piano...then have a few more players around..."he told me.that shud be really cool k!however, i was so happie with that,i thought this would be the most happy thing in my life for the day...who knows the roller coaster has just started!i saw a person which i love so much,i've so mad bout him,i've admired him so much,i've not seen him for ages.......tt!i was taken aback,i know that hez not learning on friday n i intend to stay back n have my practice until 6.30pm!how could it be huh???itz all fated....kekekekekeke!

anyway,i would like to mention here..specially dedicated to kar mun..haha!noe wut?i was so impressed when we chatted last night..i din realised that u did think the same as me..i mean some of them...i thought u might not und i mean,instead we are kinda same too...hahah!

secondly,to my dear dear,bout our 'sis'...haha!that shud be cool man!obviously!!i hope they can have a happie ending..hahah!my sis wo...if he comes oftenly then he can help me to infa some songsmer..rite?am i being cruel to him???no rite??????

last but not least,my luvly n handsome bro!!!i hope u have received my mail...itz kinda long but i really hope it helps ula....u shud noe ya sis me kinda supportive for u towards ya music rite????jus to say here,life wont be perfect,but at least not regrets!

untitled!

im feeling so dam low now!!!i really wanna say out but then i hope my words wont hurt anyone....n i have to say sorry for beig rude to u guys!

lately i feel that the ppl around me change n this is a normal thing in life rite??i wont ignore it whereby im trying to get myself used to it!n im forcing myself so difficult to go it!!i noe itz not a good thing but i dun hope to get lack out with that...but sometimes i really feel exhausted cos i dun hope to disappoint them..but i dun wanna stress up myself to get used to it!!!i feel kinda reluctant to do that..perhaps i have done it i exchange of unhappiness in my life!i dun meant to hurt them but then i dun wanna make myself get hurt as well!!im feeling so dam sad cos im so worried that i might get left far behind there...but i dun feel like doing it at the same time...i dun wanna force myself any more!thatz enough!!!perhaps u may say that im being too selfish...i should have think of other ppl before telling all this craps here rite?i alreay tried my best..i dun hope to face the same situation for the second time....i dun dare to cry in front of my frens cos they may think that im too sensitive or emotional...i really wanna tell u bro!!!i dun intend to tell my sis cos she has been so dam sad bout her project...i dun wanna trouble u!!!perhaps i might tell u later bout my prob!i really hope that hez here to consolt me when im feeling so down....im running out of idea bout what is gonna next...wut should i do...but i would always question myself at the first place:am i doing the right thing?i would always ask my frens bout it...n listen to their opinions....perhaps there are other alternatives in dealing the same prob...

im so dam over exhausted!!!!!!!my exam is just around the corner...NO!..should be next week...i din practice my piano exam pieces at all...n my teacher is going to lecture me...sooner or later,i might started to dislike my piano lesson...wel,i have less interest in that!im so dam worried bout my sem 1 exam!!!though ppl around me keep saying that itz easy n itz just the beginning...but i really hope to do well in that exam...i wanna prove to my family that im serious in my study!!im not playing a fool in my study!somehow,i just feeling that my sister n my dad dont put a trust on me!!this make me lost my freedom!!they think that i dislike wut m i studying now!frankly,i would say maybe n i did thought of that...but i dun bother bout the subject that im studying or bout my interest...i jus wanna study!!!i dun bother!i jus wan my freedom!i wan my style!i dun wanna treat my frens in such a way that im supposed to making them satisfied!thatz not me!sometimes,i really dun like explaining to them...i dun wanna bother!!i jus wanna say "oo...","ok...",hmmm...nothing much to talk bout it..."...or perhaps just a smile!i think this should be better!!at least i dun have to crack on my head to think of any reasons or explanations....sometimes,i found there is no topics amomg us n im forcing myself to figure out some kinda nonsense n just bring it out when a moment we have zero things...only a silent moment with the air flowing!i hate that n this has changed me to become a talkactive person!i stil rmb one of my frens told me that she prefers me to talk n laugh instead of being silent!i sounds weird n arrogant in that way!!since then,i crap all the time...n this has naturally become part of my features!!!therefore,my frens would found me unpleasant if im not talking for that day...or maybe a moment!im an easy-going person in their point of view n i dun have any idea bout myself!i prefer to see myself in others' point of view!!perhaps they might say im fake,inmoral,arrogant....etc...n wut i can response is "ooo...ok..."n just get to know myself better!

somehow,i jus feel that there is 'trend'..i dun believe that at first...i thought things wont be as like wut other ppl told me..perhaps i was too stupid at that time...back to this,ppl will behave in this way when they are approach to that situations..n the equility wont maintain all the time...the lifestyle would be differed...perspective of thinking may not equal..

last but not least,thanks bro for giving the support indirectly!i appreciate that!of cos im excited bout that!music brings us alive rite???once again i would like to apologize for being rude...much love to everyone!peace*

back n red

im sitting in da pc lab..feeling so dam boring!!!i feel like crying...for wut??i think itz meaningless to mention it out!

somehow,i jus feel like i've being so lost in my life..bad things are happening every moment in life n i do nothing to it!wut i can do is jus pray hard...listen to them....everything sounds like drama...n i think it only happens in the scripts...n espress in form of movies,series,plays...etc. who knows the 'drama' is happening in real life!recently i jus heard many sad cases happening n i jus cant give them a hand!i feel so sad!!i believe in fate...n everything has been arranged by GOD!i believe in that...i really feel like giving him a punch(i mean my cousin in law)!!!!im so disappoited towards him!!i hate him..i thought hez the right one for my cousin!!i put him a trust though he sounds naive at that time...he has convinced me by the way he treats my cousin...i was so happie cos my cousin has finally found her right one!who knows things are even worse than the 'drama'!my cousin couldn't have been hurt so deeply if we refused to agree the marriage at that time!perhaps.we have destroyed her life!i love my cousin so much,i've been hoping things to be fine in her life all this while..i might be impossible for them to last forever,but at least please dont hurt her in such a way!hez being too inhuman...how could he being so cruel n brutal to my cousin???don't they have love each other though divorving is making them being aprt???he has no moral at all!he has lost his mind!!!i couldn't picture that!!perhaps this is the other of him!!n the true colour of him is black n red!