not a moment of silence

WOWOW...not enough of K time~~

i felt worth it even i've spent half of my day doing nothing bout my assgt, but having time wit them ^^ tat day i felt of singing so eagerly and decided to ask ling out for K session. who noes her fren invited her in advance and we ended up with a decision of having 3 couples for this K session..wowowo~3 couples!anticipation of it, of all weekdays of assgt and exam revision, finally FRI has make my life ^^ however, babe jus told me that he couldnt make it since he was kinda broke, my response was .....despite i tried calming down my emotions to be understanding and think on his situation, somehow i couldnt, not even a moment, perhaps i got fed up and frustrating with these happening repeatedly, and he jus had my words, i jus shoot it without bothering his feelings...COOL~~~~~first time ever for CSL that not been bothered by anything...im improving..keke~however, when he intended to figure out to resolve the prob, it felt guilty..hahaha~~but i din get bothered wit it and continue for my ridiculous emotional request..kekekek~

the day has come, itz FRIDAY~YEAH~~~~i was pretty nervous at first, since we've been hanging out usually with ling and lui, but not kayson and YK...furthermore, im doubtful how would babe response to their status once he noes it...wowo~unexpectable he was pretty fine with it and even trying to hav fun wit us!!!COOL~~~i've make a new fren today-kayson^^ first impression was this guy is CUTE!i mean CUTIE PIE~~i would say his behaviours oppose to babe, so itz galish , my statement for it would be^^ but i've got another ji mui perhaps ^^
in fact, today was the first time ever kayson having K session wit his darling, YK..hoho~~as well as me wit them too ^^ i nv agree to wut ling told me previously bout YK that he was a screamer instead of singer, even not until i've heard it wit my own pair of ears !!!HUA KAO~~~typical screamo, but perhaps this is his style of singing and his tonality and voice control are in this method, so jus remain no comment ^^finally i believe why ling enjoys having K session wit me..hehe!!

the cutest thing was when ling got pissed off that lui failed to cover off his screamo loud voice and ended up hearing nothing of his singing, yet he's tried and failed with speechless tone but wanting to eat the mic off...kakakak~~i'l nv forget that picture of moment in front of me that made me kept laughing...they are competing for voices...COOL~~

although i din manage to sing a song duet with my babe, somehow i felt really great that my babe was there wit me while i had fun time wit my frens, isnt it the best thing to have ??hehehe
unfortunately fun time was nv long lasting and jus ended up in bout 3 hours, we decided for a bowling session, for a 3 couples frenly match..OMG~~~are u kidding me??frenly match on bowling??swt~~~~~i really hope i wouldnt be the spoiler to babe cos my target is alwis to get more than 50..kakakka~~however. it seems that i've improve today ^^..although not being the first team to lead, who cares cos it was so much laughters and joy in there ^^

later me and babe went for a game of pool playing..wowoow!!this is wut i like, pool!!not to be forgotten, ARCADE ^^ felt tiring and enough for the day, then met up wit them for yum cha session. they were there after buying movie tickets, joined them for a chat ^^ LING, i wil nv forget liverpool and man u ...kakakak!!!chatting is nice when consensus is found in the group, therefore itz fun and funny ^^at least not a moment of silence ^^

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change..

i totally agree with this statement that i've read from a book while revising on the subject of learning and managing change, a subject of my course. i pretty interested into this sub since it talks bout the implementation change and other strategic managements in organizations. the topics were though for the application in corporations, some are seems to be applicable in life too~i've alwis having my time in figuring out wut the authors meant by their words...GREAT~~ ^^

back to the statement, perhaps my thoughts of it would be partially satisfying, somewhat there are ppl who alwis been hurt by their love one, yet they nv give up!!it happens with the 2 folks that stay as my neighbour next door, im pretty sure they love their son very much. i've never seen him talking in a nice tone with his parents since we moved in when i was still having fun time at kindergarden. could u imagine that for years he has been 'yelling' at them..the mother would rather asked for help from my dad for fetching her to the place that she wanted to instead of her son...HOLY~wut is he been doing as a son???i have been witnessing for N times that hez been scolding them, yelling at them, very loudly until i could heard it from my bathroom...OMG~~they are old, undeniable, and even if they would have treated him badly during his childhood, arent they deserve a life like wut they are experiencing now??even im jus an observant, would feel harsh and sympathetic to them, how would he even treated them like this???i wouldnt picture how they live under the same roof....the father is having Parkinson disease and the mother has been having problem with her leg...sigh~~could u imagine that the son even yelled at them to switch off the alarm when the alarm of the house stayed on after the recovery of the electricity?could u picture that he even hon them with himself sitting inside the car???how would i wish could throw a big rock onto his car...kekek~~
somehow, wut i wanna say is they nv get fed up even he treats them so badly, all becos of love, that makes a connection among them, and they nv give up onto him...he shud be relief~~


for me, i've been wondering whether or not i'l change if something do make me got hurt deeply. it could be accumulations of the feelings that hurting me continuously...perhaps i'l then consider bout having a slight change, or even a transformational change..hehe~

stress yet happie

wowo...stress yet happie ^^

woke up pretty early in the morning...was kinda blur, slept pretty early ytd night though, felt tiring, perhaps din sleep well during the night due to tension...woke up for the preparation of food for my lovely frens ^^ was pretty happie while making the pasta, but nervous at the same time cos how would they response to it rite...kakakak~~really anticipating for their feedback...I NEED IT~~kaka~~cos it bothers me...kekeke~

anyway, reached their house, they jus woke...hahah~~lazy bum bum, but then they slept at the time when i woke up ..OMG~~happie when they share funny and cute videos wit me...i noe that they were trying to release my stress, trying to have a warming time wit me...hahahah~~they then started to eat my pasta...OMG~~~~~~~~~ling likes the sauce...kekek~~my self-homemade bologneise sauce nehh..kakakak~~and i was saying and kept bla bla bla that my babe alwis dun eat this one, dun eat that one...kaka~~~when i said my babe asked me not to put tomatoes, spring onion or pepper, i'l put even more then ..purposely sumore...hheheheheh~~~HL remained silent...konon nia he oso like that..hahah...dislike tomatoes..kkakakak~~~no wonder he remain silence oo..kakakakak~

no matter how hard they've tried to release my stress, somewhat i stil felt stress cos of my own study and assgt, and of cos im worried bout my babe, his exam today~~i hope he could do it well...^^ but dun hope to tension him or wut, therefore jus sending a simple sms to him .. ^^

after that, i felt better with the talks and laughters, then having a really great session wit ling...gals are alwis happie when comes to shopping, make up, things that making ourselves feel better and more confidence...hahah~~~we really laughed a lot..cos the first try out was...KAKAKAKKA~~she even said horrible, but jus bcos of the gel eyeliner, and we were laughing there for so long until the gel became dry little...and tat gal has a supeerb single...COOL~~sorry to say that..but this is her unique, that i felt really happie to make a single eyelid make up so nicely ..AW~~~with the glittering silver gel eye shadow, the eye brown, the foundation cream, the blusher...and last but not least the fake eye lashes...woww~~the peak of the make up session..hehe~~~i hope she could look really gorgeous on the day itself...hehehe~~my fren, our masterpiece...YEAH~~~i shud have drawn together wit her, so that we would be looking ugly together..kakakaka~~~
at the mean time, babe called me up , he wanted to share wit me that he passed the exam~~tat moment i really had nothing to say...i jus hope to hug and kiss him...i felt really happie ~~i felt as if we've overcome something together and he'd done it ...finally he've tried it successfully ...something that he tried and the result came out to be wut it would be for the effort...i hope he could carry on his determination and hope this success would bring motivation and confidence into his study life.. ^^ u make it babe~~u can do it babe~~muackz~

btw, i really like the green tea that u've made for me..itz real nice ~~i love it~~and the fried yam stick...wowo~~i think ubi kentang wil be nicer..kakakk~and the pasta aint as healthy as u guys think, cos i put much butter for the cooking..hahahha~~


muackz~~i love u babe, i love u guys..my lovely frens ~

CSL is stupid and silly

I HATE IT~~~~ i really hate it ~~

i dun like to ask so much...why wouldnt u tel me instead of me asking u so many questions? isnt this sharing ? or merely asking and answering ? somehow, i would say i dun like this way.... cos it makes me feel as in im jus nothing to u , or like not part of ya life..haha~~i noe im way too demanding...but when i give my heart to u , i hope to have ya heart in the same way too...

i was so glad that u intended to call me, out of the blue, u intended to share ya probs wit me...tat moment i felt really sweet although u were kinda pissed off..haha~at least u choose to share wit me...THIS IS WUT I WAN~

but then i really made an inquiry whether u'l tel me wut happen or not.. i noe for sure u'l tel me if i asked...so i decided not to throw the question to u at first, and waited whether u'l tel me by yaself or not.. and i realised that u din even bother to tel me bout tat not until i've pointed out the question..kakakak~~CSL is too smart ~~COOL~~although i noe it was a really great day of having outin wit buddies, tatz why i was happie for him too ^^...perhaps itz a way to release his tension wit his bros....but i jus feel somehow quite pissed off, why would he choose to hav great outing wit his buddies instead of me? sometimes, i've been hoping to have some excitements and adventurous in my relationship instead of jus ......

somehow, i feel myself so stupid and silly jus for worrying him so much... caring him so much...CSL is stupid and silly ~~hahaha~

heart aching man ~~

i knew wut i wanna do once i got up from my bed early in the morning..^^

perhaps i'd figured out something out of the blue...i shudnt be bothering so much..i've been overworried, no doubt im like that... i shud go for it..jus go for it without bothering so many things...i shundt have complicate things..^^~~~i think i would live a happier and better quality of life in this way~~^^

anyway, was really happie cos i've saw tat bottle last week...i jus planned to get something for my babe as a little pressie..i duno why...perhaps u may say how could u be like this as a gal..but i jus wanna treat my babe good and this is wut i feel like doing it for him..I DUN CARE...i jus wanna get him tat things...hehee~~i've bought him a chelsea water bottle and a bottle of adidas perfume..^^~~~i love tat smell of the perfume, tatz why was out of expectation and i bought it additionally ...^^ i hope babe wil like it ^^
well, was moody after this once i got into the class...i was totally hoping hard that my ethics lect would guide us for our cw question, but sadly he jus informed HM that class has been cancelled..i was upset and kinda pissed off cos i came all the way jus for tat class...DISAPPOINTED~~
wel, went makan wit frens, yum cha, chit chat...but stil felt moody, dunno why ...perhaps i feel really stress up and anxious wit my study !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!helpless~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyway, i choose to be retarded for a night...i've been playing FB...and chatting, listening..and finally i've made something that makes me happie~~~YAPPY~~~~

this is the pressie of perfume that im gonna give him tomoro..^^ i've written msg that i hope to tel him , alwis telling him, i've told him..hehe~~~~

share wit me

wow..i've improved..hoho~~

missionary, but i was the one that had control..hoho~~~YEAH~~i've improved~finally i realised how tiring was it to have control over the process even it was half way through..hoho~~well, this was the longest day i've spent wit him at home..it makes me realised how nice would it be to see the one u love once u open ya eyes in the morning, having someone u love to hug u as a comforter even if u are freezing, having someone to hug u when u are crying...itz pretty great to stay wit the one u love so much ...

anyway, ytd talked so much wit a fren at class...i felt kinda better after talking to him, perhaps im jus being overworried over future, where things are unforeseeable and without my control range, furthermore i shud simplify things rather than making it even more complex...but i just couldnt cnotrol at some time and some points i would jus start cracking my mind...
[
there are too much worries that have been bothering me...i started wit total confidence and bravery for any problems, i tot i would be able to solve everything out of the misery and being under control and i'l do it right, do it well...who noes thing doesnt seem to be like this..there are even more problems which are unexpectable and making me into predicaments, i have no idea how and what would be the solutions out of it, i hav no idea how long would i be standing tough on in believing myself that i could make it right, fortunately wit my frens' support that keeps my passion and enthusiasm alive to carry on without giving up so easily... i've been trying so hard to put myself into his shoes and think from his perspective yet i feel myself helpless cos i dun even noe how could i help him..i feel miserable when seeing him being suffered with many problems..perhaps he din bother or not willing to share it out wit me since he wouldnt wan me to worry for him, but i could feel it that he has been trying hard to improve, to solve things out, to bear wit it with open heart, it makes my heart ache whenever seeing him like this...i really hope that he'l share wit me everything...jus dun keep wit himself ..pls~

he carried me ^^

wut a day...wowowo~~~so happening~~~

i forced myself to wake up from bed early in the morning to sms him ..i noe the feeling of being sent a sms of support from the love one...the feeling is jus so sweet~~perhaps he might not have such a feeling, but to me, i jus love to do it for my bf...jus a cheer up and supports for my bf before his exams ^^ after that, i felt my nostrils were clogged and went to wash off...who noes it jus bleed..sigh~~i din notice tat the blood was dripping while i was walking back to my room...oni when i saw the blood dripped on my paper...YEEEE~~

really happie and anticipating wutz gonna happen among us in the K room...i tot it would be real great ^^ met a fren at bank, wel, shud be ex teacher...he looks great now, and even being more talkactive than previously...hez sociable now ^^ great thing ^^ well, waited for him quite some time at the bus stand, i felt pist off, but once i saw him , i felt ntg when he explained to me.. ^^
recently felt really BROKE that i got tight up wit my financial probs....sighhh~~~i've been spending so much ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~i noe itz all my own fault, i cant be blaming anyone, sometimes i put questions to myself, isit worthwhile for spending those money???i dun even noe the answer, but i jus realised that i've been spending so much after being together wit him...i realised that gals are typical...i hope to look good so that he could be proud to have such a nice gf..somehow, it needs a lot of money for it ~~~~I AM SO BROKE~~ and i think i cant be going anywhere for this coming few weeks...i cant even be eating ...perhaps jus eat at home...cos i hav A LOT to cover...im getting into trouble...DAM IT~~~i hav so much to cover back ...T.T...i think i need to learn for being selfish..hohoho~~

anyway, we were late to K cos of waiting for the bus...reached the destination at last....everything seemed to be alright until i felt something was not going right...i started to be helpless at tat moment...i dinno wut to do...he wasnt looking great and not even talking to me, not even bother to reply me or look at me or us when we talked to him...GOSH~~wutz happening???can anyone tell me wut happen ???OMG~~~~we felt somethingz wrong, i felt lost and dinno wut shud i be doing, until he left the room...OMG~~~ling ling and lui lui were worried too, and i walked out of the room to search for him...i saw him sitting all alone at the staircase...he looks miserable...i guessed that i must had done something hurtful or unpleasant to him until he felt this way.. i could even felt that hez quite upset from his eyes...were all red....i dinno wut to do or to say either..i jus wanna hug him tightly~~~i felt scare at the same time too..i really hope that he'l tel me my mistake so that i would nv repeat the same mistake to hurt him..but he looked so miserable and speechless..and i tot it would be something really unpleasant that hit his boiling point !!i was way too forcing him where he jus din feel to sing, i shy him away when he refused to it few times after i'd asked him for it, i went to enjoy wit my frens and kept him being alienated aside.....i think not oni this, there shud be much more, but he din say out wut was it jus bcos i think itz helpless to say it out since i'd done all these to him, and itz too late to say it out after it had happened...my heart was aching after knowing that my babe wasnt happie wit all these and i made him even more uncomfortable, my thoughts were so confused and lost until i couldnt controlled my tears...i tried not to cry every time when we were on a heat, but im jus a cry babe...my tears would jus drop whenever i feel sad T.T
i felt sad to see him being so miserable..
i felt heart aching that i made my babe suffered..
i felt worried bout my babe not telling and sharing me his thoughts and feelings even he wasnt happie..
i felt helpless that i couldnt make my babe happie..
i was afraid to see my babe in anger..
i felt failure cos i couldnt make my babe release his pressure and unhappiness after a lousy exam day..
i felt guilty that i alwis pressure my babe..

i jus feel somehow that im such a demanding person that makes my babe's life in misery...i jus wondering is my babe happie to be wit me since i've been requesting for so many things...most importantly, im alwis worry that wil my babe give up on our relationship cos of being too pressured?i couldnt imagine how would i be if my babe was gonna give up on me!!!!!and i am alwis afraid wutz gonna happen to us once i graduate and enter into my career lifetime??sighhh....wut fy said was true...dun be pessimistic and alwis overworried bout the future since things are not under our control...jus enjoy the moment!!!i think i shud be like this rather than thinking wutz would probably happen in future and thinking for the solution from now on...sighh~~~WHY AM I BEING SO OVERWORRIED????

anyway, i felt lovely whenever hez trying to stop my tears....at least he would hug me whenever i cry...this is wut i wan my bf to be...to be there for me when i feel sad...and he managed to do it ^^ sometimes i jus wonder wut if he nv bother to care bout me when i cry in front of him cos hez been bore wit it dy...haha~~i hope he'l not >.<.....and one thing i would like to say here, cybercolour gel eye liner is good cos my make up nv get blurred off even i cried like nobody business...i strongly recommending tat eye liner cos itz really waterproof ^^ wowo...nv regret of buying it...hohoho~~
i really could feel that we love each other so much cos we alwis wanna see each other live a happy life.. and we're trying hard to fulfil each other to be happie ^^ this is the main reason that i'l nv give up on him.....even when i knew that he wasnt doing quite well in his exam or might not even pass good in the exam, i'l nv give up cos i noe things wil be great if we put effort together to work things right...i wont give up on my babe because we love each other~~i wil not help him, but to assist him to achieve his success ^^ this is wut true love is, to overcome all probs together and nv give up so easily ^^

by the way, he carried me at his back ~~~~~~~~~~YEAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~this was the very first time he carried me successfully..from the staircase along the corridor until the room ..keke~~~~the feeling was really great cos this was the first time for me being carried by my bf at public!!!itz so sweet to me~~~cos it makes me feel that we jus live in our own world of two without bothering wut others would think bout us...NICE~~~~~I LOVE IT~~but i think hez got freaking tired of it...kakakka...wit my weight...hoho~~hez gonna break his arms man~~HAHAHAHA~~sadly he has no choice cos his my babe...kakaka~i think ling ling and lui lui must be curious wut happened to us...kaka~~went out in serious mode and came back wit sweet mode..hahhaah~~im so happie that he intended to ask me for a duet...T.T~~~~~i noe he wasnt willing to sing..but my babe wan me to be happie ^^ he jus decided to do it for me ^^ muackz~~~the feeling and atmosphere weree totally 360 radical changed ^^ one thing i shud say is THX a lot to my lingling cos she was there for me, although she din do or say a thing, but jus an eye contact and a warm hand made me feel contented tat i hav my fren and babe together at the same time...she jus consoled me wit her warm hand touched on me before things gone to be so happie ^^

after all, everything was in a funny mode...lui lui is the pirated MJ~~~hohohoh...furthermore, hez a great whistler ~~~WOWOWO~ COOL~~~~~and my babe sings so lovely to me...hehe ^^hez alwis lovely to me ^^

we'd chatted so much today, in the bus, in McD, at the street while waiting for bus, at MSN, webcam...i really hope that my babe would nv give up and work things right TOGETHER wit bibi...bibi doesnt hope to see babe give up even itz tough like hell...no matter how tough it is, bibi will alwis be by babe side and nv give up cos bibi loves babe so much and nv wanna lose babe in bibi's life T.T

my babe is so cool~~

babe is soo cool...HEHE~

felt really happie although i lost much of money..haha~~i mean i used quite much money for today... bought some new prods for my skincare...OMG~~~i felt sobs after knowing that the previous prods that i'd bought not suiting my skin..and my skin even got dampened now...SAD SAD~~~wasted the money for those items and yet i've to pay even more money for the maintenance and repairing treatment ...sighhh~~~i shudnt have take her words for it....AIKSS~~but everything was too late ...luckily i wasnt too late as i managed to bring things back to normal or even better though money has been jus gone in this way..

anyway, the happiest thing was we played badminton ~~~AWAWAW~~~it was such a great day to have a badminton session wit him and lingling and lui lui...for being frank here, i have not expect much from him, not a way to say that i put down on him, jus that the higher the expectation , the higher of disappointment wil be..hehehe~~anyhow, i was really impressed wit how he played...GORGEOUS~~i jus love it....so tough~~so strong~~and SOO MANLY~~ AW AW AW AW~~~i felt even greater when howe complimented on him..hahhaa~~~im realistic, nv deny....GOSH~~feel so great that i realised we could click in diff ways...i am really happie that i could shop wit my babe, i could play badminton wit my babe, i could sing K wit my babe, i could watch movies wit my babe...i wish i could eat 'siu mai' together wit my babe and walking along the street...haha~although everything seems to be not romantic for a young couple tat are supposed to be, but i jus feel it needs a balance for ideally romance and daily reality..i wish we could share our lives wit each other, for a long lasting relationship ^^