michael 5

hyper depression...

ytd night was a nightmare to me...i couldnt imagine how would i go for my exam on the next day...i was hyper depressed...on my study and also to my babe...sigh ~~i've alwis thinking too much bout us, perhaps this has alwis being a burden to me that i would expect so much from it. i tot i really found someone who i really could take it seriously,and i did!i hope things really going on the right path..i hope everything will be jus a fairy tale story..somehow it happens to be different way in reality.

im a very sensitive person and overworried..but when i hope the person to love me as how i love him. i wanna have a 100% from him, and i would give him, or i've gave him the 100% of me. lately i jus realised that has not been the way that is happening wo...o.O i dunno wut to do cos i feel ambiguity with wut i've expected to happen seems like happening...i noe for sure i couldnt concentrate on my revision and exams, which really driving me insane for this few days...my core day of my life...i've been crying so few days lately...im really sucked up wit the feelings of jealousy and insecurity,low self esteem is attacking me to be even worse to dare myself with the reality.

perhaps age gap could have possibly a barrier for communication....but i believe the lack of communication would have be the primary resource of existence in problems in soon..however, i've tried to bring up the issue so that i wouldnt wanna see any misunderstandings and problems being roll out huge jus becos that we are not willing to share..i have been thinking of this issue all this time, cos i have run out of ideas wut shud i do !!recently i found myself even freaking out when my intrinsic feeling told me that he has ntg to talk to me..HAHA~how can i be laughing???!!!but wut can i do..tatz why i choose to cry instead of standing tough for being so optimistic..haha~~ i really got sucked up when i was really depressing bout my last min exams and hoping so hard for someone to calm me down or to comfort me, at least something sweet or warming, i really expected so much from him, and now i realised that that i shudnt expected so much of that since it got me disappointed if things happen in another way. my bad again for expecting so much ..im stupid!even my frens have been warming me, calling me to support me,calming me by teaching me and guiding me, and i jus expect something sweet from him >.<....i really expected very much ytd and ended up i felt foolish ..haha! from hero to zero, do u noe howz tat feeling?itz like get ya heart frozen and break up with a hammer, thatz the description of it ^^
i noe i was on the heat for the preparation for exams, but will i be able to get rid of all things from my mind and having 100% concerntration for it? impossible for sure!i cried while studying, i cried before i slept, i cried in the bathroom,i felt hopeless and something happened to really seized my confidence away from him...i feel scare and insecure!!im scare to lose him,and im scare to lose the feelings. i need confidence that u really love me, not merely by words. im a suspecting person and radical change doesnt suits me cos i hardly accept changes..kaka~~too much of studying LMC~im a hedger aint a speculator..hahah~~~
i decided to called him up ytd night and told him how i felt, and i was really curious why would he remain silent??sigh...bargaining power of rivalry!!!!perhaps i would have increase the market power in order to enjoy the EOS as to set barriers for new entrants ar..hahahaha~Michael porter 5 forces is really useful, not oni in multinational strategy management, but also in relationship..COOL~however, i noe i shud have apply the SWOT framework to analyse bout myself before applying any models ..sigh~~hedging methods oso need to be considered before implementation of it in order for greatest strategic fit~~

wel,prepare myself to campus today, and i jus wanna call him before my exam started cos i really need someone to comfort me..somehow, i dunno why it comes so naturally of my feeling that i'l really wanna shoot him ..kakkakakaka~~he nv reply my text..>.< how come he alwis not here when i needed him the most arr..>,<...sob sei jor la!!!luckily i din have the feeling to cry when talking to him bout the truth that making me to feel insecure and sucked up..perhaps i noe i have to control my emotions since it was bout an hour to go for the exams..seeing my frens so nervous for the exams, yet i was talking on the hp wit him..perhaps i jus couldnt concerntrate and i act felt nervous too cos i've been poo poo-ing few times since morning >.<

after that saw yuan and HM...while i was walking behind, he suddenly walked beside me and told me that he wanna cry..O.O..wut happened??

frustrating...depression..tension..

frustrating...depression..tension..

im really freaking out for my exams..whenever i told my babe bout it, he'l jus ask me to stay calm and wut for to scare of,perhaps he dunno why am i feeling this way....itz hard to explain..i keep asking myself why am i working so hard for it?why must i forcing myself to the max for it?itz merely exams, write out the everything i've studied once i got the paper at the exam hall,but isnt it so simple?i doubt not...perhaps it might, im jus complicate everything =.=

wel, i've been not sleeping well lately becos of this exams, even i've tried to sleep early, yet i couldnt get myself sleep tightly or even i would wake up in the middle of the night figuring out bout wut i've studied..itz exhaustive i would say...itz so intense until i couldnt get my period cycle and immune system back to normal..i mean it have been kinda distorted...pressures are from everywhere rather than jus studies...SIGH~

i've alwis been bothered with many things, even jus a little one, i admit. i felt myself like going insane that my mind is jus filled with theories, journal articles, references...etc...the oni thing that gives me some motivation is talking to my babe..sadly, he nv talk much to me...i really dunno wut to do...even when i need support from my babe, i dun see it practical,not even a call to calm me down when im depress...it jus hardly carry me up from the bottom down...i really need someone to carry me along when im depress...i've been fearing of my exams and the unfinished and hardly understandable topics til my tears dropped in way to release my tension..i noe it sounds critical, but im going through this and i cant feel anything from him...

what a day ~~

i was so anticipated for today's class,LMC, wishing high for the discussion of the case study for our exams from our lect, woke up early in the morning and intended to read up the journals articles. however,my darling gal text me all the way from UK, 2 msg around 5++ morning, sadly i wasn't awake to reply her at tat moment, she seems miserable from her texts. im pretty worry bout her, wut happened??!!possibly regarding her job,the ppl around her, her parents, her bf, not happy with the environment?!!i doubt so since she mentioned that she hope to just fly home O.O.. at tat point i jus felt myself helpless,my opinions are alwis not compatibl with her with her great exposures and lifetime experiences, i wouldn't have a word for her every time when she feels miserable, the oni thing is jus being a listener ^^ i do hope it helps her out <333

after out from the bathroom, another of my secondary ji mui jus nudge me and written there that she've just broke up with her bf!!OMG~~~wut happen to the ppl around me???i have been listening to her story for some time lately and nv expected to be happening so fast O.O...from the moment she told me that she saw this guy through the way of being couple until ended up apart,i jus feel to hug her <333

after all, getting myself prepared for the class. i received a phone call while on my way to take my bus ride to the campus, FY told me that the class was cancelled. DAM IT~why wouldn't i been informed earlier??no phone calls nor text have i received from the college until this moment...SWT~~~somehow, FY jus suggested me whether or not to have a K session wit them?? 'them' here refers to herself and her bf, and the sisters...OMG~~~~i really hope to revenge for her..HOHOHO~~thereby decided to go for a K session to relax for a day ^^ finally i felt that me and FY were somehow one gang today..hahahah~~she told me that ERR wasn't excited when she gotta noe that im joining them ..hoho~~but i noe FY wil be happie since we could see the 'difference' hohoho~~i really could feel it finally !!!jus got annoyed with ERR sometimes.. but overall was happie ^^

i was happie when my babe intended to come over for accompanying me ^^ i din expect to receive his text bout it after i hang on the call ^^ wowowo~~later we all went to IKEA !!im really excited since this was the first time for us to have a walk there ^^ i've been anticipating for such moment long time ago ^^ the feeling was great ^^ hehe.. i felt happie ^^ i really hope that we could have a home that belongs to both of us..i hope can go there another day oni both of us T.T...then we could enjoy talking while during the walk and taking those designs as references,i din expect that we like the similar thing, similar designs, similar tastes in interior design wo.. hehe..i love that bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom, shoe rack, and so many..i jus love the moments <333

we went for a simple high tea..hoho~~even jus simple hot dogs, soft drinks and curry puffs are more than enough to make me happy cos i had my babe and frens wit me..im happy that FY and i were so happy sitting with our partners and chatting..the feeling was really great^^

u noe, when the time Q asked me not to pay back wut they'd spent for us, i felt grateful not becos that i need not to pay for the food, but im relief that how could i have such frens~~~i dun mean that im happie and relief whenever my frens treat me, somehow i jus appreciate their generosity to me, meaning that im worth for my frens to spend their generosity on me!!however, at the same time i jus felt disappointing towards my bf..how could he nv said a thing, not even a thanks!although they are my frens and the food wasn't luxurious kind, but my fren treated US~~i felt so happy that they were trying to think on my shoes, they noe that i cant go home late and intended to fetch me back,Q even offered to spend me and babe K when i said we PK...although i've rejected the offer and itz not a serious thing,somehow it makes me feel my frens treat me even better than my babe to me!!i dislike such feeling, but uncontrollable for its existence that keep inquiring myself why would my bf be like this?! @@...when FY pointed out the question to Q regarding X'mas gift,it jus reminded me that i desire one too since few days ago when yuan asked me to acc him to shop for a watch for his gf as X'mas gift. i was hoping hard that i could some surprises from babe, but seems like he wouldnt if i nv pointed it out to him..when he asked me wut i wan for X'mas gift, i jus couldnt answer him,he might not afford to give wut i wan at this moment and i und it very well, but money jus cant buy love,perhaps luxurious gifts wouldnt be my major choice cos i noe i could work hard to getting it by myself...but when seeing FY and Q with their conversations, not becos of the offer of money of gifts, but the willingness towards the partners is the point here...not even willing to spend me a chicken chop, i would nv forget in the rest of my life!!i feel silly that im saving hard to buy him clothes and he even said tat hez not forcing me but im the one buying for him >.<..

wut i wan for X'mas gift ar...i dunno ..something unique, not so childish since im not little gal anymore, im a young lady ^^mayb not jus an object, but something makes me really surprising and happy and memorize...sigh..i dare not to hope for it cos i dun wanna get disappointed T.T

cut cut ^^

hehe..

went for a hair cut wit babe today ^^ i was really excited ytd since been few days not seeing babe..really happie to see him.

i'd reached McD bout 10++ to revise for my exam subs. i was alone at McD til babe came around 1++..i was happie though din get to study much , but at least i've und a topic for an answer to one of the question ^^..babe reached, i was really happie that finally my sweetie pie came,somehow i felt guilty when he din intend to have his lunch jus becos he promised me to cut his hair..wel, i jus have a feeling that he did not have the intention for it, yet jus becos i mentioned bout it previous day bout his hair...i knew that i've been forcing him to do many things for me, sometimes i really lost the mood although i noe hez been trying to hard to fulfil wut i wan ...but isnt it meaningless if i were the one to force him for it?sighh...although he wans me to happie but wil he be happie too in tat way?? tatz why i've been telling him that his hair is so short and shudnt been for a hair cut..perhaps i jus hope that he'l have a new hairstyle which makes him looks trendy ^^....i knew that his mom would have said that why couldnt be his aunt to cut his hair, but going to saloon for it... i knew that he'l be in the middle of nowhere..therefore i ended up having a '1 2 JUS' wit him for the final decision ^^kaka.. after the hair cut, i jus felt that i din manage to utilize his RM15 for nice hairstyle.haha~~~he jus trimmed instead of cut...im so worry that his mom would said how come u look similar even after ya hair cut?hahaha...hope his mom nv comment a lot on his hair ^^

uncertainty and worries =.= >.<

emo for today again >.<

bout 2 more weeks to go for my final exams..this is really the final exams and perhaps ending my student life..partially im feeling happie, awaiting and anticipating for years bout this days, has finally come. on the other hand, im freaking out, this would probably another turning point of my life!not to forget the first day of my coll life, i din manage to attend the orientation or wut, freaking out,but was glad to hav team building activities ^^ finally i met this gal,sharon, which is my darling gf now ^^ i believe in fate, im relief that no matter where we are, we stil keep in touch wit each other..and i feel close even miles apart~~frankly i nv expect to get a true fren for jus a one year foundation course..even we've studied diff course in diff coll, and now we are in diff places with a significant difference in time zone, yet we manage to update wutz happening, or even be the one to alwis turn to when we get stuck.
wel,diploma was really great,fun and happie, relaxing and enjoying even until the moment of examination and submission of cw..badmintons, outings, K-ing, GOSH~~plenty of spare time for activities and life was so happening, at least i have time for sadness and happiness..haha~
however, final year degree has entirely changed the lifestyle, or even ME...i hav a feelin that my maturity level has been enhanced even better, and i really would think for myself and even for the situations~~i've learned so much other than merely academy, even my relationship could have taught me so much and even shaped up my personalities indeed. i've become realistic nowadays, knowing wut the necessity of the society and trying to adopt wit the norm of it, consequently reshaping up my mindset at the same time.sadly,the intention of accomplishing isnt been stimulated, or perhaps it has been slowing down...hmm..i believe degree is not as easy as others assume to be..intensive, subjective, precriptive...so wut bout professional studies??!!!OMG!!!im freaking out~anyway, no matter wut i'l pay no mercy for it ~~jus give it a damn~YEAH~
the turning point, i really hav no idea how would i gonna make it to succeed or when would it achieve my desires...i've been obsessed with freedom since 15 or 16, i think ..hehe~~i alwis assume that graduation day would be the starting day of rebellious life..ngek ngek~i have the knowledge, i have the ability, i have the money, i have the authority for negotiations now..hehe~~but when comes to this moment,it posted some inquiries to me again when resistance came up to me @@..the major gigantic prob to me is, my family is being resistance when come to acceptance and adoption of changes, in fact itz the reality. itz is understandable whereby elderly need longer time for acceptance and adoption with change, or perhaps they intend for evolutionary approach,however, my impatience are more eager towards a radical change, and even i realized that evolutionary approach isnt working.somehow,im feeling uncertain wit wutz gonna happen next after my graduation..i wan my life, but is it jus as easy as sayin it out??sometimes,i feel weird of why shud i struggling so much jus to stand tough to fight for living in my own way?isnt this my right to live my life as i wan to? why shud i do something to please them in order to gain the opportunity and authority to live my life??isnt this ridiculous?why shud i ask for a permission for it?i have my right to be responsible towards my own life isnt it?im really pissed off when my dad and sis dun intend to listen to wut im saying, my perspectives of thinking,and jus jumped to the conclusion that im naive and im stil acting like young kid~GOSH~~~perhaps they dun even noe something that i knew it!!they are subjective and prejudicial, whereby forever living in their own lifestyle and expecting others to adopt it~come on, i hav my own perspectives and there are things it nv come to the compliance wit my views and yet i MUST accept it without the right to voice out my opinions..come on, father or older doesnt mean alwis right and good foo me...i've fulfiled wut u've been hoping for bout 22 years since young..im not interested wit study, but i noe the oni way to get rid of the situation of being looking down of others is through education in order to upgrade the standard of living. fortunately i do have something i really love and appreciate so much for giving me to having close connection wit music!!itz the greatest of my life that i could hav the chance to learn and play it,which is alwis the greatest moment in my life ^^..i've studied a course that in agreed with ya recommendation, the numerical and theoretical study life really brought me into struggle at the beginning,happily that i have a gang of great buddies wit me for the entire learning process until reaching to the finish line ^^ and now the working life,would i have my authority to choose wut kinda company that i favour for, the places...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!i really hate it to worry so much when things havent even happen, but i hav no idea for how long to go for me to stand tough and fight for my wants...perhaps a normal happie life with a highly stable job at a MNC, having sweet time wit family and bf during spare time and live in this way for the rest of my life..or to experience something fantastic, at least for once of my lifetime to have no regrets..something contingent...sigh~~~

im so freaking out that if they dun accept my request and wut wil happen to me next?or wut wil i do with the intensity???

cool me~~

sigh....

life is so miserable and happenings..keke~~jus have some intention to blog out bout my life ^^

first of fall, bout my study..sigh, everything has made me in anxiety, they jus came the previous week and informed us regarding the new exam formats..>.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_WAvykqCZYM0/Swp3El66RII/AAAAAAAAAE8/EoPynVQb5_M/s1600/DSC02226.JPG"> wut u looking at o??hehe.. im in front of u neh~~>.<
watz that???cappuccino eh... how come like not thick one..hahahahah~
nice ar???tel me tel me...later i wana taste osoo...=P


how jek????hahaa...see ya face oso ...kakaka~~i better dun drink..=D



nice or not???bitter??

conclusion : he no comment =.=.....SWT ~~~~act i jus snap all the pics at diff time and i realised it could be made in sequence o.O...hahah~~COOL ME~~muackz ~

not a moment of silence

WOWOW...not enough of K time~~

i felt worth it even i've spent half of my day doing nothing bout my assgt, but having time wit them ^^ tat day i felt of singing so eagerly and decided to ask ling out for K session. who noes her fren invited her in advance and we ended up with a decision of having 3 couples for this K session..wowowo~3 couples!anticipation of it, of all weekdays of assgt and exam revision, finally FRI has make my life ^^ however, babe jus told me that he couldnt make it since he was kinda broke, my response was .....despite i tried calming down my emotions to be understanding and think on his situation, somehow i couldnt, not even a moment, perhaps i got fed up and frustrating with these happening repeatedly, and he jus had my words, i jus shoot it without bothering his feelings...COOL~~~~~first time ever for CSL that not been bothered by anything...im improving..keke~however, when he intended to figure out to resolve the prob, it felt guilty..hahaha~~but i din get bothered wit it and continue for my ridiculous emotional request..kekekek~

the day has come, itz FRIDAY~YEAH~~~~i was pretty nervous at first, since we've been hanging out usually with ling and lui, but not kayson and YK...furthermore, im doubtful how would babe response to their status once he noes it...wowo~unexpectable he was pretty fine with it and even trying to hav fun wit us!!!COOL~~~i've make a new fren today-kayson^^ first impression was this guy is CUTE!i mean CUTIE PIE~~i would say his behaviours oppose to babe, so itz galish , my statement for it would be^^ but i've got another ji mui perhaps ^^
in fact, today was the first time ever kayson having K session wit his darling, YK..hoho~~as well as me wit them too ^^ i nv agree to wut ling told me previously bout YK that he was a screamer instead of singer, even not until i've heard it wit my own pair of ears !!!HUA KAO~~~typical screamo, but perhaps this is his style of singing and his tonality and voice control are in this method, so jus remain no comment ^^finally i believe why ling enjoys having K session wit me..hehe!!

the cutest thing was when ling got pissed off that lui failed to cover off his screamo loud voice and ended up hearing nothing of his singing, yet he's tried and failed with speechless tone but wanting to eat the mic off...kakakak~~i'l nv forget that picture of moment in front of me that made me kept laughing...they are competing for voices...COOL~~

although i din manage to sing a song duet with my babe, somehow i felt really great that my babe was there wit me while i had fun time wit my frens, isnt it the best thing to have ??hehehe
unfortunately fun time was nv long lasting and jus ended up in bout 3 hours, we decided for a bowling session, for a 3 couples frenly match..OMG~~~are u kidding me??frenly match on bowling??swt~~~~~i really hope i wouldnt be the spoiler to babe cos my target is alwis to get more than 50..kakakka~~however. it seems that i've improve today ^^..although not being the first team to lead, who cares cos it was so much laughters and joy in there ^^

later me and babe went for a game of pool playing..wowoow!!this is wut i like, pool!!not to be forgotten, ARCADE ^^ felt tiring and enough for the day, then met up wit them for yum cha session. they were there after buying movie tickets, joined them for a chat ^^ LING, i wil nv forget liverpool and man u ...kakakak!!!chatting is nice when consensus is found in the group, therefore itz fun and funny ^^at least not a moment of silence ^^

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change

ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change..

i totally agree with this statement that i've read from a book while revising on the subject of learning and managing change, a subject of my course. i pretty interested into this sub since it talks bout the implementation change and other strategic managements in organizations. the topics were though for the application in corporations, some are seems to be applicable in life too~i've alwis having my time in figuring out wut the authors meant by their words...GREAT~~ ^^

back to the statement, perhaps my thoughts of it would be partially satisfying, somewhat there are ppl who alwis been hurt by their love one, yet they nv give up!!it happens with the 2 folks that stay as my neighbour next door, im pretty sure they love their son very much. i've never seen him talking in a nice tone with his parents since we moved in when i was still having fun time at kindergarden. could u imagine that for years he has been 'yelling' at them..the mother would rather asked for help from my dad for fetching her to the place that she wanted to instead of her son...HOLY~wut is he been doing as a son???i have been witnessing for N times that hez been scolding them, yelling at them, very loudly until i could heard it from my bathroom...OMG~~they are old, undeniable, and even if they would have treated him badly during his childhood, arent they deserve a life like wut they are experiencing now??even im jus an observant, would feel harsh and sympathetic to them, how would he even treated them like this???i wouldnt picture how they live under the same roof....the father is having Parkinson disease and the mother has been having problem with her leg...sigh~~could u imagine that the son even yelled at them to switch off the alarm when the alarm of the house stayed on after the recovery of the electricity?could u picture that he even hon them with himself sitting inside the car???how would i wish could throw a big rock onto his car...kekek~~
somehow, wut i wanna say is they nv get fed up even he treats them so badly, all becos of love, that makes a connection among them, and they nv give up onto him...he shud be relief~~


for me, i've been wondering whether or not i'l change if something do make me got hurt deeply. it could be accumulations of the feelings that hurting me continuously...perhaps i'l then consider bout having a slight change, or even a transformational change..hehe~

stress yet happie

wowo...stress yet happie ^^

woke up pretty early in the morning...was kinda blur, slept pretty early ytd night though, felt tiring, perhaps din sleep well during the night due to tension...woke up for the preparation of food for my lovely frens ^^ was pretty happie while making the pasta, but nervous at the same time cos how would they response to it rite...kakakak~~really anticipating for their feedback...I NEED IT~~kaka~~cos it bothers me...kekeke~

anyway, reached their house, they jus woke...hahah~~lazy bum bum, but then they slept at the time when i woke up ..OMG~~happie when they share funny and cute videos wit me...i noe that they were trying to release my stress, trying to have a warming time wit me...hahahah~~they then started to eat my pasta...OMG~~~~~~~~~ling likes the sauce...kekek~~my self-homemade bologneise sauce nehh..kakakak~~and i was saying and kept bla bla bla that my babe alwis dun eat this one, dun eat that one...kaka~~~when i said my babe asked me not to put tomatoes, spring onion or pepper, i'l put even more then ..purposely sumore...hheheheheh~~~HL remained silent...konon nia he oso like that..hahah...dislike tomatoes..kkakakak~~~no wonder he remain silence oo..kakakakak~

no matter how hard they've tried to release my stress, somewhat i stil felt stress cos of my own study and assgt, and of cos im worried bout my babe, his exam today~~i hope he could do it well...^^ but dun hope to tension him or wut, therefore jus sending a simple sms to him .. ^^

after that, i felt better with the talks and laughters, then having a really great session wit ling...gals are alwis happie when comes to shopping, make up, things that making ourselves feel better and more confidence...hahah~~~we really laughed a lot..cos the first try out was...KAKAKAKKA~~she even said horrible, but jus bcos of the gel eyeliner, and we were laughing there for so long until the gel became dry little...and tat gal has a supeerb single...COOL~~sorry to say that..but this is her unique, that i felt really happie to make a single eyelid make up so nicely ..AW~~~with the glittering silver gel eye shadow, the eye brown, the foundation cream, the blusher...and last but not least the fake eye lashes...woww~~the peak of the make up session..hehe~~~i hope she could look really gorgeous on the day itself...hehehe~~my fren, our masterpiece...YEAH~~~i shud have drawn together wit her, so that we would be looking ugly together..kakakaka~~~
at the mean time, babe called me up , he wanted to share wit me that he passed the exam~~tat moment i really had nothing to say...i jus hope to hug and kiss him...i felt really happie ~~i felt as if we've overcome something together and he'd done it ...finally he've tried it successfully ...something that he tried and the result came out to be wut it would be for the effort...i hope he could carry on his determination and hope this success would bring motivation and confidence into his study life.. ^^ u make it babe~~u can do it babe~~muackz~

btw, i really like the green tea that u've made for me..itz real nice ~~i love it~~and the fried yam stick...wowo~~i think ubi kentang wil be nicer..kakakk~and the pasta aint as healthy as u guys think, cos i put much butter for the cooking..hahahha~~


muackz~~i love u babe, i love u guys..my lovely frens ~

CSL is stupid and silly

I HATE IT~~~~ i really hate it ~~

i dun like to ask so much...why wouldnt u tel me instead of me asking u so many questions? isnt this sharing ? or merely asking and answering ? somehow, i would say i dun like this way.... cos it makes me feel as in im jus nothing to u , or like not part of ya life..haha~~i noe im way too demanding...but when i give my heart to u , i hope to have ya heart in the same way too...

i was so glad that u intended to call me, out of the blue, u intended to share ya probs wit me...tat moment i felt really sweet although u were kinda pissed off..haha~at least u choose to share wit me...THIS IS WUT I WAN~

but then i really made an inquiry whether u'l tel me wut happen or not.. i noe for sure u'l tel me if i asked...so i decided not to throw the question to u at first, and waited whether u'l tel me by yaself or not.. and i realised that u din even bother to tel me bout tat not until i've pointed out the question..kakakak~~CSL is too smart ~~COOL~~although i noe it was a really great day of having outin wit buddies, tatz why i was happie for him too ^^...perhaps itz a way to release his tension wit his bros....but i jus feel somehow quite pissed off, why would he choose to hav great outing wit his buddies instead of me? sometimes, i've been hoping to have some excitements and adventurous in my relationship instead of jus ......

somehow, i feel myself so stupid and silly jus for worrying him so much... caring him so much...CSL is stupid and silly ~~hahaha~

heart aching man ~~

i knew wut i wanna do once i got up from my bed early in the morning..^^

perhaps i'd figured out something out of the blue...i shudnt be bothering so much..i've been overworried, no doubt im like that... i shud go for it..jus go for it without bothering so many things...i shundt have complicate things..^^~~~i think i would live a happier and better quality of life in this way~~^^

anyway, was really happie cos i've saw tat bottle last week...i jus planned to get something for my babe as a little pressie..i duno why...perhaps u may say how could u be like this as a gal..but i jus wanna treat my babe good and this is wut i feel like doing it for him..I DUN CARE...i jus wanna get him tat things...hehee~~i've bought him a chelsea water bottle and a bottle of adidas perfume..^^~~~i love tat smell of the perfume, tatz why was out of expectation and i bought it additionally ...^^ i hope babe wil like it ^^
well, was moody after this once i got into the class...i was totally hoping hard that my ethics lect would guide us for our cw question, but sadly he jus informed HM that class has been cancelled..i was upset and kinda pissed off cos i came all the way jus for tat class...DISAPPOINTED~~
wel, went makan wit frens, yum cha, chit chat...but stil felt moody, dunno why ...perhaps i feel really stress up and anxious wit my study !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!helpless~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyway, i choose to be retarded for a night...i've been playing FB...and chatting, listening..and finally i've made something that makes me happie~~~YAPPY~~~~

this is the pressie of perfume that im gonna give him tomoro..^^ i've written msg that i hope to tel him , alwis telling him, i've told him..hehe~~~~

share wit me

wow..i've improved..hoho~~

missionary, but i was the one that had control..hoho~~~YEAH~~i've improved~finally i realised how tiring was it to have control over the process even it was half way through..hoho~~well, this was the longest day i've spent wit him at home..it makes me realised how nice would it be to see the one u love once u open ya eyes in the morning, having someone u love to hug u as a comforter even if u are freezing, having someone to hug u when u are crying...itz pretty great to stay wit the one u love so much ...

anyway, ytd talked so much wit a fren at class...i felt kinda better after talking to him, perhaps im jus being overworried over future, where things are unforeseeable and without my control range, furthermore i shud simplify things rather than making it even more complex...but i just couldnt cnotrol at some time and some points i would jus start cracking my mind...
[
there are too much worries that have been bothering me...i started wit total confidence and bravery for any problems, i tot i would be able to solve everything out of the misery and being under control and i'l do it right, do it well...who noes thing doesnt seem to be like this..there are even more problems which are unexpectable and making me into predicaments, i have no idea how and what would be the solutions out of it, i hav no idea how long would i be standing tough on in believing myself that i could make it right, fortunately wit my frens' support that keeps my passion and enthusiasm alive to carry on without giving up so easily... i've been trying so hard to put myself into his shoes and think from his perspective yet i feel myself helpless cos i dun even noe how could i help him..i feel miserable when seeing him being suffered with many problems..perhaps he din bother or not willing to share it out wit me since he wouldnt wan me to worry for him, but i could feel it that he has been trying hard to improve, to solve things out, to bear wit it with open heart, it makes my heart ache whenever seeing him like this...i really hope that he'l share wit me everything...jus dun keep wit himself ..pls~

he carried me ^^

wut a day...wowowo~~~so happening~~~

i forced myself to wake up from bed early in the morning to sms him ..i noe the feeling of being sent a sms of support from the love one...the feeling is jus so sweet~~perhaps he might not have such a feeling, but to me, i jus love to do it for my bf...jus a cheer up and supports for my bf before his exams ^^ after that, i felt my nostrils were clogged and went to wash off...who noes it jus bleed..sigh~~i din notice tat the blood was dripping while i was walking back to my room...oni when i saw the blood dripped on my paper...YEEEE~~

really happie and anticipating wutz gonna happen among us in the K room...i tot it would be real great ^^ met a fren at bank, wel, shud be ex teacher...he looks great now, and even being more talkactive than previously...hez sociable now ^^ great thing ^^ well, waited for him quite some time at the bus stand, i felt pist off, but once i saw him , i felt ntg when he explained to me.. ^^
recently felt really BROKE that i got tight up wit my financial probs....sighhh~~~i've been spending so much ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~~i noe itz all my own fault, i cant be blaming anyone, sometimes i put questions to myself, isit worthwhile for spending those money???i dun even noe the answer, but i jus realised that i've been spending so much after being together wit him...i realised that gals are typical...i hope to look good so that he could be proud to have such a nice gf..somehow, it needs a lot of money for it ~~~~I AM SO BROKE~~ and i think i cant be going anywhere for this coming few weeks...i cant even be eating ...perhaps jus eat at home...cos i hav A LOT to cover...im getting into trouble...DAM IT~~~i hav so much to cover back ...T.T...i think i need to learn for being selfish..hohoho~~

anyway, we were late to K cos of waiting for the bus...reached the destination at last....everything seemed to be alright until i felt something was not going right...i started to be helpless at tat moment...i dinno wut to do...he wasnt looking great and not even talking to me, not even bother to reply me or look at me or us when we talked to him...GOSH~~wutz happening???can anyone tell me wut happen ???OMG~~~~we felt somethingz wrong, i felt lost and dinno wut shud i be doing, until he left the room...OMG~~~ling ling and lui lui were worried too, and i walked out of the room to search for him...i saw him sitting all alone at the staircase...he looks miserable...i guessed that i must had done something hurtful or unpleasant to him until he felt this way.. i could even felt that hez quite upset from his eyes...were all red....i dinno wut to do or to say either..i jus wanna hug him tightly~~~i felt scare at the same time too..i really hope that he'l tel me my mistake so that i would nv repeat the same mistake to hurt him..but he looked so miserable and speechless..and i tot it would be something really unpleasant that hit his boiling point !!i was way too forcing him where he jus din feel to sing, i shy him away when he refused to it few times after i'd asked him for it, i went to enjoy wit my frens and kept him being alienated aside.....i think not oni this, there shud be much more, but he din say out wut was it jus bcos i think itz helpless to say it out since i'd done all these to him, and itz too late to say it out after it had happened...my heart was aching after knowing that my babe wasnt happie wit all these and i made him even more uncomfortable, my thoughts were so confused and lost until i couldnt controlled my tears...i tried not to cry every time when we were on a heat, but im jus a cry babe...my tears would jus drop whenever i feel sad T.T
i felt sad to see him being so miserable..
i felt heart aching that i made my babe suffered..
i felt worried bout my babe not telling and sharing me his thoughts and feelings even he wasnt happie..
i felt helpless that i couldnt make my babe happie..
i was afraid to see my babe in anger..
i felt failure cos i couldnt make my babe release his pressure and unhappiness after a lousy exam day..
i felt guilty that i alwis pressure my babe..

i jus feel somehow that im such a demanding person that makes my babe's life in misery...i jus wondering is my babe happie to be wit me since i've been requesting for so many things...most importantly, im alwis worry that wil my babe give up on our relationship cos of being too pressured?i couldnt imagine how would i be if my babe was gonna give up on me!!!!!and i am alwis afraid wutz gonna happen to us once i graduate and enter into my career lifetime??sighhh....wut fy said was true...dun be pessimistic and alwis overworried bout the future since things are not under our control...jus enjoy the moment!!!i think i shud be like this rather than thinking wutz would probably happen in future and thinking for the solution from now on...sighh~~~WHY AM I BEING SO OVERWORRIED????

anyway, i felt lovely whenever hez trying to stop my tears....at least he would hug me whenever i cry...this is wut i wan my bf to be...to be there for me when i feel sad...and he managed to do it ^^ sometimes i jus wonder wut if he nv bother to care bout me when i cry in front of him cos hez been bore wit it dy...haha~~i hope he'l not >.<.....and one thing i would like to say here, cybercolour gel eye liner is good cos my make up nv get blurred off even i cried like nobody business...i strongly recommending tat eye liner cos itz really waterproof ^^ wowo...nv regret of buying it...hohoho~~
i really could feel that we love each other so much cos we alwis wanna see each other live a happy life.. and we're trying hard to fulfil each other to be happie ^^ this is the main reason that i'l nv give up on him.....even when i knew that he wasnt doing quite well in his exam or might not even pass good in the exam, i'l nv give up cos i noe things wil be great if we put effort together to work things right...i wont give up on my babe because we love each other~~i wil not help him, but to assist him to achieve his success ^^ this is wut true love is, to overcome all probs together and nv give up so easily ^^

by the way, he carried me at his back ~~~~~~~~~~YEAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~this was the very first time he carried me successfully..from the staircase along the corridor until the room ..keke~~~~the feeling was really great cos this was the first time for me being carried by my bf at public!!!itz so sweet to me~~~cos it makes me feel that we jus live in our own world of two without bothering wut others would think bout us...NICE~~~~~I LOVE IT~~but i think hez got freaking tired of it...kakakka...wit my weight...hoho~~hez gonna break his arms man~~HAHAHAHA~~sadly he has no choice cos his my babe...kakaka~i think ling ling and lui lui must be curious wut happened to us...kaka~~went out in serious mode and came back wit sweet mode..hahhaah~~im so happie that he intended to ask me for a duet...T.T~~~~~i noe he wasnt willing to sing..but my babe wan me to be happie ^^ he jus decided to do it for me ^^ muackz~~~the feeling and atmosphere weree totally 360 radical changed ^^ one thing i shud say is THX a lot to my lingling cos she was there for me, although she din do or say a thing, but jus an eye contact and a warm hand made me feel contented tat i hav my fren and babe together at the same time...she jus consoled me wit her warm hand touched on me before things gone to be so happie ^^

after all, everything was in a funny mode...lui lui is the pirated MJ~~~hohohoh...furthermore, hez a great whistler ~~~WOWOWO~ COOL~~~~~and my babe sings so lovely to me...hehe ^^hez alwis lovely to me ^^

we'd chatted so much today, in the bus, in McD, at the street while waiting for bus, at MSN, webcam...i really hope that my babe would nv give up and work things right TOGETHER wit bibi...bibi doesnt hope to see babe give up even itz tough like hell...no matter how tough it is, bibi will alwis be by babe side and nv give up cos bibi loves babe so much and nv wanna lose babe in bibi's life T.T

my babe is so cool~~

babe is soo cool...HEHE~

felt really happie although i lost much of money..haha~~i mean i used quite much money for today... bought some new prods for my skincare...OMG~~~i felt sobs after knowing that the previous prods that i'd bought not suiting my skin..and my skin even got dampened now...SAD SAD~~~wasted the money for those items and yet i've to pay even more money for the maintenance and repairing treatment ...sighhh~~~i shudnt have take her words for it....AIKSS~~but everything was too late ...luckily i wasnt too late as i managed to bring things back to normal or even better though money has been jus gone in this way..

anyway, the happiest thing was we played badminton ~~~AWAWAW~~~it was such a great day to have a badminton session wit him and lingling and lui lui...for being frank here, i have not expect much from him, not a way to say that i put down on him, jus that the higher the expectation , the higher of disappointment wil be..hehehe~~anyhow, i was really impressed wit how he played...GORGEOUS~~i jus love it....so tough~~so strong~~and SOO MANLY~~ AW AW AW AW~~~i felt even greater when howe complimented on him..hahhaa~~~im realistic, nv deny....GOSH~~feel so great that i realised we could click in diff ways...i am really happie that i could shop wit my babe, i could play badminton wit my babe, i could sing K wit my babe, i could watch movies wit my babe...i wish i could eat 'siu mai' together wit my babe and walking along the street...haha~although everything seems to be not romantic for a young couple tat are supposed to be, but i jus feel it needs a balance for ideally romance and daily reality..i wish we could share our lives wit each other, for a long lasting relationship ^^

sob sob ~~

thx for everything...

so happie to meet him up...and finally i met my surprise..haha~~baby donald~~AW~~itz soo cute....i really need to apologise to him cos i blamed him previously for not understanding me, but i realised that it wasnt all this fault too after some time, i was wrong too ^^

anyway...it was a nice day, getting the chance to meet him up in personal, had a great day wit him, although it was jus a few hours, but things seemed to be really fascinating...happie to be wit him even it was jus a moment...the feeling was mesmorize...^^

however, talked to my fren after some time at night, was kinda worried after listening to her advice...was pretty worried bout my period this few days...i felt pain but not period yet..hmm~~~perhaps something makes me feel worried here...perhaps we shud take better precautionay step..cos i am EXTREMELY worry...although i trust him at all..but i wil stil request for 100% safety for myself and oso to him....i do not wanna feel scary and worry after sex...this isnt the way to be..i wanna enjoy SAFE SEX instead of drinking so much herbal tea and eating so much pineapple....AAAARRRGH~~~no one unds my worries...sob sob~~~

finally....PAIN~

ITZ PAIN~~~severe pain~~


anyway, was really happie cos i was trying to prepare lunch for us..haha~~although it was jus a very simple rice wit cucumber, crab meat and omelet with some seaweed since i was trying to make sushi and those rice was left additional , somehow it tastes great ^^

it was our second try, and finally succeeded ^^ but the result was PAIN~i teared twice bcos it was so pain until my vagina wall got stretched and kinda bleed..OMG~~~how could my first time experience to be like this, SOB ~i tot it shud be exciting and fascinating..kaka~~~~finally i und why some ppl would say first time experience isnt so great...i jus felt PAIN~~~

4 vs 1

HE LOST~~hahahaha~

OMG~~~today was really fantastic~im feeling soooooooo happie cos i hav both frens and bf to be wit me at the same time, which i've been alwis love it to ^^thx to them for giving me such a wonderful day ~~ ^^wake up in the morning, realized that my eyes were kinda swollen since i cried many times the day before..however, it seemed to be getting better wit the essence and moisturizer going on it ..went to one u to hav K time ..YEAH~~~i wasnt in the mood at first since many things happened the day before..i called him up and was glad that hez coming over to meet me ^^

while waiting at the bus stand, i saw SK was waiting there too ^^YAY~~someone's there to accompany me all the way to one u in the bus..hehe ~we chit chat while waiting for the bus..really happie havent been meeting her for ages..and we're gonna rock the K room down today ~~NGEK NGEK NGEK~~reached there and shopped for a while before everyone reached.i was really glad that everyone wasnt feeling shy to sing it out loud ^^ after some time, he reached too..really glad that hez willing to spend time wit my frens although i noe this would be another time for him being bore there..kakak~~~but i noe u wouldnt leave me alone cos u noe i love singing ~muackz~ but it was really fun to see a guy being bullied by 4 GALS~~hohoho~~~anyway, i really hope that u'l sing songs to me one day...^^ how lovely it would be that ya bf singing songs to u ...aw aw aw ~~~after that, jus went for bowling session...wowowowo~~it was really great cos lingling and SK were really great...kakak~~sorry darling that U LOST~~kekekekekekekek~~~and im really happie that i got 50 finally the second game...YESH~~~i passed ~~YEAH~~~i was really happie that lingling managed to get so well wit him, they seemed like cat and dog chasing each other...kakak~~how lovely it is that both my BF (boy fren and best fren) get so well together...im really glad ~~ I LOVE YOU GUYS~~

last but not least, i realized that my hidden talent isnt bowling...kakakakak~~

im sorry

i jus need time to accept it..

it was a very happening day to me, ups and downs, but i wasnt feeling any happie after the incident..why???i wake up in the morning, i was really happie that he'l be coming to my place.. i noe everything wil be going really great ^^ this was our 2nd seduction~~kakak ~ i was so in the mood to try out with the sushi..i noe im a noob in boiling rice, i watched videos from youtube to learn how to make sushi rice correctly , how to make MAKI.. i was really excited to make him my very first MAKI, hez the first person to taste it...

i was happie that he ate all of it although it was kinda..ermmm~~the rice was really soft, and the shape of the MAKI wasnt in a shape i would say..hehe~wel, everything was going soooooooo great and good, we were both felt excited on the bed...but wit something that he said to have left me into speechless..

me and my gf last time oso like this one.. having sex wit condom means hez stil a virgin..hmm, then i'l be a virgin until i get married wit my future husband if i've been using condom to have sex wit all my bf..is this wut u are trying to tel me?
wel, i wouldnt get so frustrated if he's told me the truth instead of manipulating the truth...i could tell here that I TOTALLY DISLIKE IT AND IT MATTERS ME, trying imagine that im comparing him with other guys, wel, this wouldnt be a good thing to him and tatz why i dare not to do it to him...however, wut he said was really matters me deep down in my heart..sense of being cheated even made me to be speechless..i was really excited tat moment no until he said that...my feeling jus made as if 'pls do not touch me'.....i tried to control my emotions so hardly, i tried to get my mood back as fast as possible, i tried not to reveal my feelings, but my mind wasnt there for some time, even he's done wut i've been hoping all this while, but the 'i love you' jus being said at the wrong timing...to me, saying i love you in such a distance is such a wonderful thing, but i din feel anything, even stunned for a while until he asked me whether im fine or not..i noe im a spoiler to have ruined everything, I DO HAVE EMOTIONS!i've controlled not to say out everything cos i noe he'l feel bad for sure, and i noe myself well, my words are cruel and harsh, i chose to tel nothing even he's asked me so many times..but i could felt that he wasnt in the mood ady, but i tried so hard to bring things back cos i noe my response had spoiled everything until he left me alone there, i felt sucks and cried out...why was everything going until like this??i ady felt sad cos i felt hez somehow cheated, FINE, i tried hard to calm myself down so that i could control my temper well, i knew that i've ruined his mood for everything, i even tried to talk nicely to him, but i nv expected that he would leave me there, and made me felt that im such a spoiler and loser in life~~~why are all my efforts not working right???i felt angry and sad at the same time, all this emotions pushing my tears dripping from my eyes...i kept questioning myself why has the one i loved so much treated me like this????others could treat me but NOT HIM for sure~~~although we promise nv mention bout it, however i have a very good memory~i tried to stop crying bcos i noe that he wouldnt be happie to see me crying so sadly..furthermore, he's trying to console me.

luckily all this had not last long, everything ended so funny for the day..haha~however, he's left, i went for a bath..for quite some time until i've alienated his calls.. i was crying again in the bathroom... i kept asking myself, why would i be so bother wit this thing?perhaps i havent been loving him deeply until i could accept everything of him including his past...i feel even sad when i found myself hav kinda losing faith onto him...

im sorry for everything..

tough task ~~

where shud i begin...hmm, lots to tel even few days had jus passed..

ytd was a really happening day to me..his first day of coll, excited to hear from him bout his coll life, hope he's a great time there..^^ however, i planned to sing k wit yuan and fy..suddenly yuan jus sms telling me tat hez bringing his gal along..wowowo~~of all sudden, WL even told me that hez coming over to meet me since his class ends up early...OMG~~~i was sooooooooo happie and this really surprised me ~HEHE~~i was glad cos he intended to come and find me, i felt so touched..^^ he even spent time to sing K wit my frens, but i was really worried that they couldnt click well since he might got bored off wit those chinese songs..hehe~~somehow, i felt so nice when i could hold his hand and wit his hugs while singing love songs..tatz why i stayed strong to not let him go when he wanted to go off, cos i jus wanna be selfish for him to be by my side although i noe he was quite bored..kakakakka~~somehow, i felt kinda guilty and sorry towards FY since both yuan and me were having our partners there, enjoying our sweet time, but she was alone without her darling ..awww~
somehow, i've done something real selfish, i decided to went for a walk wit WL rather and agreed to leave FY alone at MPH...aw~~i was quite worried to let her going home alone by cab...aiksss~~dilemma~~

wel, everything going so fine until at night, he's gone kinda moody without telling me why , somehow i jus felt that he wasnt happie wit something, or perhaps got pist off wit something, but i jus have no idea wut was it, merely guessing and worrying, but he seemed having no confidence wit himself...i jus felt somehow he's trying hard to improve himself to fulfill me...wowow~~but i jus couldnt und why was he so moody last night..

anyhow, he jus sms me that he missed me and wanna chat wit me, tat moment i really wanna noe wut happen initially although i noe he might not wanna talk bout it anymore...heheh~~but i jus wanna noe was there anything i've done wrongly..heheh~~seemed like he was pretty great today..hahah~~i was happie when he really sms me asking which bus suppose to be going to one u...wowoow~~~although i was pretty tiring after 2 lectures of heavy subs, somehow i felt really great to lean on his shoulders when i was so tiring...^^really felt so beloved when someone so care of myself...i nv expected that he could be spending 3 hours alone at the shopping mall waiting for my class to end...hahah~~silly boy even trying to play tat 'picking-on-a-doll' game to get a doll for me..hahaha~~but ended up wit RM5 wasted...kakka~somehow i felt tat hez so cute..haha~~

while on the day back home, his dad was calling him and IM GONNA MEET HIS DAD UP...OMG~~~totally a tough task for me~~~i was anxious for sure... but i told myself to stay calm..hehe~~we went for a meal..everything seems fine and i hope his dad would like me ^^

he loves my G string ^^

AW AW AW ~~~he loves my G string ~~HEHEH

i was kinda excited in the morning cos i noe im gonna tell him a very long story, i've planned to tell him everything, i was really glad that i could told him everything bout my life, my family , my feelings....until i cried in front of him, i felt so secured and pleased when he consoled me with his hug, he told me that was the past and no more happening dy, although i noe it'l stil be happening around, somehow i felt really sweet that he said it to me in such a way.

i nv expect it to rain in the noon cos it was quite sunny in the morning, somehow we jus stayed at the room, and he likes my G string...hahah~~wel, hez pretty GOOD , i would describe it as..hahah~~I JUS LOVE HIS CHEST , SHOULDER AND ARMS~~i love it sooo much... i think im gonna miss it for long~~

after that, we went one u for lunch and hang out. we even went for a bowling session after lunch. i felt really worried and anxious since i've fall down on the bowling lane ytd at the same location, but he seemed so happie in playing it, of cos i would play wit my darling ^^ but i really couldnt relax myself cos there were quite lot players over there, and my lane was jus straight to the counter...after 2 games, jus went for a pool~~WOWOW... not bad~~hehe~~after all, we went for a walk...this was the first time i went window shopping !!!!i love it soo much~~~this was the first time that i put on the clothes and showed it to him~~~WOWOW~~~furthermore, im happie that he even chose clothes for me to try on~~~i noe i wasnt wearing very nicely and pretty, but the feeling is my bf choosing the clothes that he likes and put them onto me~~~HEHEHEHE~~~itz sweet to me...happie and excited to see his response after putting on the dress fit and walking out from the fitting room.. tat moment was really happie to see his response ~

something to share bout, im seriously very happie when he said to hav a family and make our kids to have a good environment for life...OMG~~U ARE SOO SWEET~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i love u ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~muackzz~~~~
im happie too when he said to buy a BIKINI set for my bday...hahahah~~~AWAWAWA~another thing was im happie if he was to buy me any lingeries whenever he thinks of me..kakak~~~~

i love u darling~~

fall in love with G string

so happeningggg~~~~

went out with ling today..wowow~~although it was simple but very happie cos we've been ages not hanging out gather, bowling sumore~~YEAH~~~this was the first time we both playing bowling, the feeling was really great...OUR FIRST TIME..hahaa~~i would rmb our first time in my life ever...cos it was sooooooooo memorable, i fall down on the bowling lane !!!OMGGGG~~~~it was really embarrassing, and i would make sure myself to nv repeat the similar mistake especially in front of my lovely darlingg..haha~~cos i do not hope to embarrass him , for sure~~although it was a huge humiliation to myself, but have u ever experience such an embarrassment ever in ya life b4???no leeee...hehehe~~tatz why i felt shameful at first, but quite funny and meaningful instead. at least i would have experienced a really baddddd embarrassment before my career age ^^ perhaps i wouldnt have the courage to accept if i were to fell in front of my colleagues.

went on a nice lunch at italiannis ^^ i was happie to see ling enjoying so much with the food , especially her fav, mussel Lombardi and finally got her order of chicken sausage carbonara..^^
after the lunch, we finally went for our MISSION FOR THE DAY~~hehe... i was really happie that she willing to share everything wit me, i mean experiences and her willingness to let me care bout her health.. finally she gotta noe wutz with her health prob and released her stress and worries onto the issues...YOYO~~~CONGRATS~~~HUGS~~im happie too that i've learned something from it..

back home, perhaps i jus done something that would have irritated him, or something happened that makes my darling not in the mood to talk to me, but i was really worried wut initially happened to him, why wouldnt my darling sharing his unhappie things wit me, but perhaps others instead...this makes me even upset when i saw his FB page comments..i noe i shudnt be stalking or checking onto him... but i felt rely stupid and foolish T.T i was worrying there so much onto him, yet he was chatting wit a gal at FB...he seemed really happie to play 'comment' at FB woooo... but he jus said KNS and swt to me when i was trying to play 'comment' at FB wit him....SIGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~really frustrated jorr....really sad niaaa that the one i loved and care so much treated me like this.... i nv tot that i nv felt angry once i realised it, DOWN instead...i felt foolish...i was soo excited to share wit him that i've bought a nice G string today wit ling... wel, i dun intend to tel him now cos he makes me feel as if im a fool to worry so much and being sooo in fear that he might angry wit me...i try controlling myself.. but tat moment when i realised it jus makes me feel not in the mood to talk to him ..
who am i to u ,wilson?

i nv IMAGINE THAT I LOVE YOU wilson

results are out~~~~~

i was pretty excited once i got up from my bed this morning, that i knew we're gonna enjoy a really nice day!!this was our very first time to sing to each other, our first K time !!aw~~imagine that i've alwis been singing wit my bunch of frens, yet not wit him for once~~~silly me that i'd planned out wut to sing cos i've been hoping to sing some songs to my bf, if i have one and i could~

i was lost in confusion why was he being in tat way when i reached the LRT station..i'd wondered wut had i done wrongly to make him in a pist off face. perhaps i was late, but it wast yet to be 10.45, and i wasn't. i had no idea wut shud i be doing, but just sitting away from him and leaving him at the corner side. i was curious whether he was in a dilemma or a bad mood, out of ideas, but not daring myself to ask him cos i was quite sad since i was pretty excited previously~ i sat at another side, listening to my MP3, sizzling yet worrying bout. however, for sometime, i realised that i wouldnt be sizzling if he was really into a dilemma and i was here to put on my anger without a reason and being there for him. therefore, i decided to send him an SMS of asking him wut happen and that im scare and worried about you. he walked towards me and sat beside me, with a tiring face. he said hez having headache prob. i felt even worse that to hang out wit him even when hez not feeling well. i've rather to make him stay at home than torturing him being wit me..^^

fortunately the conflicts seemed to have lasted for not more than 30 mins..haha~~everything back to normal when we were trying to tickle each other at the bus. AHAAA~~~im alwis freaking out wit tickling...OMG~~~i nearly spoilt my make up...=.= i knew that he wasnt in the mood, perhaps i would say hez somehow quite nervous in singing wit me...kakak~~~wut i wan is to enjoy wit him, no matter how he sings. we ended up went to redbox...kekeke~~~it was great cos i nv expect to have less ppl, perhaps it was morning hour. the room is great, the renovation was nice, the food was much better comparing to THE CURVE and THE GARDEN, services are good, sound system is great, lots of songs~~~

i was happie that i think wut he thinks..kekeke~~~come on darling, who am i to u ?of cos i do noe who are ya favs and wut u alwis been listening ~~~however, he jus couldnt get use to singing wit a mic, perhaps hez shy..kaka~~but why jus couldnt sing and nervous as if i would wolf u down and swallow u into my stomach. im jus a normal human being here, not to judge u , not to humiliate u, but to listen to my bf !!and darling, i could heard ya singing plssss, u were jus beside me and the small room had oni 2 of us~

his mom called in a sudden, i was really nervous and anxious at tat moment, couldnt tot of anything, i seemed to be helpless to him, but burdening him for worrying me, when i heard their conversation on the phone call, i jus sat aside, and trying hard to calm myself down. after that, he gave me big tight bear hug, i nearly tear off...but i did not cos i knew tat he would have even more worried and felt burdening wit it. i kept it to myself, but happie that he was there for me. im so scared tat his mom would have misunderstood bout us, and for his parents to worry bout his safety, i totally get it all!!!i hope he could have good communication wit them rather than being unhappie in the conversations.

after the K,we went for a movie, IMAGINE THAT lead by eddie murphy. it was a joke, i tot at first, knowing nothing bout the synopsis, paying no attention during the screen play, somehow i slowly discovered the msg expressed by the movie, it was GREAT~~

wel, we watched 2 great movies, ytd was I LOVE YOU BETH COOPER although both movies are simple, yet it meant a lot~~~ytd was a great outing too...i managed to score more than 50 for bowling~~YAY~~~~~i was quite upset since i got 49 for the first game and i decided to go for the second game...hoho~~who noes i scored 70++~~~^^~~~i knew that he was fooling around so that i could score a higher point to gain my confidence...MUACKZ~~
after that, we'd walked around at cold storage before gone to the bus stand. the feeling was somehow peculiar, i felt as if we were newly married young couple who went shopping for some groceries for our home..haha~~the feeling is really sweet and lovely, " wut do u wanna eat for dinner honey?" this is how i felt at tat moment..kakaka~~

at the end of the day, wut im happie for was he ate the burger that i made for him ^^ i alwis feel that itz lovely and sweet to make a meal for my love one, and i hav the chance now to make for him, and he loves it~~~i felt really sweet when he said he loves it ^^sumore wit the 'embarrasment' of bringing along the small container all the way back home, pretty 'cool' for a guy to do it..kakakka~~im happie tat hez willing to take it like that, hahhaa~~although it wasnt for a long time, but at least he nv complained bout the food..muackz~
but im really felt SORRY and guilty to make him spending much on taxi fare. he wouldnt have spent tat much if i were to ask him for accompanying me back, SORRY !!!!!

happie happie day~

it was a great lunch and talk wit my bunch of best frens ^^

i was so happie that i met up wit my DD finally. the feeling was slightly nervous at first, even i told yuan bout it that im nervous to meet her up since there might be possibility of silence between us since we've not been seeing each other for like some time..perhaps i was being overworried..haha ~anyway, thx for the compliment and being as my genuine pig to try on my food..^^ ~~im sure charlly would make u ya fav food and dishes to u everyday.. u noe, i alwis feel that making a lovely breakfast for my love one and frens is really a happy thing to me ^^ i feel very contented and sweet if i were to have the chance to prepare a meal for him everyday, at least a lunch or a breakfast ^^

wel, we were trying to search for her house..haha ~~on the way was really fun.. im really so blessed and glad that i have such a good fren wit me, good buddy, good coursemate, good K kakii~~ YEAH~~~ nice~~~i was imitating the way he sings ..kakak ~~~

finally found her house, and we act past by earlier..haha ~~i was happie that we both were wearing hair bans~~~YEAHH~~~luckily i wore too~~YAY~

tat moment, i feel really contented and kept thinking wut have i done to gave me such good frens in my life~~~~^^~~we went for a simple lunch..but it was really meaningful cos i gave her a big surprise~~YEAH~~~ i contacted our fren, raaj, and he came all the way from Seremban to meet us~~~and she totally din noticed bout it since they tot i was talking to my bf on the hp, which i was purposely to do it..keke~~~im sooo happie that our raajy is getting married next year~~~WOWOWOWO~~~and hez asking me to work for his comp..hahahh~~but one thing im so happie that shez surprised wit it~~~YEAHH~~~~

after the lunch, the guys suggested to go home so that the GALS could have more personal space and time for pillow talk..hehe~~be frank, im happie that my dearly lovely fren has found her path in her life, and shez sooo happie and satisfied wit her life ~~im sooo glad to see her being so happie , and could able to rely on someone who is reliable whereby she could slow down at least。。happie~~

tooooo toooo train~~~

it was all fated in my belief..

it was a great day ..awesomely to be a happening day. i was so excited bout to meeting him for our date, somehow i din even noe the reason for it, but jus hope to stick with him ^^
as usual ,movies for the date, going by LRT..where something happened to have startled me O.O

i received his text msg while i was still queuing for train tickets at taman bahagia and intially i was heading to kelana jaya station. who noes i jus marched up to another platform which is heading towards paramount garden, without a doubt into the train and search for a seat. i jus realised when the train was moving half way, where the sceneries seems different as wut i usually been seeing..haha! i noticed that i've gone into the wrong train...dumb me!so i jus got down from the train and bough another ticket to KJ~~~hahaha~~i was so rushing since i tot he would have reached there and waiting for me...aiks~

while in the train , some thoughts jus flashed in mind in a sudden, regarding to proposal. i knew that we're gonna watch a movie bout proposal, and i was wondering wut if one day we discuss bout engagement, then how shud i decide then??kakak.. stupid and silly idea came to my mind at tat moment, wut if we'll let the train to decide for us..hahah~~~we'l marry if we get into the same train coincidentally...i even smiled and laughed out at the train since i was day dreaming there..

finally i'd reached ^^ i was so surpised when i saw him standing in front of me at the lower ground of the staircase...how come hez here?was he jus waited for me there??but wasnt it impossible to jus waited there?? O.O~~~OMGGGGGGGGGGGG~~~we were at the same train jus now without realising~~~~~OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG~~~~~~~~~~he was at the front, and i was at the back of the train , but both at the same train~~~OMGG~~he told he had waited at the first LRT station once he arrived since he guessed that i would be late for sure...OMGGG~~~if he wouldnt have waited for me and my sillyness of going for the wrong platform, we then impossibly to be at the same train ^^ hehehe... this makes me to feel really great~~~

movies were niceeee...District 9 and The proposal~~~i felt so happie and glad when he paid for my movies...i duno why , i jus felt happie ~~perhaps u might say itz a must for a guy to bear the cost of expenses for a date..however, this isnt wut it meant to me, i felt contented cos my bf wanted to fulfill wut i've been hoping for, although itz jus a movie ticket, but this is wut i've been hoping- to watch the proposal ^^ perhaps i might have felt wrongly, somehow im happie cos we watched it ^^

i felt sooo glad tat he intended to ask me to spend less and save more for myself. although i noe having a lunch at sakae sushi will be spending out of my weekly budget, but isnt it worth while to have a happie lunch ?he fulfilf me to be so happie, and i hope to treat him for his fav sushi cos i hope hez happie too ^^

the movie, THE PROPOSAL~~~GOSH~~i teared in the cinema, perhaps tat part was really touching to my heart !!!i felt so embarrassing when he realised that i was crying, and he kept looking at my face...OMGG...when he asked me to look at him, i felt to even cry harder...kakakakkakaka~~sorry to wet ya shirt..hahahha...especially ya chest...kaka~~

sighh....when can we date again ???i love you saying i love you to me , itz really sweet <333

happie day~

happie day~~happy bday in advance to u ~~~^^

everything seemed to be working out according wit my plan..haha~~but i din expect that he nv drink at all~~~~~i could have ordered a glass of wine and a cocktail, instead of me drinking most of the wine, one jug is equally to a bottle...i nv deny im not a good drinker all the time~hehe~~i jus managed to drink half of it...aiks~~wasted~~~how could i wasted the wineee???aiskkkks...i noe u guys would say, dun care,,jus drink it until vomit~~hahah ~~

anyway, another failure was, i couldnt get him a blackforest cake..aiks~~i tot of getting him tat at ZEN, who noes not even at both ZEN and secret recipe~~luckly he likes the choco indulgence ^^
however, i tot of hugging him when singing the bday songs, at least i could whisper at his ear, who noes there were crownded, and the chair and table structure doesnt allow me to do so ..aiks~~~somehow, it was a happie day ^^
at least we had no arguements..^^ im happie that he treated me for movie, GI joe wasnt tat great though..kakak~~my next targeted movie would be the proposal~~~GOSH~~~

~the bday boy~~

fried calamari+ white wine

nice neh??of cos laa.. who ordered onee...

chicken meatballs with alfredo sauce with linguine

mussel Lombardi

alerr... boleh minum keh tak???o.O

this is nicee...

can i say beauty and the beast??hahah~~~KAKAKAKAK~~i love tis~ AW AW

happie bday ...TO U~~~~muackz~~~

hehe.. nice lee, ya choco indulgence...who choose onee~~~~hahahah

my frens and me...and PAN MEE^^

been some time for not meeting them up..they are coming back this month~~^^

first of all wil be JEAN~GOSH~~~im soooo happie when she sms me telling that shez back!!hehe~nv made to meet up last year due to finals...missed that chance~and im freaking free lately~~hoho~~itz time to hav some gossips and pillow talks...kekek~~we act met up tat day, after meeting with my buddy, chao~~hoho~~~wel, i was really anticipating to meeting him since we are alwis a good K team~~haha~~the feeling was real great, exciting~~however, i could feel that hez not as much talkactive as previously, or perhaps we hv not much topics anymore, some we could share off but some are not~~anyhow, hez stil my buddy~~^^

i met up wit jean after that, the gossip session was realllly fun~~talked a lot until we din realised time had jus passed so fastly~itz really an enjoyment to chit chat around with frens...topics of lives, families, educations, of cos bf~~~haha~~i jus cant wait to have another session of K wit her and her frens~~~~OH GOSH~~~~it shud be really amazing cos i doubt oni both of us would be the singing one~~~hoho~~~~

wel, another happie news is my DD is coming back for summer hols, i guess..haha~~happie to see her back to her home sweet home finally, with his sweetie as well.. i bet her parents would have got startled for some moment with her surprising planning..haha~


last but not least, I WAN PAN MEE~~~~~~~~~i jus wanna eat PAN MEE so badly~~~arrrrrrrrghhhh~~

tasteless

wut are the things i can say ?

my feelings are weird!!i feel that i've been dragging him..im so worrying!!i started to feel as if i cant feel him with me...the major prob is that we have nothing to talk to each other..i noe that he feels bore all day long at home..but i really feel useless when i was trying to make him happie but ended up with bad result..sigh~wut is the prob i've been wondering..my prob?his prob??our prob would be, most probably.
somehow, i started to confused wutz the feeling of being in love..when i think bout this, my tears begin to drip!wutz happening between me and him???i cant feel sweet, or laughter brought by him~~~perhaps i've not been seeing him in person for so long, and this makes me to feel in such a way that I CANT FEEL MY BF~~the feeling of him is so abstractive...hazardous...sighhhh...it makes me to question myself all this while, i dont love my bf anymore???this makes me in fear.. i dun wan sad things happen between us, yet im feeling like this...tasteless..wut shud i do ??wut can i do ???

no comment on it

hmmm....i duno wut to talk

i dun like a moment of silent, i barely stand it cos im not a silent person...nothing to talk bout has been the prob for us, and i really hav no idea how shud i be resolving for this... perhaps we havent been reaching out tat level yet...hahaha ^^


there are alwis hard time for me in telling him things, or telling him wut i think...i've alwis been worrying how would he feel if i were to say like this to him...how much could he take it if i say that to him... i noe my words jus hurt others without me realising how hurtful are my points...sigh,,i seriously do not noe wutz happening in his life...hav no comment on it.... sigh..

im selfish~~

i have no idea wutz gonna happen later...

somehow i really feel myself kinda stupid...why didnt i choose the easy way instead of lying to my dad????perhaps this might be part of my mistake and i've gotta bear the responsitbility too ~but i jus feel that itz time for me to grow!!i noe i'd for sure to been through all these, but jus the matter of time~perhaps this is the time for me to really rebel and get used to being independent wit myself..but it seems pretty sad without sharing happiness and sadnesses wit my family~~~however, i do feel that they dun really share it wit me, i mean when im trying my best to share it out wit them , they seem not to bother so much on me,not like my sis~i dun mean to have jealousy,but somehow, i dun feel a part of them ~itz pretty obvious that i seems to have no communication channel wit them~perhaps, yes but not the right way for it~somehow i jus feel im alwis the exclusion, when i feel sad, they seem not to even bother to ask wut happen, even i choose to cry in the bath room rather than telling them wutz act going on, cos i noe they would jus say, forget bout it or wutever!!i got fucking fed up wit this kinda language...

perhaps of this situation that has cause my upbringing to become someone that is selfish!!

T.T

i was really happie ytd ....

i was so excited and happie tat one of my best frens would support me for cooking pasta for tmr's surprise party~~im soo happie that i found out we are on the same point in a sudden~~~i was quite anticipating wutz gonna be their response after eating my food..kaka~~cos i alwis care how the eaters feel bout my cooking.. ^^

once a blue moon , me and my best sis had so much topics, perhaps cos we were in the similar situations..hehehe~~we had a great chat, was so excited...really hope to meet her up and give her a big HUG~~~~


wel, everything was in a good mode, somehow seems like i've ruined the situation again..sigh~~i jus dun und how come my brain could think so 'efficiently'...kaka~~jus finished my bath, i was crying in the bath room for some time...i dunno wut to do , i jus feeel that my heart is bleeding..T.T.. i have the feeling again , im such a FOOL~~~i alwis choose to believe his words,i alwis persuade myself to give him faith that he really loves me~~erm, but sometimes i jus hardly adapt the way...and i feel frustrated when things are not happening as how i expected...

i tot hez gonna reach at 10..i was rushing to MV, cos i doubt he might be waiting there, who noes he made me waited again...sighh!!i noe that itz soo hard for us to meet, tatz why i din intend to tel him i've waited cos i wanna appreciate the time of being together..why would i being so silly and stupid to believe 100%???when i realised that hez late, the first thing came to my mind is not anger, but disappointment...why he breaks the promise again whenever i put my 100% trust on him???am i nothing to him???why would he to treat me like thiss???T.T

after all, i tried not to bother bout thiss, i forget bout thiss, i take it as nothing happen...we really enjoyed the time...but until he said something that makes me feel really boh song!!!i notice that he seems quite remember wut his ex likes, but he jus dunno wut i wan and wut i feel if im not there to tell him~~anyhow, this isnt the way shud be !!! i seriously DO NOT like to tell everything out, wutz the point if i were there to tel u everything????somehow hez jus not observant, or i may say for a guy to be observant towards someone provided he loves her~seems like he jus dun wanna lose me and wan me to be wit him , but i jus dun like him to be responsive type, whereby he'l not do it if i nv tell him to, or request to!!!the 2 clothes that i bought for him, he jus din bother to wash it or keep it, but jus put aside, i noe itz a little matter, but sometimes it reflects something~~

i admit that im a emotional and complicated thinker, but i alwis control myself not to be worrying so much...but my feeling jus tells me that i dun feel secure!!!! i alwis question his love to me, cos i barely see it or feel it!!!wut i think my fren said to me was somehow true, he hopes to get feedback from his gf, the situation wil jus black off withouth feedback..i feel the same thing tooo..im fed up of oni me sacrificing and contributing....i fed up of believing his promises to me, cos everytime ends up hurting deep down to my soul~~~cos i feel really SILLY~~~wut do i get after loving him 100%???although ppl alwis says nv expect for return when u love someone, but sooner or later i'l get fed up when i give in my total heart and love to him , and ended up like this!!

i HATE to say i hav no money and ASK him to treat me eat... do u noe itz such an embarrassment to me???but i jus cant stand that i have to bear all the expenses~~~this really hurts me cos i really feel that im being fool to jus as someone who can accompany u when u are too free, or when u need some warmth from a gal!!!!this really makes me soooooooooo upset!!!

and another thing i feel disappointed as well, whenever u ask me wut i wan!!!!i really feel no comment i really tot that u'l really getting it for mee, i really believe that u are really doing it, but everytime u are telling me that, '' u can do it, slowly laa...'' then why would the first place u ask me wut i wan ????why i feel that i cant rely on my bf????T.T...and u din even notice that wut im looking at whenever we walk around...u jus tend to look around..haha..then how on earth u to noe wut i like ???WUT AM I TO U ??????


i kept take ya word for it whenever u promise me, but ended up i feel so hurt u noe!!!i feel hurt cos of disappointment and feeling being FOOLED~T.T...when u asked me wut happened, i dunno how to say it out face to face to u, cos i noe i'l cry immediately, and i tried to control and took deep breath, telling myself that, CSL u could do it!!

no wonder my guy frens told me not to rely and believe into men, although they are too..haha!!!!

i wan presentable

i feeel soooo tiring.....exhausted~~~~~~~~


woke up so early in the morning, i tot of having a good sleep at night, but wutz wit my life huh????
stressful~~~i have tutorial questions to go , i need time for research , i need time for study, and there are many things happening around that needs my concentration away from it. should i allocate better wit my time???i feel like im so degraded recently... where goes my knowledge??where goes my determination???i need to be good~~i have to be good~~i wanna be good~~

wel, i feel so stressful and in dilemma after a moment of gaming tonight. i tot i would have been so happie after killing the scourage and won the victory, but this isnt the end of the story!!there are stil some story to be continued... i realised no one seems happie and satisfied after gaming, so wutz the point of gaming at the first place rite??i think i would nv do it again...NEVER EVER~~~~my bf jus feel unhappie and my best frenz bf feel the same either, i guess... this really puts the 2 best frens into dillemma.. i feel soooooo arghhhh~~~~i feeel so tiring dy...T.T......i cant picture that i din finish my tutorial work , my research and jus played game wit him since i noe hez bored~~sigh!!!CSL is really losing her way out!!!!and i stil have to make him happie when hez sad... perhaps i really not a good gf for him.... sumore this emo guy stil being emo in front of me..AAAAAAAAAAAA~~FUCK OFFF~~~~~i hate it !i hate it~i hate it!i tot i could jus stay relax and comfortable when i reached home, there are way too many things for me to worry bout outside, and i need to worry bout my bf...sighh~~~

wel, when he asked me how can he fulfil me... i really tot of tonnes of things....somehow, i jus gone speechhless when he pointed out the question to me cos i hav no idea how shud i be telling him the truth....sighhh!!!anyhow, i stil think it shud be kept within myself, at least i wont ruin anything off.... i've been trying soooo hard to maintain and improve the relationship, but it seems tat wut im trying to do isnt working out right its way...

noe wut??i really envy and hope that he can be like wut i wan ....at least the simple things...im demanding, im realistic, im egoistic, im sarcastic.....but wut i expect him to have do not really sounds insane cos i found all these in my frens!!!
i alwis thinking why would my frens be soooo nice and caring to their gals.... i really hope hez the way they are, although i shudnt be comparing them , but this are how usually guys would do for their gals!!!

i cant see any sadly..T.T...i dunno wut to do....i really cant feel any...T.T...and it slowly caught me fed up , and i feel soooooooooooooooooo sad when i feel fed up....i hope my bf could make me happie, not to make me worry....T.T....i feel helpless when im being stucked in the middle of nowhere of him and my frens....u are unhappie wit it, and im saying sorry to making u not happie, and oso saying sorry for making them not happie... so now who is the one not happie after all?????????????????????????????????????

my forehead..^^

i plead guilty in hurting someone's heart and dignity~~~~

it was really like a roller coaster life.. i was so happie and excited once i woke up from my bed. i could meet my darling at last~~YAY~~~my feeling was really happie, i hav so much to share wit him!!

unfortunately, my angry mode ruined the day...sigh~~i was trying to control myself but no doubt im a hot tempered person. i told myself to stay calm when i see him..but i jus wanna cry so seriously while i was walking alone, doing nothing at the mall. i nearly cry out while i was walking, i dunno wut am i doing tat time, i felt lost somewhat i have no direction to go for it.. why i was feeling this way again???i dunno, but i knew it clear that i was upset even it wasnt a serious matter.

i was really mad at him once i saw him. i seriously had no idea wut to response, but i knew i was on a hot pan, i could burn anyone tat time, is either i'l hug him and cry, or give him my piece of mind, and i choose the second option. it was really harsh to him, and i noe he jus kept everything to himself cos i think he jus dun hope to ruin the relationship~~i felt even guilty when he really tot like that and i was mad on stupid silly little matters....sigh~i feel myself isnt a suitable for him, i feel im bad for him ~~im so worry he'l be so suffer cos of mee, i feel somehow i did hurt him so badly, wit my words and wut i'd done!im so worry that this experience would stay as a history of memory in our relationship...sigh~~

wel, after all, i felt happie again...kkakakakak~~~i was really touched when he intended to buy me a thing..somehow, i jus dun hope to waste his money..hehe ^^ sumore i din expect myself to be such a good pool playerr...hohohoh~~~me myself too felt quite fake for my playing...kaka~~~but i really enjoyed the time being togather wit him..sadly it was short tat day...and i felt not enough.omg~~i jus wan longer, even jus a min plz!!sighh....

sobs...my plan totally out dy, my perfect plan for his bday..sigh~~~i was planning so well dy, sadly i spent so much..sighh~~~~sighhhh~~~~but CSL is creative!!!!YEAHHH~~~~im superb in that...hohoho~~~i hav tonnes of ideas for sure...hoho~~~~i noe i can~~~YEAHHHH~~~hohohoh~~~


wel, one thing to be rmb, he kissed my forehead for the first ever time since we've been together..hahaha~~i realised he nv done it even he kissed my cheeks and lips for times, but forehead is sooo sweet for my bf to kiss me...tat moment was melting to mee..hehehe~~^^


last but not least,my GUCCI FLORAL~~~OMGGG, i fall in love wit tat perfume, itz sooooo adorable and lovely..itz jus irressistable~~~MUACKZ~~~

im way too silly ~

feel so tiring for the day, headahce~~wut happen to me??

i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~

however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.


i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~

fren vs bf

i alwis wish to have unfinished topics wit my bf...

somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.

why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=