feel it with ya heart...

wut do u get from a song when u listen to it?

at the very first time where u got approached to this song..that u have no idea bout it..which is a whole new song to u...wut would be the first thing that attract ya attention?something that catches ya soul to combine with the song and play along with it?something that makes u so tempting on the song and even feeling full by listening to the song....something that u feel fantastic with as if u have got the right thing at the right time...something that arise all ya inner feelings...ya memories..or some song that represents something or meant for it..a song that u'l nv feel bored with thru out ya whole life...

or maybe u'l jus pay total attention on the arrangement without bothering on wut have the composer or song writers are trying to express thru such medium...perhaps a great arrangement is the point to it..wut if the song is jus played with a single instrument..mostly unplugged??or a solo without a word of lyrics?then u've gotta feel it...

i share with him and he doesnt~

itz been a habit for me to notice whether or not his name is appearing at my MSN list...i'l somehow feeel like missing something for the day if hez not online..sigh~

is this gonna indicate that im goin to a more critical stage of falling on him?haha~i was a tremendously emo person....my feelings can be a rollercoster for now and a total change to a ferris wheel in next min..and i felt really disappointed when i knew my 2 close bros were not gonna attend todayz class..i noe im gonna have a hard time..and i nearly told FY ,my fren while on the way to campus..phew~~~i jus cant tell her the truth although i wanted it so much..i noe i jus cant tel her if i wouldnt wan things to be even complicated~of cos i do hope that he noes my feelings towards him,but i've been thinking of wut can i give to him?

anyway, i was really down in the morning whereby i had nothing to speak about,even if hez sitting by my side,the feeling was jus to remain silent for some time..and this was so not my style..ppl think that im talkactive,which is not the 100% of CSL~i do but im do not all the time..i do have moody time in my life rite?and i din feel like bothering wut he was saying or doing since he din even bother wut i said to him...sigh~~thatz more than enough to hurt me~im realising that i've been trying to think in my own way,without thinking on wut he has does to others..perhaps everything happens to be one sided...i share everything with him...but he seems to keep everything away from me....perhaps this has shown that hez not willing to share his personal feelings with me so isnt it the answer saying that he's jus treating me as a normal fren?obviously rite~and yet im stil so falling so deeply into him...and the feeling is getting stronger everyday...which is so gonna kill me~

i need u when im at the bottom,i need u too when im at the peak

MY CLOUD~~im trying my very best to be happie since we are celebrating ya birthday..but thh fact is there..i jus hardly display something else rather than moody on my face..i dun wanna pretend but i noe i have to..and the lucnh was really a tough task for me..i rather stay at home and enjoy watching TV...i keep wondering wut have i done to him..i mean another fren..did i do anything that makes him dislike me?did i?i really have no idea..why has he to treat me so cold recently..perhaps i have done something wrong towards him..but shudnt he be treating me like this??how would he feel if he were to be treated in this way?dam itz hurt k~~u are making me to hate myself..u making me to feel as if i've done anything wrong in my life..i rather wan u to tel me my wrong doings..and ask for forgiveness...at least i noe the mistakes..

anyway..i was kinda lost today ...as in i really have no idea wut shud i do.everyting jus happened in a sudden and im trying to handle it with my very best..im so lost~~~i hardly recall my memory...everything seems to be a mess..i feel so lost~~~i wanna get rid wit this kinda lifestyle..i wanna have my determination back to my life...i dun wanna let a guy to ruin my entire life...and i noe im not cos im selfish enough to say that..i hate myself of fallin into him..i really hate it~~im feeling as if im abnormal since i've fallen into my buddy~~~i wanna cry~~dear dear..where are u??i need u to be here with me when im upset..i need u so much cos u are the one which allows me to cry on ya shoulder without thinking of embarrassment..im not as tough as u do..i really admire the way u take things..when can i be like u?i need u when im at the bottom..i need u too when im at the peak~~

why am i to go thru this moment..i've experienced the same thing last year..which my koh koh was there to support me and went thru everything with me..but things've changed..no one is here to support me in getting over all this...jus feel how stupid am i to repeat the same mistake..same feelings..but i took 3 days to heal myself up..and i hope i'l make it shorter...

hottie+sexie=lesbian post

i knew itz gonna be u hottie~~muax~~~huggies~~~im so happie to share my ups and downs wit u..somehow we are xx miles away..yet we stil care for each other...im really glad to known u as fren~~~

anyway,jus feel like talking something bout the prom night whcih was held last fri at MPHall of my campus..frankly the atmosphere was oni so so as compared to last year..and even the food was jus normal..but the goodies bag was not worthy..and of cos the ppl were nicely dressed up even better than previous year..it was such an amaze..but of cos u would see the emcees without their excitement this year even they remained unchanged..i jus couldnt see their flame thru their eyes..everything was jus done in the so so way...and even my performance was really a mess..cos i din went thru the sound test b4 the performance..and jus told the DJ at the very last mins...which cos them trouble..but luckily we managed to coped with it..anyhow, we were really panic cos we did practiced twice officially ..and i wasnt familiar with the song since it was the first time for me to listen to the song...of cos i'l try my best to do it~

the make up was really nice cos FOC..my fav~~yeah~~jus nice and pro skills..all thanks to the make up team from creative..they were really gorgeous and helpful as the guys were really chunned~~cos they were so tender and caring when u were willing to let them to apply those chemical onto ya face as they wish..they respect u and even listen to ya suggestions or opinions..and the main thing is they are really nice and friendly persons~~keke~

anyway..another thing that had flied me up to the sky was..i took pic with this guy~~~i din expect him to take pic with me cos i dinno that he attended the prom..coincidently he was there queing for the food..and he saw me..wowow~~i was really happie and shy when he put his hand at my shoulder and jus took pic..as in hez so close to me..kekekekekke~~hapie cos hez the first one~keke~~~~better not to dream ~

anyway..my fren said our performance was really nice..i was amazed that we sang pretty well as compared to other singing groups..cos our style was soft and sweet instead of DIVA..luckily we choosed the right song instead of continuing with the DIVA songs which might have jus spoilt ouu voice and reputation..keke~we enjoyed the applause...we enjoyed the cheers..i felt great to see that my frens were there to support me and my fren as well~~although there were some prob of the mic..and mistake in lyrics..but we'd tried our best and have no regrets~we'd done it finally~

the most happie thing was took pic with many ppl..they were really awesome and gorgeous..pretty and handsome faces everrywhere..

how i wish u were here with me to post for lesbian shots..hottie~sigh~~~

small matters..but itz mesmorize~

my lips...i feel really itchy now..sob sob ~~~and fri is the prom night..and im gonna sing on the night~~~wut am i supposed to do??the most important that i've done was to seek consultancy from a doctor..and i did~~but im stil worry...sigh~hopefully everything wl be fine by tmr...pray hard~~~

and also ming huiy to get well soon ...cos shez gonna duet wit me for the performance...i really hope that she'l get well soon ...and really sorry that im making much trouble for u...get scolded byt joanne...got sick...got stressful..get into tso bz with my stuff..SORRY~~

anyway..im kinda happie today although it was jus a small little thing...but i was really happie with all this small matters..with his attitudes...with his merajuk..with his shoes...heheh~~~
although he might not felt anything..but it was really nice and funny to stay right by his side...and i wont be feeling embarrasing in front of him..even i fall down today...my knee has gone blue black for a spot..but i din felt embarrased even i jus fall in front of him..keke~~perhaps frens are like this...

well,many things seem to rollling of the snow ball...everything seems to be linking one to another ...which really gives me a hard time to make decision...whether i shud continue with the effort to carry on with the club...or jus give up by saying 'i quit'....but then everything seems to have linked me into it..can i be irresponsible to jus leave everything to another person...i really had a hard time with all these..i got pissed off with it..i teared bcos of it...perhaps it has oso brought to me some happie memories..but sad thing seemed to happen more often~~keke~~

yeah~

im sweating now...dear dear~~~~~~~~~where are u???kekek

dun la angry me la..i din meant to fool u around ...hehe~~jus tat i was in front of the PC..and i saw u online at tat moment...u were not the oni one that being fooled by me..kekek~~there were other ppl tooo..even his elder sis~~~heheh...hopefully he dun angry that i've brought him a mess..anyway,it was fun~~SHARON KONG~~am i smart?cos even u couldnt even recognised my way of speaking..kekek~~oh no~~~~hurts me man~~and u said im gonna kena from u..OMG~~wut are u trying to do to me???oh no~~~dun scare me man~~keke~~

anyway..today was really fun ..cos the feelings were really nice...although it wasnt any nice clubbing venues...or pubs..or any nice restaurants..but the feeling were real good.lay under the sun ...wowo~~i like it..and of cos with them wil be alwis the funniest activities to do in my life..they will really give u an attempt to laugh out as loud as possible~keke~and please becareful with ya jaws when u laugh..
and the pan mee was really nice as breaklunch~of cos the most happie thing was pan mee+leng chais~~~kekeke~~this had really made my lunch even more fantastic than ever..wowow~~and of cos the point of the day was...they've learned a song-secret~~~wowow...im so glad cos i taught them the song...both of them able to play after 2 lessons~~~they are noobs..or i may say beginners in learning piano~~but im really glad that they've pay attention into it...i appreciate their effort dude~~u guys really cool~~~

MY VERY CSL~

i dun like the feelings of being annoyed..and of cos i think everyone does the same thing as me rite,dont u?

therez alwis a border line in my dictionary as everyone can have funs..fool around and play jokes...but of cos therez alwis a boundary no matter wut or who u are...of cos i do have...and some of them out there doesnt seem to notice that im hot tempered person ..and will get into anger mode easily...and sometimes wut they said would have really hurt me deeply or even annoys me without them realising..but wutz the point of tellin them face to face if they dun even wanna bother bout it?isnt it meaningless if i were to pour tat out face to face..

on the other hand..it might be a good aid or remedy during the healing process...where i'l et annoyed by...until the max stage where i couldnt stand it anymore...where i can act give up everything..where i can act let go everything...where i'l make up my mind to say 'bye bye' and start a better life...i seem to goin thru this stage..where im gonna have my very CSL soon~~~im gonna have my very CSL~~~

aza aza fighting CSL~~

i felt funny yet angry~keke

my heart was like stop functioning as in the fluid is not goin thru the circulation..as in my heart is goin to stop beating at that moment..where he asked me something regarding on studying abroad..wel,i finally und ya feeling bro chau..sigh~i was really upset when he said he's gonna get info on studying abroad..wel,tat moment makes myself even confused than ever..cos i've been questioning myself whether i do fall in love with him or not..perhaps i jus not give a dam to face the truth whereby i really have feelings towards him..yet i've gotta pretend nothing has happen since it might be too obvious for me to show my feelings out..furthermore i was jus sitting beside him...argh~~~stop asking me bout that..stop saying that..i really felt like tearing out..the intention is there ...jus that whether i do have the guts to confess..NO~~~CSL ..please beware of wut im gonna say~~~NONONO~

anyway,i did asked him for opinion that wut shud i do to the guy which i have feelings..can u jus imagine tat im asking the guy that i like for opinion regarding on how to confess to himself~wut da~~~perhaps i was jus trying to give some hint to him..since some of my frens suggested me..but it seemed like not working since he even asked me whoz tat guy..the one that hurt me the most "itz the truth..u like a guy..i din like anyone..'' ...he doesnt like anyone~~perhaps im jus being too sensitive and being 'tepuk sebelah tangan' over here..sob sob ~he even asked me not to give up ...jus giv it a try..walaoo~~~im so scare...and my frens kept asking me wut am i trying to worry about...wel,itz jus so simple- im scare of losing him~i dun wanna loss a fren..i'l be real happie ala he stil keep in touch with me even he has gone somewhere..

somehow, the intention is there..i noe that there'l be a big trouble if im to confess to him..cos i noe myself well,im selfish~i wil even have the intention to ask for him to stay~~CSL~~~~~~~~~~u've gotta stand firmly~~CSL~~~~~~~~~u've gotta support yaself..u've gotta stand tough~~~u cant fall so easily~~~

i've won since i have u guys~

it began with a good day,ended up with a bad day..

but one thing i noe i've won..which is friendship which gives me a strong feeling of supports from my gang..i really love u guys...those ppl,i so glad and blessful of knowing u guys..i love u guys and i appreciate the friendship..which i hope wil never fade...and not going to fade..

even my lovly dear dear would give me kisses and hugs although we are miles away..although we are being apart from each other..but i could feel how much she cares for me..wut a great fren that GOD has brought to me..and not to be forgotten...my gang,they are such nice persons to give me supports and advice..and even listen to me as i have no where to pour out my feelings...they allow me to turn to them...im glad to hav them!


noe wut?sometimes i really have 2 sided behaviour...i really have no idea wut to do..whether i shud carry on and fight for it...or jus choose to give up everything...perhaps ppl might say that im being irresponsible if i do this...but wutz more can i do then?it'l be more worth it if there are ppl to fight the battle along with me..im keep asking myself wutz the point of continuing all this shit??for my own fame?for the club?but i dun seems like enjoying music,but more on management or human politics..wutz the point?is this the main reason that i'd join the club?no~~wut i wan is jus to play music..to produce music with a gang of ppl...to enjoy music!but wut it has turn to be is so much different from my expectation..i realised how stressful i've been after being part of the BOD..perhaps u might say that im behaving as how a loser behaves..escaping or giving in whenever there is hardships or probs...somehow,i alwis make my mind up in thinking in different perspective which may make me feel better..''this is jus some kinda hardships to train myself up...im jus leveling in my life...learning to be tougher and stronger from day to day..itz a good time for me to learn the other side of the society at coll time so tat i'l get more used to the egoism of the real society...it may help me and teach me many things through the experiences.....''

however, it questions me on why shud i to been through all this at my edu time since isnt it the time for me to enjoy my study life?jus let it be when comes to career stage..im really struggling in wut shud i do now..

give myself sometime..

"love is when someone that u think bout when u wake up"...by one of my frens..

this sentence makes me think of the one that i've thinking of every morning when first open my eyes..but do i act think of him every morning?or someone has appear in my mind when im in fear,when i feel upset,when i feel happie,when i feel lonely,when i feel helpless....who is act appearing in my heart all this time that brings me back to the path??i cant even answer myself cos i got confused with my feelings too..sometimes i jus think that feelings are the one that guiding me to the way without analysing whether or not itz the right thing to do..

anyway, the feeling is jus weird..i got really curious with how is his feeling towards me....somehow, i jus think this guy is just more than a perfect guy to me..i feel comfortable to be with him..hez a nice guy to talk to,to hang out with,i really feel warm and nice to stay by his side...but wouldnt it to spoilt our frenship if im gonna demand something more than wut we are currently??i dun wan this to happen cos im not willing to lose him as a fren..i care for him very much..anyhow, i was thinking there might be a possibility for me to be thinking too much and being to sensitive on my personal feelings...sighz~~~

i gotta give myself some time...

i love u as my fren!

i shudnt have tot so much...i've stopped to think bout this long time ago..and the feeling has once again came back to me..hmm,i wonder im feeling either curious or worry bout wut im feeling from him..i've been questioning myself..am i jus being oversensitive over him?frankly i wouldnt get to feel a guy who has feelings towards me..cos im the kinda of person who needs clarification if a guy has not open his mouth to pour out his feelings towards me..furthermore,i've been treating him as a real good buddy...of cos i wouldnt wan something 'extraordinary'' to take place which might destroy our friendship..if it does, then it'l be a sad case and even out of my expectation to accept the fact..

somehow, i jus hope that wut i've been figuring is nonsense and i doubt i wouldnt handle it properly.....wut shud i do then?shud i ask him?or shud i jus keep it by myself?but wutz the point of confronting to him since i dun hope to get involved?

however,im sure with one thing..which i'l love him as my fren!!!!!!saranghamida...my fren!!

wut can i do?

really feel bored wit my life at this moment..

i noe shudnt have complaint so much since i might live a better life than many ppl in the world,but i feel bored with the real side of the society..the actual reason for living and surviving..somehow, i really dun wanna accept and adopt but there isnt a choice for me..i'l be lack behind if i dun adopt to the norm,i'l be alienated if i hesitate in being part of the norm..anyhow, i really worry that i might lost my personality and being one of them..i dun hope this wil happen to me one day,if it does then everyone wil surely hate me and be apart from me.

sometimes i really have no idea wut shud i do..and how shud i overcome those situations..i really dun hope tat anyone wil get hurt..and i dun hope anything that happen wil destroy the interaction...i dun wanna have enemies...i dun wanna hate ppl..and i cant control ppl to dislike me or even to arise their hatre towards me..i wan everyone to be my buddy instead of enemy..i really dunno noe wut shud i do..do u think itz worthwhile if no one gets hurt but yaself?no one noes bout ya feelings except yaself?no one noes bout ya hardwork except yaself?no one noes bout ya sorrows except yaself??if it happens to bring harmony into life..shud i give it a try?

shud u fight for it even i noe i might deserve a better treatment or respectation?but isnt it worthwhile for me to fight for it at the first place?and wut will be the consequences of the battle?wil anyone get hurt?wut the point of begining the battle?or shud i jus give up even i noe i have the ability and confidence to fight for myself?or am i jus being over worried with it?i've been thinking too much where im not supposed to think bout it?

desperate???u may say tat...and i think i am in the situation of being so desperately to have a bf...kakakak!!

i feel strange as whenever they send me a nudge or something ...it act means that there are more updates waiting for me to discover...they have something new to tell me...which im really happie since they have the intention to share all this with me...

somehow,i jus feel myself a loser...i've wondering isnt my attitudes or personalities a problem ...as i've been treating guys and gals as the same species in my world...why cant i just get someone from the same class as me..or from the same campus as me as my bf?perhaps my attitudes are really a matter into this..

sometimes i really wonder isnt he the right person that i've been looking for??or itz jus the same old case...im really tired at this moment...i really have no idea wut to do...to continue to put all my love and cares onto him..or jus seek for another one..i really have no idea whether im doing the right thing...

SiDesign

''u will alwis gonna be my love...u will alwis gonna be the one...''utada hikaru...first love..

wow...finally i realised why shez in love with this song...i've got fallen in love with it too..haha!
the lyrics is meaningful, and of cos most importantly it expresses my feelings towards the person tat i love...wowo!!

anyway,im happie tat dear dear has arrived in safe to newcastle finally after a 14 flight...fortunately there was someone to talk to her along the long journey so that she wouldnt felt lonely and miserable..hehe!im glad that she has finally begin to realise her dream after 22 years of her life living here..i noe this is her dream...as a fren,im supportive to her encouragement in taking the first move...i noe she'l make it greatly!i believe in her!!i noe u can do it dear dear!!!yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!somehow, i really worry bout her since i noe so well that she might be pressured by the environmental factors...somehow, i jus hope that she'l stil share her experiences so that i will not be lack behind...i dun wanna lose a fren like her!!!

besides, i finally found out some information related to the guy that i've pumped into..hmm,act it was jus a hint on the company that he might possibly working for at the moment..has anyone heard of SiDesign???probably an advertising comp..sort of designing comp..wowow!!!i was surprised that hez act in such an artistic industry man!!coool!!i was wondering wouldnt there any possibility for is to become colleagues in future??wowo...i jus couldnt imagine how would it be if this really happens ...kekekekekeke!!anyhow,itz jus a dream...or imagination that kept inside my mind...wut happens in reality is totally differ from it..haih!!!how i wish i could get closer to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!desperate-nya!

"dun think like shiaw lee...ppl give then we ma take lo.."

why am i feeling this way?

i shudnt have bother so much on wut he has said since i have made up my mind to let go..and the feeling did came to me last few days..where something happened that act sort of annoyed me..somehow, i might have changed my mind in exiting such stupid 'game'...

anyway,i noe that we've been thinkinn differently when comes to dealing with mr. wong...i noe the reality is not as simple as i think...but i jus wanna maintain a good relationship since he has sacrificed his time to have some music sessions with us..i appreciate tat although they were oso trying to make use of our resources since the oni capital we have is students!the phrase "give and take ma..itz a manner of the matter"...keep appearing in my mind..perhaps he might be right in saying this,somehow, this might not be applicable in all situations...i really feel frustrating when he says so...

i love u guy!!!muaxxxx!!!

i cried in the noon...

it was like a rollercoaster..frankly i was felt retarded when i received my audit cw from ramesh..i was so upset,part of it would be the fact that i need to redo my cw..but i wasnt in the mood to cry not until i flipped through my content pages...where he'd written the marks for each part..my heart as if was bleeding after a sword went thru it and couldnt breath for the moment..i was extremely sad when i saw my hard work in returned with a 0!!!itz was act pretty hard time for me to calm myself down...furthermore, my gang were there to look at my cw...i was so touched by them,where they found mistake that ramesh might have done in the marking,they searched for the points tat are possible to get extra marks,they even offer themselves to help me out in redoing my cw!!!!tat was the major reason for me to cry...to waste my tears..for me to get my headache and my nose and eyes red...for me to get embarrasing in front on the public..and i think itz worth it since i have such a good gang of buddiess!!!i appreciate and i love u guys!!!!i really love u guys!!!

another issue, i felt sorry to FY cos i might have hurt her feelings...i could read her thought when the moment i saw her laughter..i noe itz not truly from ya heart la...so fake !come on!how long have i noe u??kekek!!but i noe shez trying to show her openess so tat i wont be worrying on her..i noe u la!!!she dun meant tat ...jus tat every single of u guys got really high mark..and i failed for the cw..therefore, she was jus trying to encourage me in this way...shez trying to consult me in this way..she dun meant tat my dear!!she jus being over concern and worry bout me and resulted in saying those things...sorry!!!!i hope u dont take this into concern!!im really glad that u guys were concerned bout me...im so glad!!u guys are my best every buddiess!!
and everything ended up in making a mistake...heheh!!but it was worth it since my gang really showed their true colour...their hero colour!!!oh no!!!!i fall in love with my gang jor!!kekeke~~

then, we went for sports...gym+swimming..hmm,i wasnt good and experience in this ..cos usually i'l jus fast walk or joggin..but not in the gym room..and i dun even noe how to swim!!keke...and u was seriously shy to take off my clothes in front of themm..furthermore,i wasnt wearing a swimming...jus a normal under and bra will do...and the water is cold though itz noon time..luckily i din sneeze cos it might get me into trouble..though it was a hard time for me to float...and even nearly get drown...yet i have the determination since itz a way to lose weight!!!itz my goall..here i come..hehe!!!soya bean is healthy ..and therefore i need to be as healthy as he does too!!kekek!!

u are my soul..u are my nerve..
u are my star..u are my sunshine..
everything i do..will do it for u!!!!!

wooohooo!!!!!

black + blue vs mouth + foot desease

i alwis believe that everything happens in contra with another thing..there is alwis a balance between good and bad, similarly as GOD has brought the creatures of men and women to this earth...

supposingly i was extremely excited and happie cos someone appeared to have made my day..and my intuition hint that there might be something unpleasant happening around..

black + blue = CSL's fav colour match...which appeared on him..wow!!!since ever tt got the right match, itz hardly to get the exact match perfectly on..i really admire it!!but when the moment i saw him, the feeling aroused,the sense of nervousness...i really have no guts to look directly at him...i think hez the oni guy that is making me to feel this way so far!!whenever i try to look at him,my face would naturally turn into a tomato pie...and cant concerntrate,my body temperature wil heat up as i'l feel warm, and of cos the main point is my BP and pulse will be interrupted to an unsteady condition, which indirectly resulting in hormone disorder that is leading me to have the intention to scream out "i love u so much"!!!

after the excitement, here came the side effects..worries, fears and curiosity....but i dun give a damn to extend any further as this might disappoint me..im not as tough as i think,im not as easy goin as other ppl think...itz difficult for me to accept and adopt something which is out of my range of expectation as well as ability. i wanna be optimistic...but sometimes it happens to be at the opposite of the expectation and even it falls within the estimation, the progress of adoption will be disrupted by tonnes of reasons!!!in other words, im escaping from the fact...


on the other, someone has fall sick...and i was pretty sad bout it..somehow, i was impressed with myself in facing this situation...as i've mentioned,good things will be followed by bad things since good luck is not alwis there with us..in fact, i was really upset when i knew that he has fall sick until today since last fri..i tot he would have recovered since it was kinda small matter....and i saw him this morning,walking on the street with a half dead looking face...haih~~~~~~poor thing!!!the regards that i sent really meant it...but i was surprised that why didnt i have the feeling..i mean i jus feel sad and worry bout him as a best buddy, sis point of view instead of cryin like hell as i used to be..i mean mayb i might cry if something bad happen (touchwood)..somehow, i jus wana care bout him as a fren...and this feeling is real great!perhaps i've let go something...hehe!!!im really glad to care so much for a fren...and i dun bother bout wut he might think ,wut i'l get as return.....but jus to care for a fren truely deep down from my heart~~~

get well soon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~if not how to sing ar???

admire or love?

looking at the wide monitor screen,keep backspacing...figuring out wut shud i write as the content of this post....

act there were many things happened,perhaps stil happening..but im not involved into any of the situations!!anyway,im trying my best, and i think i manage to do it...there also many remedies which i have thought about...

keep myself steady and busy so tat i'l have no free time to think bout other things.

get myself to fall in love into a total new guy..hehe!!

stay away from him so tat i'l wont be getting too close with him

less commitment to keep a boundary in between...so tat i wont be thinking too much

keep thinking bout the evil side of him instead of blinded wit all those stupid things!!!

try not to avoid eye contact as this would help me to face him as well as the prob

think with open mind and accept everything with open heart...

jus look at the outside instead of inside to avoid any misunderstanding...

concerntrate on my edu as well as my plan..


i really have no idea how shud i get rid of this...soya beaa?i jus have a feeling tat i got confused with my feelings...admire or love?i got confused...of cos i do hope my bf would be like him..but....were the feelings true??or im jus being too emotional towards a guy...or even a stranger?

no music no life!

no music no life??doesnt it sound familiar??jus look up at the theme of my blog!

there have been something on recently in my club as well as my life...everyday non stop wit my coursework,tiring, exhausting....even the music clinic has caused me so much probs!but i noe i'l be tough to handle everything..im not gonna give up!i really have worries onto wutever events that have been carried out by our club...the response probably would be the major trouble..and of cos the relationship among the BOD...i dun hope to have misunderstandings or conflicts while conducting the events..i really dun wanna see this to happen among the BOD..i wan perfect chemistry!!hehe!

next,im on my way to release someone...to let go...to stop thinking onto him..to have no feelings towards him..to have oni frenship or even as a buddy to him....but the reality is holding back cos there have been many things happening around...but i'l try my very best to not to fall into the same person!!im such a loser!!!CSL>>>u are such a loser!i noe his dream gal...yet im dreaming all the days on him!this is pretty stupid!!my heart has really broken into ...trillion of pieces...for the moment there is no remedy for me to heal...perhaps time and ppl will do!!hehe!!

anyway,i was pretty impressed when i saw the poster did by them..i've been wondering who was the one tat insisted the slogan of 'no music no life'???wow....i really like it...im scare tat it might be him again....i'l be happie if bryan tells me it was his idea...however, i'l be tortured again if it was his idea!!!im so scare and tortured as everything is making me to fall deeply into him!!i hate this feelings!!!!!!!!!!

red.red..red...red....

again...im scare to fall into the same hole!!i dun wan !!please save me!!

although i keep persuading myself with thousands or trillions of reasons in return to get rid out of it,itz likely difficult for me implement..it's been a habit for me to look at the MSN list when i sign in,i wonder why i've been so concern whether hez online or not..i feel secure when he is one of them..however, there isnt anything for us to chat with excluding club meeting..i mean we dun chat online even i really hope to chat with him!somehow, i have no idea wut shud i chat with him, or even saying a Hi would makes me feel awkward..there isnt any ideas and ways for me to approach him!

secondly, it has been a habit for me to have expectation on wearing the same colour shirt,same style of dressing....and of cos i hope tat we will be alwis wearing the same things!kakakakka..
anyway, we wore the similar colour today ..red!this is something incredible..for me la!

thirdly,it has been a habit for me to have expectation on seeing him everyday..i hope to see him at the bus,i hope to see him at campus,i hope to see him at cafeteria,i hope to see him at the lab...jus all the time..this feeling is jus killing me...and i feel something missing for the day when i do not noe wutz happening wit him..when hez leaving,when hez not there, when he nv come,when he appears offline.....................................

wow!!even i used to feel similarly towards tt,but i'd considered that tt has nv been thru so much with me before...whereas,this is something different...

i dun put a dare to expect anything higher..at least everyting will not fade as how it is doing now..even a best buddy will do..

im really happie!

im really happie today!!

stil rmb wut happened on monday..i went to campus in the morning and got my proposal and ideas rejected..i was pretty disappointed tat day..during the phone call, i was really emotional as when i was listening to him..a moderate tone in consulting me...as oso consulting himself at the at the same time,really calmed me down..and i worried too on his position to face Mr Wong..i missed the way he speaked on the phone..

and wut happened on today was a total turn out...i was really worried for the last few nights..non stop thinking bout the new BOD..bout how to face the new members..and oso the refunds..wow!but it seems like we are goin along with the luck..im really pleased with this..itz unexpectable cos everyone seems to be unprepared at first,looked uncertain at first..but when everything get started,we've kept the ball rolling as the dynamic has got started!!wow!!im really glad with it..at first i tot wut we've planned may jus be trash ideas...not applicable...who noes!!yeshhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
and of cos the main thing tat driven me to the sky is when he asked me "you feel happie for the meeting, dont u?"...i was impressed that he noes...and notice...and rmb...tat i felt upset on monday and now im happie with it!!wel,i kept reminding myself not being overwhelmed with this...but sometimes it jus out of my control..im really happie for our club!!!!and i could see that hez happie too..and being not hesitating to go on with all the ideas though he sounds like nv bother to it...

same shirt+same denim pant+same type of shoe

the feeling is similarly as taking a roller coaster...

of cos i'l prefer taking a ride on ferris wheel,togather with the one i love..how i wish this would happen to me one day!!!i waiting for sure...hahaa!

it has been a long time for me not to see him, and i tot da feeling towards him would have jus disappeared so suddenly since i've been adore to my fren in my campus!!somehow, i saw him in the morning..my luvely 'soya bean'..haha!i miss seeing him dressing in formal clothing..i was first adored to him,where i was so fascinated by him...though hez not handsome,and i really meant it..haha!!but i jus feel tat this guy is irresistable!!kekeke!

he really made my day,i was really happie and tempted and i knew tat im gonna start a good day..somehow,i would have stayed for a longer and keep an eye on him..but i have to sacrifice for another person,which i promised to help him up..i would have no comment on it since i volunteered myself..

wel,sometimes thing happened as out of our control..and of cos i knew itz not her fault,no one is to be blamed in this case..i und wut she meant..and i knew itz all for our good and oso to encourage us to learn from experience as to gain higher maturity level!frankly i appreciate tat she had spent her time to listen to me and oso the suggestions..although there might be something we cant do now,but wutz the point of getting everything done reluctantly?somehow, i felt tat disappointed when i was supposed to tell him the result of it..though i wouldnt say tat we have done much work onto it..at least we've done something in order to bring out the plan,somehow, it failed!!haha!but im happie tat we've been thru all this,and for sure i'l be there to support him no matter wut!!yoyo!as a fren,as the assistant,as the member of the club,i wouldnt wan to see the worst side to happen,i wouldnt wan to see the corruption..of cos those pressures would not stop us from surrending...itz nothing much for us to fear bout..nothing will dillute the power of music!!!yoyo!!!!!!!!!!!!anyway, i was really touched when he was consulting ourselves on the phone..i act feel contented when he really shares his opinions..his ideas with me..im feeling happie bout it!

btw,we wore the same colour T-shirts whcih were brown,same denim long pants, and oso same type of sports shoes...jus tat his brand is adidas and mine is nike!!wow!!though it doesnt mean a thing to him,but it does to me!i mean...i nv expect to be like this..everyting goes by feelings..i felt like wearing tat shirt instead of my new shirt..i felt like wearing tat pant instead of the old one...and i felt like wearing tat shoes instead of matching the usual one..and all is 'feelings' are confusing myself!!argh!

no guts,no expectation..

why am i doing all this...

hez bz with his proposal..wel,i hope im as free as i think..sadly this is not happening to me..i have few cw to rush for..and yet i seems to be in gesture...without any pressures on my assignments..perhaps i dun give a dare to think bout it....escaping!!

anyway,i keep asking myself,is this the right way of loving someone?is this considered as love?or am i being too foolish in doing such things?he would not noe how i feel even i have done so much things for him though?but isnt it wut i wan,without him noticing?frankly i personally have no idea on wut am i doing,and whether im doing the right thing or not..somehow,i jus wana do something for him...although he might not appreciate all this,but at least i''ve try my very best for him!!i dun expect any return,or perhaps wut i hope is considered as a return!i jus wanna be there when he needs help,i wanna share his pressures..i wanna help him so tat he wont be facing all the problems by himself..although the person beside is not me..i wouldnt say tat i dun mind or im not disappointed...but i jus wanna be there when he needs help!!!!!!!!

at this point,i really have no guts to imagine wutz gonna happen next...as wut i alwis say.."enjoy and appreciate wut i have now..instead of worrying the future whcih is unknown"....

syok sendiri!!

wow!!another success had brought to life!!yeah!

hurt me?i think im trying to hurt myself as though it doesnt mean anything.i feel that im acting like a libran,concerning on the balance of everything,keeping myself aware to wut im not supposed to do and wut my emotion has lead to do..which is in the dilemma of falling and not fallin in to a guy!

i was pretty impressed wit wut we have done so far for the club,it was the first time ever for me to feel the determination of moving towards the goal..and of cos the team spirit...although our club is nothing much special or any stronger as compared to others, at least we have the passion in organising the functions,even the events wouldnt have been so ideally done without our patient, coorporation, understanding,and of cos most importantly the chemistry among each of us!i really appreciate the fun and joys tat we'd been togather as this would bring me a meaningful memory for my higher level education life in the campus!at least therez something for me to rewind when i begin with 'those were the days'..i really hope tat the chemistry and dynamic would not fade..and even the interaction of every single of us would be stronger than ever!

anything issue,we sang for the day!!i mean we really sang for the staff day!!i felt really stress in the morning cos i din see him to appear anywhere..not until i was sitting in front of the pc in the lab,where he was outside there,looks kinda anxious..perhaps he was late..and i believe therez a reason to it!anyway,i was pissed off with the internet connection cos it was slow!dam slow!i realised how retarded was my day goin to be..no progression on my audit cw,but wasting my time to wait for the practice and performance!luckily he was on time to call me cos everything seemed to have bored me..of cos i would turn my mood up when approached to music instruments!hehe!somehow, i was really worried that he told me he took 3 tablets to cure his gastric prob!wow!how i wish i could do something for him at tat moment..food?drinks?anything i can help?it all started off as usual..i love his voice!finally i gotta listened to the real vocal without warming up..it sounds raw yet sentimental!i like it!itz nice!i really meant it!of cos there much more to go,and i was really happy tat he sang my fav song wit me!'how do i live'..finally was presented to the audiences..but im sorry to say tat i laughed when he was singing the song!kekeke!i was really happie with the result of it..and once again,the chemistry!

btw,i really adore wut kelvin said when he was walking behind of us.."wut are u guys talking,the couple in front..the 2 couple in front,wut are u guys talking ar?....."

i suddenly realised that i would rmb everything that happen between us...and this is wut i considered to care about a person.even a mighty thing would caught my attention to it!

syok sendiri!!hehehehhe!

please hurt me!

have u ever feel like something is running up and down in ya nerves?feel like screaming?uncomfortable?

this has been happening to me recently when i see someone, i was pretty fine at first,i tried to keep myself calm,controlling my emotions as i'l not misund...i tried so hard and now it seems like everything is not working as how i've expected!i tot i should have healed up since i got the worst part of my life last year..and all this brought me to frustration and the feeling has ended up with shifted to someone else..everything seemed to be on the right path,sweet memory of admiring my lovely soya bean...everything was jus in a good mood..

however, my life has beginning to repeat the same mistake,which is wut i've been prevennting from happening..perhaps i've been thinking too much,im jus being over towards anything that happened...perhaps wut she said was really true..we have nothing in common,but oni in music!tatz y i've appreciate him as a teammate or someone who can discuss or share opinion on music..nothing much!

furthermore, i really hope that wut hez doing now would hurt me deeply so that i could get rid of this asap!please hurt me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do i live...

"how do i live"..sung by lee ann rimes..the soundtrack of the movie title 'con air'..

i like this song,i think itz meaningful as to the movie too..i had once been fall in love with this song cos it describes how i feel towards a guy that played a pretty important in my life..he influenced me much..however,i stil think that this guy is so chun til i keep comparing him to other guys..hehe!
anyway,it has been a fully occupied for the week,i feel really tiring though,but the joy is worth for me to bring my keyboard from my room all the way to my campus,taking up the risk of letting my keyboard stay nights and nights at the student council room, reaching campus every morning to get the boof set up nicely,even had destroyed some of the campus properties...hahah!but i really enjoyed the club week..but i want it to be end up as soon as possible..on the other hand,im afraid that i have no chance to see him more often as in how we are seeing each other everyday...isint it stupid?

i tot everything will be fine..on the path..as how it was really happened..but everything seemed to be too perfect,which is out of my expectation..where i've been predicated something unpleasant like disputes would happen..somehow,itz jus so perfect!!!!!i would say itz an amaze to music club,for first time ever to have recruited many new members,to have such a chemistry among the old members,to have carried out everything in success,to have such a nice memory..i think itz a good start..that everyone of us has being so committed to the club,which i feel pretty proud of it..i have no regrets that i've requested patrick to insert our club into the list!itz awesome!!!

wel, the worst thing that i've encountered is i might be having a high possibility of repeating the same old mistake..which i have jus realised..i kept persuading myself to make things simple,but recently my brain is stucked like nobody business..i couldnt control the way i've thinking of him...perhaps,many songs remind me of him..damn it!i dun expect anything to happen,as long as the chemistry is there,we are frens..tatz wut i wish to have at all time!i dun expect him to be 'mine'..and i dun have the right to do tat..i have nothing to feel envy...perhaps itz jus nothing..jus tat i've been making things into complexity!

you're the one

who i like?



my fren jus asked me a question regarding the type of guys tat i interested.frankly i was pretty hard to tell him the answer cos i have many ideas bout my ideal guy..but the first thing tat came to my mind was soya bean..haha!currently hez the type of guy i like..somehow, i think im gonna talk non-stop on this topic..



anyway,have u ever miss someone that u love?someone tat u really care bout?someone that makes ya heart pump like nobody business?someone tat makes u worry all night long?someone tat makes u feel happy and tempted?someone that drives u to insane?someone that opens ya heart?someone that gives u energy whenever u are in hunger?someone that drives up ya passion toward achieving ya goal?someone that is in deep in ya heart?someone that u've been thinking everyday,every second,anytime?someone tat makes u feel so desperate to hug him?
wel,im goin through all this..it sounds like stupid and ridiculous to do all this,but to me,i jus think itz contented that i share my love to someone...hehe!

someone is back...

someone is back...

it has been ages for me not to mention bout this guy..tt,abreviaton of thomas tan..haha!he used to be my top-listed guy...wel,i really love this guy previously...he had driven me crazy.
anyway,the reason tat has act brought my intention to blog here was..something tat makes me feel increadible..jus wanna share it out..
on tuesday night,i was lying on my bed,thinking of wut have happened recently,the person tat i've admiring recently,the day after tonight,the things tat are gonna happen next morning, the possibility of seeing in the next morning...the person tat i meant wasnt not tt,itz another guy since tt has left for some time..at this moment,the name thomas tan jus flashed thru my mind,the memories of us performing together,practicing together,laughing,all these were stil fresh in my mind..then,questions appeared to myself,how wil i feel if i would have a chance to see him again?how would i response if im gonna see him face to face on day?am i gonna say 'hi' to him?or jus get myself stun there?how awkward would the situation be?or he'l jus pretend not seeing him and we end up being passers-by?anyhow, i was surprised tat when i tot of seeing him again,i jus realised tat i teared out!!wut da..how could i waste any of my tear on this guy??come on,i shudnt have continue to be a loserr!!!but i was pretty emotional...wel,i had a piano practice section on thurs,and lyden jus came to my studio and told me tat "ya bf has come back ytd "...i was pretty curious bout who would be my bf...i dun have one,and even asked him to intro to me..kakak! "thomas tan"....i got stunned for some seconds,seriously i had no idea how shud i response to him!after i've got this news,i got kinda distracted with these...the words kept appearing in my mind..''thomas tan is back''..seems like i have fallen in love with another person, i tot i would feel nothing bout this..but the fact is i stil got distracted with him..i think i 've gotta make myself clear about my feelings!!

my best frens...

it sounds like a reunion..

i alwis on the believe that we shud not done something to others which u dun hope to get from others..furthermore,i do believe that anything happens wil have the reasons,we've gotta cherish wut we have at this moment so tat we'l nv regret in the future..other than this,i oso think that when something good comes to me,something bad is waiting for me..i'l wont have good luck accompanying me all the time..so i need to appreciate before things happen to be worse..as the conclusion,i hope to live happily evenyday,enjoy the lifetime tat i have every moment instead of worrying of wutz gonna happen which is out of my control and expectation...i hope i can do this to make everyone around me to be happy..

anyway,the YA members met up..btw,YA is youth ablaze,which is some kinda fellowship held at the collage..meeting up the guys were the happy thing after a realistic-business review based-audit class by our excellent lect Mr Ramesh..hez such a wise man!!im his admirer...keke!wel,it's been a long time for us not to meet up in gang..i was surprised tat many of them came all the way from SS2 to KD campus!wow!this was the first meeting held at the campus,therefore, it was kinda funny and excited..as usual would have snacks while the meeting was carried out,and this made the atmosphere to be more relaxable.afterward,we went to 1U for lunch..wow!chilling out with them was the funniest and relaxable time cos u dun have to be wut ur supposed to be in front of a guy..jus be yaself as u are with ya family members..jus burb out as when u wan to..jus laugh as loud as u can whenever u wan..their are like big boys to joke and play with,but oso big guys when u need to be protected!haha!buddy buddy ma!

can i?shud i?am i?

i kept questioning myself bout the samething..i went to mirado for piano practice since exam is jus round the corner,i saw eddie and lynden..as usual,we would have topic to talk bout..but i'l say tat eddie looked fabulous with himself dressed up formally!!wowow!u look awesome dude!this was the first ever time for me to see him in this way..
anyway,the main point was both of them suggested me to be a truely musician..hm..i used to considered bout this question when i was at high school,or even 1 or2 years before from now..but i think i've chosen to be involved in the business industry where i gradually get myself used to the business world though im worry bout the reality of it..but im getting curious and interested into wut im learning...auditing,management,taxation,marketing...etc.im pretty happy tat i finally have put on the interest..back to the topic,i was kinda suspicious on myself whether i really manage to be a truely musician or jus taking it as a hobby in life?hmm..i started off with my interest on singing,then my parents jus discovered tat i have interest and perhaps talent in music,which lead them to buy me music instruments..i then became an addict to 'it',even told them tat i cant live without music!wow..i was pretty proud of wut i'd said!recently i found myself to have changed whereby i might have lost the enthusiatism and determination in music..perhaps i've been learning things which out of my interest..u may say im being stubborn,but im a nuts in classical music!!i keep wonderinn why would i took up the piano exams and courses?haha!itz ridiculous..somehow,i jus went back to who i am and took up drum lesson secretly..keke!musician..wut does it mean?pianist?keyboardist?guitarist?drummer?organist?full time music teacher?i have no comment on it cos im half way towards the business industry...i sure tat i'l be a graduate tat major in the business and accounting area!however,music is stil part of my life, and i'l nv give up in any chances to connect myslef to music or discovering new things...cos i like learning!

just read a blog written by my cousin..



happie birthday to my cousin sis- wei wei ...sweet 14 huh!how i wish im stil at teenage..but no more looo..reviewing wut i 've done during my teenage life,i felt pretty ashamed with myself,i act was a boring person,i did nothing special during the 5 years of my high school life..itz pretty sad!i was such an obedient daughter to my parents,obeying everything tat they asked me to do..why shudnt i be a little ignorance to them?!perhaps i shud have done something tat is memorable which at least makes my life to be a little bit colourful..something meaningful so tat i may have some stories to tell my grandchildren..kaka!



anyway,reading the blog,and sometimes watching some series,i felt that i am a truely loser!!!i've nv been through the feeling of having a bf over the 20 years!!!sometimes i might just feel so despearate of jus getting one...but am i suppose to get anyone else in order to fulfil wut i want?though i really hope to have someone there to love me..but isnt it good to just pick anyone out there?or i jus get whoever which is single and go ahead with the confession even i have no good feelings towards the guy!?or i would jus say yes to whoever that is available around me?hmm..i think i might not do this at this moment...i have doubt in future if im stil a single for another 10 years!i have worries on myself for not doing anything, and being pressure to regret in future whereby i have done nothing and nv appreciate my lifetime...or i might regret tat i've just left my lifetime passed in such a meaningless way...im so worry bout this!furthermore,i have no idea wut shud i do except the wishes tat i've listed down..

btw,i really have doubt on myself wutz happening in my life now..i tot i should achieve wutever targets that i've been set...however, i lose the dynamic and enthusiatism to continue my battle towards all my targets..sometimes i really need supports,either literally or mentally..i jus need supports!!!but no one seems to bother bout it...perhaps everyone has their own responsibility in their life..so would they bother bout others?i noe itz being bad to say this cos i noe tat there are of cos ppl who act care for me...i really cherish for their consideration!i love u guys!

hopefully i'l get to find myself very soon..i wanna get back to who i was to be..my confidence,my curiousity towards the surrounding,my passion towards my life,my reason of living in this world..

my listed wishes and targets to be done:
-lose weight preferably to 50kg
-do well in my study,wish to achieve distinction in degree
-write songs,compose songs...
-to be a friendly person,down to earth...learn from mistake...i dun wanna be sportlighted,but someone where ppl wil turn to me when they have probs,sadness..i dun mind to listen to them..

to be continued..

sometimes i dun even noe wutz the purpose of switching on the pc..

perhaps to dl wut i have choosed..to update some info..to chat with frens..my life sounds really boring..jus read my fren's blog,where she has found the purpose of living in the world,where she found herself,her reason of living,that shez here because of jesus!wel,i heard of this from others as well,and i think im blessful cos im here!

listening from my another fren,where her frens were killed in an accident..this really scares me away cos life is jus so miserable,as in we really have no idea wutz gonna happen next..no prediction but we do have a choice to appreciate everything that is with us now!i dun wanna live in regrets,i dun wanna look back to the past..maybe the experience will build me into a tougher person..but not to fear me off!i dun wanna let the past to be a reason for me as burden..

btw,i found my gang to have splited into 2...we used to be so united as one team..u'l for sure to see us togather at anytime and any place..but thing has changed at the beginning of the year..and i have doubt in trusting some of them..perhaps they've found something even better than wut we have...

simplicity brings perfection!

this guy is making to confusion...

even i get confused with my own feelings..when i tend to smile to him,he seems so cool to me...when im forcing myself to be calm down and not to bother so much...he tends to arise my feeling again...seriously i have no idea bout wut is playing around in guys mind!i got tired of it..i jus wanna have simplicity in life...i dun wanna think too much ...complixite things...making it to get worsen..i jus wan something pure...but sometimes itz hard to get in reality...oni in movie!i hope i'l get wut i wan ...something less than complication...something more than perfection,something simple!

sometimes,i really wanna confess to him...are u feeling the same as how i feel?i really wanna noe the answer,perhaps there isnt any answer,jus tat i've been thinking too much ...rich imagination on wutz happening around me...maybe im too free and have nothing to do...tatz why my mind has been non stop thinking of the rubbish!

i feel so boring staying at home...i've got wut i wan finally though,i tot i would be happie and satisfied,but this is not the fact!the fact is i wanna have my space and freedom...whether is with my gang or not..i think i need to travel...either with someone or jus by myself!i wanna see the world...wutz act happening outside there..something tat is wating for me to discover..i really envy wut my other frens have...i really hope to have my freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna have myself...i dun have anything nice to be kept in my memory...nothing much to write in the listed diary!i really hope to get to experience the fun and joys of wut i wan!i really desire it...and i think i deserve it!cos itz human rights!

during freetime,i even tot of how shud i be an ideal parent if provided i have kids in future..i'l nv treat them like how im eexperiencing now...make frens with children instead of parenting them....im sure i might be good parent if i do have the chance in future!hope this day wil come!!

the first time ever to feel "close" from him..

act it wasnt really close in the sense,but we jus talked bout the bands,singers,artists...and i think he really has the skill to hold the clients back huh...but i hope this wasnt his objective..i hope he really wanna teach me as a student..but i really enjoyed the lesson today!it was dam fun !!!i like it so much!!cos itz my style...back to my style...i love tat kind of music...i love tat kind of oomph!i jus love it~and itz so nice to have lessons...oni today..hahahha!i mean previously was found to be kinda boring...cos hez a boring person...but we really talked today...as in really have some kinda discussion...but i found something funny...where i like those tat he dislike...kakakkakaka!sorry la..i really like their songs...nice ma!different taste lo...we listen to different accompaniment..so different preference lo!kakaka!and i finally realised the fun of playing drums...the joy of jaming...itz dam high man!!!!nokidding!!!

no turning back...no regrets!

no one else but you
to be the one that has been stunning shimmering in front of me
and never gonna get you out of mind

no one else only you
to be the one i've thinking of
everyday and every night
and any second anytime
in my life

written and composed by cheong shiaw lee..;p

this is oni the chorus part..can u imagine i act wrote him a song?wow,even the same thing happened...but the inspiration wasnt strong enough for me to jus turn on the recorder,had the guitar on the hand,and jus strummed out...somehow, it might sounds a little imperfect as compared to a recorded song by the singer...but itz my masterpiece k!!!this song expresses my feelings,my obssession towards him!!!!and i've thinking of the silly stuffs all the time...im so worry that i might be seeing him one day holding someonez hand,probably his gf..but i couldnt picture if he holds a guyz hand,which possibly a bf!or maybe he already married with another woman,and have kids...im so worry this day wil come...i jus think that i couldnt stand it!and this is the first person that makes me feeling in this way...where i have much worries,imaginations,stupid thoughts...etc.he makes me melt off onto him..as in i think i have fallen deeply into this guy...no turning back...no regrets!somtimes i jus feel myself so sick in mind..even i knew itz gonna be likely impossible to happen..but i jus like him!!!and i keep thinking of him...even a bunch of keys has cause me to think for tonnes of possible reasons!!!i jus couldnt control myself from thinking of him!itz so crazy man!!so scary....i couldnt believe tat my feeling is getting stronger from day to day!!!OH NO!!!

5 months time...

this is why i feel so comfortable to blog out here...since none of my frens is reading it..blah!

i may like to announce here that i let go gavin lai jor!!!!!kakakak!a feeling got to me ytd..that asking me to dislike him,perhaps someting that annoyed me..i really dun und wut was i so adore to him...perhaps his outlooking is charming..but there are others who are much better than he is out there..perhaps he plays guitar..but i dun think hez the best..even my bro can play better than him...perhaps he has his personality shines,but there are even ppl who behaves much better like kai...etc!kaka...i got all his bad things after i've listed im in the recycle bin!yeah!seriously i felt real good..itz something like u release something from ya hand,or u release a anchor from a ship,flying up the sky in an aeroplane,having a nice scuba dive,having a nice taste of red wine...somhow i jus cherish this moment!the feeling cam to me in a sudden...n it was kinda increadible..i tried so hard to let go previously,but jus one second,it did!and everything was like wut it was supposed to be in the past. someone new wil come to my life...this is wut i hope for...kaka!!furthermore, i was pretty surprised that the person that i miss to leave here is wilson!hez lect from my coll who teaches computing classes..hez not old,come on!and im so adore to him...in which imnot gonna see him anymore after shifting to the new campus!im sooo upset with it...surprisingly im kinda happie for not seeing gavin!kakak!i dun think he treats me even as a fren,i jus think that itz so sucks!why shud i stil keep admiring someone who treats me so suck up?no point of being in that way..perhaps a normal fren wil be better!i dun care whether he likes me or not..but the fact is i dun like him...n i dun have the heart for him anymore!kekek!i dun bother anymore wut he has done to me,wut hez goin to do to me,wut heztrying to do to me..wut he'l do to me!it'l nv influence me...my reply wil be ''oo,,ok''!tatz all for him!

bad v good

really feel like bloggin last night but my modem got prob!!sob sob !

stayed wit no msn,no blogging,no surfing the internet...n finally i realised how important pc n internet in life!anyway...something sad n something good happened ytd...

letz begin with the sad thing...somehow,i jus felt not good when seeing them chatting n laughin there..but weirdly i jus couldnt get along with it...i jus feel that there a gal between me n them!i jus dun feel like forcing myself to laugh or looks happie but feel stupid in heart!perhaps i dun even give it a try to get along wit them...perhaps this is my fault!but the intention is not there anymore....n i think my attitude wil nv force me to do that!!lack out!!!!!i jus dun hope the day wil come to have no conversation...no topic...jus silence!!but i would say im starting to dislike his attitudes...hmmm,i dun agree with the ways he is,but this wouldnt be my business rite?somehow i jus feel disappointed towards him....n kept asking myself how could have i fallen into him even it was oni for 3 days long?stupid me!i felt ashame!!hez totally out of my world!!

another good news is...i saw him!at first i tot it would be a tough task for me to get along with him!it happened though where i really felt harsh to see his facial expression replied to my HI!but i kept telling myself not to expect much from him...cos itz surely impossible.....try to control my feelings n emotions!not to fall sooooo deeply into him til i hurt myself!somehow,i jus felt tat it was the happiest part for the day to chil with them!i hope everything will be fine from day to day!

itz early in the momrning..and im feeling somewhat...kinda weird...itz likedunno wutz happening in life....i jus feel like dun talking at all...as in i have no mood to talk to him...anyhow,i dun wana this situation to getting serious til we have no topic to talk bout...but sometimes it seems like i dun the intentionto even say hi to him!!i dun like this feeling...itz soooo cold!!

anyway,i got kinda confused when chatting with my frens ytd night...hmm...she jus asked me who is my current target?huh??i dun even noe whoz my target....perhaps im clear with myself...jus tat i dun wanna admiteit,...perhaps im kinda interested into him...buit then i sholud have fall in love with such a person....but wut to do....i dun wanna like him anymore..but whenever i close my eyes...he tends to appear in fonr tof him!im sooooo geram wiht his attitudes...how could he treat ppl in this way????DAM IT!!!!but at the asme time, i kept asking myslf why shud i bother so much bout him?somehow,,,itz jus a pain kille rfor me to mention tt all this time.

''sum tham''!!!!

it simply means frustrating or disappointing in canto..i would say that what am i to him?perhaps not even a fren..but i felt really pissed off when i saw him sitting and having fun in the room..i mean not being jealous or what..but i tot he was supposed to be bz with his coursework since he has gotto submit it this week...he even decided to cancel the lessons...or even no more guitar club or lessons at all.....but why has he to do in this way...without inviting us?perhaps he jus wanna have his own gang with him...but isit it irresponsible?i mean he was the one who started off in inviting us to join the club..and hez the one who asked to stop the class...wut shud i express to him?

furthermore, i even feel embarrasing and frustrating to have pumped into such a guy!!!i dun even bother to ask him since he has treated us in this way!somehow,i jus felt that he has nv treated us as his frens ever!no point of asking a question where the answer is predictable...i jus think that everything has gone meaningless at tat point!furthermore, i jus feel that he has made my to feel annoyin towards wut he has done!i dun hope this will happen cos i dun wanna let myself to love in hatre or anger...i really hope to treat him as fres..but i think it maybe a tough task to me!

confused!!

sometimes,i'l inquire myself whether or not i have good feelings towards this guy?or whether or not i have pumped into this guy?somehow,i jus think that situation wil be lessly complicated if the person is a gal!i mean i wouldnt have thought that i got fall in love the person when im missing a gal fren..in fact, i would ask myself do i act fall in love with this person if hez a guy!therefore,i do think itz the gender problem that cause me think sophisicatedly....perhaps i do have the same feeling towards gals..but jus that i'l think in detail if the same thing happen on guys!however, there may be situation where im sure that i really love this guy!the feeling is jus unique whereby nothing will come before him!ya mind appears nothing except him!but there may be no return though u have sacrifice much!but isnt it love to where i sacrifice for nothing but to love him!?wel, i do consider it as my perception...somehow,it may sounds foolish!

anyway,i found myslef kinda dumb or numb to feel wut happening around!perhaps im trying to not to feel?or im not good in getting the sense or signals!even someone may consists to have confessed to me..but i couldnt get anything!i personally think itz a big prob!i really dunno how to sense it!but hopefully itz not the bad thing!!

btw,i think i have seen him almost everyday...though itz not too long..perhaps jus a hi or bye...but the intention to seek for him..to just have a view of his face is alwis there!it happens to be funny that i miss him when hez not around..but i tend not to appreciate him when hez in front of me!i try not to display wutz in my mind on the facial expression..i wouldnt wan him to noe that i got good feelings towards him either...somehow,i jus feel that he noes something...n trying to prevent it from happenin..which i think itz a good thing!cos i dun wan all this to happen...sometimes,these makes me feel scare or afraid to approach him!perhaps i jus wan to remain as good fren or even bro n sis with him so tat i stil have him!!

wutz happening into me????

i had been crazy over this weekends..kept thinking on wutz he to me.why shud i concern bout wut he has done to me...how he has treated me??why shud i bother bout all this????the more i concern, the more often i think bout him...n this is sooo gonna drive me crazy!

the feeling is somewhat,in fear to see him or even meet him up..before i got out of the door heading to my college in the noon,i kept praying for not to see him...cos i'l feel somehow stress up whenever seeing him or dealing somethings that related to him!but i was soooo shocked that the first person i saw when i pulled the glass door was him!i tried to head down n jus passed by by walking straight to the cw department...when i found no one was there, i turned back n intended to walk to the pc lab...and i saw him again,he asked me to attend the guitar lesson tmr n saying that nadicson will be there too...shit wei!i was kinda pissed when i got the news!!after a long,i jus went out of the class when during break time,saw him..the same feeling arouse..i jus walked over there since kwung was there..then jus chitchatted for a while...it started off nicely..but ended up quarrelling...though itz nothing much serious..but why we tend to quarrel everytime over some small matters?the feeling is soooooo not nice!somehow itz kinda hurtful...even feel like sayin sorry to him..but i wont!

why is he to be so influencial in my life?

i love my frens...they are appreciable to me!they'd done something tat really surprised me,made me laughed,happie,excited,even wanna cry out!i really wanna hug each of u guys!!i'l rmb u guys in my life....promise!

anyway,i gotta noe something bout this guy..i jus felt frustrated towards him..i mean wut can a fren do for ya birthday...jus a wishing will make it jus nice to me!i think he knew bout it..perhaps he was jus too exhausted with his assignments..perhaps he was jus too tired for the day..or negatively maybe he might have jus dislike me...but i was pretty upset..he saw me..i appeared to be standing in front of him..i even walked there n talked to him..but why had he to treat me like that?he seemed to have treated me as no one was there...cant u jus picture the situation how harshly it was?i told myself not to feel tat anymore..not anymore..i even cried during the class.i jus felt how stupid i was to have cried for such a person..who nv cares...itz pain!

im 20 today!!!!wut i hope huh?

world peace..
happie family...
happie edu..life...
of cos not to be forgotten....my prince charming!!kaka

anyway,i saw him ytd..he looks exhausted...seems like he has been stress up with his assignments...and he said the submit date for the cw has changed to be earlier...i was pretty 'sum thong' when seeing him like that...but kinda geram cos he rather went to GENTING than finish up his cw...so kinda padan muka!but i see him like that...really feel soo pityful to him..really hope to be at his side...give him support!hope everythinh will be fine in ya life...dude!

hmmmm....

hihi!!itz been ages for me not blog here...

apparently i've been blogging at friendster, furthermore jus felt lazy to log in here..somehow i tot of deleting this,but this blog has kept all the memories with tt..so im not gonna do tat!many things had happened in this few months...itz year 2007 now...wow!!

met many ppl...get to noe them better..the better one wil be closer now..perhaps the closer ones may becoming further now...

kai-i knew him since 2005, we studied LCCI togather,but i nv get to noe him better tat time cos i had my gang!but we are really best frens now..noe wut?i found myself to have pumped into him..hmmm,jus for some moment..perhaps the feeling has gone..kaka!hez a nice guy,responsible,i admire the way he treats others,he'l nv promise u if he noes that he cant do it!i appreciate him as my fen...but sometimes i jus find myself to be jealous when hez treating other better than me!isnt it weird?i dun consider it as pumping into someone...jus sometime confuse bout it..somehow i may also feel the same thing if hez a gal...rite?

simon-this guy is awesome,in the sense hez charming in his way!he has his personality clear..im adore to his style!i love his personality!noe wut?i saw him in 2005,where i was studying LCCI n hez doing multimedia.my first impression towards him was-such a gurlish boy!but i gotta noe him last year,or even better this year!we act came from the same primary schoool...OH NO!itz all fated!kakak!i was kind adored to him at first cos he tends to be soo tempting!but sooner or later,when i get closer to him,i jus wan everything to remain at the current position,perhaps itz pleased to have such a fren!u'l melt off with his eye contact..hez absolutely a killer to girls!with his nice deep vocal and his eyes...wow!gorgeous!

gavin-hahah..i was kinda crazy bout him when the time he sang at the dinner n dance..perhaps thing tat happen seldomly will seems to be appreciable n precious..but when u get to approach to it frequently,then it'l be something ordinary!i was kinda excited when there were any opportunity for me to approach him..but it'l be different story when it happened to be true!im currently attending his guitar classes...sometimes feel kinda enjoying,but sometimes are jus so-so!why?i dunno....sometimes may really melt on his singing n playing..but mostly end up with an 'out-of-tune' bang!somehow,this makes me to be awake!!kakak!

evert-knew him last year...everyone thinks that i got pumped into him cos of his physical appearance...kakka!somehow i gotta communicate with him cos we were in a group for the performance..furthermore itz nice to have someone who is on the side of u!same interest perhaps!we like playing guitar..the classical?or electric?the jaming?wow!!!tatz y i have topic with him!itz nice to talk to him cos u'l see him with a smile everytime!wow...u'l feel happie n please to see such a person!it warms ya heart even u have tonnes of stressful workloads with u!i stil feel tat moment was sweet...when u were alone sitting with nothing to do,and decided to sms him...but wit no reply..somehow he just appeared in front of u surprisingly!though itz someting simply..isnt it simple the best?i like this..
..thomas tan??nothing to talk on him cos he'l alwis have a position in my heart!but just full of inquiries...love