aza aza fighting CSL~~

i felt funny yet angry~keke

my heart was like stop functioning as in the fluid is not goin thru the circulation..as in my heart is goin to stop beating at that moment..where he asked me something regarding on studying abroad..wel,i finally und ya feeling bro chau..sigh~i was really upset when he said he's gonna get info on studying abroad..wel,tat moment makes myself even confused than ever..cos i've been questioning myself whether i do fall in love with him or not..perhaps i jus not give a dam to face the truth whereby i really have feelings towards him..yet i've gotta pretend nothing has happen since it might be too obvious for me to show my feelings out..furthermore i was jus sitting beside him...argh~~~stop asking me bout that..stop saying that..i really felt like tearing out..the intention is there ...jus that whether i do have the guts to confess..NO~~~CSL ..please beware of wut im gonna say~~~NONONO~

anyway,i did asked him for opinion that wut shud i do to the guy which i have feelings..can u jus imagine tat im asking the guy that i like for opinion regarding on how to confess to himself~wut da~~~perhaps i was jus trying to give some hint to him..since some of my frens suggested me..but it seemed like not working since he even asked me whoz tat guy..the one that hurt me the most "itz the truth..u like a guy..i din like anyone..'' ...he doesnt like anyone~~perhaps im jus being too sensitive and being 'tepuk sebelah tangan' over here..sob sob ~he even asked me not to give up ...jus giv it a try..walaoo~~~im so scare...and my frens kept asking me wut am i trying to worry about...wel,itz jus so simple- im scare of losing him~i dun wanna loss a fren..i'l be real happie ala he stil keep in touch with me even he has gone somewhere..

somehow, the intention is there..i noe that there'l be a big trouble if im to confess to him..cos i noe myself well,im selfish~i wil even have the intention to ask for him to stay~~CSL~~~~~~~~~~u've gotta stand firmly~~CSL~~~~~~~~~u've gotta support yaself..u've gotta stand tough~~~u cant fall so easily~~~

i've won since i have u guys~

it began with a good day,ended up with a bad day..

but one thing i noe i've won..which is friendship which gives me a strong feeling of supports from my gang..i really love u guys...those ppl,i so glad and blessful of knowing u guys..i love u guys and i appreciate the friendship..which i hope wil never fade...and not going to fade..

even my lovly dear dear would give me kisses and hugs although we are miles away..although we are being apart from each other..but i could feel how much she cares for me..wut a great fren that GOD has brought to me..and not to be forgotten...my gang,they are such nice persons to give me supports and advice..and even listen to me as i have no where to pour out my feelings...they allow me to turn to them...im glad to hav them!


noe wut?sometimes i really have 2 sided behaviour...i really have no idea wut to do..whether i shud carry on and fight for it...or jus choose to give up everything...perhaps ppl might say that im being irresponsible if i do this...but wutz more can i do then?it'l be more worth it if there are ppl to fight the battle along with me..im keep asking myself wutz the point of continuing all this shit??for my own fame?for the club?but i dun seems like enjoying music,but more on management or human politics..wutz the point?is this the main reason that i'd join the club?no~~wut i wan is jus to play music..to produce music with a gang of ppl...to enjoy music!but wut it has turn to be is so much different from my expectation..i realised how stressful i've been after being part of the BOD..perhaps u might say that im behaving as how a loser behaves..escaping or giving in whenever there is hardships or probs...somehow,i alwis make my mind up in thinking in different perspective which may make me feel better..''this is jus some kinda hardships to train myself up...im jus leveling in my life...learning to be tougher and stronger from day to day..itz a good time for me to learn the other side of the society at coll time so tat i'l get more used to the egoism of the real society...it may help me and teach me many things through the experiences.....''

however, it questions me on why shud i to been through all this at my edu time since isnt it the time for me to enjoy my study life?jus let it be when comes to career stage..im really struggling in wut shud i do now..

give myself sometime..

"love is when someone that u think bout when u wake up"...by one of my frens..

this sentence makes me think of the one that i've thinking of every morning when first open my eyes..but do i act think of him every morning?or someone has appear in my mind when im in fear,when i feel upset,when i feel happie,when i feel lonely,when i feel helpless....who is act appearing in my heart all this time that brings me back to the path??i cant even answer myself cos i got confused with my feelings too..sometimes i jus think that feelings are the one that guiding me to the way without analysing whether or not itz the right thing to do..

anyway, the feeling is jus weird..i got really curious with how is his feeling towards me....somehow, i jus think this guy is just more than a perfect guy to me..i feel comfortable to be with him..hez a nice guy to talk to,to hang out with,i really feel warm and nice to stay by his side...but wouldnt it to spoilt our frenship if im gonna demand something more than wut we are currently??i dun wan this to happen cos im not willing to lose him as a fren..i care for him very much..anyhow, i was thinking there might be a possibility for me to be thinking too much and being to sensitive on my personal feelings...sighz~~~

i gotta give myself some time...