sob sob ~~

thx for everything...

so happie to meet him up...and finally i met my surprise..haha~~baby donald~~AW~~itz soo cute....i really need to apologise to him cos i blamed him previously for not understanding me, but i realised that it wasnt all this fault too after some time, i was wrong too ^^

anyway...it was a nice day, getting the chance to meet him up in personal, had a great day wit him, although it was jus a few hours, but things seemed to be really fascinating...happie to be wit him even it was jus a moment...the feeling was mesmorize...^^

however, talked to my fren after some time at night, was kinda worried after listening to her advice...was pretty worried bout my period this few days...i felt pain but not period yet..hmm~~~perhaps something makes me feel worried here...perhaps we shud take better precautionay step..cos i am EXTREMELY worry...although i trust him at all..but i wil stil request for 100% safety for myself and oso to him....i do not wanna feel scary and worry after sex...this isnt the way to be..i wanna enjoy SAFE SEX instead of drinking so much herbal tea and eating so much pineapple....AAAARRRGH~~~no one unds my worries...sob sob~~~

finally....PAIN~

ITZ PAIN~~~severe pain~~


anyway, was really happie cos i was trying to prepare lunch for us..haha~~although it was jus a very simple rice wit cucumber, crab meat and omelet with some seaweed since i was trying to make sushi and those rice was left additional , somehow it tastes great ^^

it was our second try, and finally succeeded ^^ but the result was PAIN~i teared twice bcos it was so pain until my vagina wall got stretched and kinda bleed..OMG~~~how could my first time experience to be like this, SOB ~i tot it shud be exciting and fascinating..kaka~~~~finally i und why some ppl would say first time experience isnt so great...i jus felt PAIN~~~

4 vs 1

HE LOST~~hahahaha~

OMG~~~today was really fantastic~im feeling soooooooo happie cos i hav both frens and bf to be wit me at the same time, which i've been alwis love it to ^^thx to them for giving me such a wonderful day ~~ ^^wake up in the morning, realized that my eyes were kinda swollen since i cried many times the day before..however, it seemed to be getting better wit the essence and moisturizer going on it ..went to one u to hav K time ..YEAH~~~i wasnt in the mood at first since many things happened the day before..i called him up and was glad that hez coming over to meet me ^^

while waiting at the bus stand, i saw SK was waiting there too ^^YAY~~someone's there to accompany me all the way to one u in the bus..hehe ~we chit chat while waiting for the bus..really happie havent been meeting her for ages..and we're gonna rock the K room down today ~~NGEK NGEK NGEK~~reached there and shopped for a while before everyone reached.i was really glad that everyone wasnt feeling shy to sing it out loud ^^ after some time, he reached too..really glad that hez willing to spend time wit my frens although i noe this would be another time for him being bore there..kakak~~~but i noe u wouldnt leave me alone cos u noe i love singing ~muackz~ but it was really fun to see a guy being bullied by 4 GALS~~hohoho~~~anyway, i really hope that u'l sing songs to me one day...^^ how lovely it would be that ya bf singing songs to u ...aw aw aw ~~~after that, jus went for bowling session...wowowowo~~it was really great cos lingling and SK were really great...kakak~~sorry darling that U LOST~~kekekekekekekek~~~and im really happie that i got 50 finally the second game...YESH~~~i passed ~~YEAH~~~i was really happie that lingling managed to get so well wit him, they seemed like cat and dog chasing each other...kakak~~how lovely it is that both my BF (boy fren and best fren) get so well together...im really glad ~~ I LOVE YOU GUYS~~

last but not least, i realized that my hidden talent isnt bowling...kakakakak~~

im sorry

i jus need time to accept it..

it was a very happening day to me, ups and downs, but i wasnt feeling any happie after the incident..why???i wake up in the morning, i was really happie that he'l be coming to my place.. i noe everything wil be going really great ^^ this was our 2nd seduction~~kakak ~ i was so in the mood to try out with the sushi..i noe im a noob in boiling rice, i watched videos from youtube to learn how to make sushi rice correctly , how to make MAKI.. i was really excited to make him my very first MAKI, hez the first person to taste it...

i was happie that he ate all of it although it was kinda..ermmm~~the rice was really soft, and the shape of the MAKI wasnt in a shape i would say..hehe~wel, everything was going soooooooo great and good, we were both felt excited on the bed...but wit something that he said to have left me into speechless..

me and my gf last time oso like this one.. having sex wit condom means hez stil a virgin..hmm, then i'l be a virgin until i get married wit my future husband if i've been using condom to have sex wit all my bf..is this wut u are trying to tel me?
wel, i wouldnt get so frustrated if he's told me the truth instead of manipulating the truth...i could tell here that I TOTALLY DISLIKE IT AND IT MATTERS ME, trying imagine that im comparing him with other guys, wel, this wouldnt be a good thing to him and tatz why i dare not to do it to him...however, wut he said was really matters me deep down in my heart..sense of being cheated even made me to be speechless..i was really excited tat moment no until he said that...my feeling jus made as if 'pls do not touch me'.....i tried to control my emotions so hardly, i tried to get my mood back as fast as possible, i tried not to reveal my feelings, but my mind wasnt there for some time, even he's done wut i've been hoping all this while, but the 'i love you' jus being said at the wrong timing...to me, saying i love you in such a distance is such a wonderful thing, but i din feel anything, even stunned for a while until he asked me whether im fine or not..i noe im a spoiler to have ruined everything, I DO HAVE EMOTIONS!i've controlled not to say out everything cos i noe he'l feel bad for sure, and i noe myself well, my words are cruel and harsh, i chose to tel nothing even he's asked me so many times..but i could felt that he wasnt in the mood ady, but i tried so hard to bring things back cos i noe my response had spoiled everything until he left me alone there, i felt sucks and cried out...why was everything going until like this??i ady felt sad cos i felt hez somehow cheated, FINE, i tried hard to calm myself down so that i could control my temper well, i knew that i've ruined his mood for everything, i even tried to talk nicely to him, but i nv expected that he would leave me there, and made me felt that im such a spoiler and loser in life~~~why are all my efforts not working right???i felt angry and sad at the same time, all this emotions pushing my tears dripping from my eyes...i kept questioning myself why has the one i loved so much treated me like this????others could treat me but NOT HIM for sure~~~although we promise nv mention bout it, however i have a very good memory~i tried to stop crying bcos i noe that he wouldnt be happie to see me crying so sadly..furthermore, he's trying to console me.

luckily all this had not last long, everything ended so funny for the day..haha~however, he's left, i went for a bath..for quite some time until i've alienated his calls.. i was crying again in the bathroom... i kept asking myself, why would i be so bother wit this thing?perhaps i havent been loving him deeply until i could accept everything of him including his past...i feel even sad when i found myself hav kinda losing faith onto him...

im sorry for everything..

tough task ~~

where shud i begin...hmm, lots to tel even few days had jus passed..

ytd was a really happening day to me..his first day of coll, excited to hear from him bout his coll life, hope he's a great time there..^^ however, i planned to sing k wit yuan and fy..suddenly yuan jus sms telling me tat hez bringing his gal along..wowowo~~of all sudden, WL even told me that hez coming over to meet me since his class ends up early...OMG~~~i was sooooooooo happie and this really surprised me ~HEHE~~i was glad cos he intended to come and find me, i felt so touched..^^ he even spent time to sing K wit my frens, but i was really worried that they couldnt click well since he might got bored off wit those chinese songs..hehe~~somehow, i felt so nice when i could hold his hand and wit his hugs while singing love songs..tatz why i stayed strong to not let him go when he wanted to go off, cos i jus wanna be selfish for him to be by my side although i noe he was quite bored..kakakakka~~somehow, i felt kinda guilty and sorry towards FY since both yuan and me were having our partners there, enjoying our sweet time, but she was alone without her darling ..awww~
somehow, i've done something real selfish, i decided to went for a walk wit WL rather and agreed to leave FY alone at MPH...aw~~i was quite worried to let her going home alone by cab...aiksss~~dilemma~~

wel, everything going so fine until at night, he's gone kinda moody without telling me why , somehow i jus felt that he wasnt happie wit something, or perhaps got pist off wit something, but i jus have no idea wut was it, merely guessing and worrying, but he seemed having no confidence wit himself...i jus felt somehow he's trying hard to improve himself to fulfill me...wowow~~but i jus couldnt und why was he so moody last night..

anyhow, he jus sms me that he missed me and wanna chat wit me, tat moment i really wanna noe wut happen initially although i noe he might not wanna talk bout it anymore...heheh~~but i jus wanna noe was there anything i've done wrongly..heheh~~seemed like he was pretty great today..hahah~~i was happie when he really sms me asking which bus suppose to be going to one u...wowoow~~~although i was pretty tiring after 2 lectures of heavy subs, somehow i felt really great to lean on his shoulders when i was so tiring...^^really felt so beloved when someone so care of myself...i nv expected that he could be spending 3 hours alone at the shopping mall waiting for my class to end...hahah~~silly boy even trying to play tat 'picking-on-a-doll' game to get a doll for me..hahaha~~but ended up wit RM5 wasted...kakka~somehow i felt tat hez so cute..haha~~

while on the day back home, his dad was calling him and IM GONNA MEET HIS DAD UP...OMG~~~totally a tough task for me~~~i was anxious for sure... but i told myself to stay calm..hehe~~we went for a meal..everything seems fine and i hope his dad would like me ^^

he loves my G string ^^

AW AW AW ~~~he loves my G string ~~HEHEH

i was kinda excited in the morning cos i noe im gonna tell him a very long story, i've planned to tell him everything, i was really glad that i could told him everything bout my life, my family , my feelings....until i cried in front of him, i felt so secured and pleased when he consoled me with his hug, he told me that was the past and no more happening dy, although i noe it'l stil be happening around, somehow i felt really sweet that he said it to me in such a way.

i nv expect it to rain in the noon cos it was quite sunny in the morning, somehow we jus stayed at the room, and he likes my G string...hahah~~wel, hez pretty GOOD , i would describe it as..hahah~~I JUS LOVE HIS CHEST , SHOULDER AND ARMS~~i love it sooo much... i think im gonna miss it for long~~

after that, we went one u for lunch and hang out. we even went for a bowling session after lunch. i felt really worried and anxious since i've fall down on the bowling lane ytd at the same location, but he seemed so happie in playing it, of cos i would play wit my darling ^^ but i really couldnt relax myself cos there were quite lot players over there, and my lane was jus straight to the counter...after 2 games, jus went for a pool~~WOWOW... not bad~~hehe~~after all, we went for a walk...this was the first time i went window shopping !!!!i love it soo much~~~this was the first time that i put on the clothes and showed it to him~~~WOWOW~~~furthermore, im happie that he even chose clothes for me to try on~~~i noe i wasnt wearing very nicely and pretty, but the feeling is my bf choosing the clothes that he likes and put them onto me~~~HEHEHEHE~~~itz sweet to me...happie and excited to see his response after putting on the dress fit and walking out from the fitting room.. tat moment was really happie to see his response ~

something to share bout, im seriously very happie when he said to hav a family and make our kids to have a good environment for life...OMG~~U ARE SOO SWEET~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i love u ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~muackzz~~~~
im happie too when he said to buy a BIKINI set for my bday...hahahah~~~AWAWAWA~another thing was im happie if he was to buy me any lingeries whenever he thinks of me..kakak~~~~

i love u darling~~

fall in love with G string

so happeningggg~~~~

went out with ling today..wowow~~although it was simple but very happie cos we've been ages not hanging out gather, bowling sumore~~YEAH~~~this was the first time we both playing bowling, the feeling was really great...OUR FIRST TIME..hahaa~~i would rmb our first time in my life ever...cos it was sooooooooo memorable, i fall down on the bowling lane !!!OMGGGG~~~~it was really embarrassing, and i would make sure myself to nv repeat the similar mistake especially in front of my lovely darlingg..haha~~cos i do not hope to embarrass him , for sure~~although it was a huge humiliation to myself, but have u ever experience such an embarrassment ever in ya life b4???no leeee...hehehe~~tatz why i felt shameful at first, but quite funny and meaningful instead. at least i would have experienced a really baddddd embarrassment before my career age ^^ perhaps i wouldnt have the courage to accept if i were to fell in front of my colleagues.

went on a nice lunch at italiannis ^^ i was happie to see ling enjoying so much with the food , especially her fav, mussel Lombardi and finally got her order of chicken sausage carbonara..^^
after the lunch, we finally went for our MISSION FOR THE DAY~~hehe... i was really happie that she willing to share everything wit me, i mean experiences and her willingness to let me care bout her health.. finally she gotta noe wutz with her health prob and released her stress and worries onto the issues...YOYO~~~CONGRATS~~~HUGS~~im happie too that i've learned something from it..

back home, perhaps i jus done something that would have irritated him, or something happened that makes my darling not in the mood to talk to me, but i was really worried wut initially happened to him, why wouldnt my darling sharing his unhappie things wit me, but perhaps others instead...this makes me even upset when i saw his FB page comments..i noe i shudnt be stalking or checking onto him... but i felt rely stupid and foolish T.T i was worrying there so much onto him, yet he was chatting wit a gal at FB...he seemed really happie to play 'comment' at FB woooo... but he jus said KNS and swt to me when i was trying to play 'comment' at FB wit him....SIGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~really frustrated jorr....really sad niaaa that the one i loved and care so much treated me like this.... i nv tot that i nv felt angry once i realised it, DOWN instead...i felt foolish...i was soo excited to share wit him that i've bought a nice G string today wit ling... wel, i dun intend to tel him now cos he makes me feel as if im a fool to worry so much and being sooo in fear that he might angry wit me...i try controlling myself.. but tat moment when i realised it jus makes me feel not in the mood to talk to him ..
who am i to u ,wilson?