thank you for loving me

i love K wit babe!

i was so anticipated and excited bout the arrival of today, finally it has came!!we had initially planned for an outing of K session,that i would alwis loving it, i even found for new songs last few days so that would have something refreshing! woke up in the morning, having nicely planned of which clothes to be picked from the wardrobe for the day,we had discussed few days ago, and even had little argument for some stupid matters...haha!!however, i stil felt itz great not bcos of the clothes, but the fun and happiness!

however, i was so anticipating to let my new heels for a floor show after buying it and kept inside the shoe box since before CNY!!ITZ TIME!!!YEAH!!!i tried to walked before showing him to the real world..hehe!!however, i really salute to the chics that shopping wit high heels bout 5 inches!!!it was GOD DAMN painful and suffering, it was such a huge challenge to me for walking wit that 5 inches high heel walking from the taman jaya LRT station to the bus stand for bus (bout 500m), walking all the way from the MV bus stand to staircase and staircase and reached MV, walking all the way to THE GARDEN REDBOX!!!OMGG!i jus wished somebody could carried me tat moment!!i kept bragging at babe,how nice if he has a car to fetch me...SIGH!!i felt so regretful saying this, i felt like crying when i had calmed myself down after buying a new sander..tat moment when i saw babe trying to tie up and buckle the stripe at the side for my new sander, i felt how good is this guy to me but i even saying such harsh words to him!!!i jus wanna hugged him and cry!!!

however, it happened after we went to K!!it was out of my expectation to be so crowded!!we waited so patiently for bout 20 mins then luckily to have room for us!!!the food were nice!!the atmosphere was nice!!the mood was nice!!everything was so great!!!so sweet when listening to babe singings!!!i realized that babe sings and i scream!!!hahahahahahhahaha!!hohohoho!!!i jus love to hug him when he sings...REAL SWEET!!!wel, there are songs that making me having butterflies in my stomach whenever im singing wit him...love story by taylor swift, you belong wit me by taylor swift...i even tear off when my first attempt singing love story wit him hugging me in the room!!!

after all,i saw his ex working at La Senza today ^^ i was pretty curious bout who would be his ex.. i have confusion feeling!!!im happie that he was determined searching for part time job, but on the other hand, i jus dun wan him to work at MV whereby he has any opportunity meeting wit his ex.. I JUS JEALOUS!!I ADMIT..HOHOHOHOHO!!!!doesnt he the same thing as mee...BLEK!!i dun wanna make myself feel suspicious and thinking too much things if he was to work here..and i'l be starting my stupid emo days wit him!!i wanna AVOID and MITIGATE arguments that would probably ruining our relationship!!!I DUN WAN!!!

later we were searching for a place for a drink.. we walked so some time, it was pretty tiring and his face told me that he suffering from thirst...haha!!but i jus hope that could get him something nice after shooting him...hahahahah!!!we ended up had our McTwist strawberry !!!itz alwis lovely to me of having that ice cream even itz simple!!I LOVE IT!!!

time to leave for my evening class..babe jus acc me to the stations and took KTM wit me to KL central and LRT to pasar seni!!!i was definitely feeling happy that he would do it to ensure my safety..AAAAAAAA!!!again i felt like crying when hugging him at the station..although the weather was HOT and the trains was 101% STUFFY!!we couldnt get a moment to stand nicely or balanced ourselves..but this were jus nice experiences!!seeing babe to leave after sending me to the destination was something touchy and lovely!!seeing him to figure out where to get buses back to his area,willingness to wait for buses even the traffic was congested...thank you for loving me as u had said to me!!

white and blue

CNY!!!

finally having some free time of posting a blog here.chinese new year is a celebration of chinese traditional culture every year that is equally to the new year. however, itz pretty special this year whereby the first day of CNY falls on the same day to valentine's day!me and fren were saying this would be an extremely memorable if someone was to break up wit their partner so that his or her partner would nv forget bout it whenever valentine's day or CNY come.

btw, me and babe went for an outing the day before he went back to his hometown at bentong (pahang). i initially to get myself a red dress for my CNY visit after realizing my clothes bought previously were all in slightly grayish.thereby we went to sunway pyramid, which seems more affordable for me ..hahaha!!

it was a real fun day cos we reached there pretty early and i had plenty of 'space' to shop. i'd experienced shopping in an extremely packed mall (MV) that i couldnt get to the clothes i wan,long queue for the fitting room and cashier, the main point was got my time wasted for all these.
it has alwis been my happiest activity to do, SHOPPING!!!after going through the shops that i usually favour in their clothes, i stil couldnt find the clothes that suit my want. finally i got into this shop, cache cache,which is heard to be a new brand originated from france entering into m'sia's market ,the first opening here in sp..i din noe anything bout it until i've bought the dress ^^ finally found the kinda thing i wan, but it seems a prob that size M would nicely fit my waist and hip but not the boobs, while size L jus slight loose for everything..somehow, this was my last choice for the day with nice and simple design and affordable price ^^

after all jus shopped for little things after getting the major mission done ^^ diva has alwis be a nice place for accessories. however, the prices are slightly over my budget..heheh!the little things there are no doubt nice and fancy, therefore, it'l be my reference shop..hahahah!!

babe told me that he has to shop for a bday pressie for his fren where hez gonna share it out wit his bro. HA!!how could u not telling me at first!!???i have tonnes of ideas come on, i could help u out with the best price that fitting to ya budget wit a presentable presie.. hohohoho!!!how smart i am CSL!!!AW AW .. kinda admiring myself ..haha!!back to the story, i felt weird that how could i tried so hard to shop for a presie that my bf and his fren gonna give it to a gal???@.@? OMGGG!!!CSL has gone insane ???i really felt no jealousy that moment but to try my very best to shop for a nice one for their fren!!i felt really happie and i found one designed cup that has a teddy bear in it wit the same designed pattern^^ so nice and presentable yet reasonable..HOHOHOHO!!tat moment really made me felt so proud of myself ...kakakaka!!!

after walking and talking, eating and laughing, choking and sneezing,snapping and posing, itz time to get the bus back lrt station. everything was so soothing throughout the day, it was sweet and happie til the moment of shit time came in the end of the day !!!hav u ever seen any couple pampering, hugging and cheeks kissing in public buses before?if not then im so gonna bring u out wit me next time..hahaha!however,this malay lady perhaps not encountered such scenery before and pointed me to be 'tak tau malu'!!hmmm...if i really tak tau malu as though she tau malu to care so much on wut other ppl does!who the hell on earth is she to judge me and humiliate me in front of others?!i nv ask her to see wut i've done and i knew itz acceptable to myself and others!if she couldnt take wut the norm is, then jus hide into her own room and nv come out to the public!however, i perceive that she was not in a good mood and we were the victims for her!but she jus seemed like a crazy dog that barking with no reasons!




waitin for food...>.<



my meal!!!ramen!!!!yummy



his bento!!!



starving!!!gonna hunt out food ..keke



kept sucking since got refill..hahahhha!



stil suckinggg!!



finally smile after finish suckingg



BURBB!!!opppss ^^



kaakakaka...sorry la, im snapping the lady over there ..hahahah



last SS before leaving the shop ^^

SS while waitin for the bus ^^






good good fren ~~



OMG!!!his hand so girlish!!



~WE ARE THE POSERS~~~



sweet and easy



someone is trying to have small lips and mouth ..KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA

he loves me in his heart

wut a day

my feeling was overwhelming starting from last night cos we were going to meet today.finally after few days of not seeing each other, the moment was so anticipating until i couldnt got myself to sleep for more hours.i woke up 8 in the morning by the alarm clock. i had a feeling that he would be coming before 10am, i believed it ..hehe!the feeling was great, waiting someone that u love so much, the anticipation brought butterflies in my stomach.

until i received a text from him, he was stuck at home unless his mom had left the house. i understood the situation and the mood was not influenced at all.i've done some household, enjoying the time of cleaning up the house..

until i received a text from him, he asked me whether or not he managed to get here by 10 am with the terrific traffic jams everywhere and rigid public transports of LRT and buses. somehow i kinda misunderstood that he would have hinted not to come over due to the time consuming.however, my thought had misjudged him,my bad!but i noe he would be in trouble of getting over to my place, i knew that it would be sort of bore, i knew i shudnt be blaming and screaming on him..

until i received a text from him, he insisted to take a cab ride to my house. obviously it is costly to him, the distance from his place to my plac wasnt a joke!!i felt really great on his intention and action.terrific traffic, inconvenience perhaps could be part of the reaons of choosing the cab, somehow those were not my interest, i jus hoped to see my babe as soon as possible ^^ and the person i love was on the way to see me ^^ i was really excited, choosing clothes which would made him felt great of seeing his bibi, i even decided to go for a vintage look of a jumpsuit of short skirt and with a bikini bra inside, thx to the push up bra that made my boobs looked fantastico!

until i received a text from him, his had been overspending for the week, he hinted somehow to post pone our valentine celebration due to his overload of outings wit frens that caused him to a financial breakdown..hahaha!!i nv replied his text.i am sure he knew he has posted a disappointment to me after the text was sent.he even mentioned it in the subsequent text msg. i remained of no reply, i trying hard to calm down, accept, absorb and adopt. i put myself to the best of doing other things, i tried not thinking bout it, having the best ever mood when he was about to arrive my place.

until he reached my house, i threw a smile at my face, i pretended as though i was real fine.somehow my facial expression betrayed and got a ruin of it.everything was fine even he had asked me some times,until he looked at me and hugged me.my heart as though was being stabbed by a sword, my heart was sort of not beating, keep bleeding, the pain wasnt normal to be jus bypass as though nothing had happened even it was jus little matter. i cried in his arms hugging me,he didnt noe wut was the reason behind to cause my tears dripping continuously.the very first time i pushed him away for times,his arms were strengthening, i ignored having direct eye contact wit him.looking at him would make me soft hearted to throw him my thoughts. it wasnt anger or disappointment either in my emotions, but i felt stupid and foolish wit myself, with wut have i done.having planning for a splendid Vday, saving money of getting a 'present for Him'...everything was alwis in my mind, the sceneries, the 'wut to do' list, the couple mix and match dressing, everything was inside my heart. u migh be thinking silly of me.NO WAY!this is our very first ever Vday...i demand something memorable.
after throwing my piece of mind to him, he could had a bad feeling that i might be asking for a break off.i went off to get my 'present to Him', which is a quiksilver wallet, that i had shopped for twice at one u and mid valley for 2 days separately for a nice one ^^ i personally considered it as a really nice designed wallet with suitable colour.my emo ruled me to march to my drawer and took out the wallet in the box, which is oso a nice pick of my choice after walking floors of units at mid valley, i love the design of the box wit a very masculine colour of gray with a black ribbon topping, it jus worth for my energy and money paying for the nice fancy box. however, i nv expected i would gifted him in such a situation..aiks!i wan a smile on his face when he opens the box, seeing the pressie beneath the cover.somehow, it was a bad feeling of him after seeing the pressie.i could see from his eyes, tears were dripping when he knew bout the 'present for Him'. that was the time i felt he was nv feeling better to see me crying so sadly in front of him.my heart was as if been stabbed wit a sword, he could have feeling to be stabbed by numbers of small knives. i could really saw his sadness of seeing his loved one having hard and sad time for himself,useless him of disappointing me always making him feeling guilty..somewhat he had many feelings running inside with a tough time of expressing it out to me. the oni way he done was to hug me tightly as to show how much he loves and cares me and wouldnt wan me to go..his breath and whisper of words too reflected he wasnt feeling great either. the situation was tensed,i struggled on the bed even he hugged me so tightly,i couldnt gave him my kiss when he kissed me.i even shy away when he insisted of kissing my lips.for some time he woke up while i was sleeping and crying with my pillow,no matter how, i couldnt stand a moment without his hug and attention when im in tear..i couldnt stand a moment without him when im in anger too.. it is undeniable that i need his attention and pamper all the time,perhaps it has been a habit since we started off the relationship.

until i began to calm myself,i started talking to him in norm.i couldnt sleep becos i knew that this was the time for me to see him and had him beside me, i would not wasted time to sleep, but i did for being emotional..sigh!my emotions for the day were as though running up and down like a rollercoaster. the fluctuation has remained normal after an hour of stormy rain..haha!i started punching his face, chest and arms, i even pinched him as a release..hehe!
after all, we even cooked our brunch together at the kitchen.it was funny time..hehe!!

at the end of the day, i realized that he loves me in his heart.

men and women

men and women

me and my good fren were talking bout last sunday's outing. we were very missing bout the feeling of hanging out together with frens that have been studying together over the past 5 years,having the most memorable experiences together, seeing each other for almost 5 days a week, the frenship would nv just fade out, the feeling was great even we hav our own lifestyle. however, when talking bout our bfs, it has alwis been an interesting topics of all.

i alwis been thinking that why couldnt i get a bf that is so great like those of my frens?why would they be so lucky to have such great bfs but not me???in fact, i realized that good bf is just the introduction of all. perhaps many things were havent being revealed or kept nicely, jus bcos i alwis been listening to the good side of their bfs..haha~~after all, my observation tells me that i am not the oni one whohas been through problems and hard time in relationship.they encounter similar problems too, perhaps even worse than wut im goin through. i could see a reflection of myself when i observed my fren talking to her bf, i realized that how worry i was on my bf when he treated me similarly..i totally und her feelings, having his bf to alwis keep in touch wit his Ex-es..the sense of insecure, lack of confidence over the relationship,sense of ambiguity of losing the man that she loves...sometimes i would question myself, why is he to give me such a hard time?or i am the one who is making trouble to myself?

besides, another of my frens has alwis been worrying of losing her bf.she even intended to have an 'accident' im order to keep hold on him..but the guy said he would hate her if she does it!somehow, her fear has driven to a low self esteem level which she has alwis been figuring out some excitement to spice up the relationship.once again i ask myself, why would we have to spice up things even when we are feeling bore sometimes? healthy love need good coordination, no matter how excellent the ideas , it would not work things rite without the compromise of both parties.

jus back from granny's house.having an old married couple of almost 50 over years, having 10 children and numbers of grandchildren and even grad grandchildren now..isit it the most wonderful lifetime of an old couple?somehow, it was few years ago, not until when my grandpa has getting weaker from days of his virus infection. everything has been changing so badly since tat day, he couldnt speak properly due to a minor effect of stroke, kidney infections, etc..however, taking care of him has become a burden to his long time partner, my grandma. the feeling is totally not great when seeing my grandma to be in worry, fear, sickening face when she tries to take care of him. would u und he intended to die with her if he was to live the world one day?i dunno.. somehow, being more than a half decade of husband and wife, it is hardly to be acceptable when living the closer one ...sigh~

i wan .. i wan

awww... first time ever i got pist off wit yuan nehh..hoho

wel, i was really happie after having the accompaniment from babe since morning til noon time. i was pretty worried that he'l get bore off since there was nothing much we could do in my room. however, the moment of having his hugs while i was sleeping was a treasure to me cos i alwis find it lovely to see the one i love in front of me every morning when i wake up from my bed and greet him 'good morning lo gong' wit a kiss on his lips. finally today we did it, though i kinda woke up in the morning to let him got into my house..^^ i brushed my tooth when he reached, he looked at me at one kind..but i hope i wasnt a shock to him ^^ i was still at my sleepy mode at tat time and got back to my bed after brushing my tooth and washed my face.the best ever pillow or bolster for me would be hugging babe or having him to hug me as a best ever comforter..hehe!i really love it when i slept in his arm and saw his face once i opened my eyes ," good morning ^^" i wan this to be happening everyday ..

after, i prepared brucnh for ourselves.at some point, it was really cute of him to get my soft toy on his hand, and kept talking to the toy while i was preparing the meal. i mean imagine a big young guy carrying a soft toy and walking around, having fun with tat cute little soft 'pao' ,was something surprising to me~~ at tat moment, i would jus picture that this guy is soft hearted, caring and perhaps a lonely childhood grown babe, which alwis treat his teddy bears as best frens when he was young..hehe!!HEZ SO CUTE!!!!after havin the masculine side of him, itz jus soo fantastic to see another soft side of him!however,another thinking came to my mind at the same time. how nice would it be if my bf ask jus ask me to sit and watch his show since he doesnt wanna make me feel tire of cooking food for him, or perhaps i alwis wish hard to have a bf that wil cook for me especially i need it so much, not a word of 'thank you', but 'i would help u darling'.

however, i cried when i realised that he seem no intention for the preparation of the celebration of valentine day. although i was quite fed up after times of times of failure in working things rite, somehow i really hope hard that our first valentine wil be really GREAT and MEMORABLE!!i mentioned directly to him,i pointed out my main purpose, but seems like he dun und it..AWW!!!wut he told me was he nv celebrated a proper valentine throughout his relationship with his previous partners, thereby he has no experience or intention for it. somehow, i tot that i would be someone special for him to have enough influence to stimulate the intention into him, however, im jus one of the ordinary oni..SOB SOB!!i really really really tot that he could have planned out something for our day, but it seems to be jus my personal illustration..haha!i wan my bf to plan a valentine celebration for me..>.< even it is a simple one, but im really glad and happie cos the intention of planning thing and i appreciate the HEART!!!the major issue is of having the HEART to give me a memorable day of valentine!!i wann...wuuuuu...

another thing, when he was blaming himself of not havin a single talent..hahaha..i asked myself for a while, wut do i like bout this guy since he himself claim to have no talents at all??i jus dun und why i jus love him so much ..hehe ^^itz unexplainable ^^

later went for class in the evening, i had dinner wit yuan.we talked bout sex and relationship during our dinner time. i got kinda pist wit wut he said on me, i mean perhaps he jus shudnt applied his concept and perspective onto me even i noe that he was jus merely caring me as his good fren. i noe that he wasnt happie and does not hope to see me of having the possibility of being a sex tool to my partner.however, i do think that there isnt any judgment to be done at this point, even he himself could have be the similar way..haha!somehow,i would try not to be influenced too much by him since i realised that most of questions were arise by him whhenever he stated some issues for me to think and ended up of me having so much probs between me and my babe..hahahah!!so i better stand tough on my personal judgment and perspective ^^