w_h_y

know why im using white in colour..i dun wanna in such a family!i wanna run away from this family!everything has been changing..everyone is changing till i hardly take this to life!im entirely exhausted from my life!none of my family members is there to support me at all!im 18,i want my freedom!!!i wanna be independent!i want my life to be in my way!i wanna make my own decisions!im showing them that im mature enough to take care of myself...but they just dun understand!they think that im changing!im not like my sis..shez totally relying on my parents!i just dun understand why she hates me so much!?i did nothing to her..i din fight to her n she acts innocent in front of my parents!why cant they just put on a trust in me!i know myself..i know wut i want!sometimes i just dislike wut i have..they have planned everything for me..sometimes i just feel like not studying and do something i have never done before...bring all the pocket money n have a flight secretly!!!that must be chun rite?i think i might do that after i have graduate!!so long to go!"...there may be some tears before bed time.."this has been shown in today's star newspaper at the horoscope session(aries).well,this happened in reality!i did cry this afternoon..i feel my life is so meaningless..why is my family being so overprotected?i knwo they luv me so to i...but i need respectation especially from my dad n sis!they just dun respect me at all cos im the youngest at home!i totally disagree with their thoughts but nothing much i can do!im not tough enough to live by myself..my sis is a degree holder n shez proud of herself..she wants to control everything..i just cant stand her behavioues at all!we are so different,i found myself hardly to have conversation with her although we stay under one roof in one room!everytime i try to protect her when my parents scold her...and wut she has done to me now?shez 'inspiring ' parents to scold even i 've done nothing wrong!im so dam frustrating with this..so tiring till i cant take it!others think that im happy-on-going but sometimes i wanna commit suicide!i have no guts to pick up the blade...im scare of blood!i have my concert practise session today,tears just dripped so naturally that i couldnt control..my teacher n teacher pat were so scared..i tried so hard to calm myself,trying to call my bro..i really wanna have someone with me at that moment!i wanna call kah hou,sharon,akun even t.t!!hou will reject me,sharon is working,akun might be busy with her niece...i felt that my world has gone in a sudden,everything is not under control,problems are waiting for me,nobody is able to understand my predicaments..not even my family,but only my mom!i dun wanna tell her..i want her to live a happy life,im mature enough to settle everything by myself!i totally have no mood to talk to them..i mean shap and t.t...tears cant solve the probs but at least i manage to release my tension which can drive me crazy!sometimes i just dun know my dad at all,hez such a stubborn+conservative man..may be we have generation gap!sometimes he just ask me why am i not talking to him...excuse me..u are the one who always scold me n tease me whenever im trying to have a conversation with u..that should be something like debates!i dun wanna fight with u cos im the loser cos u dun even give me a chance to voice out my opinions,u think u are the always the rite one!"u dun have to be the winner,u are the real winner as long as u stand it" was the encouragement from a fren of mine that makes me to continue my life!