T.T

i was really happie ytd ....

i was so excited and happie tat one of my best frens would support me for cooking pasta for tmr's surprise party~~im soo happie that i found out we are on the same point in a sudden~~~i was quite anticipating wutz gonna be their response after eating my food..kaka~~cos i alwis care how the eaters feel bout my cooking.. ^^

once a blue moon , me and my best sis had so much topics, perhaps cos we were in the similar situations..hehehe~~we had a great chat, was so excited...really hope to meet her up and give her a big HUG~~~~


wel, everything was in a good mode, somehow seems like i've ruined the situation again..sigh~~i jus dun und how come my brain could think so 'efficiently'...kaka~~jus finished my bath, i was crying in the bath room for some time...i dunno wut to do , i jus feeel that my heart is bleeding..T.T.. i have the feeling again , im such a FOOL~~~i alwis choose to believe his words,i alwis persuade myself to give him faith that he really loves me~~erm, but sometimes i jus hardly adapt the way...and i feel frustrated when things are not happening as how i expected...

i tot hez gonna reach at 10..i was rushing to MV, cos i doubt he might be waiting there, who noes he made me waited again...sighh!!i noe that itz soo hard for us to meet, tatz why i din intend to tel him i've waited cos i wanna appreciate the time of being together..why would i being so silly and stupid to believe 100%???when i realised that hez late, the first thing came to my mind is not anger, but disappointment...why he breaks the promise again whenever i put my 100% trust on him???am i nothing to him???why would he to treat me like thiss???T.T

after all, i tried not to bother bout thiss, i forget bout thiss, i take it as nothing happen...we really enjoyed the time...but until he said something that makes me feel really boh song!!!i notice that he seems quite remember wut his ex likes, but he jus dunno wut i wan and wut i feel if im not there to tell him~~anyhow, this isnt the way shud be !!! i seriously DO NOT like to tell everything out, wutz the point if i were there to tel u everything????somehow hez jus not observant, or i may say for a guy to be observant towards someone provided he loves her~seems like he jus dun wanna lose me and wan me to be wit him , but i jus dun like him to be responsive type, whereby he'l not do it if i nv tell him to, or request to!!!the 2 clothes that i bought for him, he jus din bother to wash it or keep it, but jus put aside, i noe itz a little matter, but sometimes it reflects something~~

i admit that im a emotional and complicated thinker, but i alwis control myself not to be worrying so much...but my feeling jus tells me that i dun feel secure!!!! i alwis question his love to me, cos i barely see it or feel it!!!wut i think my fren said to me was somehow true, he hopes to get feedback from his gf, the situation wil jus black off withouth feedback..i feel the same thing tooo..im fed up of oni me sacrificing and contributing....i fed up of believing his promises to me, cos everytime ends up hurting deep down to my soul~~~cos i feel really SILLY~~~wut do i get after loving him 100%???although ppl alwis says nv expect for return when u love someone, but sooner or later i'l get fed up when i give in my total heart and love to him , and ended up like this!!

i HATE to say i hav no money and ASK him to treat me eat... do u noe itz such an embarrassment to me???but i jus cant stand that i have to bear all the expenses~~~this really hurts me cos i really feel that im being fool to jus as someone who can accompany u when u are too free, or when u need some warmth from a gal!!!!this really makes me soooooooooo upset!!!

and another thing i feel disappointed as well, whenever u ask me wut i wan!!!!i really feel no comment i really tot that u'l really getting it for mee, i really believe that u are really doing it, but everytime u are telling me that, '' u can do it, slowly laa...'' then why would the first place u ask me wut i wan ????why i feel that i cant rely on my bf????T.T...and u din even notice that wut im looking at whenever we walk around...u jus tend to look around..haha..then how on earth u to noe wut i like ???WUT AM I TO U ??????


i kept take ya word for it whenever u promise me, but ended up i feel so hurt u noe!!!i feel hurt cos of disappointment and feeling being FOOLED~T.T...when u asked me wut happened, i dunno how to say it out face to face to u, cos i noe i'l cry immediately, and i tried to control and took deep breath, telling myself that, CSL u could do it!!

no wonder my guy frens told me not to rely and believe into men, although they are too..haha!!!!