michael 5

hyper depression...

ytd night was a nightmare to me...i couldnt imagine how would i go for my exam on the next day...i was hyper depressed...on my study and also to my babe...sigh ~~i've alwis thinking too much bout us, perhaps this has alwis being a burden to me that i would expect so much from it. i tot i really found someone who i really could take it seriously,and i did!i hope things really going on the right path..i hope everything will be jus a fairy tale story..somehow it happens to be different way in reality.

im a very sensitive person and overworried..but when i hope the person to love me as how i love him. i wanna have a 100% from him, and i would give him, or i've gave him the 100% of me. lately i jus realised that has not been the way that is happening wo...o.O i dunno wut to do cos i feel ambiguity with wut i've expected to happen seems like happening...i noe for sure i couldnt concentrate on my revision and exams, which really driving me insane for this few days...my core day of my life...i've been crying so few days lately...im really sucked up wit the feelings of jealousy and insecurity,low self esteem is attacking me to be even worse to dare myself with the reality.

perhaps age gap could have possibly a barrier for communication....but i believe the lack of communication would have be the primary resource of existence in problems in soon..however, i've tried to bring up the issue so that i wouldnt wanna see any misunderstandings and problems being roll out huge jus becos that we are not willing to share..i have been thinking of this issue all this time, cos i have run out of ideas wut shud i do !!recently i found myself even freaking out when my intrinsic feeling told me that he has ntg to talk to me..HAHA~how can i be laughing???!!!but wut can i do..tatz why i choose to cry instead of standing tough for being so optimistic..haha~~ i really got sucked up when i was really depressing bout my last min exams and hoping so hard for someone to calm me down or to comfort me, at least something sweet or warming, i really expected so much from him, and now i realised that that i shudnt expected so much of that since it got me disappointed if things happen in another way. my bad again for expecting so much ..im stupid!even my frens have been warming me, calling me to support me,calming me by teaching me and guiding me, and i jus expect something sweet from him >.<....i really expected very much ytd and ended up i felt foolish ..haha! from hero to zero, do u noe howz tat feeling?itz like get ya heart frozen and break up with a hammer, thatz the description of it ^^
i noe i was on the heat for the preparation for exams, but will i be able to get rid of all things from my mind and having 100% concerntration for it? impossible for sure!i cried while studying, i cried before i slept, i cried in the bathroom,i felt hopeless and something happened to really seized my confidence away from him...i feel scare and insecure!!im scare to lose him,and im scare to lose the feelings. i need confidence that u really love me, not merely by words. im a suspecting person and radical change doesnt suits me cos i hardly accept changes..kaka~~too much of studying LMC~im a hedger aint a speculator..hahah~~~
i decided to called him up ytd night and told him how i felt, and i was really curious why would he remain silent??sigh...bargaining power of rivalry!!!!perhaps i would have increase the market power in order to enjoy the EOS as to set barriers for new entrants ar..hahahaha~Michael porter 5 forces is really useful, not oni in multinational strategy management, but also in relationship..COOL~however, i noe i shud have apply the SWOT framework to analyse bout myself before applying any models ..sigh~~hedging methods oso need to be considered before implementation of it in order for greatest strategic fit~~

wel,prepare myself to campus today, and i jus wanna call him before my exam started cos i really need someone to comfort me..somehow, i dunno why it comes so naturally of my feeling that i'l really wanna shoot him ..kakkakakaka~~he nv reply my text..>.< how come he alwis not here when i needed him the most arr..>,<...sob sei jor la!!!luckily i din have the feeling to cry when talking to him bout the truth that making me to feel insecure and sucked up..perhaps i noe i have to control my emotions since it was bout an hour to go for the exams..seeing my frens so nervous for the exams, yet i was talking on the hp wit him..perhaps i jus couldnt concerntrate and i act felt nervous too cos i've been poo poo-ing few times since morning >.<

after that saw yuan and HM...while i was walking behind, he suddenly walked beside me and told me that he wanna cry..O.O..wut happened??