i need u when im at the bottom,i need u too when im at the peak

MY CLOUD~~im trying my very best to be happie since we are celebrating ya birthday..but thh fact is there..i jus hardly display something else rather than moody on my face..i dun wanna pretend but i noe i have to..and the lucnh was really a tough task for me..i rather stay at home and enjoy watching TV...i keep wondering wut have i done to him..i mean another fren..did i do anything that makes him dislike me?did i?i really have no idea..why has he to treat me so cold recently..perhaps i have done something wrong towards him..but shudnt he be treating me like this??how would he feel if he were to be treated in this way?dam itz hurt k~~u are making me to hate myself..u making me to feel as if i've done anything wrong in my life..i rather wan u to tel me my wrong doings..and ask for forgiveness...at least i noe the mistakes..

anyway..i was kinda lost today ...as in i really have no idea wut shud i do.everyting jus happened in a sudden and im trying to handle it with my very best..im so lost~~~i hardly recall my memory...everything seems to be a mess..i feel so lost~~~i wanna get rid wit this kinda lifestyle..i wanna have my determination back to my life...i dun wanna let a guy to ruin my entire life...and i noe im not cos im selfish enough to say that..i hate myself of fallin into him..i really hate it~~im feeling as if im abnormal since i've fallen into my buddy~~~i wanna cry~~dear dear..where are u??i need u to be here with me when im upset..i need u so much cos u are the one which allows me to cry on ya shoulder without thinking of embarrassment..im not as tough as u do..i really admire the way u take things..when can i be like u?i need u when im at the bottom..i need u too when im at the peak~~

why am i to go thru this moment..i've experienced the same thing last year..which my koh koh was there to support me and went thru everything with me..but things've changed..no one is here to support me in getting over all this...jus feel how stupid am i to repeat the same mistake..same feelings..but i took 3 days to heal myself up..and i hope i'l make it shorter...