i share with him and he doesnt~

itz been a habit for me to notice whether or not his name is appearing at my MSN list...i'l somehow feeel like missing something for the day if hez not online..sigh~

is this gonna indicate that im goin to a more critical stage of falling on him?haha~i was a tremendously emo person....my feelings can be a rollercoster for now and a total change to a ferris wheel in next min..and i felt really disappointed when i knew my 2 close bros were not gonna attend todayz class..i noe im gonna have a hard time..and i nearly told FY ,my fren while on the way to campus..phew~~~i jus cant tell her the truth although i wanted it so much..i noe i jus cant tel her if i wouldnt wan things to be even complicated~of cos i do hope that he noes my feelings towards him,but i've been thinking of wut can i give to him?

anyway, i was really down in the morning whereby i had nothing to speak about,even if hez sitting by my side,the feeling was jus to remain silent for some time..and this was so not my style..ppl think that im talkactive,which is not the 100% of CSL~i do but im do not all the time..i do have moody time in my life rite?and i din feel like bothering wut he was saying or doing since he din even bother wut i said to him...sigh~~thatz more than enough to hurt me~im realising that i've been trying to think in my own way,without thinking on wut he has does to others..perhaps everything happens to be one sided...i share everything with him...but he seems to keep everything away from me....perhaps this has shown that hez not willing to share his personal feelings with me so isnt it the answer saying that he's jus treating me as a normal fren?obviously rite~and yet im stil so falling so deeply into him...and the feeling is getting stronger everyday...which is so gonna kill me~