fearful!

holidays...

supposingly shud be something really fun with..but it seems the opposite in my life!haih....no inspiration,no directions at all...wut i can do is differ from wut i wanna do!the words are clear in my mind until today.."we went to KLCC...","we walked under the rain...","we then went to the NZ embassy since we've planned in migrating there...","get a house n cars...jobs,stay there....."i cant do anything,rite?
i would have be so happy with my fren who gets a good partner in life... however,i feel upset when i heard bout it..i got so jealous tat why has he be so fortunate to have such nice person in life..so unfair!
recently i've been thinking the same question in my mind...which puts me in fear....since ever some of the ppl around me are claimed to be homosexual,wel,i dun put down on them or even treating them one kind,instead,i'l treat them real good so to let them feel that they are not alienated or discriminated by the society.....somehow,i just do not hope the one i love falls here!im being so fearful that some one i love would just admit that he cant like me due to this;or i'l get hurt cos the guy likes another guy...etc!it seems to be diminishing..i mean i got lack of confidence with the men around me though we are close to each other...i dunno when shud i believe them n when are they telling lies....