untellable dilemma

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~

i was quite determined in the morning once i woke up ..i was so eager to read some news, articles, perhaps the newsletter, somehow when i started to read some news and some doc,it gave me a feeling that i have sooo much to cope up with since im so shallow in sense of my knowledge,my skills, my techniques, understandings...etc. i've started to worry bout my CIMA study dy, but i noe i must and should do well no matter wut, i must be optimistic !!

felt bore with the readings, started with FB again ...haha!!i realized that i could have hardly survive without facebook and perhaps the internet...haha!i was starving but tried to wait until noon time so that i could have lunch with babe if hez coming over..somehow,my feeling of hunger had started my gastric pain,thereby i went to get myself some linguine n bologneise sauce ^^..babe jus gave me a call in a sudden and said that he missed me and wan me..hehe!definitely i felt sweet..^^ i did hope to see him too,and was really happie when he decided to come over!!i missed the time to cook lunch for him, to wash his face and bath with him,and have 'facial session' wit him...hohohoo!!!

anyway, i was very happie when he said the pasta was good!!perhaps i feel happie when others claim it to be nice, but his compliment and recognition will be a significant support to me ^^...i slowly discover that my babe is a very cute and funny person.. he could make me laugh very easily..i love to have such a funny bf to make me laugh..CHICKEN NEHH!!hahaha!!at tat moment, i really hope that this guy could belong with me for the rest of my life ^^ i was really fearful that i might lose him..i dunno why when babe hugged me and kissed my forehead and said that he loves me..i jus teared off..i was very fearful of any bad changes that might happen between us...im very fearful and ignorance to changes,this is CSL..haha!!

after all, i jus sms him..haha!!somehow i feel myself very funny, when hez trying to promise me wutever that im asking for, i hardly take his words for it, but when he nv promise me and jus try to do it at his very best, it causes me an appalling insecurity..hahahaha!!i stil remembering wut my teacher had spoken to me last time,he told me that a good man would not simply promise the person that he loves becos he wouldnt wanna see her with tears if he fails to fulfil the promise..this is wut a real man is!however, he oso said that a real man would keep small promises becos promises keep man of bearing responsibility toward the person that he loves. i totally agree with this. babe seems to have been doing a job as part of a real man, he tot i would angry if he fails to hold on the promise..hahah!it aint the truth,disappointment instead of anger perhaps. somehow, having him to hold on the promise would give him certain level of pressure, but this is wut responsibility is..haha!

sigh..im so eager to have an acoustic guitar...whenever my frens ask me to tel my bf bout it.. my response would be..wut..hahah!wut i could do is jus smiling ^^ there are something that i dare not to say becos i dun hope to pressure him, i have fear now to tell out everything cos he might not forgive me if he angry me, sooner and later i dare not telling him wut i wan, i feel that im so alone to rely on myself for everything,i would feel guilty or having pressures to him even i've told him wut i wan and consequently having a bad time if i've overly demand..aiks..T.T.. i dunno how to say out sometimes..but i really dun hope wut i demand for would ruin our relationship...T_T..i hope to see babe's smile all the time.. i feel really happie and sweet whenever seeing babe to laugh and smile..im really happie when seeing babe happie and with his funny face..he alwis melts my heart when he laughs and smiles so naturally..when he was in anger wit his parents and the college,i really hope that i could be there for him, i hope that im the person that make him smile again, not his frens or wut...>.<...but when i saw him busy replying his frens and smiling on the webcam and i failed to make him smile even i've tried to..tat moment i was mad at myself to have failed..>.<

finally found someone to have und my feeling,hehe..SOOK YEE!!!we are really having the similar probs... i nv expected the similar things happened on her too.. but her case has gone so much further than mine..hehe!!finally i und her tiredness in her relationship.. i finally got the point that she decided to break up with jeremy and gone for joe..^^ however, i wouldnt wan this to happen to me and babe.. and i'l nv give up so easily ..