a prelude to a kiss

wowow...im in a relationship~

how could i be feelin in this way?weirdo~itz long story to go ,but wut i noe is im in a relationship wit a guy,but not really so in love with him totally~from the beginning, i kept reminding myself not to take it so seriously cos i'l make sure not gonna get myself hurt from this guy,perhaps peeps~haha~~noe wut?i nv had any good feeling on him b4 he had actually asked me for being his gf?at tat moment,i treated it as a silly joke~come on..wutz with all these happening in my life?no defend that i've alwis wishing wit obsession in getting a bf..at least someone who likes and intend to date me out..wel, i've met one,but seems not to be the loving-you story~AHAA~~here comes the prob, or perhaps problems that i've been thinking and jus worrying too much..haha~

why are all these keep bothering me?i ask myself alwis, wutz the point of thinking of these if i dun even bother to stay long in a relationship? wel, i jus knew one thing, hez my bf now,i cant be treating him so unfairly..guys are not tough all the time, they need to feel secure as well...at this moment, i feel somehow getting into a relationship seems as an assginment to me, whereby i noe wut shud i be doing, how shud i do it to get the best result of it...haha~CRAPS~~~im ridiculous for sure~i'l try my very best in doing my part~~~i jus hope he'l feel great and happie...hmm, im wondering isnt this the good sign indicating that im fallin in love with him?im loving him??perhaps i do without realising..haha~hope things are getting better...at least i do miss him~

one thing weird,we had kissed..even french kiss~should i say how i would expect it to be- a prelude to a kiss, the soul, the style that probably light up my nerves, the feel of the touch by the interaction of the lips,where itz heavenly awesome with the sense of security and comfort that i barely unable to release him~~the feel of the love in the airy flow makes me hardly breath for some time...AW~

perhaps, im expecting too much from him,which is sooo unfair~~i knew it there must be NO for all this comparisons~i couldnt stop it somehow~im ...im ...im aaa.....