i love khalil~~
laziness and sickness made me to have abandoned the continuous post of blog here.it would be considered as happening, somewhat i still felt bored sometimes.grandpa had passed away for bout 3 weeks ago, everything has been back to norm after the incident happened with our expectation.however, we were relief that thing happened after the chinese new year.although it was said to be saddening, we believed it was a relief for him to release himself from the torture of severe pain derived from his sicknesses. may all our blessings be wit you, grandpa,we believed grandpa you would rest in peace.
wel, i had been fall sick too since the incident happened until lately to have recovered from my throat ulcers and infection.3 weeks of struggle from the pain experiences were enough to alwis remind not to have hot and spicy food and to take good care of my health~further, i learned to appreciate the importance to have good health ^^ i even wished to have a healthy life as one of my bday wish list for the year. however, i was not allowed to celeb my bday due to some reason. it was somewhat meaningless to keep myself at home in front of the pc. it wasnt wut i hope to, but my bday was really a 'blast' to me..haha!it was real bore.. i jus expected to have greetings from frens, which enough to make my day ^^
i just hope to count down before tat night wit my babe, even it was via sms.i hope high that he would be the first person to have wished me..the one that bear wit me all the time..but i was sad that he fall aslept...>.< should i be angry or sad wit him ???wt...haha~i kept sms and calling him but without any replies from him..wuuuu~~sad oo.. i even cried under my pillow..hahahahh~stupid me >.< my tear dripped off when i received a greeting msg from bear bear hoong and darren..the tear couldnt stop dripping out from my eyes..i couldnt picture that darren would rmb my bday and even sent me at 00:00++...WOW!
after all, i went for a japanese buffet wit my parents( shogun). it was quite awesome cos i received a surprise gift from Qing. it was my first ever gift of the day..i really appreciate wut she had done though i was jus a simple sashimi dish.i appreciate My cloud and Qing.. u gals are awesome..I LOVE U GALS~~~it was a nice lunch cos i really happie to see my dad fall aslept after getting too full wit the food and my mom releasing some in the toilet after intaking too much of ice cream..hahahahah~~they are really cute match^^
i done nothing much for the day..but i felt happie that babe went out on sunday night to get a pressie for me even it was raining so heavily, with additionally screwed by his parents to use the car. i din noe wut was his initiative of going out during heavy rain,i jus blamed him for not considering of his monday morning class and the heavy rain but decided to gone for a drink wit his fren.i got so pissed off wit wut he had told,i was suspicious that why must he gone for drink so frequently wit his bro??!!i realised that i've mistaken something after he told me the truth and i felt guilty yet touchy, even teared off..hahaha~~silly me again!
besides, i was happie too that one of my frens rmb and intended to celeb wit me on the day itself. well, my rejection of celebrating on tues had postponed our outing to wed morning for a breakfast, which he intended to treat me. somewhat, it was my nexxt day after my bday, so i decided to save it for my bf, for sure ^^ babe came to my place, gave me the bday pressie and the card.. be frank, the card has really melted me off and i'l throw a smile at my face whenever i look at it^^ it was really sweet to me.. THANK YOU BABE!!!muackz~
however, things were jus happened like roller coaster.i nv expected we had an arguement on wed night and we'd fighted.. i confronted to him and i cried like nobody business. my heart as if was stabbed by a sword deeply inside that made me hardly breath for words.i jus pushed him away when he was trying to hug me..i dunno how shud i face him at tat moment..i jus dun wanna look at him and cry at the corner..however, i hope someone was there to bring me up when i was feeling extremely down...i really hope that he could made some little promises to me as to show that he tries to bear the responsibility of a bf of mine.after all, i was surprised to see some tears at his eyes when i had calmed myself down and settled everything..O.O..i jus wanna give him a warm hug of mine ^^
everything seems to be fine until ytd. me and my fren had postponed the outing until saturday. he intended to treat me some food. so we decided to go MV in the morning for an outing before attending my afternoon class. he offered to fetch me but i rejected to go by myself, which i think would be less troublesome for him to come all the way to my house. we reached there quite early, around 10.30..then decided to redeem my RM300 worth vouchers from redbox. we were so early til some shops seemed not prepare for busines. so we jus wandered around tat area.rock corner was alwis my comfy place to shop. i marched in with my intention of searching for my fav artist, khalil!i knew that he has released new EP single, but i jus found another live concert in HK, which was not found in my collection..hehe!i jus grabbed the album and headed to the cashier. i knew it would cost me RM48.50 for an album but once in a blue moon to get myself a bday present perhaps. i was totally shocked when he took out a RM50 note from his wallet to pay for me and claim that as my bday present.OMG~~i was shocked and fighting for the payment to the shop keeper. i just dun wanna give a chance for him to buy me. i would be happie enough that he has the intention to buy me a gift..haha~however, the shop keeper even told me that khalil wil be organising a live music concert in genting arena star in somewhere may!!!!!how i wish i could gooooooooooooooo and watch it~~i hope for the VVIP one...wuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~~my TOP FAV ARTIST!!!!WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..
after all, we felt that it was time to redeem my voucher cos it would easily be crowded especially during weekend. surprisingly the crowd did not happen on tat day and we jus changed our plan to K instead of eating. it was ok ok..but i wasnt in a good condition to sing right after i've recovered from my throat infection. but i was really guilty and sorry tat i laughed when singing wit him even i claimed that the lyrics were too geli to make me laugh, initially i couldnt stand when he was pitchy!!OMG~~~im real devil.. i noe im bad but i jus laughed out few times... cos it was a bit overly pithcy...IM SO SORRY~~~after all he fetched me to my college since it was almost time to 2 ^^ we were lost on the way cos he drove to the wrong fly over and called up his mom for help in the end..i felt embarrassing to talk on the phone wit his mom to seek for direction..somewhat his mom was very friendly and gave us guide where to go.. cool..lively GPS ^^ ..im sorry!
the peak has came... babe was angry!!!i was really laughing like hell when i called babe asking him how are u babe wit my sweet lovely tone.. he answered me that "dying at home ar!"..hahahahahahah!!!i tried to be serious but i could pictured his face at tat moment..i wasnt mean to make him angry but babe was being so cute laa that made me to laugh out!!!his overly caring and protection have reflected another side of him, which is CUTE!!muackzzz~~although i felt scared and worried that babe would get really mess up and angry wit me,somewhat his cutie pie reaction gave me the patient to get thing over with open heart^^muaackz!!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
thank you for loving me
i love K wit babe!
i was so anticipated and excited bout the arrival of today, finally it has came!!we had initially planned for an outing of K session,that i would alwis loving it, i even found for new songs last few days so that would have something refreshing! woke up in the morning, having nicely planned of which clothes to be picked from the wardrobe for the day,we had discussed few days ago, and even had little argument for some stupid matters...haha!!however, i stil felt itz great not bcos of the clothes, but the fun and happiness!
however, i was so anticipating to let my new heels for a floor show after buying it and kept inside the shoe box since before CNY!!ITZ TIME!!!YEAH!!!i tried to walked before showing him to the real world..hehe!!however, i really salute to the chics that shopping wit high heels bout 5 inches!!!it was GOD DAMN painful and suffering, it was such a huge challenge to me for walking wit that 5 inches high heel walking from the taman jaya LRT station to the bus stand for bus (bout 500m), walking all the way from the MV bus stand to staircase and staircase and reached MV, walking all the way to THE GARDEN REDBOX!!!OMGG!i jus wished somebody could carried me tat moment!!i kept bragging at babe,how nice if he has a car to fetch me...SIGH!!i felt so regretful saying this, i felt like crying when i had calmed myself down after buying a new sander..tat moment when i saw babe trying to tie up and buckle the stripe at the side for my new sander, i felt how good is this guy to me but i even saying such harsh words to him!!!i jus wanna hugged him and cry!!!
however, it happened after we went to K!!it was out of my expectation to be so crowded!!we waited so patiently for bout 20 mins then luckily to have room for us!!!the food were nice!!the atmosphere was nice!!the mood was nice!!everything was so great!!!so sweet when listening to babe singings!!!i realized that babe sings and i scream!!!hahahahahahhahaha!!hohohoho!!!i jus love to hug him when he sings...REAL SWEET!!!wel, there are songs that making me having butterflies in my stomach whenever im singing wit him...love story by taylor swift, you belong wit me by taylor swift...i even tear off when my first attempt singing love story wit him hugging me in the room!!!
after all,i saw his ex working at La Senza today ^^ i was pretty curious bout who would be his ex.. i have confusion feeling!!!im happie that he was determined searching for part time job, but on the other hand, i jus dun wan him to work at MV whereby he has any opportunity meeting wit his ex.. I JUS JEALOUS!!I ADMIT..HOHOHOHOHO!!!!doesnt he the same thing as mee...BLEK!!i dun wanna make myself feel suspicious and thinking too much things if he was to work here..and i'l be starting my stupid emo days wit him!!i wanna AVOID and MITIGATE arguments that would probably ruining our relationship!!!I DUN WAN!!!
later we were searching for a place for a drink.. we walked so some time, it was pretty tiring and his face told me that he suffering from thirst...haha!!but i jus hope that could get him something nice after shooting him...hahahahah!!!we ended up had our McTwist strawberry !!!itz alwis lovely to me of having that ice cream even itz simple!!I LOVE IT!!!
time to leave for my evening class..babe jus acc me to the stations and took KTM wit me to KL central and LRT to pasar seni!!!i was definitely feeling happy that he would do it to ensure my safety..AAAAAAAA!!!again i felt like crying when hugging him at the station..although the weather was HOT and the trains was 101% STUFFY!!we couldnt get a moment to stand nicely or balanced ourselves..but this were jus nice experiences!!seeing babe to leave after sending me to the destination was something touchy and lovely!!seeing him to figure out where to get buses back to his area,willingness to wait for buses even the traffic was congested...thank you for loving me as u had said to me!!
i was so anticipated and excited bout the arrival of today, finally it has came!!we had initially planned for an outing of K session,that i would alwis loving it, i even found for new songs last few days so that would have something refreshing! woke up in the morning, having nicely planned of which clothes to be picked from the wardrobe for the day,we had discussed few days ago, and even had little argument for some stupid matters...haha!!however, i stil felt itz great not bcos of the clothes, but the fun and happiness!
however, i was so anticipating to let my new heels for a floor show after buying it and kept inside the shoe box since before CNY!!ITZ TIME!!!YEAH!!!i tried to walked before showing him to the real world..hehe!!however, i really salute to the chics that shopping wit high heels bout 5 inches!!!it was GOD DAMN painful and suffering, it was such a huge challenge to me for walking wit that 5 inches high heel walking from the taman jaya LRT station to the bus stand for bus (bout 500m), walking all the way from the MV bus stand to staircase and staircase and reached MV, walking all the way to THE GARDEN REDBOX!!!OMGG!i jus wished somebody could carried me tat moment!!i kept bragging at babe,how nice if he has a car to fetch me...SIGH!!i felt so regretful saying this, i felt like crying when i had calmed myself down after buying a new sander..tat moment when i saw babe trying to tie up and buckle the stripe at the side for my new sander, i felt how good is this guy to me but i even saying such harsh words to him!!!i jus wanna hugged him and cry!!!
however, it happened after we went to K!!it was out of my expectation to be so crowded!!we waited so patiently for bout 20 mins then luckily to have room for us!!!the food were nice!!the atmosphere was nice!!the mood was nice!!everything was so great!!!so sweet when listening to babe singings!!!i realized that babe sings and i scream!!!hahahahahahhahaha!!hohohoho!!!i jus love to hug him when he sings...REAL SWEET!!!wel, there are songs that making me having butterflies in my stomach whenever im singing wit him...love story by taylor swift, you belong wit me by taylor swift...i even tear off when my first attempt singing love story wit him hugging me in the room!!!
after all,i saw his ex working at La Senza today ^^ i was pretty curious bout who would be his ex.. i have confusion feeling!!!im happie that he was determined searching for part time job, but on the other hand, i jus dun wan him to work at MV whereby he has any opportunity meeting wit his ex.. I JUS JEALOUS!!I ADMIT..HOHOHOHOHO!!!!doesnt he the same thing as mee...BLEK!!i dun wanna make myself feel suspicious and thinking too much things if he was to work here..and i'l be starting my stupid emo days wit him!!i wanna AVOID and MITIGATE arguments that would probably ruining our relationship!!!I DUN WAN!!!
later we were searching for a place for a drink.. we walked so some time, it was pretty tiring and his face told me that he suffering from thirst...haha!!but i jus hope that could get him something nice after shooting him...hahahahah!!!we ended up had our McTwist strawberry !!!itz alwis lovely to me of having that ice cream even itz simple!!I LOVE IT!!!
time to leave for my evening class..babe jus acc me to the stations and took KTM wit me to KL central and LRT to pasar seni!!!i was definitely feeling happy that he would do it to ensure my safety..AAAAAAAA!!!again i felt like crying when hugging him at the station..although the weather was HOT and the trains was 101% STUFFY!!we couldnt get a moment to stand nicely or balanced ourselves..but this were jus nice experiences!!seeing babe to leave after sending me to the destination was something touchy and lovely!!seeing him to figure out where to get buses back to his area,willingness to wait for buses even the traffic was congested...thank you for loving me as u had said to me!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
white and blue
CNY!!!
finally having some free time of posting a blog here.chinese new year is a celebration of chinese traditional culture every year that is equally to the new year. however, itz pretty special this year whereby the first day of CNY falls on the same day to valentine's day!me and fren were saying this would be an extremely memorable if someone was to break up wit their partner so that his or her partner would nv forget bout it whenever valentine's day or CNY come.
btw, me and babe went for an outing the day before he went back to his hometown at bentong (pahang). i initially to get myself a red dress for my CNY visit after realizing my clothes bought previously were all in slightly grayish.thereby we went to sunway pyramid, which seems more affordable for me ..hahaha!!
it was a real fun day cos we reached there pretty early and i had plenty of 'space' to shop. i'd experienced shopping in an extremely packed mall (MV) that i couldnt get to the clothes i wan,long queue for the fitting room and cashier, the main point was got my time wasted for all these.
it has alwis been my happiest activity to do, SHOPPING!!!after going through the shops that i usually favour in their clothes, i stil couldnt find the clothes that suit my want. finally i got into this shop, cache cache,which is heard to be a new brand originated from france entering into m'sia's market ,the first opening here in sp..i din noe anything bout it until i've bought the dress ^^ finally found the kinda thing i wan, but it seems a prob that size M would nicely fit my waist and hip but not the boobs, while size L jus slight loose for everything..somehow, this was my last choice for the day with nice and simple design and affordable price ^^
after all jus shopped for little things after getting the major mission done ^^ diva has alwis be a nice place for accessories. however, the prices are slightly over my budget..heheh!the little things there are no doubt nice and fancy, therefore, it'l be my reference shop..hahahah!!
babe told me that he has to shop for a bday pressie for his fren where hez gonna share it out wit his bro. HA!!how could u not telling me at first!!???i have tonnes of ideas come on, i could help u out with the best price that fitting to ya budget wit a presentable presie.. hohohoho!!!how smart i am CSL!!!AW AW .. kinda admiring myself ..haha!!back to the story, i felt weird that how could i tried so hard to shop for a presie that my bf and his fren gonna give it to a gal???@.@? OMGGG!!!CSL has gone insane ???i really felt no jealousy that moment but to try my very best to shop for a nice one for their fren!!i felt really happie and i found one designed cup that has a teddy bear in it wit the same designed pattern^^ so nice and presentable yet reasonable..HOHOHOHO!!tat moment really made me felt so proud of myself ...kakakaka!!!
after walking and talking, eating and laughing, choking and sneezing,snapping and posing, itz time to get the bus back lrt station. everything was so soothing throughout the day, it was sweet and happie til the moment of shit time came in the end of the day !!!hav u ever seen any couple pampering, hugging and cheeks kissing in public buses before?if not then im so gonna bring u out wit me next time..hahaha!however,this malay lady perhaps not encountered such scenery before and pointed me to be 'tak tau malu'!!hmmm...if i really tak tau malu as though she tau malu to care so much on wut other ppl does!who the hell on earth is she to judge me and humiliate me in front of others?!i nv ask her to see wut i've done and i knew itz acceptable to myself and others!if she couldnt take wut the norm is, then jus hide into her own room and nv come out to the public!however, i perceive that she was not in a good mood and we were the victims for her!but she jus seemed like a crazy dog that barking with no reasons!
waitin for food...>.<
my meal!!!ramen!!!!yummy
his bento!!!
starving!!!gonna hunt out food ..keke
kept sucking since got refill..hahahhha!
stil suckinggg!!
finally smile after finish suckingg
BURBB!!!opppss ^^
kaakakaka...sorry la, im snapping the lady over there ..hahahah
last SS before leaving the shop ^^
SS while waitin for the bus ^^
good good fren ~~
OMG!!!his hand so girlish!!
~WE ARE THE POSERS~~~
sweet and easy
someone is trying to have small lips and mouth ..KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA
finally having some free time of posting a blog here.chinese new year is a celebration of chinese traditional culture every year that is equally to the new year. however, itz pretty special this year whereby the first day of CNY falls on the same day to valentine's day!me and fren were saying this would be an extremely memorable if someone was to break up wit their partner so that his or her partner would nv forget bout it whenever valentine's day or CNY come.
btw, me and babe went for an outing the day before he went back to his hometown at bentong (pahang). i initially to get myself a red dress for my CNY visit after realizing my clothes bought previously were all in slightly grayish.thereby we went to sunway pyramid, which seems more affordable for me ..hahaha!!
it was a real fun day cos we reached there pretty early and i had plenty of 'space' to shop. i'd experienced shopping in an extremely packed mall (MV) that i couldnt get to the clothes i wan,long queue for the fitting room and cashier, the main point was got my time wasted for all these.
it has alwis been my happiest activity to do, SHOPPING!!!after going through the shops that i usually favour in their clothes, i stil couldnt find the clothes that suit my want. finally i got into this shop, cache cache,which is heard to be a new brand originated from france entering into m'sia's market ,the first opening here in sp..i din noe anything bout it until i've bought the dress ^^ finally found the kinda thing i wan, but it seems a prob that size M would nicely fit my waist and hip but not the boobs, while size L jus slight loose for everything..somehow, this was my last choice for the day with nice and simple design and affordable price ^^
after all jus shopped for little things after getting the major mission done ^^ diva has alwis be a nice place for accessories. however, the prices are slightly over my budget..heheh!the little things there are no doubt nice and fancy, therefore, it'l be my reference shop..hahahah!!
babe told me that he has to shop for a bday pressie for his fren where hez gonna share it out wit his bro. HA!!how could u not telling me at first!!???i have tonnes of ideas come on, i could help u out with the best price that fitting to ya budget wit a presentable presie.. hohohoho!!!how smart i am CSL!!!AW AW .. kinda admiring myself ..haha!!back to the story, i felt weird that how could i tried so hard to shop for a presie that my bf and his fren gonna give it to a gal???@.@? OMGGG!!!CSL has gone insane ???i really felt no jealousy that moment but to try my very best to shop for a nice one for their fren!!i felt really happie and i found one designed cup that has a teddy bear in it wit the same designed pattern^^ so nice and presentable yet reasonable..HOHOHOHO!!tat moment really made me felt so proud of myself ...kakakaka!!!
after walking and talking, eating and laughing, choking and sneezing,snapping and posing, itz time to get the bus back lrt station. everything was so soothing throughout the day, it was sweet and happie til the moment of shit time came in the end of the day !!!hav u ever seen any couple pampering, hugging and cheeks kissing in public buses before?if not then im so gonna bring u out wit me next time..hahaha!however,this malay lady perhaps not encountered such scenery before and pointed me to be 'tak tau malu'!!hmmm...if i really tak tau malu as though she tau malu to care so much on wut other ppl does!who the hell on earth is she to judge me and humiliate me in front of others?!i nv ask her to see wut i've done and i knew itz acceptable to myself and others!if she couldnt take wut the norm is, then jus hide into her own room and nv come out to the public!however, i perceive that she was not in a good mood and we were the victims for her!but she jus seemed like a crazy dog that barking with no reasons!
waitin for food...>.<
my meal!!!ramen!!!!yummy
his bento!!!
starving!!!gonna hunt out food ..keke
kept sucking since got refill..hahahhha!
stil suckinggg!!
finally smile after finish suckingg
BURBB!!!opppss ^^
kaakakaka...sorry la, im snapping the lady over there ..hahahah
last SS before leaving the shop ^^
SS while waitin for the bus ^^
good good fren ~~
OMG!!!his hand so girlish!!
~WE ARE THE POSERS~~~
sweet and easy
someone is trying to have small lips and mouth ..KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
he loves me in his heart
wut a day
my feeling was overwhelming starting from last night cos we were going to meet today.finally after few days of not seeing each other, the moment was so anticipating until i couldnt got myself to sleep for more hours.i woke up 8 in the morning by the alarm clock. i had a feeling that he would be coming before 10am, i believed it ..hehe!the feeling was great, waiting someone that u love so much, the anticipation brought butterflies in my stomach.
until i received a text from him, he was stuck at home unless his mom had left the house. i understood the situation and the mood was not influenced at all.i've done some household, enjoying the time of cleaning up the house..
until i received a text from him, he asked me whether or not he managed to get here by 10 am with the terrific traffic jams everywhere and rigid public transports of LRT and buses. somehow i kinda misunderstood that he would have hinted not to come over due to the time consuming.however, my thought had misjudged him,my bad!but i noe he would be in trouble of getting over to my place, i knew that it would be sort of bore, i knew i shudnt be blaming and screaming on him..
until i received a text from him, he insisted to take a cab ride to my house. obviously it is costly to him, the distance from his place to my plac wasnt a joke!!i felt really great on his intention and action.terrific traffic, inconvenience perhaps could be part of the reaons of choosing the cab, somehow those were not my interest, i jus hoped to see my babe as soon as possible ^^ and the person i love was on the way to see me ^^ i was really excited, choosing clothes which would made him felt great of seeing his bibi, i even decided to go for a vintage look of a jumpsuit of short skirt and with a bikini bra inside, thx to the push up bra that made my boobs looked fantastico!
until i received a text from him, his had been overspending for the week, he hinted somehow to post pone our valentine celebration due to his overload of outings wit frens that caused him to a financial breakdown..hahaha!!i nv replied his text.i am sure he knew he has posted a disappointment to me after the text was sent.he even mentioned it in the subsequent text msg. i remained of no reply, i trying hard to calm down, accept, absorb and adopt. i put myself to the best of doing other things, i tried not thinking bout it, having the best ever mood when he was about to arrive my place.
until he reached my house, i threw a smile at my face, i pretended as though i was real fine.somehow my facial expression betrayed and got a ruin of it.everything was fine even he had asked me some times,until he looked at me and hugged me.my heart as though was being stabbed by a sword, my heart was sort of not beating, keep bleeding, the pain wasnt normal to be jus bypass as though nothing had happened even it was jus little matter. i cried in his arms hugging me,he didnt noe wut was the reason behind to cause my tears dripping continuously.the very first time i pushed him away for times,his arms were strengthening, i ignored having direct eye contact wit him.looking at him would make me soft hearted to throw him my thoughts. it wasnt anger or disappointment either in my emotions, but i felt stupid and foolish wit myself, with wut have i done.having planning for a splendid Vday, saving money of getting a 'present for Him'...everything was alwis in my mind, the sceneries, the 'wut to do' list, the couple mix and match dressing, everything was inside my heart. u migh be thinking silly of me.NO WAY!this is our very first ever Vday...i demand something memorable.
after throwing my piece of mind to him, he could had a bad feeling that i might be asking for a break off.i went off to get my 'present to Him', which is a quiksilver wallet, that i had shopped for twice at one u and mid valley for 2 days separately for a nice one ^^ i personally considered it as a really nice designed wallet with suitable colour.my emo ruled me to march to my drawer and took out the wallet in the box, which is oso a nice pick of my choice after walking floors of units at mid valley, i love the design of the box wit a very masculine colour of gray with a black ribbon topping, it jus worth for my energy and money paying for the nice fancy box. however, i nv expected i would gifted him in such a situation..aiks!i wan a smile on his face when he opens the box, seeing the pressie beneath the cover.somehow, it was a bad feeling of him after seeing the pressie.i could see from his eyes, tears were dripping when he knew bout the 'present for Him'. that was the time i felt he was nv feeling better to see me crying so sadly in front of him.my heart was as if been stabbed wit a sword, he could have feeling to be stabbed by numbers of small knives. i could really saw his sadness of seeing his loved one having hard and sad time for himself,useless him of disappointing me always making him feeling guilty..somewhat he had many feelings running inside with a tough time of expressing it out to me. the oni way he done was to hug me tightly as to show how much he loves and cares me and wouldnt wan me to go..his breath and whisper of words too reflected he wasnt feeling great either. the situation was tensed,i struggled on the bed even he hugged me so tightly,i couldnt gave him my kiss when he kissed me.i even shy away when he insisted of kissing my lips.for some time he woke up while i was sleeping and crying with my pillow,no matter how, i couldnt stand a moment without his hug and attention when im in tear..i couldnt stand a moment without him when im in anger too.. it is undeniable that i need his attention and pamper all the time,perhaps it has been a habit since we started off the relationship.
until i began to calm myself,i started talking to him in norm.i couldnt sleep becos i knew that this was the time for me to see him and had him beside me, i would not wasted time to sleep, but i did for being emotional..sigh!my emotions for the day were as though running up and down like a rollercoaster. the fluctuation has remained normal after an hour of stormy rain..haha!i started punching his face, chest and arms, i even pinched him as a release..hehe!
after all, we even cooked our brunch together at the kitchen.it was funny time..hehe!!
at the end of the day, i realized that he loves me in his heart.
my feeling was overwhelming starting from last night cos we were going to meet today.finally after few days of not seeing each other, the moment was so anticipating until i couldnt got myself to sleep for more hours.i woke up 8 in the morning by the alarm clock. i had a feeling that he would be coming before 10am, i believed it ..hehe!the feeling was great, waiting someone that u love so much, the anticipation brought butterflies in my stomach.
until i received a text from him, he was stuck at home unless his mom had left the house. i understood the situation and the mood was not influenced at all.i've done some household, enjoying the time of cleaning up the house..
until i received a text from him, he asked me whether or not he managed to get here by 10 am with the terrific traffic jams everywhere and rigid public transports of LRT and buses. somehow i kinda misunderstood that he would have hinted not to come over due to the time consuming.however, my thought had misjudged him,my bad!but i noe he would be in trouble of getting over to my place, i knew that it would be sort of bore, i knew i shudnt be blaming and screaming on him..
until i received a text from him, he insisted to take a cab ride to my house. obviously it is costly to him, the distance from his place to my plac wasnt a joke!!i felt really great on his intention and action.terrific traffic, inconvenience perhaps could be part of the reaons of choosing the cab, somehow those were not my interest, i jus hoped to see my babe as soon as possible ^^ and the person i love was on the way to see me ^^ i was really excited, choosing clothes which would made him felt great of seeing his bibi, i even decided to go for a vintage look of a jumpsuit of short skirt and with a bikini bra inside, thx to the push up bra that made my boobs looked fantastico!
until i received a text from him, his had been overspending for the week, he hinted somehow to post pone our valentine celebration due to his overload of outings wit frens that caused him to a financial breakdown..hahaha!!i nv replied his text.i am sure he knew he has posted a disappointment to me after the text was sent.he even mentioned it in the subsequent text msg. i remained of no reply, i trying hard to calm down, accept, absorb and adopt. i put myself to the best of doing other things, i tried not thinking bout it, having the best ever mood when he was about to arrive my place.
until he reached my house, i threw a smile at my face, i pretended as though i was real fine.somehow my facial expression betrayed and got a ruin of it.everything was fine even he had asked me some times,until he looked at me and hugged me.my heart as though was being stabbed by a sword, my heart was sort of not beating, keep bleeding, the pain wasnt normal to be jus bypass as though nothing had happened even it was jus little matter. i cried in his arms hugging me,he didnt noe wut was the reason behind to cause my tears dripping continuously.the very first time i pushed him away for times,his arms were strengthening, i ignored having direct eye contact wit him.looking at him would make me soft hearted to throw him my thoughts. it wasnt anger or disappointment either in my emotions, but i felt stupid and foolish wit myself, with wut have i done.having planning for a splendid Vday, saving money of getting a 'present for Him'...everything was alwis in my mind, the sceneries, the 'wut to do' list, the couple mix and match dressing, everything was inside my heart. u migh be thinking silly of me.NO WAY!this is our very first ever Vday...i demand something memorable.
after throwing my piece of mind to him, he could had a bad feeling that i might be asking for a break off.i went off to get my 'present to Him', which is a quiksilver wallet, that i had shopped for twice at one u and mid valley for 2 days separately for a nice one ^^ i personally considered it as a really nice designed wallet with suitable colour.my emo ruled me to march to my drawer and took out the wallet in the box, which is oso a nice pick of my choice after walking floors of units at mid valley, i love the design of the box wit a very masculine colour of gray with a black ribbon topping, it jus worth for my energy and money paying for the nice fancy box. however, i nv expected i would gifted him in such a situation..aiks!i wan a smile on his face when he opens the box, seeing the pressie beneath the cover.somehow, it was a bad feeling of him after seeing the pressie.i could see from his eyes, tears were dripping when he knew bout the 'present for Him'. that was the time i felt he was nv feeling better to see me crying so sadly in front of him.my heart was as if been stabbed wit a sword, he could have feeling to be stabbed by numbers of small knives. i could really saw his sadness of seeing his loved one having hard and sad time for himself,useless him of disappointing me always making him feeling guilty..somewhat he had many feelings running inside with a tough time of expressing it out to me. the oni way he done was to hug me tightly as to show how much he loves and cares me and wouldnt wan me to go..his breath and whisper of words too reflected he wasnt feeling great either. the situation was tensed,i struggled on the bed even he hugged me so tightly,i couldnt gave him my kiss when he kissed me.i even shy away when he insisted of kissing my lips.for some time he woke up while i was sleeping and crying with my pillow,no matter how, i couldnt stand a moment without his hug and attention when im in tear..i couldnt stand a moment without him when im in anger too.. it is undeniable that i need his attention and pamper all the time,perhaps it has been a habit since we started off the relationship.
until i began to calm myself,i started talking to him in norm.i couldnt sleep becos i knew that this was the time for me to see him and had him beside me, i would not wasted time to sleep, but i did for being emotional..sigh!my emotions for the day were as though running up and down like a rollercoaster. the fluctuation has remained normal after an hour of stormy rain..haha!i started punching his face, chest and arms, i even pinched him as a release..hehe!
after all, we even cooked our brunch together at the kitchen.it was funny time..hehe!!
at the end of the day, i realized that he loves me in his heart.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
men and women
men and women
me and my good fren were talking bout last sunday's outing. we were very missing bout the feeling of hanging out together with frens that have been studying together over the past 5 years,having the most memorable experiences together, seeing each other for almost 5 days a week, the frenship would nv just fade out, the feeling was great even we hav our own lifestyle. however, when talking bout our bfs, it has alwis been an interesting topics of all.
i alwis been thinking that why couldnt i get a bf that is so great like those of my frens?why would they be so lucky to have such great bfs but not me???in fact, i realized that good bf is just the introduction of all. perhaps many things were havent being revealed or kept nicely, jus bcos i alwis been listening to the good side of their bfs..haha~~after all, my observation tells me that i am not the oni one whohas been through problems and hard time in relationship.they encounter similar problems too, perhaps even worse than wut im goin through. i could see a reflection of myself when i observed my fren talking to her bf, i realized that how worry i was on my bf when he treated me similarly..i totally und her feelings, having his bf to alwis keep in touch wit his Ex-es..the sense of insecure, lack of confidence over the relationship,sense of ambiguity of losing the man that she loves...sometimes i would question myself, why is he to give me such a hard time?or i am the one who is making trouble to myself?
besides, another of my frens has alwis been worrying of losing her bf.she even intended to have an 'accident' im order to keep hold on him..but the guy said he would hate her if she does it!somehow, her fear has driven to a low self esteem level which she has alwis been figuring out some excitement to spice up the relationship.once again i ask myself, why would we have to spice up things even when we are feeling bore sometimes? healthy love need good coordination, no matter how excellent the ideas , it would not work things rite without the compromise of both parties.
jus back from granny's house.having an old married couple of almost 50 over years, having 10 children and numbers of grandchildren and even grad grandchildren now..isit it the most wonderful lifetime of an old couple?somehow, it was few years ago, not until when my grandpa has getting weaker from days of his virus infection. everything has been changing so badly since tat day, he couldnt speak properly due to a minor effect of stroke, kidney infections, etc..however, taking care of him has become a burden to his long time partner, my grandma. the feeling is totally not great when seeing my grandma to be in worry, fear, sickening face when she tries to take care of him. would u und he intended to die with her if he was to live the world one day?i dunno.. somehow, being more than a half decade of husband and wife, it is hardly to be acceptable when living the closer one ...sigh~
me and my good fren were talking bout last sunday's outing. we were very missing bout the feeling of hanging out together with frens that have been studying together over the past 5 years,having the most memorable experiences together, seeing each other for almost 5 days a week, the frenship would nv just fade out, the feeling was great even we hav our own lifestyle. however, when talking bout our bfs, it has alwis been an interesting topics of all.
i alwis been thinking that why couldnt i get a bf that is so great like those of my frens?why would they be so lucky to have such great bfs but not me???in fact, i realized that good bf is just the introduction of all. perhaps many things were havent being revealed or kept nicely, jus bcos i alwis been listening to the good side of their bfs..haha~~after all, my observation tells me that i am not the oni one whohas been through problems and hard time in relationship.they encounter similar problems too, perhaps even worse than wut im goin through. i could see a reflection of myself when i observed my fren talking to her bf, i realized that how worry i was on my bf when he treated me similarly..i totally und her feelings, having his bf to alwis keep in touch wit his Ex-es..the sense of insecure, lack of confidence over the relationship,sense of ambiguity of losing the man that she loves...sometimes i would question myself, why is he to give me such a hard time?or i am the one who is making trouble to myself?
besides, another of my frens has alwis been worrying of losing her bf.she even intended to have an 'accident' im order to keep hold on him..but the guy said he would hate her if she does it!somehow, her fear has driven to a low self esteem level which she has alwis been figuring out some excitement to spice up the relationship.once again i ask myself, why would we have to spice up things even when we are feeling bore sometimes? healthy love need good coordination, no matter how excellent the ideas , it would not work things rite without the compromise of both parties.
jus back from granny's house.having an old married couple of almost 50 over years, having 10 children and numbers of grandchildren and even grad grandchildren now..isit it the most wonderful lifetime of an old couple?somehow, it was few years ago, not until when my grandpa has getting weaker from days of his virus infection. everything has been changing so badly since tat day, he couldnt speak properly due to a minor effect of stroke, kidney infections, etc..however, taking care of him has become a burden to his long time partner, my grandma. the feeling is totally not great when seeing my grandma to be in worry, fear, sickening face when she tries to take care of him. would u und he intended to die with her if he was to live the world one day?i dunno.. somehow, being more than a half decade of husband and wife, it is hardly to be acceptable when living the closer one ...sigh~
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
i wan .. i wan
awww... first time ever i got pist off wit yuan nehh..hoho
wel, i was really happie after having the accompaniment from babe since morning til noon time. i was pretty worried that he'l get bore off since there was nothing much we could do in my room. however, the moment of having his hugs while i was sleeping was a treasure to me cos i alwis find it lovely to see the one i love in front of me every morning when i wake up from my bed and greet him 'good morning lo gong' wit a kiss on his lips. finally today we did it, though i kinda woke up in the morning to let him got into my house..^^ i brushed my tooth when he reached, he looked at me at one kind..but i hope i wasnt a shock to him ^^ i was still at my sleepy mode at tat time and got back to my bed after brushing my tooth and washed my face.the best ever pillow or bolster for me would be hugging babe or having him to hug me as a best ever comforter..hehe!i really love it when i slept in his arm and saw his face once i opened my eyes ," good morning ^^" i wan this to be happening everyday ..
after, i prepared brucnh for ourselves.at some point, it was really cute of him to get my soft toy on his hand, and kept talking to the toy while i was preparing the meal. i mean imagine a big young guy carrying a soft toy and walking around, having fun with tat cute little soft 'pao' ,was something surprising to me~~ at tat moment, i would jus picture that this guy is soft hearted, caring and perhaps a lonely childhood grown babe, which alwis treat his teddy bears as best frens when he was young..hehe!!HEZ SO CUTE!!!!after havin the masculine side of him, itz jus soo fantastic to see another soft side of him!however,another thinking came to my mind at the same time. how nice would it be if my bf ask jus ask me to sit and watch his show since he doesnt wanna make me feel tire of cooking food for him, or perhaps i alwis wish hard to have a bf that wil cook for me especially i need it so much, not a word of 'thank you', but 'i would help u darling'.
however, i cried when i realised that he seem no intention for the preparation of the celebration of valentine day. although i was quite fed up after times of times of failure in working things rite, somehow i really hope hard that our first valentine wil be really GREAT and MEMORABLE!!i mentioned directly to him,i pointed out my main purpose, but seems like he dun und it..AWW!!!wut he told me was he nv celebrated a proper valentine throughout his relationship with his previous partners, thereby he has no experience or intention for it. somehow, i tot that i would be someone special for him to have enough influence to stimulate the intention into him, however, im jus one of the ordinary oni..SOB SOB!!i really really really tot that he could have planned out something for our day, but it seems to be jus my personal illustration..haha!i wan my bf to plan a valentine celebration for me..>.< even it is a simple one, but im really glad and happie cos the intention of planning thing and i appreciate the HEART!!!the major issue is of having the HEART to give me a memorable day of valentine!!i wann...wuuuuu...
another thing, when he was blaming himself of not havin a single talent..hahaha..i asked myself for a while, wut do i like bout this guy since he himself claim to have no talents at all??i jus dun und why i jus love him so much ..hehe ^^itz unexplainable ^^
later went for class in the evening, i had dinner wit yuan.we talked bout sex and relationship during our dinner time. i got kinda pist wit wut he said on me, i mean perhaps he jus shudnt applied his concept and perspective onto me even i noe that he was jus merely caring me as his good fren. i noe that he wasnt happie and does not hope to see me of having the possibility of being a sex tool to my partner.however, i do think that there isnt any judgment to be done at this point, even he himself could have be the similar way..haha!somehow,i would try not to be influenced too much by him since i realised that most of questions were arise by him whhenever he stated some issues for me to think and ended up of me having so much probs between me and my babe..hahahah!!so i better stand tough on my personal judgment and perspective ^^
wel, i was really happie after having the accompaniment from babe since morning til noon time. i was pretty worried that he'l get bore off since there was nothing much we could do in my room. however, the moment of having his hugs while i was sleeping was a treasure to me cos i alwis find it lovely to see the one i love in front of me every morning when i wake up from my bed and greet him 'good morning lo gong' wit a kiss on his lips. finally today we did it, though i kinda woke up in the morning to let him got into my house..^^ i brushed my tooth when he reached, he looked at me at one kind..but i hope i wasnt a shock to him ^^ i was still at my sleepy mode at tat time and got back to my bed after brushing my tooth and washed my face.the best ever pillow or bolster for me would be hugging babe or having him to hug me as a best ever comforter..hehe!i really love it when i slept in his arm and saw his face once i opened my eyes ," good morning ^^" i wan this to be happening everyday ..
after, i prepared brucnh for ourselves.at some point, it was really cute of him to get my soft toy on his hand, and kept talking to the toy while i was preparing the meal. i mean imagine a big young guy carrying a soft toy and walking around, having fun with tat cute little soft 'pao' ,was something surprising to me~~ at tat moment, i would jus picture that this guy is soft hearted, caring and perhaps a lonely childhood grown babe, which alwis treat his teddy bears as best frens when he was young..hehe!!HEZ SO CUTE!!!!after havin the masculine side of him, itz jus soo fantastic to see another soft side of him!however,another thinking came to my mind at the same time. how nice would it be if my bf ask jus ask me to sit and watch his show since he doesnt wanna make me feel tire of cooking food for him, or perhaps i alwis wish hard to have a bf that wil cook for me especially i need it so much, not a word of 'thank you', but 'i would help u darling'.
however, i cried when i realised that he seem no intention for the preparation of the celebration of valentine day. although i was quite fed up after times of times of failure in working things rite, somehow i really hope hard that our first valentine wil be really GREAT and MEMORABLE!!i mentioned directly to him,i pointed out my main purpose, but seems like he dun und it..AWW!!!wut he told me was he nv celebrated a proper valentine throughout his relationship with his previous partners, thereby he has no experience or intention for it. somehow, i tot that i would be someone special for him to have enough influence to stimulate the intention into him, however, im jus one of the ordinary oni..SOB SOB!!i really really really tot that he could have planned out something for our day, but it seems to be jus my personal illustration..haha!i wan my bf to plan a valentine celebration for me..>.< even it is a simple one, but im really glad and happie cos the intention of planning thing and i appreciate the HEART!!!the major issue is of having the HEART to give me a memorable day of valentine!!i wann...wuuuuu...
another thing, when he was blaming himself of not havin a single talent..hahaha..i asked myself for a while, wut do i like bout this guy since he himself claim to have no talents at all??i jus dun und why i jus love him so much ..hehe ^^itz unexplainable ^^
later went for class in the evening, i had dinner wit yuan.we talked bout sex and relationship during our dinner time. i got kinda pist wit wut he said on me, i mean perhaps he jus shudnt applied his concept and perspective onto me even i noe that he was jus merely caring me as his good fren. i noe that he wasnt happie and does not hope to see me of having the possibility of being a sex tool to my partner.however, i do think that there isnt any judgment to be done at this point, even he himself could have be the similar way..haha!somehow,i would try not to be influenced too much by him since i realised that most of questions were arise by him whhenever he stated some issues for me to think and ended up of me having so much probs between me and my babe..hahahah!!so i better stand tough on my personal judgment and perspective ^^
Thursday, January 21, 2010
im not a blue chip stock
wutz love ? i've lost the definition dy..haha
after cases of cases that making me to feel fed up, im not sure how long would my uncertainty wil last and how long would the enthusiasm be..hmmm..this isnt the first time to feel like this, but everything has recovered so quickly previously. however, itz getting harder now, perhaps when u get hurt for times and times, itz not so easy to get things over becos the wounds have recovered externally oni.
as i alwis study in my degree, when i have my cw to do, the referencing alwis there to prove as an evidence that something had been said or done or stated by somebody. in other words,if something has happened, the outcome of it would have last for not oni some period, perhaps it affects the overall outcome at the end of the day becos the evidence as the past history is there and no doubt it could be altered provided there is enough BETTER evidence to correct the previous misstatement.otherwise,the initial evidence wil be carried on. therefore, i alwis believe there's no turning back point once u've done something really critical and we hav the responsibility upon it.thereby, sometimes i feel pretty funny when reading some quotations and history of some past politicians, their foolishness sometimes would entertainment instead and i doubt how could and would all these so called 'educated' being such fools in their decision and words?after all, we'l see the apology as the headlines of the day..HAA!forgiving is a good habit, emotions could lead to improper language and irrational thoughts..but i alwis think is 'SORRY' everything?hmm.. if it is, then why would there be courts,laws, judges and such for punishments and sentences?why would ppl caught in jail for their wrong doings?why wouldnt jus say 'im sorry' and tatz bout it?haha.. God has taught us to be forgivable on wrong doings of others, however, i personally feel that they are to responsible for they've done.
wel, tat day was chit chatting wit my good fren, he told me that guys have no rights and shudnt be selfish over their love one.as a guy, he unds that itz important to make things clear so that guys would never be a burden to their love one. they jus cant bear the cost and risk for it perhaps it could affect the future time of a gal. so nv be selfish to the person that u love no matter how deep is ya love to her. i got startled after listening to his words.. im so proud to have such a great guy fren..dude u're cool man!
next wil be how i feel now, i feel sien dy.. dun feel like planning dy ... tire...how come my plans alwis fail?i've tot of places, presents, food,time, day...but jus failed.. sien niaa!i was excited at the beginning of january, getting ideas for celebration, and even felt nice when discussing wit my frens bout ideas, slowly felt jealous when my frens shared their experiences wit me, somehow i believe i could do it too ^^ but after some failures and cases, in fact, the mood for it has lost dy, and i think it really makes me fed up to plan in the future. perhaps i'l jus leave things in their way so that i wont get disappointed in an emergent way..perhaps i've been caring too much, itz time for me to losing up and not to take things so seriously dy. wut happen to u CSL.. how could ya first love valentines be so trashing...
after cases of cases that making me to feel fed up, im not sure how long would my uncertainty wil last and how long would the enthusiasm be..hmmm..this isnt the first time to feel like this, but everything has recovered so quickly previously. however, itz getting harder now, perhaps when u get hurt for times and times, itz not so easy to get things over becos the wounds have recovered externally oni.
as i alwis study in my degree, when i have my cw to do, the referencing alwis there to prove as an evidence that something had been said or done or stated by somebody. in other words,if something has happened, the outcome of it would have last for not oni some period, perhaps it affects the overall outcome at the end of the day becos the evidence as the past history is there and no doubt it could be altered provided there is enough BETTER evidence to correct the previous misstatement.otherwise,the initial evidence wil be carried on. therefore, i alwis believe there's no turning back point once u've done something really critical and we hav the responsibility upon it.thereby, sometimes i feel pretty funny when reading some quotations and history of some past politicians, their foolishness sometimes would entertainment instead and i doubt how could and would all these so called 'educated' being such fools in their decision and words?after all, we'l see the apology as the headlines of the day..HAA!forgiving is a good habit, emotions could lead to improper language and irrational thoughts..but i alwis think is 'SORRY' everything?hmm.. if it is, then why would there be courts,laws, judges and such for punishments and sentences?why would ppl caught in jail for their wrong doings?why wouldnt jus say 'im sorry' and tatz bout it?haha.. God has taught us to be forgivable on wrong doings of others, however, i personally feel that they are to responsible for they've done.
wel, tat day was chit chatting wit my good fren, he told me that guys have no rights and shudnt be selfish over their love one.as a guy, he unds that itz important to make things clear so that guys would never be a burden to their love one. they jus cant bear the cost and risk for it perhaps it could affect the future time of a gal. so nv be selfish to the person that u love no matter how deep is ya love to her. i got startled after listening to his words.. im so proud to have such a great guy fren..dude u're cool man!
next wil be how i feel now, i feel sien dy.. dun feel like planning dy ... tire...how come my plans alwis fail?i've tot of places, presents, food,time, day...but jus failed.. sien niaa!i was excited at the beginning of january, getting ideas for celebration, and even felt nice when discussing wit my frens bout ideas, slowly felt jealous when my frens shared their experiences wit me, somehow i believe i could do it too ^^ but after some failures and cases, in fact, the mood for it has lost dy, and i think it really makes me fed up to plan in the future. perhaps i'l jus leave things in their way so that i wont get disappointed in an emergent way..perhaps i've been caring too much, itz time for me to losing up and not to take things so seriously dy. wut happen to u CSL.. how could ya first love valentines be so trashing...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
360 degrees
wowo...im happie wit my current life!!
although it seems pretty busy sometimes and free at some time,it gives myself an objective at least to be achievable instead of knowing nowhere to go. my sis went to sarawak for a vacation upon the company trip,i so would be alone for 2 nights. anyway, woke up early in the morning for preparation of the classes. reached there by 9.30++ and decided to get my breakfast. it is alwis not comparative for a canned soya bean with the soya bean that i alwis buy from morning market..the class was pretty boring, started with self introduction and it took us almost 30++ mins. finally we've realised that we are all been so shallowed and way more to go in reaching their level. they are knowledgeable,skilled,highly qualified and experienced. there are professional qualified and master degrees all around as my coursemates..hehe!!unbelievable of having such great coursemates..but me and yuan been thinking how to get to noe them ..hahah!!the class is quiet as we both were not use to it since we've been studyin with talkactive and 'aggressive' coursemates all the time..haha~~the class is just tooo quiet somehow.
we then went to KFC for lunch...sigh!!!we really gotta figure out wut could we get for lunch for other time. itz really unhealthy of having fast food so often..sigh!!itz nice to have frens when u study so that u'l not feel lonely. we intended to go for a walk after consuming a high calorie lunch. we went for a walk to the exhibition of hp sales..haha~~it was really sucks.. could u imagine 'iPhone' selling at RM199 with a buy one free one promotion???haha....i can tel u one thing is..jus get it at the apple store ba!!how could they not willing to sell off the display unit when the customer is even willing to pay for the price and request for the display unit??hahaa..the packaging of the product and the design of the hp are similar to the real iPhone,the difference was without the branding..haha!
it was hot and sunny so we've decided getting back to the air-con classroom..haha!the class was carried on with the same lecturer and we found it quite boring cos we felt that the lecture was slightly general at this moment. perhaps it would be improved sooner or later when the new syllabus has made clear.the class ended earlier and me and my 2 frens were taking LRT together ^^ so happie ^^ someone has got the touch n go card and left me and sam there for the long queue of tickets. the machines were down and all the queues were really long. we waited and finally got our tickets ^^ we got up to the escalator and hur ming rushed us for the train since it reached. we tried to and he got into the train. by the time we've rushed from up from the escalator, too bad we jus managed to wave our hands and said BYE to hurming since the doors were closing...hahahahah!!wut a dumb kia.. he shud have waited for us laaa..we both believed that it was fated for no one to accompany him along the way back home for today..heehehe!!pity him laa..
when we both were stil in the LRT, hur ming suddenly called me up and told me tat my parents were waiting at the station dy..i jus laughed at him that he've reached the station so early and fast dy hor..kekekekeke!!!funny la this guy..
but when the time i've reached the station and got up into the car, my parents told me that we've gotta go KL to visit grandpa since hez got into the hospital..== swt!!i jus got bak from KL oni !!
finally reached home and felt quite tiring...and babe was waiting for me..hehe!!muackz!!although it was quite short, but at least managed to webcam with babe for a while before hez got to bed ^^ it was nice when someone was trying to make u happie and smile when u are feeling exhaustive and tiring with ya day ^^ even itz jus a simple chat and joke would made my day ^^ thx !!itz really nice to see babe having cute actions and faces in front me and 360 degrees of changes in front of others ..hehe!!
although it seems pretty busy sometimes and free at some time,it gives myself an objective at least to be achievable instead of knowing nowhere to go. my sis went to sarawak for a vacation upon the company trip,i so would be alone for 2 nights. anyway, woke up early in the morning for preparation of the classes. reached there by 9.30++ and decided to get my breakfast. it is alwis not comparative for a canned soya bean with the soya bean that i alwis buy from morning market..the class was pretty boring, started with self introduction and it took us almost 30++ mins. finally we've realised that we are all been so shallowed and way more to go in reaching their level. they are knowledgeable,skilled,highly qualified and experienced. there are professional qualified and master degrees all around as my coursemates..hehe!!unbelievable of having such great coursemates..but me and yuan been thinking how to get to noe them ..hahah!!the class is quiet as we both were not use to it since we've been studyin with talkactive and 'aggressive' coursemates all the time..haha~~the class is just tooo quiet somehow.
we then went to KFC for lunch...sigh!!!we really gotta figure out wut could we get for lunch for other time. itz really unhealthy of having fast food so often..sigh!!itz nice to have frens when u study so that u'l not feel lonely. we intended to go for a walk after consuming a high calorie lunch. we went for a walk to the exhibition of hp sales..haha~~it was really sucks.. could u imagine 'iPhone' selling at RM199 with a buy one free one promotion???haha....i can tel u one thing is..jus get it at the apple store ba!!how could they not willing to sell off the display unit when the customer is even willing to pay for the price and request for the display unit??hahaa..the packaging of the product and the design of the hp are similar to the real iPhone,the difference was without the branding..haha!
it was hot and sunny so we've decided getting back to the air-con classroom..haha!the class was carried on with the same lecturer and we found it quite boring cos we felt that the lecture was slightly general at this moment. perhaps it would be improved sooner or later when the new syllabus has made clear.the class ended earlier and me and my 2 frens were taking LRT together ^^ so happie ^^ someone has got the touch n go card and left me and sam there for the long queue of tickets. the machines were down and all the queues were really long. we waited and finally got our tickets ^^ we got up to the escalator and hur ming rushed us for the train since it reached. we tried to and he got into the train. by the time we've rushed from up from the escalator, too bad we jus managed to wave our hands and said BYE to hurming since the doors were closing...hahahahah!!wut a dumb kia.. he shud have waited for us laaa..we both believed that it was fated for no one to accompany him along the way back home for today..heehehe!!pity him laa..
when we both were stil in the LRT, hur ming suddenly called me up and told me tat my parents were waiting at the station dy..i jus laughed at him that he've reached the station so early and fast dy hor..kekekekeke!!!funny la this guy..
but when the time i've reached the station and got up into the car, my parents told me that we've gotta go KL to visit grandpa since hez got into the hospital..== swt!!i jus got bak from KL oni !!
finally reached home and felt quite tiring...and babe was waiting for me..hehe!!muackz!!although it was quite short, but at least managed to webcam with babe for a while before hez got to bed ^^ it was nice when someone was trying to make u happie and smile when u are feeling exhaustive and tiring with ya day ^^ even itz jus a simple chat and joke would made my day ^^ thx !!itz really nice to see babe having cute actions and faces in front me and 360 degrees of changes in front of others ..hehe!!
Friday, January 08, 2010
nasi lemak biasa + mini chicken wings
why am i so happie ?simple and sweet ..^^
wut a nice and simple day~~so happie to meet up wit my good fren,FY, it was a short talk, but was really happie ..hehe!
met up wit my babe, we jus went to ask for my course and waited for the purchase of bank draft ^^ babe was really very cute..hehe!!i love to see his reaction when he was caught to be angry and speechless..hehe!!i like to see him when hez angry yet he stil have to take it cos he has no reason to angry me since im so cute smiling to him..hahahahahha!! "hand hand.." heheh..babe would alwis wanna hold my hand...not even give a chance for me to sms ..hehe!!MUACKZ..act i do hope to hold his hand and nv let go ..hoho
after all, we went for a lunch while waiting for the staff to be back to work from lunch, we were both starving for some time since we had no breakfast in the morning. thus, we decided to go for nasi lemak at kluang station..hehe!!happie cos i wasnt in the mood for fast food and finally babe made the decision..YAYYY!i need not to crack my head to think of wut to eat..HEHE!!we walked all the way from one world office tower to one u new wing kluang station, the calories burned was enough for us to consume a nice nasi lemak ^^ the place was crowded since it was the inception of lunch break..i ordered the food and it was such a mess... babe kept criticising that my BM is sucks and thereby causing mistakes from the waiter..>.< how could he not differentiate 'chicken wing' and 'chicken kuah'...@.@..heheh~~however,it wasnt the point of it, i was really happie and felt so sweet that babe did it !!i din expected him to treated me with such a caring and lovely heart..haha~~mayb it was the first time he did it, so i felt really sweet even it was jus a small case.it really made my day!thx for the chicken wings!!!!!!after that, we walked all the way back to the one world office tower. this time was a joke..hahahah!!
we've gone up to the CN floor and get back to the G and gone to another elevator and tried to get to lvl 1 but failed cos we nv gained permission from the security department as a visitor..hahaha!!it took us almost 15 mins jus to wait for the elevator and going up and down in it..hahah~~however, it was really fun cos both of us were doing such a funny silly things together..hehe~~i was relieved that babe was there for me otherwise i would have been panicking..^^
after getting my thing done, we went for shopping ..hehe!suddenly hez got a call frr his mom, i alwis feel bad and nervous when hez talking on the phone wit his mom cos i feel helpless to him and he have to bear everything even his mom shoot him or screw him. but i was surprised when he told his mom that he has saved up the money to go out.. he tried his best to save up money so that he could hang out wit me..babe is my consultant as well as my hanger and body guard to take care of my bag and properties..hahahah~~~but i realised that babe would say the similar word when i ask his opinion..haha~~ and he alwis says "not nice..the colour not nice..very sexy.."hahaha.. the point has finally spoken out.."very sexy"...hahahah!!SO CUTE~~somehow,he suggest me to wear the 'very sexy' clothes at home since he loves to see me wearing it jus in front of him..>.<
after all, we jus went out since my parents are fetching me..but i hope he could accompany me until they were here..hehe!!we went to buy herbal tea and babe bought me the herbal tea ^^~~~
i feel really happie that babe was so lovely to me..i feel relief that someone so sayang me ^^ i really hope that this would happen everyday between us ^^
picture of the day:
my very first time drinking sirap limau intro by babe ^^
wut a nice and simple day~~so happie to meet up wit my good fren,FY, it was a short talk, but was really happie ..hehe!
met up wit my babe, we jus went to ask for my course and waited for the purchase of bank draft ^^ babe was really very cute..hehe!!i love to see his reaction when he was caught to be angry and speechless..hehe!!i like to see him when hez angry yet he stil have to take it cos he has no reason to angry me since im so cute smiling to him..hahahahahha!! "hand hand.." heheh..babe would alwis wanna hold my hand...not even give a chance for me to sms ..hehe!!MUACKZ..act i do hope to hold his hand and nv let go ..hoho
after all, we went for a lunch while waiting for the staff to be back to work from lunch, we were both starving for some time since we had no breakfast in the morning. thus, we decided to go for nasi lemak at kluang station..hehe!!happie cos i wasnt in the mood for fast food and finally babe made the decision..YAYYY!i need not to crack my head to think of wut to eat..HEHE!!we walked all the way from one world office tower to one u new wing kluang station, the calories burned was enough for us to consume a nice nasi lemak ^^ the place was crowded since it was the inception of lunch break..i ordered the food and it was such a mess... babe kept criticising that my BM is sucks and thereby causing mistakes from the waiter..>.< how could he not differentiate 'chicken wing' and 'chicken kuah'...@.@..heheh~~however,it wasnt the point of it, i was really happie and felt so sweet that babe did it !!i din expected him to treated me with such a caring and lovely heart..haha~~mayb it was the first time he did it, so i felt really sweet even it was jus a small case.it really made my day!thx for the chicken wings!!!!!!after that, we walked all the way back to the one world office tower. this time was a joke..hahahah!!
we've gone up to the CN floor and get back to the G and gone to another elevator and tried to get to lvl 1 but failed cos we nv gained permission from the security department as a visitor..hahaha!!it took us almost 15 mins jus to wait for the elevator and going up and down in it..hahah~~however, it was really fun cos both of us were doing such a funny silly things together..hehe~~i was relieved that babe was there for me otherwise i would have been panicking..^^
after getting my thing done, we went for shopping ..hehe!suddenly hez got a call frr his mom, i alwis feel bad and nervous when hez talking on the phone wit his mom cos i feel helpless to him and he have to bear everything even his mom shoot him or screw him. but i was surprised when he told his mom that he has saved up the money to go out.. he tried his best to save up money so that he could hang out wit me..babe is my consultant as well as my hanger and body guard to take care of my bag and properties..hahahah~~~but i realised that babe would say the similar word when i ask his opinion..haha~~ and he alwis says "not nice..the colour not nice..very sexy.."hahaha.. the point has finally spoken out.."very sexy"...hahahah!!SO CUTE~~somehow,he suggest me to wear the 'very sexy' clothes at home since he loves to see me wearing it jus in front of him..>.<
after all, we jus went out since my parents are fetching me..but i hope he could accompany me until they were here..hehe!!we went to buy herbal tea and babe bought me the herbal tea ^^~~~
i feel really happie that babe was so lovely to me..i feel relief that someone so sayang me ^^ i really hope that this would happen everyday between us ^^
picture of the day:
my very first time drinking sirap limau intro by babe ^^
Thursday, January 07, 2010
untellable dilemma
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~
i was quite determined in the morning once i woke up ..i was so eager to read some news, articles, perhaps the newsletter, somehow when i started to read some news and some doc,it gave me a feeling that i have sooo much to cope up with since im so shallow in sense of my knowledge,my skills, my techniques, understandings...etc. i've started to worry bout my CIMA study dy, but i noe i must and should do well no matter wut, i must be optimistic !!
felt bore with the readings, started with FB again ...haha!!i realized that i could have hardly survive without facebook and perhaps the internet...haha!i was starving but tried to wait until noon time so that i could have lunch with babe if hez coming over..somehow,my feeling of hunger had started my gastric pain,thereby i went to get myself some linguine n bologneise sauce ^^..babe jus gave me a call in a sudden and said that he missed me and wan me..hehe!definitely i felt sweet..^^ i did hope to see him too,and was really happie when he decided to come over!!i missed the time to cook lunch for him, to wash his face and bath with him,and have 'facial session' wit him...hohohoo!!!
anyway, i was very happie when he said the pasta was good!!perhaps i feel happie when others claim it to be nice, but his compliment and recognition will be a significant support to me ^^...i slowly discover that my babe is a very cute and funny person.. he could make me laugh very easily..i love to have such a funny bf to make me laugh..CHICKEN NEHH!!hahaha!!at tat moment, i really hope that this guy could belong with me for the rest of my life ^^ i was really fearful that i might lose him..i dunno why when babe hugged me and kissed my forehead and said that he loves me..i jus teared off..i was very fearful of any bad changes that might happen between us...im very fearful and ignorance to changes,this is CSL..haha!!
after all, i jus sms him..haha!!somehow i feel myself very funny, when hez trying to promise me wutever that im asking for, i hardly take his words for it, but when he nv promise me and jus try to do it at his very best, it causes me an appalling insecurity..hahahaha!!i stil remembering wut my teacher had spoken to me last time,he told me that a good man would not simply promise the person that he loves becos he wouldnt wanna see her with tears if he fails to fulfil the promise..this is wut a real man is!however, he oso said that a real man would keep small promises becos promises keep man of bearing responsibility toward the person that he loves. i totally agree with this. babe seems to have been doing a job as part of a real man, he tot i would angry if he fails to hold on the promise..hahah!it aint the truth,disappointment instead of anger perhaps. somehow, having him to hold on the promise would give him certain level of pressure, but this is wut responsibility is..haha!
sigh..im so eager to have an acoustic guitar...whenever my frens ask me to tel my bf bout it.. my response would be..wut..hahah!wut i could do is jus smiling ^^ there are something that i dare not to say becos i dun hope to pressure him, i have fear now to tell out everything cos he might not forgive me if he angry me, sooner and later i dare not telling him wut i wan, i feel that im so alone to rely on myself for everything,i would feel guilty or having pressures to him even i've told him wut i wan and consequently having a bad time if i've overly demand..aiks..T.T.. i dunno how to say out sometimes..but i really dun hope wut i demand for would ruin our relationship...T_T..i hope to see babe's smile all the time.. i feel really happie and sweet whenever seeing babe to laugh and smile..im really happie when seeing babe happie and with his funny face..he alwis melts my heart when he laughs and smiles so naturally..when he was in anger wit his parents and the college,i really hope that i could be there for him, i hope that im the person that make him smile again, not his frens or wut...>.<...but when i saw him busy replying his frens and smiling on the webcam and i failed to make him smile even i've tried to..tat moment i was mad at myself to have failed..>.<
finally found someone to have und my feeling,hehe..SOOK YEE!!!we are really having the similar probs... i nv expected the similar things happened on her too.. but her case has gone so much further than mine..hehe!!finally i und her tiredness in her relationship.. i finally got the point that she decided to break up with jeremy and gone for joe..^^ however, i wouldnt wan this to happen to me and babe.. and i'l nv give up so easily ..
i was quite determined in the morning once i woke up ..i was so eager to read some news, articles, perhaps the newsletter, somehow when i started to read some news and some doc,it gave me a feeling that i have sooo much to cope up with since im so shallow in sense of my knowledge,my skills, my techniques, understandings...etc. i've started to worry bout my CIMA study dy, but i noe i must and should do well no matter wut, i must be optimistic !!
felt bore with the readings, started with FB again ...haha!!i realized that i could have hardly survive without facebook and perhaps the internet...haha!i was starving but tried to wait until noon time so that i could have lunch with babe if hez coming over..somehow,my feeling of hunger had started my gastric pain,thereby i went to get myself some linguine n bologneise sauce ^^..babe jus gave me a call in a sudden and said that he missed me and wan me..hehe!definitely i felt sweet..^^ i did hope to see him too,and was really happie when he decided to come over!!i missed the time to cook lunch for him, to wash his face and bath with him,and have 'facial session' wit him...hohohoo!!!
anyway, i was very happie when he said the pasta was good!!perhaps i feel happie when others claim it to be nice, but his compliment and recognition will be a significant support to me ^^...i slowly discover that my babe is a very cute and funny person.. he could make me laugh very easily..i love to have such a funny bf to make me laugh..CHICKEN NEHH!!hahaha!!at tat moment, i really hope that this guy could belong with me for the rest of my life ^^ i was really fearful that i might lose him..i dunno why when babe hugged me and kissed my forehead and said that he loves me..i jus teared off..i was very fearful of any bad changes that might happen between us...im very fearful and ignorance to changes,this is CSL..haha!!
after all, i jus sms him..haha!!somehow i feel myself very funny, when hez trying to promise me wutever that im asking for, i hardly take his words for it, but when he nv promise me and jus try to do it at his very best, it causes me an appalling insecurity..hahahaha!!i stil remembering wut my teacher had spoken to me last time,he told me that a good man would not simply promise the person that he loves becos he wouldnt wanna see her with tears if he fails to fulfil the promise..this is wut a real man is!however, he oso said that a real man would keep small promises becos promises keep man of bearing responsibility toward the person that he loves. i totally agree with this. babe seems to have been doing a job as part of a real man, he tot i would angry if he fails to hold on the promise..hahah!it aint the truth,disappointment instead of anger perhaps. somehow, having him to hold on the promise would give him certain level of pressure, but this is wut responsibility is..haha!
sigh..im so eager to have an acoustic guitar...whenever my frens ask me to tel my bf bout it.. my response would be..wut..hahah!wut i could do is jus smiling ^^ there are something that i dare not to say becos i dun hope to pressure him, i have fear now to tell out everything cos he might not forgive me if he angry me, sooner and later i dare not telling him wut i wan, i feel that im so alone to rely on myself for everything,i would feel guilty or having pressures to him even i've told him wut i wan and consequently having a bad time if i've overly demand..aiks..T.T.. i dunno how to say out sometimes..but i really dun hope wut i demand for would ruin our relationship...T_T..i hope to see babe's smile all the time.. i feel really happie and sweet whenever seeing babe to laugh and smile..im really happie when seeing babe happie and with his funny face..he alwis melts my heart when he laughs and smiles so naturally..when he was in anger wit his parents and the college,i really hope that i could be there for him, i hope that im the person that make him smile again, not his frens or wut...>.<...but when i saw him busy replying his frens and smiling on the webcam and i failed to make him smile even i've tried to..tat moment i was mad at myself to have failed..>.<
finally found someone to have und my feeling,hehe..SOOK YEE!!!we are really having the similar probs... i nv expected the similar things happened on her too.. but her case has gone so much further than mine..hehe!!finally i und her tiredness in her relationship.. i finally got the point that she decided to break up with jeremy and gone for joe..^^ however, i wouldnt wan this to happen to me and babe.. and i'l nv give up so easily ..
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
i wan an acoustic guitar !!
wake up early in morning..felt my soul got inspired somehow,feeling anticipating for my first ever CIMA class...AW!!
felt quite bore in the morning, so jus cleaned the house..as usual would online and search for some videos.the interest was there to search for some videos at youtube on acoustic covers, these ppl are talented and excellent, i believe they could do or done even much better than the existing stars. perhaps they were jus lack of opportunities in their lives that cause no fame til now, but i believe their improvement would bring success into their lives then. AZA AZA FIGHTING! suddenly felt interested in learning some make up skills, found some tutorial videos and i just followed wut they taught there...i felt quite happie that i was trying to improve myself ^^ the eye part was quite fine to me, as a normal person..haha!i hope i could do even better than ever !
after all, went for a house viewing session, the house is jus nice for a small family like us..but i felt somehow smaller as the one im staying now..however,it'l be good as long as itz comfy ^^ but the agent was a bit funny, why would he request for my permission to call my name, i prefer to be called as Ms Cheong..hahah!!
later, took LRT to attend my class.. was really excited!!!i hav 3 ex coursemates to study with me currently ..happie happie !!!
shout out of the day: I WAN AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR !!
felt quite bore in the morning, so jus cleaned the house..as usual would online and search for some videos.the interest was there to search for some videos at youtube on acoustic covers, these ppl are talented and excellent, i believe they could do or done even much better than the existing stars. perhaps they were jus lack of opportunities in their lives that cause no fame til now, but i believe their improvement would bring success into their lives then. AZA AZA FIGHTING! suddenly felt interested in learning some make up skills, found some tutorial videos and i just followed wut they taught there...i felt quite happie that i was trying to improve myself ^^ the eye part was quite fine to me, as a normal person..haha!i hope i could do even better than ever !
after all, went for a house viewing session, the house is jus nice for a small family like us..but i felt somehow smaller as the one im staying now..however,it'l be good as long as itz comfy ^^ but the agent was a bit funny, why would he request for my permission to call my name, i prefer to be called as Ms Cheong..hahah!!
later, took LRT to attend my class.. was really excited!!!i hav 3 ex coursemates to study with me currently ..happie happie !!!
shout out of the day: I WAN AN ACOUSTIC GUITAR !!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
i cried in the morning..
i sms babe cos today was his college day reopen..felt like giving him some supports and love ^^..but ended up felt sad when playing text with him..i dunno why, i jus tear when the moment i read his reply to me stated that he might not forgive me if i were to make him angry for another time.my mind was jus thinking that if i were to make him angry and not to be forgiven by him, then he might jus break up wit me..tat moment i jus cried out ..haha~~silly me, i was hugging my pillow while stil sleeping on my bed, do u think i could cont wit my dream and sleep?for sure not, then jus woke up and did some households, cleaned the floor, the bathroom and toilet..went to bath and even cried in the bathroom..not until we cont to text each other after my bath..somehow felt better, perhaps i had figured out something ..haha ~~wut a flexible person i am ..kaka!!
i am very happie that hez coming to my place since we've been not seeing each other for like almost 4 days..hehe!!i decided to make him french toast...HK style french toast..this would be my very first time of making it and i noe my babe likes french toast ^^..this makes me even desperate to learn and hope could make a nice one for babe ^^...i hope it could be a very nice and sweet one, though it looks somewhat a bit fail..haha!!but i've tried my best...and i'l nv give up to improve cos babe likes french toast ^^muackz!
salmon spread with cheese and butter ^^ peanut choco butter with honey and condensed milk
i sms babe cos today was his college day reopen..felt like giving him some supports and love ^^..but ended up felt sad when playing text with him..i dunno why, i jus tear when the moment i read his reply to me stated that he might not forgive me if i were to make him angry for another time.my mind was jus thinking that if i were to make him angry and not to be forgiven by him, then he might jus break up wit me..tat moment i jus cried out ..haha~~silly me, i was hugging my pillow while stil sleeping on my bed, do u think i could cont wit my dream and sleep?for sure not, then jus woke up and did some households, cleaned the floor, the bathroom and toilet..went to bath and even cried in the bathroom..not until we cont to text each other after my bath..somehow felt better, perhaps i had figured out something ..haha ~~wut a flexible person i am ..kaka!!
i am very happie that hez coming to my place since we've been not seeing each other for like almost 4 days..hehe!!i decided to make him french toast...HK style french toast..this would be my very first time of making it and i noe my babe likes french toast ^^..this makes me even desperate to learn and hope could make a nice one for babe ^^...i hope it could be a very nice and sweet one, though it looks somewhat a bit fail..haha!!but i've tried my best...and i'l nv give up to improve cos babe likes french toast ^^muackz!
salmon spread with cheese and butter ^^ peanut choco butter with honey and condensed milk
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
michael 5
hyper depression...
ytd night was a nightmare to me...i couldnt imagine how would i go for my exam on the next day...i was hyper depressed...on my study and also to my babe...sigh ~~i've alwis thinking too much bout us, perhaps this has alwis being a burden to me that i would expect so much from it. i tot i really found someone who i really could take it seriously,and i did!i hope things really going on the right path..i hope everything will be jus a fairy tale story..somehow it happens to be different way in reality.
im a very sensitive person and overworried..but when i hope the person to love me as how i love him. i wanna have a 100% from him, and i would give him, or i've gave him the 100% of me. lately i jus realised that has not been the way that is happening wo...o.O i dunno wut to do cos i feel ambiguity with wut i've expected to happen seems like happening...i noe for sure i couldnt concentrate on my revision and exams, which really driving me insane for this few days...my core day of my life...i've been crying so few days lately...im really sucked up wit the feelings of jealousy and insecurity,low self esteem is attacking me to be even worse to dare myself with the reality.
perhaps age gap could have possibly a barrier for communication....but i believe the lack of communication would have be the primary resource of existence in problems in soon..however, i've tried to bring up the issue so that i wouldnt wanna see any misunderstandings and problems being roll out huge jus becos that we are not willing to share..i have been thinking of this issue all this time, cos i have run out of ideas wut shud i do !!recently i found myself even freaking out when my intrinsic feeling told me that he has ntg to talk to me..HAHA~how can i be laughing???!!!but wut can i do..tatz why i choose to cry instead of standing tough for being so optimistic..haha~~ i really got sucked up when i was really depressing bout my last min exams and hoping so hard for someone to calm me down or to comfort me, at least something sweet or warming, i really expected so much from him, and now i realised that that i shudnt expected so much of that since it got me disappointed if things happen in another way. my bad again for expecting so much ..im stupid!even my frens have been warming me, calling me to support me,calming me by teaching me and guiding me, and i jus expect something sweet from him >.<....i really expected very much ytd and ended up i felt foolish ..haha! from hero to zero, do u noe howz tat feeling?itz like get ya heart frozen and break up with a hammer, thatz the description of it ^^
i noe i was on the heat for the preparation for exams, but will i be able to get rid of all things from my mind and having 100% concerntration for it? impossible for sure!i cried while studying, i cried before i slept, i cried in the bathroom,i felt hopeless and something happened to really seized my confidence away from him...i feel scare and insecure!!im scare to lose him,and im scare to lose the feelings. i need confidence that u really love me, not merely by words. im a suspecting person and radical change doesnt suits me cos i hardly accept changes..kaka~~too much of studying LMC~im a hedger aint a speculator..hahah~~~
i decided to called him up ytd night and told him how i felt, and i was really curious why would he remain silent??sigh...bargaining power of rivalry!!!!perhaps i would have increase the market power in order to enjoy the EOS as to set barriers for new entrants ar..hahahaha~Michael porter 5 forces is really useful, not oni in multinational strategy management, but also in relationship..COOL~however, i noe i shud have apply the SWOT framework to analyse bout myself before applying any models ..sigh~~hedging methods oso need to be considered before implementation of it in order for greatest strategic fit~~
wel,prepare myself to campus today, and i jus wanna call him before my exam started cos i really need someone to comfort me..somehow, i dunno why it comes so naturally of my feeling that i'l really wanna shoot him ..kakkakakaka~~he nv reply my text..>.< how come he alwis not here when i needed him the most arr..>,<...sob sei jor la!!!luckily i din have the feeling to cry when talking to him bout the truth that making me to feel insecure and sucked up..perhaps i noe i have to control my emotions since it was bout an hour to go for the exams..seeing my frens so nervous for the exams, yet i was talking on the hp wit him..perhaps i jus couldnt concerntrate and i act felt nervous too cos i've been poo poo-ing few times since morning >.<
after that saw yuan and HM...while i was walking behind, he suddenly walked beside me and told me that he wanna cry..O.O..wut happened??
ytd night was a nightmare to me...i couldnt imagine how would i go for my exam on the next day...i was hyper depressed...on my study and also to my babe...sigh ~~i've alwis thinking too much bout us, perhaps this has alwis being a burden to me that i would expect so much from it. i tot i really found someone who i really could take it seriously,and i did!i hope things really going on the right path..i hope everything will be jus a fairy tale story..somehow it happens to be different way in reality.
im a very sensitive person and overworried..but when i hope the person to love me as how i love him. i wanna have a 100% from him, and i would give him, or i've gave him the 100% of me. lately i jus realised that has not been the way that is happening wo...o.O i dunno wut to do cos i feel ambiguity with wut i've expected to happen seems like happening...i noe for sure i couldnt concentrate on my revision and exams, which really driving me insane for this few days...my core day of my life...i've been crying so few days lately...im really sucked up wit the feelings of jealousy and insecurity,low self esteem is attacking me to be even worse to dare myself with the reality.
perhaps age gap could have possibly a barrier for communication....but i believe the lack of communication would have be the primary resource of existence in problems in soon..however, i've tried to bring up the issue so that i wouldnt wanna see any misunderstandings and problems being roll out huge jus becos that we are not willing to share..i have been thinking of this issue all this time, cos i have run out of ideas wut shud i do !!recently i found myself even freaking out when my intrinsic feeling told me that he has ntg to talk to me..HAHA~how can i be laughing???!!!but wut can i do..tatz why i choose to cry instead of standing tough for being so optimistic..haha~~ i really got sucked up when i was really depressing bout my last min exams and hoping so hard for someone to calm me down or to comfort me, at least something sweet or warming, i really expected so much from him, and now i realised that that i shudnt expected so much of that since it got me disappointed if things happen in another way. my bad again for expecting so much ..im stupid!even my frens have been warming me, calling me to support me,calming me by teaching me and guiding me, and i jus expect something sweet from him >.<....i really expected very much ytd and ended up i felt foolish ..haha! from hero to zero, do u noe howz tat feeling?itz like get ya heart frozen and break up with a hammer, thatz the description of it ^^
i noe i was on the heat for the preparation for exams, but will i be able to get rid of all things from my mind and having 100% concerntration for it? impossible for sure!i cried while studying, i cried before i slept, i cried in the bathroom,i felt hopeless and something happened to really seized my confidence away from him...i feel scare and insecure!!im scare to lose him,and im scare to lose the feelings. i need confidence that u really love me, not merely by words. im a suspecting person and radical change doesnt suits me cos i hardly accept changes..kaka~~too much of studying LMC~im a hedger aint a speculator..hahah~~~
i decided to called him up ytd night and told him how i felt, and i was really curious why would he remain silent??sigh...bargaining power of rivalry!!!!perhaps i would have increase the market power in order to enjoy the EOS as to set barriers for new entrants ar..hahahaha~Michael porter 5 forces is really useful, not oni in multinational strategy management, but also in relationship..COOL~however, i noe i shud have apply the SWOT framework to analyse bout myself before applying any models ..sigh~~hedging methods oso need to be considered before implementation of it in order for greatest strategic fit~~
wel,prepare myself to campus today, and i jus wanna call him before my exam started cos i really need someone to comfort me..somehow, i dunno why it comes so naturally of my feeling that i'l really wanna shoot him ..kakkakakaka~~he nv reply my text..>.< how come he alwis not here when i needed him the most arr..>,<...sob sei jor la!!!luckily i din have the feeling to cry when talking to him bout the truth that making me to feel insecure and sucked up..perhaps i noe i have to control my emotions since it was bout an hour to go for the exams..seeing my frens so nervous for the exams, yet i was talking on the hp wit him..perhaps i jus couldnt concerntrate and i act felt nervous too cos i've been poo poo-ing few times since morning >.<
after that saw yuan and HM...while i was walking behind, he suddenly walked beside me and told me that he wanna cry..O.O..wut happened??
Saturday, December 12, 2009
frustrating...depression..tension..
frustrating...depression..tension..
im really freaking out for my exams..whenever i told my babe bout it, he'l jus ask me to stay calm and wut for to scare of,perhaps he dunno why am i feeling this way....itz hard to explain..i keep asking myself why am i working so hard for it?why must i forcing myself to the max for it?itz merely exams, write out the everything i've studied once i got the paper at the exam hall,but isnt it so simple?i doubt not...perhaps it might, im jus complicate everything =.=
wel, i've been not sleeping well lately becos of this exams, even i've tried to sleep early, yet i couldnt get myself sleep tightly or even i would wake up in the middle of the night figuring out bout wut i've studied..itz exhaustive i would say...itz so intense until i couldnt get my period cycle and immune system back to normal..i mean it have been kinda distorted...pressures are from everywhere rather than jus studies...SIGH~
i've alwis been bothered with many things, even jus a little one, i admit. i felt myself like going insane that my mind is jus filled with theories, journal articles, references...etc...the oni thing that gives me some motivation is talking to my babe..sadly, he nv talk much to me...i really dunno wut to do...even when i need support from my babe, i dun see it practical,not even a call to calm me down when im depress...it jus hardly carry me up from the bottom down...i really need someone to carry me along when im depress...i've been fearing of my exams and the unfinished and hardly understandable topics til my tears dropped in way to release my tension..i noe it sounds critical, but im going through this and i cant feel anything from him...
im really freaking out for my exams..whenever i told my babe bout it, he'l jus ask me to stay calm and wut for to scare of,perhaps he dunno why am i feeling this way....itz hard to explain..i keep asking myself why am i working so hard for it?why must i forcing myself to the max for it?itz merely exams, write out the everything i've studied once i got the paper at the exam hall,but isnt it so simple?i doubt not...perhaps it might, im jus complicate everything =.=
wel, i've been not sleeping well lately becos of this exams, even i've tried to sleep early, yet i couldnt get myself sleep tightly or even i would wake up in the middle of the night figuring out bout wut i've studied..itz exhaustive i would say...itz so intense until i couldnt get my period cycle and immune system back to normal..i mean it have been kinda distorted...pressures are from everywhere rather than jus studies...SIGH~
i've alwis been bothered with many things, even jus a little one, i admit. i felt myself like going insane that my mind is jus filled with theories, journal articles, references...etc...the oni thing that gives me some motivation is talking to my babe..sadly, he nv talk much to me...i really dunno wut to do...even when i need support from my babe, i dun see it practical,not even a call to calm me down when im depress...it jus hardly carry me up from the bottom down...i really need someone to carry me along when im depress...i've been fearing of my exams and the unfinished and hardly understandable topics til my tears dropped in way to release my tension..i noe it sounds critical, but im going through this and i cant feel anything from him...
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
what a day ~~
i was so anticipated for today's class,LMC, wishing high for the discussion of the case study for our exams from our lect, woke up early in the morning and intended to read up the journals articles. however,my darling gal text me all the way from UK, 2 msg around 5++ morning, sadly i wasn't awake to reply her at tat moment, she seems miserable from her texts. im pretty worry bout her, wut happened??!!possibly regarding her job,the ppl around her, her parents, her bf, not happy with the environment?!!i doubt so since she mentioned that she hope to just fly home O.O.. at tat point i jus felt myself helpless,my opinions are alwis not compatibl with her with her great exposures and lifetime experiences, i wouldn't have a word for her every time when she feels miserable, the oni thing is jus being a listener ^^ i do hope it helps her out <333
after out from the bathroom, another of my secondary ji mui jus nudge me and written there that she've just broke up with her bf!!OMG~~~wut happen to the ppl around me???i have been listening to her story for some time lately and nv expected to be happening so fast O.O...from the moment she told me that she saw this guy through the way of being couple until ended up apart,i jus feel to hug her <333
after all, getting myself prepared for the class. i received a phone call while on my way to take my bus ride to the campus, FY told me that the class was cancelled. DAM IT~why wouldn't i been informed earlier??no phone calls nor text have i received from the college until this moment...SWT~~~somehow, FY jus suggested me whether or not to have a K session wit them?? 'them' here refers to herself and her bf, and the sisters...OMG~~~~i really hope to revenge for her..HOHOHO~~thereby decided to go for a K session to relax for a day ^^ finally i felt that me and FY were somehow one gang today..hahahah~~she told me that ERR wasn't excited when she gotta noe that im joining them ..hoho~~but i noe FY wil be happie since we could see the 'difference' hohoho~~i really could feel it finally !!!jus got annoyed with ERR sometimes.. but overall was happie ^^
i was happie when my babe intended to come over for accompanying me ^^ i din expect to receive his text bout it after i hang on the call ^^ wowowo~~later we all went to IKEA !!im really excited since this was the first time for us to have a walk there ^^ i've been anticipating for such moment long time ago ^^ the feeling was great ^^ hehe.. i felt happie ^^ i really hope that we could have a home that belongs to both of us..i hope can go there another day oni both of us T.T...then we could enjoy talking while during the walk and taking those designs as references,i din expect that we like the similar thing, similar designs, similar tastes in interior design wo.. hehe..i love that bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom, shoe rack, and so many..i jus love the moments <333
we went for a simple high tea..hoho~~even jus simple hot dogs, soft drinks and curry puffs are more than enough to make me happy cos i had my babe and frens wit me..im happy that FY and i were so happy sitting with our partners and chatting..the feeling was really great^^
u noe, when the time Q asked me not to pay back wut they'd spent for us, i felt grateful not becos that i need not to pay for the food, but im relief that how could i have such frens~~~i dun mean that im happie and relief whenever my frens treat me, somehow i jus appreciate their generosity to me, meaning that im worth for my frens to spend their generosity on me!!however, at the same time i jus felt disappointing towards my bf..how could he nv said a thing, not even a thanks!although they are my frens and the food wasn't luxurious kind, but my fren treated US~~i felt so happy that they were trying to think on my shoes, they noe that i cant go home late and intended to fetch me back,Q even offered to spend me and babe K when i said we PK...although i've rejected the offer and itz not a serious thing,somehow it makes me feel my frens treat me even better than my babe to me!!i dislike such feeling, but uncontrollable for its existence that keep inquiring myself why would my bf be like this?! @@...when FY pointed out the question to Q regarding X'mas gift,it jus reminded me that i desire one too since few days ago when yuan asked me to acc him to shop for a watch for his gf as X'mas gift. i was hoping hard that i could some surprises from babe, but seems like he wouldnt if i nv pointed it out to him..when he asked me wut i wan for X'mas gift, i jus couldnt answer him,he might not afford to give wut i wan at this moment and i und it very well, but money jus cant buy love,perhaps luxurious gifts wouldnt be my major choice cos i noe i could work hard to getting it by myself...but when seeing FY and Q with their conversations, not becos of the offer of money of gifts, but the willingness towards the partners is the point here...not even willing to spend me a chicken chop, i would nv forget in the rest of my life!!i feel silly that im saving hard to buy him clothes and he even said tat hez not forcing me but im the one buying for him >.<..
wut i wan for X'mas gift ar...i dunno ..something unique, not so childish since im not little gal anymore, im a young lady ^^mayb not jus an object, but something makes me really surprising and happy and memorize...sigh..i dare not to hope for it cos i dun wanna get disappointed T.T
i was so anticipated for today's class,LMC, wishing high for the discussion of the case study for our exams from our lect, woke up early in the morning and intended to read up the journals articles. however,my darling gal text me all the way from UK, 2 msg around 5++ morning, sadly i wasn't awake to reply her at tat moment, she seems miserable from her texts. im pretty worry bout her, wut happened??!!possibly regarding her job,the ppl around her, her parents, her bf, not happy with the environment?!!i doubt so since she mentioned that she hope to just fly home O.O.. at tat point i jus felt myself helpless,my opinions are alwis not compatibl with her with her great exposures and lifetime experiences, i wouldn't have a word for her every time when she feels miserable, the oni thing is jus being a listener ^^ i do hope it helps her out <333
after out from the bathroom, another of my secondary ji mui jus nudge me and written there that she've just broke up with her bf!!OMG~~~wut happen to the ppl around me???i have been listening to her story for some time lately and nv expected to be happening so fast O.O...from the moment she told me that she saw this guy through the way of being couple until ended up apart,i jus feel to hug her <333
after all, getting myself prepared for the class. i received a phone call while on my way to take my bus ride to the campus, FY told me that the class was cancelled. DAM IT~why wouldn't i been informed earlier??no phone calls nor text have i received from the college until this moment...SWT~~~somehow, FY jus suggested me whether or not to have a K session wit them?? 'them' here refers to herself and her bf, and the sisters...OMG~~~~i really hope to revenge for her..HOHOHO~~thereby decided to go for a K session to relax for a day ^^ finally i felt that me and FY were somehow one gang today..hahahah~~she told me that ERR wasn't excited when she gotta noe that im joining them ..hoho~~but i noe FY wil be happie since we could see the 'difference' hohoho~~i really could feel it finally !!!jus got annoyed with ERR sometimes.. but overall was happie ^^
i was happie when my babe intended to come over for accompanying me ^^ i din expect to receive his text bout it after i hang on the call ^^ wowowo~~later we all went to IKEA !!im really excited since this was the first time for us to have a walk there ^^ i've been anticipating for such moment long time ago ^^ the feeling was great ^^ hehe.. i felt happie ^^ i really hope that we could have a home that belongs to both of us..i hope can go there another day oni both of us T.T...then we could enjoy talking while during the walk and taking those designs as references,i din expect that we like the similar thing, similar designs, similar tastes in interior design wo.. hehe..i love that bathroom, kitchen, living room, bedroom, shoe rack, and so many..i jus love the moments <333
we went for a simple high tea..hoho~~even jus simple hot dogs, soft drinks and curry puffs are more than enough to make me happy cos i had my babe and frens wit me..im happy that FY and i were so happy sitting with our partners and chatting..the feeling was really great^^
u noe, when the time Q asked me not to pay back wut they'd spent for us, i felt grateful not becos that i need not to pay for the food, but im relief that how could i have such frens~~~i dun mean that im happie and relief whenever my frens treat me, somehow i jus appreciate their generosity to me, meaning that im worth for my frens to spend their generosity on me!!however, at the same time i jus felt disappointing towards my bf..how could he nv said a thing, not even a thanks!although they are my frens and the food wasn't luxurious kind, but my fren treated US~~i felt so happy that they were trying to think on my shoes, they noe that i cant go home late and intended to fetch me back,Q even offered to spend me and babe K when i said we PK...although i've rejected the offer and itz not a serious thing,somehow it makes me feel my frens treat me even better than my babe to me!!i dislike such feeling, but uncontrollable for its existence that keep inquiring myself why would my bf be like this?! @@...when FY pointed out the question to Q regarding X'mas gift,it jus reminded me that i desire one too since few days ago when yuan asked me to acc him to shop for a watch for his gf as X'mas gift. i was hoping hard that i could some surprises from babe, but seems like he wouldnt if i nv pointed it out to him..when he asked me wut i wan for X'mas gift, i jus couldnt answer him,he might not afford to give wut i wan at this moment and i und it very well, but money jus cant buy love,perhaps luxurious gifts wouldnt be my major choice cos i noe i could work hard to getting it by myself...but when seeing FY and Q with their conversations, not becos of the offer of money of gifts, but the willingness towards the partners is the point here...not even willing to spend me a chicken chop, i would nv forget in the rest of my life!!i feel silly that im saving hard to buy him clothes and he even said tat hez not forcing me but im the one buying for him >.<..
wut i wan for X'mas gift ar...i dunno ..something unique, not so childish since im not little gal anymore, im a young lady ^^mayb not jus an object, but something makes me really surprising and happy and memorize...sigh..i dare not to hope for it cos i dun wanna get disappointed T.T
Monday, November 30, 2009
cut cut ^^
hehe..
went for a hair cut wit babe today ^^ i was really excited ytd since been few days not seeing babe..really happie to see him.
i'd reached McD bout 10++ to revise for my exam subs. i was alone at McD til babe came around 1++..i was happie though din get to study much , but at least i've und a topic for an answer to one of the question ^^..babe reached, i was really happie that finally my sweetie pie came,somehow i felt guilty when he din intend to have his lunch jus becos he promised me to cut his hair..wel, i jus have a feeling that he did not have the intention for it, yet jus becos i mentioned bout it previous day bout his hair...i knew that i've been forcing him to do many things for me, sometimes i really lost the mood although i noe hez been trying to hard to fulfil wut i wan ...but isnt it meaningless if i were the one to force him for it?sighh...although he wans me to happie but wil he be happie too in tat way?? tatz why i've been telling him that his hair is so short and shudnt been for a hair cut..perhaps i jus hope that he'l have a new hairstyle which makes him looks trendy ^^....i knew that his mom would have said that why couldnt be his aunt to cut his hair, but going to saloon for it... i knew that he'l be in the middle of nowhere..therefore i ended up having a '1 2 JUS' wit him for the final decision ^^kaka.. after the hair cut, i jus felt that i din manage to utilize his RM15 for nice hairstyle.haha~~~he jus trimmed instead of cut...im so worry that his mom would said how come u look similar even after ya hair cut?hahaha...hope his mom nv comment a lot on his hair ^^
went for a hair cut wit babe today ^^ i was really excited ytd since been few days not seeing babe..really happie to see him.
i'd reached McD bout 10++ to revise for my exam subs. i was alone at McD til babe came around 1++..i was happie though din get to study much , but at least i've und a topic for an answer to one of the question ^^..babe reached, i was really happie that finally my sweetie pie came,somehow i felt guilty when he din intend to have his lunch jus becos he promised me to cut his hair..wel, i jus have a feeling that he did not have the intention for it, yet jus becos i mentioned bout it previous day bout his hair...i knew that i've been forcing him to do many things for me, sometimes i really lost the mood although i noe hez been trying to hard to fulfil wut i wan ...but isnt it meaningless if i were the one to force him for it?sighh...although he wans me to happie but wil he be happie too in tat way?? tatz why i've been telling him that his hair is so short and shudnt been for a hair cut..perhaps i jus hope that he'l have a new hairstyle which makes him looks trendy ^^....i knew that his mom would have said that why couldnt be his aunt to cut his hair, but going to saloon for it... i knew that he'l be in the middle of nowhere..therefore i ended up having a '1 2 JUS' wit him for the final decision ^^kaka.. after the hair cut, i jus felt that i din manage to utilize his RM15 for nice hairstyle.haha~~~he jus trimmed instead of cut...im so worry that his mom would said how come u look similar even after ya hair cut?hahaha...hope his mom nv comment a lot on his hair ^^
Thursday, November 26, 2009
uncertainty and worries =.= >.<
emo for today again >.<
bout 2 more weeks to go for my final exams..this is really the final exams and perhaps ending my student life..partially im feeling happie, awaiting and anticipating for years bout this days, has finally come. on the other hand, im freaking out, this would probably another turning point of my life!not to forget the first day of my coll life, i din manage to attend the orientation or wut, freaking out,but was glad to hav team building activities ^^ finally i met this gal,sharon, which is my darling gf now ^^ i believe in fate, im relief that no matter where we are, we stil keep in touch wit each other..and i feel close even miles apart~~frankly i nv expect to get a true fren for jus a one year foundation course..even we've studied diff course in diff coll, and now we are in diff places with a significant difference in time zone, yet we manage to update wutz happening, or even be the one to alwis turn to when we get stuck.
wel,diploma was really great,fun and happie, relaxing and enjoying even until the moment of examination and submission of cw..badmintons, outings, K-ing, GOSH~~plenty of spare time for activities and life was so happening, at least i have time for sadness and happiness..haha~
however, final year degree has entirely changed the lifestyle, or even ME...i hav a feelin that my maturity level has been enhanced even better, and i really would think for myself and even for the situations~~i've learned so much other than merely academy, even my relationship could have taught me so much and even shaped up my personalities indeed. i've become realistic nowadays, knowing wut the necessity of the society and trying to adopt wit the norm of it, consequently reshaping up my mindset at the same time.sadly,the intention of accomplishing isnt been stimulated, or perhaps it has been slowing down...hmm..i believe degree is not as easy as others assume to be..intensive, subjective, precriptive...so wut bout professional studies??!!!OMG!!!im freaking out~anyway, no matter wut i'l pay no mercy for it ~~jus give it a damn~YEAH~
the turning point, i really hav no idea how would i gonna make it to succeed or when would it achieve my desires...i've been obsessed with freedom since 15 or 16, i think ..hehe~~i alwis assume that graduation day would be the starting day of rebellious life..ngek ngek~i have the knowledge, i have the ability, i have the money, i have the authority for negotiations now..hehe~~but when comes to this moment,it posted some inquiries to me again when resistance came up to me @@..the major gigantic prob to me is, my family is being resistance when come to acceptance and adoption of changes, in fact itz the reality. itz is understandable whereby elderly need longer time for acceptance and adoption with change, or perhaps they intend for evolutionary approach,however, my impatience are more eager towards a radical change, and even i realized that evolutionary approach isnt working.somehow,im feeling uncertain wit wutz gonna happen next after my graduation..i wan my life, but is it jus as easy as sayin it out??sometimes,i feel weird of why shud i struggling so much jus to stand tough to fight for living in my own way?isnt this my right to live my life as i wan to? why shud i do something to please them in order to gain the opportunity and authority to live my life??isnt this ridiculous?why shud i ask for a permission for it?i have my right to be responsible towards my own life isnt it?im really pissed off when my dad and sis dun intend to listen to wut im saying, my perspectives of thinking,and jus jumped to the conclusion that im naive and im stil acting like young kid~GOSH~~~perhaps they dun even noe something that i knew it!!they are subjective and prejudicial, whereby forever living in their own lifestyle and expecting others to adopt it~come on, i hav my own perspectives and there are things it nv come to the compliance wit my views and yet i MUST accept it without the right to voice out my opinions..come on, father or older doesnt mean alwis right and good foo me...i've fulfiled wut u've been hoping for bout 22 years since young..im not interested wit study, but i noe the oni way to get rid of the situation of being looking down of others is through education in order to upgrade the standard of living. fortunately i do have something i really love and appreciate so much for giving me to having close connection wit music!!itz the greatest of my life that i could hav the chance to learn and play it,which is alwis the greatest moment in my life ^^..i've studied a course that in agreed with ya recommendation, the numerical and theoretical study life really brought me into struggle at the beginning,happily that i have a gang of great buddies wit me for the entire learning process until reaching to the finish line ^^ and now the working life,would i have my authority to choose wut kinda company that i favour for, the places...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!i really hate it to worry so much when things havent even happen, but i hav no idea for how long to go for me to stand tough and fight for my wants...perhaps a normal happie life with a highly stable job at a MNC, having sweet time wit family and bf during spare time and live in this way for the rest of my life..or to experience something fantastic, at least for once of my lifetime to have no regrets..something contingent...sigh~~~
im so freaking out that if they dun accept my request and wut wil happen to me next?or wut wil i do with the intensity???
bout 2 more weeks to go for my final exams..this is really the final exams and perhaps ending my student life..partially im feeling happie, awaiting and anticipating for years bout this days, has finally come. on the other hand, im freaking out, this would probably another turning point of my life!not to forget the first day of my coll life, i din manage to attend the orientation or wut, freaking out,but was glad to hav team building activities ^^ finally i met this gal,sharon, which is my darling gf now ^^ i believe in fate, im relief that no matter where we are, we stil keep in touch wit each other..and i feel close even miles apart~~frankly i nv expect to get a true fren for jus a one year foundation course..even we've studied diff course in diff coll, and now we are in diff places with a significant difference in time zone, yet we manage to update wutz happening, or even be the one to alwis turn to when we get stuck.
wel,diploma was really great,fun and happie, relaxing and enjoying even until the moment of examination and submission of cw..badmintons, outings, K-ing, GOSH~~plenty of spare time for activities and life was so happening, at least i have time for sadness and happiness..haha~
however, final year degree has entirely changed the lifestyle, or even ME...i hav a feelin that my maturity level has been enhanced even better, and i really would think for myself and even for the situations~~i've learned so much other than merely academy, even my relationship could have taught me so much and even shaped up my personalities indeed. i've become realistic nowadays, knowing wut the necessity of the society and trying to adopt wit the norm of it, consequently reshaping up my mindset at the same time.sadly,the intention of accomplishing isnt been stimulated, or perhaps it has been slowing down...hmm..i believe degree is not as easy as others assume to be..intensive, subjective, precriptive...so wut bout professional studies??!!!OMG!!!im freaking out~anyway, no matter wut i'l pay no mercy for it ~~jus give it a damn~YEAH~
the turning point, i really hav no idea how would i gonna make it to succeed or when would it achieve my desires...i've been obsessed with freedom since 15 or 16, i think ..hehe~~i alwis assume that graduation day would be the starting day of rebellious life..ngek ngek~i have the knowledge, i have the ability, i have the money, i have the authority for negotiations now..hehe~~but when comes to this moment,it posted some inquiries to me again when resistance came up to me @@..the major gigantic prob to me is, my family is being resistance when come to acceptance and adoption of changes, in fact itz the reality. itz is understandable whereby elderly need longer time for acceptance and adoption with change, or perhaps they intend for evolutionary approach,however, my impatience are more eager towards a radical change, and even i realized that evolutionary approach isnt working.somehow,im feeling uncertain wit wutz gonna happen next after my graduation..i wan my life, but is it jus as easy as sayin it out??sometimes,i feel weird of why shud i struggling so much jus to stand tough to fight for living in my own way?isnt this my right to live my life as i wan to? why shud i do something to please them in order to gain the opportunity and authority to live my life??isnt this ridiculous?why shud i ask for a permission for it?i have my right to be responsible towards my own life isnt it?im really pissed off when my dad and sis dun intend to listen to wut im saying, my perspectives of thinking,and jus jumped to the conclusion that im naive and im stil acting like young kid~GOSH~~~perhaps they dun even noe something that i knew it!!they are subjective and prejudicial, whereby forever living in their own lifestyle and expecting others to adopt it~come on, i hav my own perspectives and there are things it nv come to the compliance wit my views and yet i MUST accept it without the right to voice out my opinions..come on, father or older doesnt mean alwis right and good foo me...i've fulfiled wut u've been hoping for bout 22 years since young..im not interested wit study, but i noe the oni way to get rid of the situation of being looking down of others is through education in order to upgrade the standard of living. fortunately i do have something i really love and appreciate so much for giving me to having close connection wit music!!itz the greatest of my life that i could hav the chance to learn and play it,which is alwis the greatest moment in my life ^^..i've studied a course that in agreed with ya recommendation, the numerical and theoretical study life really brought me into struggle at the beginning,happily that i have a gang of great buddies wit me for the entire learning process until reaching to the finish line ^^ and now the working life,would i have my authority to choose wut kinda company that i favour for, the places...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!i really hate it to worry so much when things havent even happen, but i hav no idea for how long to go for me to stand tough and fight for my wants...perhaps a normal happie life with a highly stable job at a MNC, having sweet time wit family and bf during spare time and live in this way for the rest of my life..or to experience something fantastic, at least for once of my lifetime to have no regrets..something contingent...sigh~~~
im so freaking out that if they dun accept my request and wut wil happen to me next?or wut wil i do with the intensity???
Monday, November 23, 2009
cool me~~
sigh....
life is so miserable and happenings..keke~~jus have some intention to blog out bout my life ^^
first of fall, bout my study..sigh, everything has made me in anxiety, they jus came the previous week and informed us regarding the new exam formats..>.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8kwe1rzPLdn-XqTQ923TFmvqrcehyVm_fJ1XTxyYF3CSb2-SPJRmT2dd6jKHbIXFhmumitI15STYkyOyVnQ199AmqDwhBA7JXk7GHX6rKOuDuZ_Sfb4eGnhELO6mveu4CDPuX/s1600/DSC02226.JPG">
wut u looking at o??hehe.. im in front of u neh~~>.< 
watz that???cappuccino eh... how come like not thick one..hahahahah~
nice ar???tel me tel me...later i wana taste osoo...=P
how jek????hahaa...see ya face oso ...kakaka~~i better dun drink..=D
nice or not???bitter??
conclusion : he no comment =.=.....SWT ~~~~act i jus snap all the pics at diff time and i realised it could be made in sequence o.O...hahah~~COOL ME~~muackz ~
life is so miserable and happenings..keke~~jus have some intention to blog out bout my life ^^
first of fall, bout my study..sigh, everything has made me in anxiety, they jus came the previous week and informed us regarding the new exam formats..>.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8kwe1rzPLdn-XqTQ923TFmvqrcehyVm_fJ1XTxyYF3CSb2-SPJRmT2dd6jKHbIXFhmumitI15STYkyOyVnQ199AmqDwhBA7JXk7GHX6rKOuDuZ_Sfb4eGnhELO6mveu4CDPuX/s1600/DSC02226.JPG">
wut u looking at o??hehe.. im in front of u neh~~>.< 
watz that???cappuccino eh... how come like not thick one..hahahahah~
nice ar???tel me tel me...later i wana taste osoo...=P
how jek????hahaa...see ya face oso ...kakaka~~i better dun drink..=D
nice or not???bitter??
conclusion : he no comment =.=.....SWT ~~~~act i jus snap all the pics at diff time and i realised it could be made in sequence o.O...hahah~~COOL ME~~muackz ~
Friday, October 30, 2009
not a moment of silence
WOWOW...not enough of K time~~
i felt worth it even i've spent half of my day doing nothing bout my assgt, but having time wit them ^^ tat day i felt of singing so eagerly and decided to ask ling out for K session. who noes her fren invited her in advance and we ended up with a decision of having 3 couples for this K session..wowowo~3 couples!anticipation of it, of all weekdays of assgt and exam revision, finally FRI has make my life ^^ however, babe jus told me that he couldnt make it since he was kinda broke, my response was .....despite i tried calming down my emotions to be understanding and think on his situation, somehow i couldnt, not even a moment, perhaps i got fed up and frustrating with these happening repeatedly, and he jus had my words, i jus shoot it without bothering his feelings...COOL~~~~~first time ever for CSL that not been bothered by anything...im improving..keke~however, when he intended to figure out to resolve the prob, it felt guilty..hahaha~~but i din get bothered wit it and continue for my ridiculous emotional request..kekekek~
the day has come, itz FRIDAY~YEAH~~~~i was pretty nervous at first, since we've been hanging out usually with ling and lui, but not kayson and YK...furthermore, im doubtful how would babe response to their status once he noes it...wowo~unexpectable he was pretty fine with it and even trying to hav fun wit us!!!COOL~~~i've make a new fren today-kayson^^ first impression was this guy is CUTE!i mean CUTIE PIE~~i would say his behaviours oppose to babe, so itz galish , my statement for it would be^^ but i've got another ji mui perhaps ^^
in fact, today was the first time ever kayson having K session wit his darling, YK..hoho~~as well as me wit them too ^^ i nv agree to wut ling told me previously bout YK that he was a screamer instead of singer, even not until i've heard it wit my own pair of ears !!!HUA KAO~~~typical screamo, but perhaps this is his style of singing and his tonality and voice control are in this method, so jus remain no comment ^^finally i believe why ling enjoys having K session wit me..hehe!!
the cutest thing was when ling got pissed off that lui failed to cover off his screamo loud voice and ended up hearing nothing of his singing, yet he's tried and failed with speechless tone but wanting to eat the mic off...kakakak~~i'l nv forget that picture of moment in front of me that made me kept laughing...they are competing for voices...COOL~~
although i din manage to sing a song duet with my babe, somehow i felt really great that my babe was there wit me while i had fun time wit my frens, isnt it the best thing to have ??hehehe
unfortunately fun time was nv long lasting and jus ended up in bout 3 hours, we decided for a bowling session, for a 3 couples frenly match..OMG~~~are u kidding me??frenly match on bowling??swt~~~~~i really hope i wouldnt be the spoiler to babe cos my target is alwis to get more than 50..kakakka~~however. it seems that i've improve today ^^..although not being the first team to lead, who cares cos it was so much laughters and joy in there ^^
later me and babe went for a game of pool playing..wowoow!!this is wut i like, pool!!not to be forgotten, ARCADE ^^ felt tiring and enough for the day, then met up wit them for yum cha session. they were there after buying movie tickets, joined them for a chat ^^ LING, i wil nv forget liverpool and man u ...kakakak!!!chatting is nice when consensus is found in the group, therefore itz fun and funny ^^at least not a moment of silence ^^
i felt worth it even i've spent half of my day doing nothing bout my assgt, but having time wit them ^^ tat day i felt of singing so eagerly and decided to ask ling out for K session. who noes her fren invited her in advance and we ended up with a decision of having 3 couples for this K session..wowowo~3 couples!anticipation of it, of all weekdays of assgt and exam revision, finally FRI has make my life ^^ however, babe jus told me that he couldnt make it since he was kinda broke, my response was .....despite i tried calming down my emotions to be understanding and think on his situation, somehow i couldnt, not even a moment, perhaps i got fed up and frustrating with these happening repeatedly, and he jus had my words, i jus shoot it without bothering his feelings...COOL~~~~~first time ever for CSL that not been bothered by anything...im improving..keke~however, when he intended to figure out to resolve the prob, it felt guilty..hahaha~~but i din get bothered wit it and continue for my ridiculous emotional request..kekekek~
the day has come, itz FRIDAY~YEAH~~~~i was pretty nervous at first, since we've been hanging out usually with ling and lui, but not kayson and YK...furthermore, im doubtful how would babe response to their status once he noes it...wowo~unexpectable he was pretty fine with it and even trying to hav fun wit us!!!COOL~~~i've make a new fren today-kayson^^ first impression was this guy is CUTE!i mean CUTIE PIE~~i would say his behaviours oppose to babe, so itz galish , my statement for it would be^^ but i've got another ji mui perhaps ^^
in fact, today was the first time ever kayson having K session wit his darling, YK..hoho~~as well as me wit them too ^^ i nv agree to wut ling told me previously bout YK that he was a screamer instead of singer, even not until i've heard it wit my own pair of ears !!!HUA KAO~~~typical screamo, but perhaps this is his style of singing and his tonality and voice control are in this method, so jus remain no comment ^^finally i believe why ling enjoys having K session wit me..hehe!!
the cutest thing was when ling got pissed off that lui failed to cover off his screamo loud voice and ended up hearing nothing of his singing, yet he's tried and failed with speechless tone but wanting to eat the mic off...kakakak~~i'l nv forget that picture of moment in front of me that made me kept laughing...they are competing for voices...COOL~~
although i din manage to sing a song duet with my babe, somehow i felt really great that my babe was there wit me while i had fun time wit my frens, isnt it the best thing to have ??hehehe
unfortunately fun time was nv long lasting and jus ended up in bout 3 hours, we decided for a bowling session, for a 3 couples frenly match..OMG~~~are u kidding me??frenly match on bowling??swt~~~~~i really hope i wouldnt be the spoiler to babe cos my target is alwis to get more than 50..kakakka~~however. it seems that i've improve today ^^..although not being the first team to lead, who cares cos it was so much laughters and joy in there ^^
later me and babe went for a game of pool playing..wowoow!!this is wut i like, pool!!not to be forgotten, ARCADE ^^ felt tiring and enough for the day, then met up wit them for yum cha session. they were there after buying movie tickets, joined them for a chat ^^ LING, i wil nv forget liverpool and man u ...kakakak!!!chatting is nice when consensus is found in the group, therefore itz fun and funny ^^at least not a moment of silence ^^
Sunday, October 25, 2009
ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change
ppl need to experience deep levels of hurt before they seriously undertake meaningful change..
i totally agree with this statement that i've read from a book while revising on the subject of learning and managing change, a subject of my course. i pretty interested into this sub since it talks bout the implementation change and other strategic managements in organizations. the topics were though for the application in corporations, some are seems to be applicable in life too~i've alwis having my time in figuring out wut the authors meant by their words...GREAT~~ ^^
back to the statement, perhaps my thoughts of it would be partially satisfying, somewhat there are ppl who alwis been hurt by their love one, yet they nv give up!!it happens with the 2 folks that stay as my neighbour next door, im pretty sure they love their son very much. i've never seen him talking in a nice tone with his parents since we moved in when i was still having fun time at kindergarden. could u imagine that for years he has been 'yelling' at them..the mother would rather asked for help from my dad for fetching her to the place that she wanted to instead of her son...HOLY~wut is he been doing as a son???i have been witnessing for N times that hez been scolding them, yelling at them, very loudly until i could heard it from my bathroom...OMG~~they are old, undeniable, and even if they would have treated him badly during his childhood, arent they deserve a life like wut they are experiencing now??even im jus an observant, would feel harsh and sympathetic to them, how would he even treated them like this???i wouldnt picture how they live under the same roof....the father is having Parkinson disease and the mother has been having problem with her leg...sigh~~could u imagine that the son even yelled at them to switch off the alarm when the alarm of the house stayed on after the recovery of the electricity?could u picture that he even hon them with himself sitting inside the car???how would i wish could throw a big rock onto his car...kekek~~
somehow, wut i wanna say is they nv get fed up even he treats them so badly, all becos of love, that makes a connection among them, and they nv give up onto him...he shud be relief~~
for me, i've been wondering whether or not i'l change if something do make me got hurt deeply. it could be accumulations of the feelings that hurting me continuously...perhaps i'l then consider bout having a slight change, or even a transformational change..hehe~
i totally agree with this statement that i've read from a book while revising on the subject of learning and managing change, a subject of my course. i pretty interested into this sub since it talks bout the implementation change and other strategic managements in organizations. the topics were though for the application in corporations, some are seems to be applicable in life too~i've alwis having my time in figuring out wut the authors meant by their words...GREAT~~ ^^
back to the statement, perhaps my thoughts of it would be partially satisfying, somewhat there are ppl who alwis been hurt by their love one, yet they nv give up!!it happens with the 2 folks that stay as my neighbour next door, im pretty sure they love their son very much. i've never seen him talking in a nice tone with his parents since we moved in when i was still having fun time at kindergarden. could u imagine that for years he has been 'yelling' at them..the mother would rather asked for help from my dad for fetching her to the place that she wanted to instead of her son...HOLY~wut is he been doing as a son???i have been witnessing for N times that hez been scolding them, yelling at them, very loudly until i could heard it from my bathroom...OMG~~they are old, undeniable, and even if they would have treated him badly during his childhood, arent they deserve a life like wut they are experiencing now??even im jus an observant, would feel harsh and sympathetic to them, how would he even treated them like this???i wouldnt picture how they live under the same roof....the father is having Parkinson disease and the mother has been having problem with her leg...sigh~~could u imagine that the son even yelled at them to switch off the alarm when the alarm of the house stayed on after the recovery of the electricity?could u picture that he even hon them with himself sitting inside the car???how would i wish could throw a big rock onto his car...kekek~~
somehow, wut i wanna say is they nv get fed up even he treats them so badly, all becos of love, that makes a connection among them, and they nv give up onto him...he shud be relief~~
for me, i've been wondering whether or not i'l change if something do make me got hurt deeply. it could be accumulations of the feelings that hurting me continuously...perhaps i'l then consider bout having a slight change, or even a transformational change..hehe~
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