i plead guilty in hurting someone's heart and dignity~~~~
it was really like a roller coaster life.. i was so happie and excited once i woke up from my bed. i could meet my darling at last~~YAY~~~my feeling was really happie, i hav so much to share wit him!!
unfortunately, my angry mode ruined the day...sigh~~i was trying to control myself but no doubt im a hot tempered person. i told myself to stay calm when i see him..but i jus wanna cry so seriously while i was walking alone, doing nothing at the mall. i nearly cry out while i was walking, i dunno wut am i doing tat time, i felt lost somewhat i have no direction to go for it.. why i was feeling this way again???i dunno, but i knew it clear that i was upset even it wasnt a serious matter.
i was really mad at him once i saw him. i seriously had no idea wut to response, but i knew i was on a hot pan, i could burn anyone tat time, is either i'l hug him and cry, or give him my piece of mind, and i choose the second option. it was really harsh to him, and i noe he jus kept everything to himself cos i think he jus dun hope to ruin the relationship~~i felt even guilty when he really tot like that and i was mad on stupid silly little matters....sigh~i feel myself isnt a suitable for him, i feel im bad for him ~~im so worry he'l be so suffer cos of mee, i feel somehow i did hurt him so badly, wit my words and wut i'd done!im so worry that this experience would stay as a history of memory in our relationship...sigh~~
wel, after all, i felt happie again...kkakakakak~~~i was really touched when he intended to buy me a thing..somehow, i jus dun hope to waste his money..hehe ^^ sumore i din expect myself to be such a good pool playerr...hohohoh~~~me myself too felt quite fake for my playing...kaka~~~but i really enjoyed the time being togather wit him..sadly it was short tat day...and i felt not enough.omg~~i jus wan longer, even jus a min plz!!sighh....
sobs...my plan totally out dy, my perfect plan for his bday..sigh~~~i was planning so well dy, sadly i spent so much..sighh~~~~sighhhh~~~~but CSL is creative!!!!YEAHHH~~~~im superb in that...hohoho~~~i hav tonnes of ideas for sure...hoho~~~~i noe i can~~~YEAHHHH~~~hohohoh~~~
wel, one thing to be rmb, he kissed my forehead for the first ever time since we've been together..hahaha~~i realised he nv done it even he kissed my cheeks and lips for times, but forehead is sooo sweet for my bf to kiss me...tat moment was melting to mee..hehehe~~^^
last but not least,my GUCCI FLORAL~~~OMGGG, i fall in love wit tat perfume, itz sooooo adorable and lovely..itz jus irressistable~~~MUACKZ~~~
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
im way too silly ~
feel so tiring for the day, headahce~~wut happen to me??
i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~
however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.
i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~
i realised that i've been missing him so badly lately. this makes me begins to fear of something, im not sure, but i could say that this has cause me to have no faith on the relationship. it seems to be a bad thing when i started to take something so seriously , cos i would worry too much for it since i do not wanna lose it ~
however, wut makes me to lose faith or confidence on the relationship??somehow, i dunno , but the feeling drives me to it..... i feel that i dun und him, and even guilty that i fail to und him ~ i even feel guilty when he stil treat me so good, and im like such a sucks gf to him.
i alwis wondering wil i love him until i cant even control myself???i dun hope this would happen , i dun wanna make it a case that im way too sticky to him. i feel silly when i started miss him when i was at the bus on my way home... i started to think of him whenever i was alone...and im scare to let him noe that i miss him so much cos it might be burdening to him ~perhaps im such a loser in handling relationship..noe wut?i alwis been wondering wut on earth that makes my frens to miss their partners so much ??and i've been alwis jk that they are such a fool~~and this thing happen on me now...kakaka~~~IM WAY TOO SILLY ~
Monday, July 06, 2009
fren vs bf
i alwis wish to have unfinished topics wit my bf...
somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.
why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=
somehow, it seems not happening between us. i cant figure out wutz more i could bring into the conversation, i couldnt be bringing up the topics all the time. i feel kinda impatient when i tot of nothing to talk to him...i dislike silent, or hate to have no topics wit ppl, even hez my bf~when silent happens, i'l feel that we have nothing to talk bout, lack of communication, lack of commitment. at the same time,i do feel that i hardly und him..he seems not willing to share his things wit me...hmm, i am a demanding person, i alwis hope that i'l be the first person that he'l turn to for sharing his ups and downs in life...well, seems that im the one doing it oni..haha~~silly me~communication prob has alwis been a worry to me....and i really felt it since it has started..even until now~i tot it would have improved as time passes, but i cant say that im having a correct perception.
why can i talk non stop to my frens, gals or guys, but i jus tot of nothing to talk to him ???even my frens would wanna share wit me bout the happenings of the day, but my bf doesnt seem to share much his past experiences wit me..haha ~~ saddening isnt it??kakak ~~and even when im trying so hard to talk to him, even i noe im crapping, why did i intend to do it???I HATE IT~~~i could be talking non stop to u , but this doesnt happen well if im the oni one making the effort~~~i wanna feel comfortable in talking to u , but not to crack my head to figure out for topicss..sigh~~~wut a couple~~~is this a sign of havin a wrong relationship???or perhaps is jus a breaking point to another level ???kaka ~~~~how could it nv happen between us???i cant read his mind...and he cant read mine too...sigh~i've gotta say out each of every single things that i wan or i feel , but this isnt a way of a true couple~even my frens could und without me saying a words, but through observation....i noe i expect tooo much from him , but i really hope that he could observe better cos i dun like to say everything out jus like this way. PROVE IT~~prove it if u really do love me~show me how u love me~~dun merely saying it cos im not tat kinda SIMPLE GAL~~hoho~~merely words hardly melts me off... =.=
Friday, July 03, 2009
i cant live without sniper..kaka~~sui lou~
boy fren, best fren, ssex partner, soulmate!!
how i wish hez the one that i've been searching all the time..how i wish my life partner could satisfy me for this characters..i feel really happie!!!stil remembering that day we went for some inquiries at my college, wel, i felt really bad since i couldnt help him out at all. i didnt noe wut to do to help him since im his gf~~i felt so helpless seeing my bf, having probs wit his enrollment, but wut i could do is to be there for him , i noe for sure he needs supports and cheers~i told myself no matter how i wouldnt give up on him. i noe itz a dampen period for a guy at his age, wit no experiences, no guidance, no courage, facing a new breakthrough in his life, alterations and preparation for a cruel reality, which is the nature of the real world~rationally i noe wut i supposingly shud be doing for my own good, but this isnt the time for such consideration..wut i noe is i shud and i wanna be there for him..perhaps he might not appreciate for wut i've done, at least i'd be there to encourage him, for not feeling that hez alone wit helpless hand~
after all, we finally found out a college!!i was reallly happie wit no reasons~~this was the first time we've solved prob out togather~~i really like the feeling when we've overcome the prob together successfully~~~YAYY~~~when we were at the bus stand, he told me that now he gotta study well, get a good job, and we can live a good life then. i felt really contented wit his words, evvn it might not happen to realise the promise, but at least he does think bout it~~i dunno wut to say, jus to give him a hug~
i alwis hope to have a responsible and protective man... and he might be the one!!however, i do hope hez the one, and i wan him to be the one~~~~however, i nv wan that his family would noe bout us!!!weirdo~~~kakaka... i jus cant und my im being so afraid tat if his family noes bout me and him...but tat day i jus got out from the box, i noe im being selfish to do it this way. parents are alwis concern and worry bout the ppl around their kid. itz normal that they wanna noe who has been alwis mixing wit their kid, tatz why my parents are full of inquiries all the time due to their curiousity. most importantly, i dun hope that he'l assist me in hiding from his parents, which might caught into a dilemma. i shud respect him instead of control him~
although there were times that cause me into anger so madly, but seeing his willingness and intention in adapting the changes and improvements, i noe i shudnt be too demanding, and i shud appreciate all these and takes thing easy~
wel, we went for movie, my fav, ICE AGE 3~~OMG!!it was really funny...i couldnt stand laughing, but to control my volume!!!i laughed until teared off..OMGG~~it was sooo cute~~~at the same time, there was one lady laughing really loud at the hall, which was pretty embarrasing to be in tat manner..kaka~overall, i really enjoyed the movie ^^
how i wish hez the one that i've been searching all the time..how i wish my life partner could satisfy me for this characters..i feel really happie!!!stil remembering that day we went for some inquiries at my college, wel, i felt really bad since i couldnt help him out at all. i didnt noe wut to do to help him since im his gf~~i felt so helpless seeing my bf, having probs wit his enrollment, but wut i could do is to be there for him , i noe for sure he needs supports and cheers~i told myself no matter how i wouldnt give up on him. i noe itz a dampen period for a guy at his age, wit no experiences, no guidance, no courage, facing a new breakthrough in his life, alterations and preparation for a cruel reality, which is the nature of the real world~rationally i noe wut i supposingly shud be doing for my own good, but this isnt the time for such consideration..wut i noe is i shud and i wanna be there for him..perhaps he might not appreciate for wut i've done, at least i'd be there to encourage him, for not feeling that hez alone wit helpless hand~
after all, we finally found out a college!!i was reallly happie wit no reasons~~this was the first time we've solved prob out togather~~i really like the feeling when we've overcome the prob together successfully~~~YAYY~~~when we were at the bus stand, he told me that now he gotta study well, get a good job, and we can live a good life then. i felt really contented wit his words, evvn it might not happen to realise the promise, but at least he does think bout it~~i dunno wut to say, jus to give him a hug~
i alwis hope to have a responsible and protective man... and he might be the one!!however, i do hope hez the one, and i wan him to be the one~~~~however, i nv wan that his family would noe bout us!!!weirdo~~~kakaka... i jus cant und my im being so afraid tat if his family noes bout me and him...but tat day i jus got out from the box, i noe im being selfish to do it this way. parents are alwis concern and worry bout the ppl around their kid. itz normal that they wanna noe who has been alwis mixing wit their kid, tatz why my parents are full of inquiries all the time due to their curiousity. most importantly, i dun hope that he'l assist me in hiding from his parents, which might caught into a dilemma. i shud respect him instead of control him~
although there were times that cause me into anger so madly, but seeing his willingness and intention in adapting the changes and improvements, i noe i shudnt be too demanding, and i shud appreciate all these and takes thing easy~
wel, we went for movie, my fav, ICE AGE 3~~OMG!!it was really funny...i couldnt stand laughing, but to control my volume!!!i laughed until teared off..OMGG~~it was sooo cute~~~at the same time, there was one lady laughing really loud at the hall, which was pretty embarrasing to be in tat manner..kaka~overall, i really enjoyed the movie ^^
Saturday, June 27, 2009
hez so sweet
i'd never forget that~~~~
2 persons at one cinema hall~~OMG~this was truly my first ever time in my life to watch a movie wit oni me and him in the cinema..wit no other ppl~~not that we booked the hall, but there werent any ppl purchasing the tickets than us~~haha~~2 silly fella sitting there for almost 2 hours for such a 'GREAT' movie~~GOSH~~that wasnt an eng movie, and the effects are totally ruining out of the mood~~it was SUCKS, im sorry to apply that word....somehow, i ENJOYED the movie..hahahha~~the hugs and the kisses were great~kakakaka~i love it~~anyhow, i realised something that hez actually quite.....wow...wut a LEO guy!
guess wut??i was really happie and touched when he suggested to buy me a something...i mean i nv expected that to happen,and itz meaningful to me it was jus a little gift though~somehow, it does mean a lot to me, since i do think the chain has somehow meant something...i really think that hez sooooooooo sweet~~perhaps that chain is something to remind me as well as to set a signal that im not single and available anymore! no matter wutz the purpose behind of it, i feel happie and sweet to wear it!! anyhow, i dun hope i'l become a silly person to feel happie bout these, or even he jus dun meant a thing for it, yet im being so touched bout it~~i would feel totally foolish if im jus making it by myself~i do hope im doing the right thing~~
i alwis been inquiring myself that wut am i doing all this while in my life...nothing is foreseeable and we duno wutz gonna happen in the future~even we have deeply in love with each other, who noes we might be apart one day..kaka~~guarantee ??no such thing in love relationship i believe~~we have so much great time now, and i couldnt picture wutz gonna happen after this month..or even after my study...funnily i feel fearful whenever thinking bout it~from the first day of the decision that making up a relationship wit him, i 've alwis prepare myself of losing him one day... cos i feel that it might happen one day and i i noe i couldnt take it when it does~thus, havin such a preparation could regenerate myself better and faster...IM IN FEAR cos i love him~ T.T
2 persons at one cinema hall~~OMG~this was truly my first ever time in my life to watch a movie wit oni me and him in the cinema..wit no other ppl~~not that we booked the hall, but there werent any ppl purchasing the tickets than us~~haha~~2 silly fella sitting there for almost 2 hours for such a 'GREAT' movie~~GOSH~~that wasnt an eng movie, and the effects are totally ruining out of the mood~~it was SUCKS, im sorry to apply that word....somehow, i ENJOYED the movie..hahahha~~the hugs and the kisses were great~kakakaka~i love it~~anyhow, i realised something that hez actually quite.....wow...wut a LEO guy!
guess wut??i was really happie and touched when he suggested to buy me a something...i mean i nv expected that to happen,and itz meaningful to me it was jus a little gift though~somehow, it does mean a lot to me, since i do think the chain has somehow meant something...i really think that hez sooooooooo sweet~~perhaps that chain is something to remind me as well as to set a signal that im not single and available anymore! no matter wutz the purpose behind of it, i feel happie and sweet to wear it!! anyhow, i dun hope i'l become a silly person to feel happie bout these, or even he jus dun meant a thing for it, yet im being so touched bout it~~i would feel totally foolish if im jus making it by myself~i do hope im doing the right thing~~
i alwis been inquiring myself that wut am i doing all this while in my life...nothing is foreseeable and we duno wutz gonna happen in the future~even we have deeply in love with each other, who noes we might be apart one day..kaka~~guarantee ??no such thing in love relationship i believe~~we have so much great time now, and i couldnt picture wutz gonna happen after this month..or even after my study...funnily i feel fearful whenever thinking bout it~from the first day of the decision that making up a relationship wit him, i 've alwis prepare myself of losing him one day... cos i feel that it might happen one day and i i noe i couldnt take it when it does~thus, havin such a preparation could regenerate myself better and faster...IM IN FEAR cos i love him~ T.T
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
cute little young man
''do u love me??"
wowow, i've got startled when he pointed out a question to me in a sudden..haha~
"love me??" wow~~i nv expect that he'd question me in this way cos it happens to be gal questioning the guy, wowo~i alwis tot that i'l be the one to ask him this before he asks me, but seemed like my prediction has been mistaken..haha ~~
somehow, i've learned the words to be replied, " i adore you"...KEKEKEKEKEK~~wowo, such a nice phrase from the movie of transformer-revenge of the fallen. GOSH~it's totally an awesome masterpiece~it would rate it as the greatest movie of the year!!!i totally love the movie~~~
wel, another day of date...another upsetting story, i was so mad and couldnt find any solution to cool myself down , but to release on him~~~i was crazy tat time, wanting to punch someone or kick, perhaps i would give him a slap if i could, but im just not tat kinda person who would give him a big tight slap on his face cos itz totally rude and insane~~where goes my manners then???but for sure i was insanely strugglinn wit my disatisfaction, decided to tel him wut and why were i being so mad bout~~
OMG~i've alwis been worying that the similar thing might happen on us as wut have happened to my best fren..they fought and argued over some issues and she sms me that the guy has got her a pressie and apologized..wel, is he to apologise for getting his gf back or to knowing and realised the mistakes or problems from the arguement?is he really saying wut he meaning and doing wut he saying?most terrifying thing would be the feeling, perhaps it would not be as wut at the beginning or previous one, but she could have caught up to be in frustration..wut a sad case dude~~~wel , when something unpleasant happens to be repeating seems to be a bad thing cos another party could fed up wit it ~~therefore, better not to challenge my patience cos im totally not an expert in tat field~~~
anyway, we'd gone for a bowling..GOSH~~i knew it and i've tried to absorb it since last time. uufortunately, i totally not into that,but wut to do since he likes it ^^ EMBARRASING~~~OMG~~~i would nv forget it for the rest of my life~~i wouldnt believe that it happened in front of him~~GOD~~~i wouldnt have such huge response if i were with my buddies..but why did it happen???kakaka~~
wel,something happened jus now, i was scared and surprised that he've got into such respond when i told him that a guy was requesting me for showing up at MSN thru webcam~~i was nervous when he said " im so pissed off now.." OMG~~i tried to explain that entire case but he seemed to have switched on his FIRE mode..kaka~~hez such a funny and cute little young man!i was wondering wut would he do if he noes this guy...i could sense that hez totally pissing off thru the conversations..wow...wut a GUY~~
wowow, i've got startled when he pointed out a question to me in a sudden..haha~
"love me??" wow~~i nv expect that he'd question me in this way cos it happens to be gal questioning the guy, wowo~i alwis tot that i'l be the one to ask him this before he asks me, but seemed like my prediction has been mistaken..haha ~~
somehow, i've learned the words to be replied, " i adore you"...KEKEKEKEKEK~~wowo, such a nice phrase from the movie of transformer-revenge of the fallen. GOSH~it's totally an awesome masterpiece~it would rate it as the greatest movie of the year!!!i totally love the movie~~~
wel, another day of date...another upsetting story, i was so mad and couldnt find any solution to cool myself down , but to release on him~~~i was crazy tat time, wanting to punch someone or kick, perhaps i would give him a slap if i could, but im just not tat kinda person who would give him a big tight slap on his face cos itz totally rude and insane~~where goes my manners then???but for sure i was insanely strugglinn wit my disatisfaction, decided to tel him wut and why were i being so mad bout~~
OMG~i've alwis been worying that the similar thing might happen on us as wut have happened to my best fren..they fought and argued over some issues and she sms me that the guy has got her a pressie and apologized..wel, is he to apologise for getting his gf back or to knowing and realised the mistakes or problems from the arguement?is he really saying wut he meaning and doing wut he saying?most terrifying thing would be the feeling, perhaps it would not be as wut at the beginning or previous one, but she could have caught up to be in frustration..wut a sad case dude~~~wel , when something unpleasant happens to be repeating seems to be a bad thing cos another party could fed up wit it ~~therefore, better not to challenge my patience cos im totally not an expert in tat field~~~
anyway, we'd gone for a bowling..GOSH~~i knew it and i've tried to absorb it since last time. uufortunately, i totally not into that,but wut to do since he likes it ^^ EMBARRASING~~~OMG~~~i would nv forget it for the rest of my life~~i wouldnt believe that it happened in front of him~~GOD~~~i wouldnt have such huge response if i were with my buddies..but why did it happen???kakaka~~
wel,something happened jus now, i was scared and surprised that he've got into such respond when i told him that a guy was requesting me for showing up at MSN thru webcam~~i was nervous when he said " im so pissed off now.." OMG~~i tried to explain that entire case but he seemed to have switched on his FIRE mode..kaka~~hez such a funny and cute little young man!i was wondering wut would he do if he noes this guy...i could sense that hez totally pissing off thru the conversations..wow...wut a GUY~~
Monday, June 22, 2009
do u love me?
finally my blogspot has returned to norm...i could blog again ~
many things happened lately, yet have not been updating the blog..should be lotz to talk bout ^^
my man...why wouldnt be my bf? it gives me a strong feeling of protection and security when mentioning my bf as my man~i alwis tot that man is stronger than boy in sense of physical and mental. somehow, it brings no conclusion to my prediction since the statement is sujective~~i began to realise the difference of boy and man after having time togather wit him. thus, i started another new belief that personality and charisma of the individual that differentiate him with the others...and the 100% of shouldnt be going is comparison~itz so unfair to compare him with others, i shouldnt and ought to treasure and cherish him indeed~i've seen my frens been having relationship probs lately that makes me und that i should appreciate him and the relationship cos being togather isnt an easy thing for 2 persons that comes togather from so many differentiations~
when i gotta noe that my frens have been arguing for days and quarelling over some little matters, it somehow makes me think that why couldnt they appreciate the time of being togather???why do they love arguing over little matters???of cos some might be serious matters that end up breaking up ~perhaps me and him even have no time for arguementss since we have less time being togather, and this has makes me to appreciate every moment being togather with him~~sometimes i do like this way, not seeing each other often really helps me to miss him so madly~~~
however, something happened last few days. i rmb tat i was quite late for our date and i really felt so bad for it cos I WAS SO LATE~~when on my way to mid valley, i felt really worried that he'l get mad cos i knew that waiting for a person is boring~~furthermore, for a guy to wait for a gal seems sound, yet it really needs patience~i felt really pleased that he din show his temper when i reach~~and he even brought me for a herbal tea~~GOSH~~i started to feel that ' this guy is caring huh'.
but something seems to have destroyed it when he was late~~i was totally angry at tat time~~i couldnt think of wut to say when he was late~i didnt noe how to talk to him when he reached cos i tot that his reasons were lame and ridiculous~~after all, i realised how someone feels when he or she to have waited so long for a person, the anxiety, the patience, i'd trying so hard to keep on my temper, sadly i had shown him my temper at last~~i couldnt stand to take it as if nothing has happened. he should have known my attitudes well, im not a patient person, and letting me to have waited long time, sitting alone at the bus stand, that should be my first time, fortunately my psp was there as accompaniment. sooner or later, i felt that bringing out it as a serious matter could have spoilt the mood for both of us, why should i do it????thus, i'd chosen to put it aside..isnt it fair that he had waited for me for no comment and i should and could do the same thing for him too???^^.....i alwis believe to have communication to overcome the probs and barriers in reaching compromise between 2 persons in a relationship, which i think itz true~
wel, i stil rmb at the end of the day , he said me some words, i felt really sweet when he said it in front of me at the LRT when i was about to reach my station~~perhaps he could have forgotten wut he had said to me, but i really love tat moment~~i hope to hug him and never let go at tat time~~hez totally got my heart tat time~i really hope to kiss him hardly tat time but there was a crowd there...im alwis the ordinary gal that loves my man to say i love you to me at the right time~u are lovely darling~
guess wut?i feel myself to have take him as an habit in my life...i got used to having him wit me in my life....i'l miss him when im doing my own things. perhaps something jus reminds me of him at some times...OMG~~i think i've really fallen in love with him seriously ..GOSH~~itz dangerous man~many inquiries come to my mind..wut if hez not thinking that way?wut if im jus some kinda float to him?wut if ........GOSH~~i starting to fear when seeing my frens having probs with their partners...i dare not to think much bout whether or not to last long even to future, and i shouldnt have tot of it since it drives me even into fear!!!!
somehow, i really feel not to letting go, i wanna stay and carry on wit this guy ^^ DO U LOVE ME?
many things happened lately, yet have not been updating the blog..should be lotz to talk bout ^^
my man...why wouldnt be my bf? it gives me a strong feeling of protection and security when mentioning my bf as my man~i alwis tot that man is stronger than boy in sense of physical and mental. somehow, it brings no conclusion to my prediction since the statement is sujective~~i began to realise the difference of boy and man after having time togather wit him. thus, i started another new belief that personality and charisma of the individual that differentiate him with the others...and the 100% of shouldnt be going is comparison~itz so unfair to compare him with others, i shouldnt and ought to treasure and cherish him indeed~i've seen my frens been having relationship probs lately that makes me und that i should appreciate him and the relationship cos being togather isnt an easy thing for 2 persons that comes togather from so many differentiations~
when i gotta noe that my frens have been arguing for days and quarelling over some little matters, it somehow makes me think that why couldnt they appreciate the time of being togather???why do they love arguing over little matters???of cos some might be serious matters that end up breaking up ~perhaps me and him even have no time for arguementss since we have less time being togather, and this has makes me to appreciate every moment being togather with him~~sometimes i do like this way, not seeing each other often really helps me to miss him so madly~~~
however, something happened last few days. i rmb tat i was quite late for our date and i really felt so bad for it cos I WAS SO LATE~~when on my way to mid valley, i felt really worried that he'l get mad cos i knew that waiting for a person is boring~~furthermore, for a guy to wait for a gal seems sound, yet it really needs patience~i felt really pleased that he din show his temper when i reach~~and he even brought me for a herbal tea~~GOSH~~i started to feel that ' this guy is caring huh'.
but something seems to have destroyed it when he was late~~i was totally angry at tat time~~i couldnt think of wut to say when he was late~i didnt noe how to talk to him when he reached cos i tot that his reasons were lame and ridiculous~~after all, i realised how someone feels when he or she to have waited so long for a person, the anxiety, the patience, i'd trying so hard to keep on my temper, sadly i had shown him my temper at last~~i couldnt stand to take it as if nothing has happened. he should have known my attitudes well, im not a patient person, and letting me to have waited long time, sitting alone at the bus stand, that should be my first time, fortunately my psp was there as accompaniment. sooner or later, i felt that bringing out it as a serious matter could have spoilt the mood for both of us, why should i do it????thus, i'd chosen to put it aside..isnt it fair that he had waited for me for no comment and i should and could do the same thing for him too???^^.....i alwis believe to have communication to overcome the probs and barriers in reaching compromise between 2 persons in a relationship, which i think itz true~
wel, i stil rmb at the end of the day , he said me some words, i felt really sweet when he said it in front of me at the LRT when i was about to reach my station~~perhaps he could have forgotten wut he had said to me, but i really love tat moment~~i hope to hug him and never let go at tat time~~hez totally got my heart tat time~i really hope to kiss him hardly tat time but there was a crowd there...im alwis the ordinary gal that loves my man to say i love you to me at the right time~u are lovely darling~
guess wut?i feel myself to have take him as an habit in my life...i got used to having him wit me in my life....i'l miss him when im doing my own things. perhaps something jus reminds me of him at some times...OMG~~i think i've really fallen in love with him seriously ..GOSH~~itz dangerous man~many inquiries come to my mind..wut if hez not thinking that way?wut if im jus some kinda float to him?wut if ........GOSH~~i starting to fear when seeing my frens having probs with their partners...i dare not to think much bout whether or not to last long even to future, and i shouldnt have tot of it since it drives me even into fear!!!!
somehow, i really feel not to letting go, i wanna stay and carry on wit this guy ^^ DO U LOVE ME?
Monday, June 15, 2009
decision making~~
first time ever to have such time consumption in the decision making progress...
one thing i realised , that life would nv happened to gain perfection, there must something to be forgone in order for the existence or maintenance of the another one.. is this necessary to happen all the time in every circumstances?hahah..i've alwis wonder can it be the application of 2 alternatives at the same time??? can i have both at the same times???kaka... it'l then be perfect that someone could have all the his lovers at the same times without bothering who should be the final choice and be fairly treated among the lovers~~it seems unavoidable in deciding a choice... by considering so many factors that bring bout to the decision that we're gonna make... not oni ourselves, but to the ppl around, trying hard, gaining the balance bound... it seems a tough task to me when comes to decision making since i've nv or perhaps seldom to decide what i wan...or i may say i do not actually have the rights to say " i wan it tat way" in certain things even i noe wut i wan~~perhaps of the fear and loose in guts, courage and bravery in bringing wut my idea into action...as the conclusion, im not a wise person cos i couldnt even bring out to present my own ideas , and what's more bout manipulation and successful??kaka... bullshits~
one thing i realised , that life would nv happened to gain perfection, there must something to be forgone in order for the existence or maintenance of the another one.. is this necessary to happen all the time in every circumstances?hahah..i've alwis wonder can it be the application of 2 alternatives at the same time??? can i have both at the same times???kaka... it'l then be perfect that someone could have all the his lovers at the same times without bothering who should be the final choice and be fairly treated among the lovers~~it seems unavoidable in deciding a choice... by considering so many factors that bring bout to the decision that we're gonna make... not oni ourselves, but to the ppl around, trying hard, gaining the balance bound... it seems a tough task to me when comes to decision making since i've nv or perhaps seldom to decide what i wan...or i may say i do not actually have the rights to say " i wan it tat way" in certain things even i noe wut i wan~~perhaps of the fear and loose in guts, courage and bravery in bringing wut my idea into action...as the conclusion, im not a wise person cos i couldnt even bring out to present my own ideas , and what's more bout manipulation and successful??kaka... bullshits~
Monday, June 08, 2009
wut kinda frens i have?
gosh...someone jus pissed me off today~
why would it happen everytime??wut tat person would be me?come on..wutz with tat response?shouldnt i be bothered so much bout it??im way too foolish to be taking so importantly on the frenship...i mean i really take her as my best fren...and i seriously couldnt acccpt wut they had told me earlier..i'd got stunned for some while when they told me that wut she had done wit her...OMG~~itz kinda unbelieveable cos i tot i noe her so welll and she nv hide anythinn from me, even bout some personal issues~~i have no right to interfere, i noe , for sure, somehow it takes away the trust on her, that shez such as wonderful gal that i've nv ever met b4, im totally saluted to her strong hold on her concept in life, she stands firm on herself with so much external influences...frankly im soooo proud of her tat she could be soooo firm on her belief~~~ after all, the truth tells me that i've mistaken all this time, im real disappointed with the frenship. i couldnt believe it and accept it, but i have to without choices. unfortunately , it makes me feel suspiscious and hardly put on trust on wut she'l be telling me in the future... of cos she deserves second chance, but it seems like im judgeable towards the level of creditability of the stories that shez telling me.... of i may say 'i dun wanna fuck u anymore..'. haha ~
furthoremore, i'l respect u, but i do need ya respect at the same time~I HATE PPL THAT PAY NO RESPECT TO OTHERS~~and why wouldnt i bother to respect even u nv do the same thing to me ???i would listen to u ..i would be there for u...cos i noe itz the minimum respect when someone finds u and shares with u~but i found some ppl doesnt even seems to care that u are actually talking to them...this is real sad case~
anyway, another case is i have a guy fren... erm, pretty emo person he is, been trying to claim that he's the similar attitude and perspectives with me, trying to create the fact that 'we are from the mars, and other ppl come from venus'..kakak ~wel, i wouldnt have mind if i really meet a true fren like him, but....erm, i do think itz kinda over sometimes. i mean perhaps yuan is my best fren and we noe the boundary clearly, and we are comfortable wit the topics....but this guy may hav gone too far sometimes... im perhaps speechless with him~
he has sixth sense~he could foresee my future~he could predict wutz gonna happen next in his frens lives~WTH~~~GOSH~wutz the implication behind of all this stories????i should have live a happie and cheerful life by myself?? or i should have no bother bout any other things except my study??omggg~~~when he told me that, i felt somehow scared by him...his attitudes~~i told yuan today bout him , and he agreed with me that such an emo person he is~~haha...give me 5 yuan~~he finds u too~~kekekekkee....at least someone encounter the similar prob as i do ^^
last but not least, played dota with my dearie and his cousin..wel, it was my very first time to played on LAN with other players..im really nervous and anxious~GOSH~wutz gonna happen to my teamates with my noob skills..haha~~and i realised i did no team work..kaka~i jus played as i like...hahaha~~~TEAM SPIRIT failed~~haahahahhaha~~GOSH~~~how i wish we could nv play dota oni ..but wut i alwis been hoping to play togather with my bf.........sadly he doesnt noe any..kaka~forget bout it csl^^
why would it happen everytime??wut tat person would be me?come on..wutz with tat response?shouldnt i be bothered so much bout it??im way too foolish to be taking so importantly on the frenship...i mean i really take her as my best fren...and i seriously couldnt acccpt wut they had told me earlier..i'd got stunned for some while when they told me that wut she had done wit her...OMG~~itz kinda unbelieveable cos i tot i noe her so welll and she nv hide anythinn from me, even bout some personal issues~~i have no right to interfere, i noe , for sure, somehow it takes away the trust on her, that shez such as wonderful gal that i've nv ever met b4, im totally saluted to her strong hold on her concept in life, she stands firm on herself with so much external influences...frankly im soooo proud of her tat she could be soooo firm on her belief~~~ after all, the truth tells me that i've mistaken all this time, im real disappointed with the frenship. i couldnt believe it and accept it, but i have to without choices. unfortunately , it makes me feel suspiscious and hardly put on trust on wut she'l be telling me in the future... of cos she deserves second chance, but it seems like im judgeable towards the level of creditability of the stories that shez telling me.... of i may say 'i dun wanna fuck u anymore..'. haha ~
furthoremore, i'l respect u, but i do need ya respect at the same time~I HATE PPL THAT PAY NO RESPECT TO OTHERS~~and why wouldnt i bother to respect even u nv do the same thing to me ???i would listen to u ..i would be there for u...cos i noe itz the minimum respect when someone finds u and shares with u~but i found some ppl doesnt even seems to care that u are actually talking to them...this is real sad case~
anyway, another case is i have a guy fren... erm, pretty emo person he is, been trying to claim that he's the similar attitude and perspectives with me, trying to create the fact that 'we are from the mars, and other ppl come from venus'..kakak ~wel, i wouldnt have mind if i really meet a true fren like him, but....erm, i do think itz kinda over sometimes. i mean perhaps yuan is my best fren and we noe the boundary clearly, and we are comfortable wit the topics....but this guy may hav gone too far sometimes... im perhaps speechless with him~
he has sixth sense~he could foresee my future~he could predict wutz gonna happen next in his frens lives~WTH~~~GOSH~wutz the implication behind of all this stories????i should have live a happie and cheerful life by myself?? or i should have no bother bout any other things except my study??omggg~~~when he told me that, i felt somehow scared by him...his attitudes~~i told yuan today bout him , and he agreed with me that such an emo person he is~~haha...give me 5 yuan~~he finds u too~~kekekekkee....at least someone encounter the similar prob as i do ^^
last but not least, played dota with my dearie and his cousin..wel, it was my very first time to played on LAN with other players..im really nervous and anxious~GOSH~wutz gonna happen to my teamates with my noob skills..haha~~and i realised i did no team work..kaka~i jus played as i like...hahaha~~~TEAM SPIRIT failed~~haahahahhaha~~GOSH~~~how i wish we could nv play dota oni ..but wut i alwis been hoping to play togather with my bf.........sadly he doesnt noe any..kaka~forget bout it csl^^
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
dun force me to take the last move~
i feel kinda miserable...
i tot i found someone who is so lovely but it seems to be a mistake in the end~~i really tot of having a long term relationship with him and it seems to be another big mistake again~~there things happening that makes me feel i would not be his choice, perhaps just a fling i would say to him. i tot i could fall for him so seriously that i would not care about other things...i've tried so hard to overcome the age prob~~i've really tried my best to not take that in account cos i noe that shouldnt be a matter of it. although i could feel it sometimes, i dun get to be bothered cos i do not hope that this would be a reason to ruin our relationship~
somehow, there are other factors are coming at the same time that holds me back from falling into him~i feeel really bad and upset wit wutz goin on with us~i tot i could enjoy a really nice and sweet relationship with him~i really try to treasure him and appreciate him~~seems like this is jus merely of my perspective and there are differences in our thoughts which i found out to be pretty pressure for me to adapt~~whenever i tot things are going along so well, it came again the question that makes me feel miserable... i mean im confused and lost bout wut am i to him???
perhaps i takes thing too seriously, or i shouldnt have take him so seriously into life at the first place~~~why are u asking me like this???i really dun like it... or I HATE IT when u seems to urge me for an answer~~~cos ya questions makes me to question myself how much do i love u...i really feel pressure~~although it could be nothing to u .. but i'l take it seriously~~having sex without love is meaningless.... but now the case that makes me in predicament... cos u are my bf...and i noe i should or would do it cos u are my bf~but isnt it the point that i should be concerning? and when this happens to be many times, i'l started to feel fed up, and slowly got piss off~~~i dun hope to ruin it ....and i DUN HOPE TO SAY IT OUT~dun force me to take the last move~
i tot i found someone who is so lovely but it seems to be a mistake in the end~~i really tot of having a long term relationship with him and it seems to be another big mistake again~~there things happening that makes me feel i would not be his choice, perhaps just a fling i would say to him. i tot i could fall for him so seriously that i would not care about other things...i've tried so hard to overcome the age prob~~i've really tried my best to not take that in account cos i noe that shouldnt be a matter of it. although i could feel it sometimes, i dun get to be bothered cos i do not hope that this would be a reason to ruin our relationship~
somehow, there are other factors are coming at the same time that holds me back from falling into him~i feeel really bad and upset wit wutz goin on with us~i tot i could enjoy a really nice and sweet relationship with him~i really try to treasure him and appreciate him~~seems like this is jus merely of my perspective and there are differences in our thoughts which i found out to be pretty pressure for me to adapt~~whenever i tot things are going along so well, it came again the question that makes me feel miserable... i mean im confused and lost bout wut am i to him???
perhaps i takes thing too seriously, or i shouldnt have take him so seriously into life at the first place~~~why are u asking me like this???i really dun like it... or I HATE IT when u seems to urge me for an answer~~~cos ya questions makes me to question myself how much do i love u...i really feel pressure~~although it could be nothing to u .. but i'l take it seriously~~having sex without love is meaningless.... but now the case that makes me in predicament... cos u are my bf...and i noe i should or would do it cos u are my bf~but isnt it the point that i should be concerning? and when this happens to be many times, i'l started to feel fed up, and slowly got piss off~~~i dun hope to ruin it ....and i DUN HOPE TO SAY IT OUT~dun force me to take the last move~
Friday, May 29, 2009
wilson has a horny gf ^^
the feeling is somehow kinda different today...
i nv noe that i do care bout him much~i intended to reach the station before time cos i tot he'd be waiting there, tatz so poor thing~who noes he came late~~i'd got so pist off~i didnt wanna talk to him at tat moment when he arrived~~but i told myself that was my fault since i reached earlier, and considering this as a pay back of my previus cases...it then made me felt at least better to start talking to him.
but i was so not in the mood i've tried hard though~~ i felt somehow im the oni one doing all these...wutz the point of me trying hard to take this relationship so seriously since he doesnt even bother to care bout me rite???hahaa..i was kinda emo that i wouldnt wanna bother his way, i jus wanna have my way...money had been spent but in return for my satisfaction, which made me felt much better~at least i dun feel sorry to myself~~~luckily i was able to calm myself down, it'd be something unpleasant to happened otherwise.
watched terminator salvation today. it was kinda bored me off cos i found nothing interesting with the story line. i personally more preferable to terminator:the rise of the machines, that would be much greater!anyway, i was quite enjoying the moment at the cinema with him..haha~having a guy with his arm on u when u feel fear with any horror or disgusting sceneries are something sweet to be~his hands are warm when itz cold in the cinema~hahaha~
GOSH~seems that i'm use to have him with me for movies...kaka~
anyway, i really hope he'l be THE ONE~~i noe there shudnt be selfishness with personal perspective and preference in someonez personality...he has got his personal way in doing so, but i really hope he could be THE ONE~~somehow, i have a feeling, not even to tat stage and the game might have over~haha~~im bad indeed, nv deny~~^^
anyway, i hope he'l get wut im trying to hint to him...the reasons that i've treated him this way today, being horny in front of him..kakakka~~~there are things which im wishing well that he could understand someday and fix things right.....i'l give it some time~~^^
i nv noe that i do care bout him much~i intended to reach the station before time cos i tot he'd be waiting there, tatz so poor thing~who noes he came late~~i'd got so pist off~i didnt wanna talk to him at tat moment when he arrived~~but i told myself that was my fault since i reached earlier, and considering this as a pay back of my previus cases...it then made me felt at least better to start talking to him.
but i was so not in the mood i've tried hard though~~ i felt somehow im the oni one doing all these...wutz the point of me trying hard to take this relationship so seriously since he doesnt even bother to care bout me rite???hahaa..i was kinda emo that i wouldnt wanna bother his way, i jus wanna have my way...money had been spent but in return for my satisfaction, which made me felt much better~at least i dun feel sorry to myself~~~luckily i was able to calm myself down, it'd be something unpleasant to happened otherwise.
watched terminator salvation today. it was kinda bored me off cos i found nothing interesting with the story line. i personally more preferable to terminator:the rise of the machines, that would be much greater!anyway, i was quite enjoying the moment at the cinema with him..haha~having a guy with his arm on u when u feel fear with any horror or disgusting sceneries are something sweet to be~his hands are warm when itz cold in the cinema~hahaha~
GOSH~seems that i'm use to have him with me for movies...kaka~
anyway, i really hope he'l be THE ONE~~i noe there shudnt be selfishness with personal perspective and preference in someonez personality...he has got his personal way in doing so, but i really hope he could be THE ONE~~somehow, i have a feeling, not even to tat stage and the game might have over~haha~~im bad indeed, nv deny~~^^
anyway, i hope he'l get wut im trying to hint to him...the reasons that i've treated him this way today, being horny in front of him..kakakka~~~there are things which im wishing well that he could understand someday and fix things right.....i'l give it some time~~^^
Thursday, May 28, 2009
a prelude to a kiss
wowow...im in a relationship~
how could i be feelin in this way?weirdo~itz long story to go ,but wut i noe is im in a relationship wit a guy,but not really so in love with him totally~from the beginning, i kept reminding myself not to take it so seriously cos i'l make sure not gonna get myself hurt from this guy,perhaps peeps~haha~~noe wut?i nv had any good feeling on him b4 he had actually asked me for being his gf?at tat moment,i treated it as a silly joke~come on..wutz with all these happening in my life?no defend that i've alwis wishing wit obsession in getting a bf..at least someone who likes and intend to date me out..wel, i've met one,but seems not to be the loving-you story~AHAA~~here comes the prob, or perhaps problems that i've been thinking and jus worrying too much..haha~
why are all these keep bothering me?i ask myself alwis, wutz the point of thinking of these if i dun even bother to stay long in a relationship? wel, i jus knew one thing, hez my bf now,i cant be treating him so unfairly..guys are not tough all the time, they need to feel secure as well...at this moment, i feel somehow getting into a relationship seems as an assginment to me, whereby i noe wut shud i be doing, how shud i do it to get the best result of it...haha~CRAPS~~~im ridiculous for sure~i'l try my very best in doing my part~~~i jus hope he'l feel great and happie...hmm, im wondering isnt this the good sign indicating that im fallin in love with him?im loving him??perhaps i do without realising..haha~hope things are getting better...at least i do miss him~
one thing weird,we had kissed..even french kiss~should i say how i would expect it to be- a prelude to a kiss, the soul, the style that probably light up my nerves, the feel of the touch by the interaction of the lips,where itz heavenly awesome with the sense of security and comfort that i barely unable to release him~~the feel of the love in the airy flow makes me hardly breath for some time...AW~
perhaps, im expecting too much from him,which is sooo unfair~~i knew it there must be NO for all this comparisons~i couldnt stop it somehow~im ...im ...im aaa.....
how could i be feelin in this way?weirdo~itz long story to go ,but wut i noe is im in a relationship wit a guy,but not really so in love with him totally~from the beginning, i kept reminding myself not to take it so seriously cos i'l make sure not gonna get myself hurt from this guy,perhaps peeps~haha~~noe wut?i nv had any good feeling on him b4 he had actually asked me for being his gf?at tat moment,i treated it as a silly joke~come on..wutz with all these happening in my life?no defend that i've alwis wishing wit obsession in getting a bf..at least someone who likes and intend to date me out..wel, i've met one,but seems not to be the loving-you story~AHAA~~here comes the prob, or perhaps problems that i've been thinking and jus worrying too much..haha~
why are all these keep bothering me?i ask myself alwis, wutz the point of thinking of these if i dun even bother to stay long in a relationship? wel, i jus knew one thing, hez my bf now,i cant be treating him so unfairly..guys are not tough all the time, they need to feel secure as well...at this moment, i feel somehow getting into a relationship seems as an assginment to me, whereby i noe wut shud i be doing, how shud i do it to get the best result of it...haha~CRAPS~~~im ridiculous for sure~i'l try my very best in doing my part~~~i jus hope he'l feel great and happie...hmm, im wondering isnt this the good sign indicating that im fallin in love with him?im loving him??perhaps i do without realising..haha~hope things are getting better...at least i do miss him~
one thing weird,we had kissed..even french kiss~should i say how i would expect it to be- a prelude to a kiss, the soul, the style that probably light up my nerves, the feel of the touch by the interaction of the lips,where itz heavenly awesome with the sense of security and comfort that i barely unable to release him~~the feel of the love in the airy flow makes me hardly breath for some time...AW~
perhaps, im expecting too much from him,which is sooo unfair~~i knew it there must be NO for all this comparisons~i couldnt stop it somehow~im ...im ...im aaa.....
Monday, March 09, 2009
MY PIECE OF MIND..
omg....once again i feel myself a LOSER...
why do this idea alwis be in my soul?perhaps of my low self esteem?hehe..why couldnt i have a simple and peaceful month ever for a whole year period..why couldnt i just live a happie bday month ever???WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY....F***....
things seems to be happening unpleasantly around me....firstforemost, i'd received news of my frens' relatives passing away ...4 cases...itz pretty sad u noee...some of them were quite calm facing the truth...but 2 of them were pretty upset over it since they really CARE much onto them...im sorry to hear that..it somehow makes me feel that family is irreplaceable cos we are interelated to one and another...cherish the moment togather with them cos u'l nv noe wut wil be happening in future time.
and my frens around me...many things are happening to them that makes me sort of worry bout them...i hope everything wil be goin back to the right path very soon...
myself...im kinda exhausted...kaka~yeah..the word exhausted...my all time fav to describe my feeling...kaka~i believe in karma seriously ...good incidents will follow up by unpleasant incidents, i alwis believe that there are cause and effect..kaka~too much of business study~anyway,i really feel like not falling love into guys anymore.....why are all good guys been occupied???hehe...im wondering he must be saying that this statement isnt a fact, that im merely on my personal perspective ..i shudnt have conclude it with my personal judgement..etc..kaka~act i was pretty impressed...perhaps may say startling with him!i never expect that his reactions would be something like ytd...hehe~~frannkly, he really caught me in fear since i nv came across wit such em...tremendously SENSITIVE AND SERIOUS guy ...aw~~~in fact, he makes me to talk cautiously in the conversation so that i wouldnt get into trouble by showing his piece of mind to me..kaka~wel, i was kinda inquiring myself why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind too huh?!hmm...i doubt that shud be a real nice verbal war...unfortunately , im not that kind~i'l rather keep it than spilling it out...isnt it hurtful to the frenship? i'l choose to stay calm than revealing my DEVIL side...NO WAY~~~but im wondering how far could i and shoud i to control this emotion of anger from exploiting out ?hmmm...im sort of proud with my EQ ...hehe...although i easily get piss off with ppl...but i could control it successfully ...AWWW~~~im such a COOL dude...YEAHH~~
OMGGG...im stil sooooooooooooo....argh~~~why could he treat me like that??how could he said those to me???i felt myself sooo innocent in that incident...F***......and one thing ...I DISLIKE OR SOMEWHAT HATE PPL SAYING "WUTEVER" TO MEEE~~~~hmm,why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind on this????KAKAKAKAK...YEAH~~~''im sensitive on ppl saying 'wutever' to me..i feel offended or being not respected..."...kakakakak~
anyway,my big day is jus round the corner, but i dun think i'l be in the mood for it due to all this stupid happenings...ARGHH~~S**** i tot of having a fascinating bday night with intangible bday pressies..kaka~~how i wish my dream would come true...how i wish they would actually sing me songs....how i wish they rmb and give me sms of greetings...this actually meant sooooooo deep to me~kaka...i think things would not happen in its way once i've expected it to be...i noe it well~it'l definitely nv come true once i've tot of or mentioned or expected..kaka~~perhaps no expectation brings surprises...*smile*
why do this idea alwis be in my soul?perhaps of my low self esteem?hehe..why couldnt i have a simple and peaceful month ever for a whole year period..why couldnt i just live a happie bday month ever???WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY....F***....
things seems to be happening unpleasantly around me....firstforemost, i'd received news of my frens' relatives passing away ...4 cases...itz pretty sad u noee...some of them were quite calm facing the truth...but 2 of them were pretty upset over it since they really CARE much onto them...im sorry to hear that..it somehow makes me feel that family is irreplaceable cos we are interelated to one and another...cherish the moment togather with them cos u'l nv noe wut wil be happening in future time.
and my frens around me...many things are happening to them that makes me sort of worry bout them...i hope everything wil be goin back to the right path very soon...
myself...im kinda exhausted...kaka~yeah..the word exhausted...my all time fav to describe my feeling...kaka~i believe in karma seriously ...good incidents will follow up by unpleasant incidents, i alwis believe that there are cause and effect..kaka~too much of business study~anyway,i really feel like not falling love into guys anymore.....why are all good guys been occupied???hehe...im wondering he must be saying that this statement isnt a fact, that im merely on my personal perspective ..i shudnt have conclude it with my personal judgement..etc..kaka~act i was pretty impressed...perhaps may say startling with him!i never expect that his reactions would be something like ytd...hehe~~frannkly, he really caught me in fear since i nv came across wit such em...tremendously SENSITIVE AND SERIOUS guy ...aw~~~in fact, he makes me to talk cautiously in the conversation so that i wouldnt get into trouble by showing his piece of mind to me..kaka~wel, i was kinda inquiring myself why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind too huh?!hmm...i doubt that shud be a real nice verbal war...unfortunately , im not that kind~i'l rather keep it than spilling it out...isnt it hurtful to the frenship? i'l choose to stay calm than revealing my DEVIL side...NO WAY~~~but im wondering how far could i and shoud i to control this emotion of anger from exploiting out ?hmmm...im sort of proud with my EQ ...hehe...although i easily get piss off with ppl...but i could control it successfully ...AWWW~~~im such a COOL dude...YEAHH~~
OMGGG...im stil sooooooooooooo....argh~~~why could he treat me like that??how could he said those to me???i felt myself sooo innocent in that incident...F***......and one thing ...I DISLIKE OR SOMEWHAT HATE PPL SAYING "WUTEVER" TO MEEE~~~~hmm,why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind on this????KAKAKAKAK...YEAH~~~''im sensitive on ppl saying 'wutever' to me..i feel offended or being not respected..."...kakakakak~
anyway,my big day is jus round the corner, but i dun think i'l be in the mood for it due to all this stupid happenings...ARGHH~~S**** i tot of having a fascinating bday night with intangible bday pressies..kaka~~how i wish my dream would come true...how i wish they would actually sing me songs....how i wish they rmb and give me sms of greetings...this actually meant sooooooo deep to me~kaka...i think things would not happen in its way once i've expected it to be...i noe it well~it'l definitely nv come true once i've tot of or mentioned or expected..kaka~~perhaps no expectation brings surprises...*smile*
Monday, December 29, 2008
reader has stronger imagination than spectator....
have been getting up with some reading materials recently, trying to get on track with wutz happening in the real world instead of living in my dreamland, knowing nothing, being lagged behind, at least i noe wut happening in the board..kaka~
anyhow, my best fren delivered me a book by surprise all the way from UK, which i have heard of it by the movie shown, anticipation but no action in regard of marching into MPH and gets the book, paying at the cashier, this is me. rather spending dollars on ridiculous stuff than treating myself something that i want or interested. somehow, im glad and feeling great reading this book mainly itz meaningful and sweet although the story regarding a woman's life after the death of her hubby. yes, u got it right, P.S. i love u, tatz the title of the book~
strangely, i got the picture and images drawned up clearly in my mind, with my powerfully imaginative and dillutive brains working so perfectly togather merely with the sentences written in the book. i could picture the scenery, the facial expressions and physical movements of the hero and heroin, the interior design of the places, the behaviours of the characters...etc. sometimes i may even tear when reading the PS notes from the hubby that specially dedicated to his lovely Holly, it seems like i could und the entire msg and feeling that hez trying to deliver. wel, i found myself so strange being this way....kaka~cos reading nv been such a wondering thing to me all this while until i realised that nothing is much better than reading it by ourselves with our innated imagination. movies cant satisfy everyone, even you and me might find it imperfect in some ways. i began to adapt the concept of reading...kaka
anyhow, my best fren delivered me a book by surprise all the way from UK, which i have heard of it by the movie shown, anticipation but no action in regard of marching into MPH and gets the book, paying at the cashier, this is me. rather spending dollars on ridiculous stuff than treating myself something that i want or interested. somehow, im glad and feeling great reading this book mainly itz meaningful and sweet although the story regarding a woman's life after the death of her hubby. yes, u got it right, P.S. i love u, tatz the title of the book~
strangely, i got the picture and images drawned up clearly in my mind, with my powerfully imaginative and dillutive brains working so perfectly togather merely with the sentences written in the book. i could picture the scenery, the facial expressions and physical movements of the hero and heroin, the interior design of the places, the behaviours of the characters...etc. sometimes i may even tear when reading the PS notes from the hubby that specially dedicated to his lovely Holly, it seems like i could und the entire msg and feeling that hez trying to deliver. wel, i found myself so strange being this way....kaka~cos reading nv been such a wondering thing to me all this while until i realised that nothing is much better than reading it by ourselves with our innated imagination. movies cant satisfy everyone, even you and me might find it imperfect in some ways. i began to adapt the concept of reading...kaka
Thursday, July 03, 2008
darn it~
how shud i do now?i really feel so frustrated on them..how could it happen?i nv expected him to be like this...i really feel pist even i shudnt have had any this kinda feeling though.how he be like this?or im jus being too subjectives towards wut he has been doing?wel ,i really have no idea shud i help him to complete his courseworks or jus stay calm by doing nothing at all?wut shud i do?
i have a feeling that hez been thinking i'l be the one that steps out to assist him every last minute of submission but this is not the way it shud be happening.why am i doing this to actually kill him?but i jus think that hez been kinda reliable onto us,where he thinks someone is gonna helpp him at last. he seems not to put much effort at this moment and this is not the way man~and why are all these keep bothering me?i really felt pist when i was so worried with his courseworks and exams yet hez asking me for songs~i feel stupid on myself..why am i being overworried with him since he even dun bother bout it?im doing the additional work, am i?furthermore is non of my business so why shud i care so much with his matters?i shud have left these for his gf, and as a fren, spending time for tutoring and guiding is more than enough.sigh~im not sure whehther or not im thinking it correctly ,somehow i jus feel pist with them~im really pist..not one...but few...why are they doing this kinda things to us?we have feelings too...u guys are nothing much but just frens..thatz why i've been trying hard to forget bout wut has been happening recently...
i might not see it wit my eyes,but i could feel it with my senses...i can~wel, sometimes i've keep asking myself why am i being so suffer to remain the friendship and other ppl wil nv care bout it at all?why shud i bother bout it?jus bcos i wanna have frens since loneliness will actually kills me?perhaps im afraid to be left out from the gang and this makes me to have tortured myself much in order to adapt the culture of others and been alienated my personalities?i really dunno wut to do ..or isnt it the way to survive in the society?adoptable with wutz happening around and get use to it?somewhat, i got tired with all these..i wanna stop~how am i gonna do it?be firm by myself?pay no fuck to them?my DD told me to be selfish cos it's becoming one of the main principles in surviving yaself..wel, i realized that lately. ppl wil jus come to u if u noe something that they do not noe, u have the knowledge where they dont...sharing is caring..but i dun find trustworthy here, all i get is being fooled, being used~~why cant they jus do it themselves?i believe they can cos i did it too!come on...jus try to get rid from all those stupid reasons of I CAN'T and im sure u guys can do it.
other than this, i started to dislike someone..hez making me to feel that im annoying even i might not~somehow, he makes my intention to delete his contact at MSN,his number from my cell phone,not to talk to him at class, not to bother bout wut's happening to him...hez jus so suck til it hit my boiling point~
i have a feeling that hez been thinking i'l be the one that steps out to assist him every last minute of submission but this is not the way it shud be happening.why am i doing this to actually kill him?but i jus think that hez been kinda reliable onto us,where he thinks someone is gonna helpp him at last. he seems not to put much effort at this moment and this is not the way man~and why are all these keep bothering me?i really felt pist when i was so worried with his courseworks and exams yet hez asking me for songs~i feel stupid on myself..why am i being overworried with him since he even dun bother bout it?im doing the additional work, am i?furthermore is non of my business so why shud i care so much with his matters?i shud have left these for his gf, and as a fren, spending time for tutoring and guiding is more than enough.sigh~im not sure whehther or not im thinking it correctly ,somehow i jus feel pist with them~im really pist..not one...but few...why are they doing this kinda things to us?we have feelings too...u guys are nothing much but just frens..thatz why i've been trying hard to forget bout wut has been happening recently...
i might not see it wit my eyes,but i could feel it with my senses...i can~wel, sometimes i've keep asking myself why am i being so suffer to remain the friendship and other ppl wil nv care bout it at all?why shud i bother bout it?jus bcos i wanna have frens since loneliness will actually kills me?perhaps im afraid to be left out from the gang and this makes me to have tortured myself much in order to adapt the culture of others and been alienated my personalities?i really dunno wut to do ..or isnt it the way to survive in the society?adoptable with wutz happening around and get use to it?somewhat, i got tired with all these..i wanna stop~how am i gonna do it?be firm by myself?pay no fuck to them?my DD told me to be selfish cos it's becoming one of the main principles in surviving yaself..wel, i realized that lately. ppl wil jus come to u if u noe something that they do not noe, u have the knowledge where they dont...sharing is caring..but i dun find trustworthy here, all i get is being fooled, being used~~why cant they jus do it themselves?i believe they can cos i did it too!come on...jus try to get rid from all those stupid reasons of I CAN'T and im sure u guys can do it.
other than this, i started to dislike someone..hez making me to feel that im annoying even i might not~somehow, he makes my intention to delete his contact at MSN,his number from my cell phone,not to talk to him at class, not to bother bout wut's happening to him...hez jus so suck til it hit my boiling point~
Monday, June 09, 2008
miserable life~
since ever the term break has begun,i knew that im so gonna recharge myself for beginning another new life rite after this period..i tot i would have struggled for nobody business for that week,despite i was a little by the boredom,perhaps it seems like i've found my path that im clear with wut shud i be doing for this coming semester..im jus trying hard to put myself on the right path..i hope that i'l be real determined in my edu..i dun wanna put much hope and high expectation onto him anymore..im getting really tiring from day to day...of seeing him every classes...everytime we play badminton...everytime we go for lunch...i dun hope to pay complete attention onto him,which is kinda out of my control whereby i'l notice wutever is happening around...tat feeling is jus dam shit..i really hope to get rid with all these in a peaceful way..where he would nv notice bout it yet we remain as frens~
somehow, i think i've improved much since i have no intention for him anymore,i'l somehow have the feeling of avoiding him whenever hez there or he might be there...i'l jus avoid any eye contact with him....the conclusion here is I DUN WANNA SEE HIM~~
wel,another thing tat brought up my anger is one of my frens..where we have been running closely as classmates and frens..however,sometimes i jus feel that he has been brought over to a certain limit where i dun really like it~how could he jus read my msg without my permisson..and i really hate it when i were in the conversation with someone and he came to interrupt by teasing me...i hate it seriously~i really hate it that he alwis have his piece of mind without thinking on wut others are thinking,i hate it when he feels that hez alwis right in everything..i hate it when he feels that hez knowledgeable than others...i hate it when hez too overconfidence with himself...i hate it when he takes things for granted...i hate it when he feels that he deserves the best of everything since he has paid for it...how would aries be compatible with leo?itz totally out of sound..they are best frens..but nothing more than that...i really hate it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who is he to me?how could he has such authority to control me?how would he say such thing to me?he has his piece of mind..so do i...i have mine tooo~im so gonna throw it to him one day...
another issue is,me and my fren went on a confrontation for our best fren...where this guy has been making use of her for his assignments..and fooling her feelings all this time..although i felt that i've being busybody since we are jus 3rd parties in here,somehow he'z been going over the boundary where i think we shud pay him a fuck and give a kick at his ass~hez so sucks..how could a guy be acting in such a way..being defensive on such thing even he has not make it clear ever...and he claimed that he did declared it to her...come on,we are not fools~frenship may includes sharing love and caring each other, but not using her money, her time and knowledge for the purpose of completing his courseworks~~furthermore a gentleman shudnt have take things for granted~and tatz why hez gone speechless when we asked him bout his motive of being good to her~hez jus extremely sucks among the guys and being such an embarrassment in the guys world~the point is he din even realised his wrong doings and keep thinking hez been doing the rite thing..this really brought up my anger again whereby i din expect him to say all this..i tot hez been placed in dilemmas and consequently he din give a dam to begin the relationship..but now he jus said he has no good feelings towards her...then wut were those memories and things that they've done?obviously itz more than being frens..wel,no matter how, i really hope that she'l get rid with all these real soon..i hope she'l cheer alwis~~
somehow, i think i've improved much since i have no intention for him anymore,i'l somehow have the feeling of avoiding him whenever hez there or he might be there...i'l jus avoid any eye contact with him....the conclusion here is I DUN WANNA SEE HIM~~
wel,another thing tat brought up my anger is one of my frens..where we have been running closely as classmates and frens..however,sometimes i jus feel that he has been brought over to a certain limit where i dun really like it~how could he jus read my msg without my permisson..and i really hate it when i were in the conversation with someone and he came to interrupt by teasing me...i hate it seriously~i really hate it that he alwis have his piece of mind without thinking on wut others are thinking,i hate it when he feels that hez alwis right in everything..i hate it when he feels that hez knowledgeable than others...i hate it when hez too overconfidence with himself...i hate it when he takes things for granted...i hate it when he feels that he deserves the best of everything since he has paid for it...how would aries be compatible with leo?itz totally out of sound..they are best frens..but nothing more than that...i really hate it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who is he to me?how could he has such authority to control me?how would he say such thing to me?he has his piece of mind..so do i...i have mine tooo~im so gonna throw it to him one day...
another issue is,me and my fren went on a confrontation for our best fren...where this guy has been making use of her for his assignments..and fooling her feelings all this time..although i felt that i've being busybody since we are jus 3rd parties in here,somehow he'z been going over the boundary where i think we shud pay him a fuck and give a kick at his ass~hez so sucks..how could a guy be acting in such a way..being defensive on such thing even he has not make it clear ever...and he claimed that he did declared it to her...come on,we are not fools~frenship may includes sharing love and caring each other, but not using her money, her time and knowledge for the purpose of completing his courseworks~~furthermore a gentleman shudnt have take things for granted~and tatz why hez gone speechless when we asked him bout his motive of being good to her~hez jus extremely sucks among the guys and being such an embarrassment in the guys world~the point is he din even realised his wrong doings and keep thinking hez been doing the rite thing..this really brought up my anger again whereby i din expect him to say all this..i tot hez been placed in dilemmas and consequently he din give a dam to begin the relationship..but now he jus said he has no good feelings towards her...then wut were those memories and things that they've done?obviously itz more than being frens..wel,no matter how, i really hope that she'l get rid with all these real soon..i hope she'l cheer alwis~~
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
please forgive me~
the feelingn is funny...ridiculous...perhaps i've let go wutever i was supposed to ...shud i be feeling happie and grateful?heheh~
he jus told me that he has good feeling towards a gal who has recently been so closed with him....he oso told me how is he feeling towards her at this moment...and everything sounds like the gal likes him more than he does...and hez so thankful that i have act get to the point bout his prob of feeling such way..well,i didnt mean to analyse everything for him..jus tat i was telling my point of view and how am i gonna do if i were put into his shoe..
and wut he told me today was..something really sad...he's decided to hint to her slowly...oh god~~this is gonna be hurtful to her...seriously~i noe the feeling of being rejected by someone that u are so in loved with~~tatz gonna be sooooooo sad~~~~~~~~~~~~the feeling is really hurt~~~poor gal~i shudnt have said tat to him...i shudnt have pointed out the stupid idea bout nature in happiness...tiring in entertaining...am i gonna be the sinner here???please forgive me~~~please~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
he jus told me that he has good feeling towards a gal who has recently been so closed with him....he oso told me how is he feeling towards her at this moment...and everything sounds like the gal likes him more than he does...and hez so thankful that i have act get to the point bout his prob of feeling such way..well,i didnt mean to analyse everything for him..jus tat i was telling my point of view and how am i gonna do if i were put into his shoe..
and wut he told me today was..something really sad...he's decided to hint to her slowly...oh god~~this is gonna be hurtful to her...seriously~i noe the feeling of being rejected by someone that u are so in loved with~~tatz gonna be sooooooo sad~~~~~~~~~~~~the feeling is really hurt~~~poor gal~i shudnt have said tat to him...i shudnt have pointed out the stupid idea bout nature in happiness...tiring in entertaining...am i gonna be the sinner here???please forgive me~~~please~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, January 04, 2008
happie birhtday DD~
my DD is gonna have her bday on 5th jan~~~of cos im happie cos shez happie with my present to her...but seriously im sad at the same time cos i cant be there with her for such meaningful moment~anyhow,stil the same..stay happie and healthy alwis..this is wut i wanna greet u~~of cos loads of love and kisses from me~~hahahahah~~~no matter wut...we'l be frens forever~and i'l wish u bday no matter wut happen k~
big bear hug~~~~~~love u DD~~~~~~
happie birthday ~~~~~~~~~toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ~~~~u~~~~
big bear hug~~~~~~love u DD~~~~~~
happie birthday ~~~~~~~~~toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ~~~~u~~~~
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
happie bday kai~
my very first blog for the year of 2008~~~
how i wish to get all my dreams come true...everything to be done and realised under my wish list..although it maybe possible but would be a tough task...jus hope for it~~~hehe~
wel, feeel released at this moment..surprisingly i felt so funny and even laughed non stop when he said tat..hahah~~i knew he was joking to me...if i were to the CSL in year 2007,i would have twist and turn wut he'd said..i would simply tot that he might have trying to hint something beside saying a jokes..but CSL has released something...the burden seems to be no longer in here..i felt funny when he said that...hahha~~thx to my gf who gives me support in doing everything..hahahha~of cos being a best fren would jus reply him..you are welcome~hahah~~
anyway..i hope i could have been to JB and celeb ya bday with u dude~~~i really have no idea wut to buy for u...the oni thing is to give me to u as a present..hahaha~~~i can do wutever for u
(jus one day oni)..cos u are my buddy~~~happie bday kai~
btw,my dear dear is goin to have her big day soon...this is so sad to me cos i cant be there to celeb wit her~how i wish everrthing is jus like wut i expected....but i noe although we are so far..yet we are so near ~~~heheh~~~and of cos i hope u'l wear the watch..and show if off..hahah~~~i noe the watch is jus a simple..but i do think itz nice and meaningful~~~noe wut?i was really happie and glad when u said the watch is nicely fitted on ya hand..i was so amazed..cos i tried on the sales person hand...and i intended to ask her to loosen it..and i din expect it to be so best fitted~~~~OMG~~that moment really makes me feel that we are so fated to be fren in my life~~i really feeel so blessed and pleased~~~
how i wish to get all my dreams come true...everything to be done and realised under my wish list..although it maybe possible but would be a tough task...jus hope for it~~~hehe~
wel, feeel released at this moment..surprisingly i felt so funny and even laughed non stop when he said tat..hahah~~i knew he was joking to me...if i were to the CSL in year 2007,i would have twist and turn wut he'd said..i would simply tot that he might have trying to hint something beside saying a jokes..but CSL has released something...the burden seems to be no longer in here..i felt funny when he said that...hahha~~thx to my gf who gives me support in doing everything..hahahha~of cos being a best fren would jus reply him..you are welcome~hahah~~
anyway..i hope i could have been to JB and celeb ya bday with u dude~~~i really have no idea wut to buy for u...the oni thing is to give me to u as a present..hahaha~~~i can do wutever for u
(jus one day oni)..cos u are my buddy~~~happie bday kai~
btw,my dear dear is goin to have her big day soon...this is so sad to me cos i cant be there to celeb wit her~how i wish everrthing is jus like wut i expected....but i noe although we are so far..yet we are so near ~~~heheh~~~and of cos i hope u'l wear the watch..and show if off..hahah~~~i noe the watch is jus a simple..but i do think itz nice and meaningful~~~noe wut?i was really happie and glad when u said the watch is nicely fitted on ya hand..i was so amazed..cos i tried on the sales person hand...and i intended to ask her to loosen it..and i din expect it to be so best fitted~~~~OMG~~that moment really makes me feel that we are so fated to be fren in my life~~i really feeel so blessed and pleased~~~
Thursday, December 27, 2007
feel it with ya heart...
wut do u get from a song when u listen to it?
at the very first time where u got approached to this song..that u have no idea bout it..which is a whole new song to u...wut would be the first thing that attract ya attention?something that catches ya soul to combine with the song and play along with it?something that makes u so tempting on the song and even feeling full by listening to the song....something that u feel fantastic with as if u have got the right thing at the right time...something that arise all ya inner feelings...ya memories..or some song that represents something or meant for it..a song that u'l nv feel bored with thru out ya whole life...
or maybe u'l jus pay total attention on the arrangement without bothering on wut have the composer or song writers are trying to express thru such medium...perhaps a great arrangement is the point to it..wut if the song is jus played with a single instrument..mostly unplugged??or a solo without a word of lyrics?then u've gotta feel it...
at the very first time where u got approached to this song..that u have no idea bout it..which is a whole new song to u...wut would be the first thing that attract ya attention?something that catches ya soul to combine with the song and play along with it?something that makes u so tempting on the song and even feeling full by listening to the song....something that u feel fantastic with as if u have got the right thing at the right time...something that arise all ya inner feelings...ya memories..or some song that represents something or meant for it..a song that u'l nv feel bored with thru out ya whole life...
or maybe u'l jus pay total attention on the arrangement without bothering on wut have the composer or song writers are trying to express thru such medium...perhaps a great arrangement is the point to it..wut if the song is jus played with a single instrument..mostly unplugged??or a solo without a word of lyrics?then u've gotta feel it...
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