same shirt+same denim pant+same type of shoe

the feeling is similarly as taking a roller coaster...

of cos i'l prefer taking a ride on ferris wheel,togather with the one i love..how i wish this would happen to me one day!!!i waiting for sure...hahaa!

it has been a long time for me not to see him, and i tot da feeling towards him would have jus disappeared so suddenly since i've been adore to my fren in my campus!!somehow, i saw him in the morning..my luvely 'soya bean'..haha!i miss seeing him dressing in formal clothing..i was first adored to him,where i was so fascinated by him...though hez not handsome,and i really meant it..haha!!but i jus feel tat this guy is irresistable!!kekeke!

he really made my day,i was really happie and tempted and i knew tat im gonna start a good day..somehow,i would have stayed for a longer and keep an eye on him..but i have to sacrifice for another person,which i promised to help him up..i would have no comment on it since i volunteered myself..

wel,sometimes thing happened as out of our control..and of cos i knew itz not her fault,no one is to be blamed in this case..i und wut she meant..and i knew itz all for our good and oso to encourage us to learn from experience as to gain higher maturity level!frankly i appreciate tat she had spent her time to listen to me and oso the suggestions..although there might be something we cant do now,but wutz the point of getting everything done reluctantly?somehow, i felt tat disappointed when i was supposed to tell him the result of it..though i wouldnt say tat we have done much work onto it..at least we've done something in order to bring out the plan,somehow, it failed!!haha!but im happie tat we've been thru all this,and for sure i'l be there to support him no matter wut!!yoyo!as a fren,as the assistant,as the member of the club,i wouldnt wan to see the worst side to happen,i wouldnt wan to see the corruption..of cos those pressures would not stop us from surrending...itz nothing much for us to fear bout..nothing will dillute the power of music!!!yoyo!!!!!!!!!!!!anyway, i was really touched when he was consulting ourselves on the phone..i act feel contented when he really shares his opinions..his ideas with me..im feeling happie bout it!

btw,we wore the same colour T-shirts whcih were brown,same denim long pants, and oso same type of sports shoes...jus tat his brand is adidas and mine is nike!!wow!!though it doesnt mean a thing to him,but it does to me!i mean...i nv expect to be like this..everyting goes by feelings..i felt like wearing tat shirt instead of my new shirt..i felt like wearing tat pant instead of the old one...and i felt like wearing tat shoes instead of matching the usual one..and all is 'feelings' are confusing myself!!argh!

no guts,no expectation..

why am i doing all this...

hez bz with his proposal..wel,i hope im as free as i think..sadly this is not happening to me..i have few cw to rush for..and yet i seems to be in gesture...without any pressures on my assignments..perhaps i dun give a dare to think bout it....escaping!!

anyway,i keep asking myself,is this the right way of loving someone?is this considered as love?or am i being too foolish in doing such things?he would not noe how i feel even i have done so much things for him though?but isnt it wut i wan,without him noticing?frankly i personally have no idea on wut am i doing,and whether im doing the right thing or not..somehow,i jus wana do something for him...although he might not appreciate all this,but at least i''ve try my very best for him!!i dun expect any return,or perhaps wut i hope is considered as a return!i jus wanna be there when he needs help,i wanna share his pressures..i wanna help him so tat he wont be facing all the problems by himself..although the person beside is not me..i wouldnt say tat i dun mind or im not disappointed...but i jus wanna be there when he needs help!!!!!!!!

at this point,i really have no guts to imagine wutz gonna happen next...as wut i alwis say.."enjoy and appreciate wut i have now..instead of worrying the future whcih is unknown"....

syok sendiri!!

wow!!another success had brought to life!!yeah!

hurt me?i think im trying to hurt myself as though it doesnt mean anything.i feel that im acting like a libran,concerning on the balance of everything,keeping myself aware to wut im not supposed to do and wut my emotion has lead to do..which is in the dilemma of falling and not fallin in to a guy!

i was pretty impressed wit wut we have done so far for the club,it was the first time ever for me to feel the determination of moving towards the goal..and of cos the team spirit...although our club is nothing much special or any stronger as compared to others, at least we have the passion in organising the functions,even the events wouldnt have been so ideally done without our patient, coorporation, understanding,and of cos most importantly the chemistry among each of us!i really appreciate the fun and joys tat we'd been togather as this would bring me a meaningful memory for my higher level education life in the campus!at least therez something for me to rewind when i begin with 'those were the days'..i really hope tat the chemistry and dynamic would not fade..and even the interaction of every single of us would be stronger than ever!

anything issue,we sang for the day!!i mean we really sang for the staff day!!i felt really stress in the morning cos i din see him to appear anywhere..not until i was sitting in front of the pc in the lab,where he was outside there,looks kinda anxious..perhaps he was late..and i believe therez a reason to it!anyway,i was pissed off with the internet connection cos it was slow!dam slow!i realised how retarded was my day goin to be..no progression on my audit cw,but wasting my time to wait for the practice and performance!luckily he was on time to call me cos everything seemed to have bored me..of cos i would turn my mood up when approached to music instruments!hehe!somehow, i was really worried that he told me he took 3 tablets to cure his gastric prob!wow!how i wish i could do something for him at tat moment..food?drinks?anything i can help?it all started off as usual..i love his voice!finally i gotta listened to the real vocal without warming up..it sounds raw yet sentimental!i like it!itz nice!i really meant it!of cos there much more to go,and i was really happy tat he sang my fav song wit me!'how do i live'..finally was presented to the audiences..but im sorry to say tat i laughed when he was singing the song!kekeke!i was really happie with the result of it..and once again,the chemistry!

btw,i really adore wut kelvin said when he was walking behind of us.."wut are u guys talking,the couple in front..the 2 couple in front,wut are u guys talking ar?....."

i suddenly realised that i would rmb everything that happen between us...and this is wut i considered to care about a person.even a mighty thing would caught my attention to it!

syok sendiri!!hehehehhe!

please hurt me!

have u ever feel like something is running up and down in ya nerves?feel like screaming?uncomfortable?

this has been happening to me recently when i see someone, i was pretty fine at first,i tried to keep myself calm,controlling my emotions as i'l not misund...i tried so hard and now it seems like everything is not working as how i've expected!i tot i should have healed up since i got the worst part of my life last year..and all this brought me to frustration and the feeling has ended up with shifted to someone else..everything seemed to be on the right path,sweet memory of admiring my lovely soya bean...everything was jus in a good mood..

however, my life has beginning to repeat the same mistake,which is wut i've been prevennting from happening..perhaps i've been thinking too much,im jus being over towards anything that happened...perhaps wut she said was really true..we have nothing in common,but oni in music!tatz y i've appreciate him as a teammate or someone who can discuss or share opinion on music..nothing much!

furthermore, i really hope that wut hez doing now would hurt me deeply so that i could get rid of this asap!please hurt me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do i live...

"how do i live"..sung by lee ann rimes..the soundtrack of the movie title 'con air'..

i like this song,i think itz meaningful as to the movie too..i had once been fall in love with this song cos it describes how i feel towards a guy that played a pretty important in my life..he influenced me much..however,i stil think that this guy is so chun til i keep comparing him to other guys..hehe!
anyway,it has been a fully occupied for the week,i feel really tiring though,but the joy is worth for me to bring my keyboard from my room all the way to my campus,taking up the risk of letting my keyboard stay nights and nights at the student council room, reaching campus every morning to get the boof set up nicely,even had destroyed some of the campus properties...hahah!but i really enjoyed the club week..but i want it to be end up as soon as possible..on the other hand,im afraid that i have no chance to see him more often as in how we are seeing each other everyday...isint it stupid?

i tot everything will be fine..on the path..as how it was really happened..but everything seemed to be too perfect,which is out of my expectation..where i've been predicated something unpleasant like disputes would happen..somehow,itz jus so perfect!!!!!i would say itz an amaze to music club,for first time ever to have recruited many new members,to have such a chemistry among the old members,to have carried out everything in success,to have such a nice memory..i think itz a good start..that everyone of us has being so committed to the club,which i feel pretty proud of it..i have no regrets that i've requested patrick to insert our club into the list!itz awesome!!!

wel, the worst thing that i've encountered is i might be having a high possibility of repeating the same old mistake..which i have jus realised..i kept persuading myself to make things simple,but recently my brain is stucked like nobody business..i couldnt control the way i've thinking of him...perhaps,many songs remind me of him..damn it!i dun expect anything to happen,as long as the chemistry is there,we are frens..tatz wut i wish to have at all time!i dun expect him to be 'mine'..and i dun have the right to do tat..i have nothing to feel envy...perhaps itz jus nothing..jus tat i've been making things into complexity!

you're the one

who i like?



my fren jus asked me a question regarding the type of guys tat i interested.frankly i was pretty hard to tell him the answer cos i have many ideas bout my ideal guy..but the first thing tat came to my mind was soya bean..haha!currently hez the type of guy i like..somehow, i think im gonna talk non-stop on this topic..



anyway,have u ever miss someone that u love?someone tat u really care bout?someone that makes ya heart pump like nobody business?someone tat makes u worry all night long?someone tat makes u feel happy and tempted?someone that drives u to insane?someone that opens ya heart?someone that gives u energy whenever u are in hunger?someone that drives up ya passion toward achieving ya goal?someone that is in deep in ya heart?someone that u've been thinking everyday,every second,anytime?someone tat makes u feel so desperate to hug him?
wel,im goin through all this..it sounds like stupid and ridiculous to do all this,but to me,i jus think itz contented that i share my love to someone...hehe!

someone is back...

someone is back...

it has been ages for me not to mention bout this guy..tt,abreviaton of thomas tan..haha!he used to be my top-listed guy...wel,i really love this guy previously...he had driven me crazy.
anyway,the reason tat has act brought my intention to blog here was..something tat makes me feel increadible..jus wanna share it out..
on tuesday night,i was lying on my bed,thinking of wut have happened recently,the person tat i've admiring recently,the day after tonight,the things tat are gonna happen next morning, the possibility of seeing in the next morning...the person tat i meant wasnt not tt,itz another guy since tt has left for some time..at this moment,the name thomas tan jus flashed thru my mind,the memories of us performing together,practicing together,laughing,all these were stil fresh in my mind..then,questions appeared to myself,how wil i feel if i would have a chance to see him again?how would i response if im gonna see him face to face on day?am i gonna say 'hi' to him?or jus get myself stun there?how awkward would the situation be?or he'l jus pretend not seeing him and we end up being passers-by?anyhow, i was surprised tat when i tot of seeing him again,i jus realised tat i teared out!!wut da..how could i waste any of my tear on this guy??come on,i shudnt have continue to be a loserr!!!but i was pretty emotional...wel,i had a piano practice section on thurs,and lyden jus came to my studio and told me tat "ya bf has come back ytd "...i was pretty curious bout who would be my bf...i dun have one,and even asked him to intro to me..kakak! "thomas tan"....i got stunned for some seconds,seriously i had no idea how shud i response to him!after i've got this news,i got kinda distracted with these...the words kept appearing in my mind..''thomas tan is back''..seems like i have fallen in love with another person, i tot i would feel nothing bout this..but the fact is i stil got distracted with him..i think i 've gotta make myself clear about my feelings!!

my best frens...

it sounds like a reunion..

i alwis on the believe that we shud not done something to others which u dun hope to get from others..furthermore,i do believe that anything happens wil have the reasons,we've gotta cherish wut we have at this moment so tat we'l nv regret in the future..other than this,i oso think that when something good comes to me,something bad is waiting for me..i'l wont have good luck accompanying me all the time..so i need to appreciate before things happen to be worse..as the conclusion,i hope to live happily evenyday,enjoy the lifetime tat i have every moment instead of worrying of wutz gonna happen which is out of my control and expectation...i hope i can do this to make everyone around me to be happy..

anyway,the YA members met up..btw,YA is youth ablaze,which is some kinda fellowship held at the collage..meeting up the guys were the happy thing after a realistic-business review based-audit class by our excellent lect Mr Ramesh..hez such a wise man!!im his admirer...keke!wel,it's been a long time for us not to meet up in gang..i was surprised tat many of them came all the way from SS2 to KD campus!wow!this was the first meeting held at the campus,therefore, it was kinda funny and excited..as usual would have snacks while the meeting was carried out,and this made the atmosphere to be more relaxable.afterward,we went to 1U for lunch..wow!chilling out with them was the funniest and relaxable time cos u dun have to be wut ur supposed to be in front of a guy..jus be yaself as u are with ya family members..jus burb out as when u wan to..jus laugh as loud as u can whenever u wan..their are like big boys to joke and play with,but oso big guys when u need to be protected!haha!buddy buddy ma!

can i?shud i?am i?

i kept questioning myself bout the samething..i went to mirado for piano practice since exam is jus round the corner,i saw eddie and lynden..as usual,we would have topic to talk bout..but i'l say tat eddie looked fabulous with himself dressed up formally!!wowow!u look awesome dude!this was the first ever time for me to see him in this way..
anyway,the main point was both of them suggested me to be a truely musician..hm..i used to considered bout this question when i was at high school,or even 1 or2 years before from now..but i think i've chosen to be involved in the business industry where i gradually get myself used to the business world though im worry bout the reality of it..but im getting curious and interested into wut im learning...auditing,management,taxation,marketing...etc.im pretty happy tat i finally have put on the interest..back to the topic,i was kinda suspicious on myself whether i really manage to be a truely musician or jus taking it as a hobby in life?hmm..i started off with my interest on singing,then my parents jus discovered tat i have interest and perhaps talent in music,which lead them to buy me music instruments..i then became an addict to 'it',even told them tat i cant live without music!wow..i was pretty proud of wut i'd said!recently i found myself to have changed whereby i might have lost the enthusiatism and determination in music..perhaps i've been learning things which out of my interest..u may say im being stubborn,but im a nuts in classical music!!i keep wonderinn why would i took up the piano exams and courses?haha!itz ridiculous..somehow,i jus went back to who i am and took up drum lesson secretly..keke!musician..wut does it mean?pianist?keyboardist?guitarist?drummer?organist?full time music teacher?i have no comment on it cos im half way towards the business industry...i sure tat i'l be a graduate tat major in the business and accounting area!however,music is stil part of my life, and i'l nv give up in any chances to connect myslef to music or discovering new things...cos i like learning!

just read a blog written by my cousin..



happie birthday to my cousin sis- wei wei ...sweet 14 huh!how i wish im stil at teenage..but no more looo..reviewing wut i 've done during my teenage life,i felt pretty ashamed with myself,i act was a boring person,i did nothing special during the 5 years of my high school life..itz pretty sad!i was such an obedient daughter to my parents,obeying everything tat they asked me to do..why shudnt i be a little ignorance to them?!perhaps i shud have done something tat is memorable which at least makes my life to be a little bit colourful..something meaningful so tat i may have some stories to tell my grandchildren..kaka!



anyway,reading the blog,and sometimes watching some series,i felt that i am a truely loser!!!i've nv been through the feeling of having a bf over the 20 years!!!sometimes i might just feel so despearate of jus getting one...but am i suppose to get anyone else in order to fulfil wut i want?though i really hope to have someone there to love me..but isnt it good to just pick anyone out there?or i jus get whoever which is single and go ahead with the confession even i have no good feelings towards the guy!?or i would jus say yes to whoever that is available around me?hmm..i think i might not do this at this moment...i have doubt in future if im stil a single for another 10 years!i have worries on myself for not doing anything, and being pressure to regret in future whereby i have done nothing and nv appreciate my lifetime...or i might regret tat i've just left my lifetime passed in such a meaningless way...im so worry bout this!furthermore,i have no idea wut shud i do except the wishes tat i've listed down..

btw,i really have doubt on myself wutz happening in my life now..i tot i should achieve wutever targets that i've been set...however, i lose the dynamic and enthusiatism to continue my battle towards all my targets..sometimes i really need supports,either literally or mentally..i jus need supports!!!but no one seems to bother bout it...perhaps everyone has their own responsibility in their life..so would they bother bout others?i noe itz being bad to say this cos i noe tat there are of cos ppl who act care for me...i really cherish for their consideration!i love u guys!

hopefully i'l get to find myself very soon..i wanna get back to who i was to be..my confidence,my curiousity towards the surrounding,my passion towards my life,my reason of living in this world..

my listed wishes and targets to be done:
-lose weight preferably to 50kg
-do well in my study,wish to achieve distinction in degree
-write songs,compose songs...
-to be a friendly person,down to earth...learn from mistake...i dun wanna be sportlighted,but someone where ppl wil turn to me when they have probs,sadness..i dun mind to listen to them..

to be continued..

sometimes i dun even noe wutz the purpose of switching on the pc..

perhaps to dl wut i have choosed..to update some info..to chat with frens..my life sounds really boring..jus read my fren's blog,where she has found the purpose of living in the world,where she found herself,her reason of living,that shez here because of jesus!wel,i heard of this from others as well,and i think im blessful cos im here!

listening from my another fren,where her frens were killed in an accident..this really scares me away cos life is jus so miserable,as in we really have no idea wutz gonna happen next..no prediction but we do have a choice to appreciate everything that is with us now!i dun wanna live in regrets,i dun wanna look back to the past..maybe the experience will build me into a tougher person..but not to fear me off!i dun wanna let the past to be a reason for me as burden..

btw,i found my gang to have splited into 2...we used to be so united as one team..u'l for sure to see us togather at anytime and any place..but thing has changed at the beginning of the year..and i have doubt in trusting some of them..perhaps they've found something even better than wut we have...

simplicity brings perfection!

this guy is making to confusion...

even i get confused with my own feelings..when i tend to smile to him,he seems so cool to me...when im forcing myself to be calm down and not to bother so much...he tends to arise my feeling again...seriously i have no idea bout wut is playing around in guys mind!i got tired of it..i jus wanna have simplicity in life...i dun wanna think too much ...complixite things...making it to get worsen..i jus wan something pure...but sometimes itz hard to get in reality...oni in movie!i hope i'l get wut i wan ...something less than complication...something more than perfection,something simple!

sometimes,i really wanna confess to him...are u feeling the same as how i feel?i really wanna noe the answer,perhaps there isnt any answer,jus tat i've been thinking too much ...rich imagination on wutz happening around me...maybe im too free and have nothing to do...tatz why my mind has been non stop thinking of the rubbish!

i feel so boring staying at home...i've got wut i wan finally though,i tot i would be happie and satisfied,but this is not the fact!the fact is i wanna have my space and freedom...whether is with my gang or not..i think i need to travel...either with someone or jus by myself!i wanna see the world...wutz act happening outside there..something tat is wating for me to discover..i really envy wut my other frens have...i really hope to have my freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna have myself...i dun have anything nice to be kept in my memory...nothing much to write in the listed diary!i really hope to get to experience the fun and joys of wut i wan!i really desire it...and i think i deserve it!cos itz human rights!

during freetime,i even tot of how shud i be an ideal parent if provided i have kids in future..i'l nv treat them like how im eexperiencing now...make frens with children instead of parenting them....im sure i might be good parent if i do have the chance in future!hope this day wil come!!

the first time ever to feel "close" from him..

act it wasnt really close in the sense,but we jus talked bout the bands,singers,artists...and i think he really has the skill to hold the clients back huh...but i hope this wasnt his objective..i hope he really wanna teach me as a student..but i really enjoyed the lesson today!it was dam fun !!!i like it so much!!cos itz my style...back to my style...i love tat kind of music...i love tat kind of oomph!i jus love it~and itz so nice to have lessons...oni today..hahahha!i mean previously was found to be kinda boring...cos hez a boring person...but we really talked today...as in really have some kinda discussion...but i found something funny...where i like those tat he dislike...kakakkakaka!sorry la..i really like their songs...nice ma!different taste lo...we listen to different accompaniment..so different preference lo!kakaka!and i finally realised the fun of playing drums...the joy of jaming...itz dam high man!!!!nokidding!!!

no turning back...no regrets!

no one else but you
to be the one that has been stunning shimmering in front of me
and never gonna get you out of mind

no one else only you
to be the one i've thinking of
everyday and every night
and any second anytime
in my life

written and composed by cheong shiaw lee..;p

this is oni the chorus part..can u imagine i act wrote him a song?wow,even the same thing happened...but the inspiration wasnt strong enough for me to jus turn on the recorder,had the guitar on the hand,and jus strummed out...somehow, it might sounds a little imperfect as compared to a recorded song by the singer...but itz my masterpiece k!!!this song expresses my feelings,my obssession towards him!!!!and i've thinking of the silly stuffs all the time...im so worry that i might be seeing him one day holding someonez hand,probably his gf..but i couldnt picture if he holds a guyz hand,which possibly a bf!or maybe he already married with another woman,and have kids...im so worry this day wil come...i jus think that i couldnt stand it!and this is the first person that makes me feeling in this way...where i have much worries,imaginations,stupid thoughts...etc.he makes me melt off onto him..as in i think i have fallen deeply into this guy...no turning back...no regrets!somtimes i jus feel myself so sick in mind..even i knew itz gonna be likely impossible to happen..but i jus like him!!!and i keep thinking of him...even a bunch of keys has cause me to think for tonnes of possible reasons!!!i jus couldnt control myself from thinking of him!itz so crazy man!!so scary....i couldnt believe tat my feeling is getting stronger from day to day!!!OH NO!!!

5 months time...

this is why i feel so comfortable to blog out here...since none of my frens is reading it..blah!

i may like to announce here that i let go gavin lai jor!!!!!kakakak!a feeling got to me ytd..that asking me to dislike him,perhaps someting that annoyed me..i really dun und wut was i so adore to him...perhaps his outlooking is charming..but there are others who are much better than he is out there..perhaps he plays guitar..but i dun think hez the best..even my bro can play better than him...perhaps he has his personality shines,but there are even ppl who behaves much better like kai...etc!kaka...i got all his bad things after i've listed im in the recycle bin!yeah!seriously i felt real good..itz something like u release something from ya hand,or u release a anchor from a ship,flying up the sky in an aeroplane,having a nice scuba dive,having a nice taste of red wine...somhow i jus cherish this moment!the feeling cam to me in a sudden...n it was kinda increadible..i tried so hard to let go previously,but jus one second,it did!and everything was like wut it was supposed to be in the past. someone new wil come to my life...this is wut i hope for...kaka!!furthermore, i was pretty surprised that the person that i miss to leave here is wilson!hez lect from my coll who teaches computing classes..hez not old,come on!and im so adore to him...in which imnot gonna see him anymore after shifting to the new campus!im sooo upset with it...surprisingly im kinda happie for not seeing gavin!kakak!i dun think he treats me even as a fren,i jus think that itz so sucks!why shud i stil keep admiring someone who treats me so suck up?no point of being in that way..perhaps a normal fren wil be better!i dun care whether he likes me or not..but the fact is i dun like him...n i dun have the heart for him anymore!kekek!i dun bother anymore wut he has done to me,wut hez goin to do to me,wut heztrying to do to me..wut he'l do to me!it'l nv influence me...my reply wil be ''oo,,ok''!tatz all for him!

bad v good

really feel like bloggin last night but my modem got prob!!sob sob !

stayed wit no msn,no blogging,no surfing the internet...n finally i realised how important pc n internet in life!anyway...something sad n something good happened ytd...

letz begin with the sad thing...somehow,i jus felt not good when seeing them chatting n laughin there..but weirdly i jus couldnt get along with it...i jus feel that there a gal between me n them!i jus dun feel like forcing myself to laugh or looks happie but feel stupid in heart!perhaps i dun even give it a try to get along wit them...perhaps this is my fault!but the intention is not there anymore....n i think my attitude wil nv force me to do that!!lack out!!!!!i jus dun hope the day wil come to have no conversation...no topic...jus silence!!but i would say im starting to dislike his attitudes...hmmm,i dun agree with the ways he is,but this wouldnt be my business rite?somehow i jus feel disappointed towards him....n kept asking myself how could have i fallen into him even it was oni for 3 days long?stupid me!i felt ashame!!hez totally out of my world!!

another good news is...i saw him!at first i tot it would be a tough task for me to get along with him!it happened though where i really felt harsh to see his facial expression replied to my HI!but i kept telling myself not to expect much from him...cos itz surely impossible.....try to control my feelings n emotions!not to fall sooooo deeply into him til i hurt myself!somehow,i jus felt tat it was the happiest part for the day to chil with them!i hope everything will be fine from day to day!

itz early in the momrning..and im feeling somewhat...kinda weird...itz likedunno wutz happening in life....i jus feel like dun talking at all...as in i have no mood to talk to him...anyhow,i dun wana this situation to getting serious til we have no topic to talk bout...but sometimes it seems like i dun the intentionto even say hi to him!!i dun like this feeling...itz soooo cold!!

anyway,i got kinda confused when chatting with my frens ytd night...hmm...she jus asked me who is my current target?huh??i dun even noe whoz my target....perhaps im clear with myself...jus tat i dun wanna admiteit,...perhaps im kinda interested into him...buit then i sholud have fall in love with such a person....but wut to do....i dun wanna like him anymore..but whenever i close my eyes...he tends to appear in fonr tof him!im sooooo geram wiht his attitudes...how could he treat ppl in this way????DAM IT!!!!but at the asme time, i kept asking myslf why shud i bother so much bout him?somehow,,,itz jus a pain kille rfor me to mention tt all this time.

''sum tham''!!!!

it simply means frustrating or disappointing in canto..i would say that what am i to him?perhaps not even a fren..but i felt really pissed off when i saw him sitting and having fun in the room..i mean not being jealous or what..but i tot he was supposed to be bz with his coursework since he has gotto submit it this week...he even decided to cancel the lessons...or even no more guitar club or lessons at all.....but why has he to do in this way...without inviting us?perhaps he jus wanna have his own gang with him...but isit it irresponsible?i mean he was the one who started off in inviting us to join the club..and hez the one who asked to stop the class...wut shud i express to him?

furthermore, i even feel embarrasing and frustrating to have pumped into such a guy!!!i dun even bother to ask him since he has treated us in this way!somehow,i jus felt that he has nv treated us as his frens ever!no point of asking a question where the answer is predictable...i jus think that everything has gone meaningless at tat point!furthermore, i jus feel that he has made my to feel annoyin towards wut he has done!i dun hope this will happen cos i dun wanna let myself to love in hatre or anger...i really hope to treat him as fres..but i think it maybe a tough task to me!

confused!!

sometimes,i'l inquire myself whether or not i have good feelings towards this guy?or whether or not i have pumped into this guy?somehow,i jus think that situation wil be lessly complicated if the person is a gal!i mean i wouldnt have thought that i got fall in love the person when im missing a gal fren..in fact, i would ask myself do i act fall in love with this person if hez a guy!therefore,i do think itz the gender problem that cause me think sophisicatedly....perhaps i do have the same feeling towards gals..but jus that i'l think in detail if the same thing happen on guys!however, there may be situation where im sure that i really love this guy!the feeling is jus unique whereby nothing will come before him!ya mind appears nothing except him!but there may be no return though u have sacrifice much!but isnt it love to where i sacrifice for nothing but to love him!?wel, i do consider it as my perception...somehow,it may sounds foolish!

anyway,i found myslef kinda dumb or numb to feel wut happening around!perhaps im trying to not to feel?or im not good in getting the sense or signals!even someone may consists to have confessed to me..but i couldnt get anything!i personally think itz a big prob!i really dunno how to sense it!but hopefully itz not the bad thing!!

btw,i think i have seen him almost everyday...though itz not too long..perhaps jus a hi or bye...but the intention to seek for him..to just have a view of his face is alwis there!it happens to be funny that i miss him when hez not around..but i tend not to appreciate him when hez in front of me!i try not to display wutz in my mind on the facial expression..i wouldnt wan him to noe that i got good feelings towards him either...somehow,i jus feel that he noes something...n trying to prevent it from happenin..which i think itz a good thing!cos i dun wan all this to happen...sometimes,these makes me feel scare or afraid to approach him!perhaps i jus wan to remain as good fren or even bro n sis with him so tat i stil have him!!