MY PIECE OF MIND..

omg....once again i feel myself a LOSER...

why do this idea alwis be in my soul?perhaps of my low self esteem?hehe..why couldnt i have a simple and peaceful month ever for a whole year period..why couldnt i just live a happie bday month ever???WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY....F***....

things seems to be happening unpleasantly around me....firstforemost, i'd received news of my frens' relatives passing away ...4 cases...itz pretty sad u noee...some of them were quite calm facing the truth...but 2 of them were pretty upset over it since they really CARE much onto them...im sorry to hear that..it somehow makes me feel that family is irreplaceable cos we are interelated to one and another...cherish the moment togather with them cos u'l nv noe wut wil be happening in future time.

and my frens around me...many things are happening to them that makes me sort of worry bout them...i hope everything wil be goin back to the right path very soon...

myself...im kinda exhausted...kaka~yeah..the word exhausted...my all time fav to describe my feeling...kaka~i believe in karma seriously ...good incidents will follow up by unpleasant incidents, i alwis believe that there are cause and effect..kaka~too much of business study~anyway,i really feel like not falling love into guys anymore.....why are all good guys been occupied???hehe...im wondering he must be saying that this statement isnt a fact, that im merely on my personal perspective ..i shudnt have conclude it with my personal judgement..etc..kaka~act i was pretty impressed...perhaps may say startling with him!i never expect that his reactions would be something like ytd...hehe~~frannkly, he really caught me in fear since i nv came across wit such em...tremendously SENSITIVE AND SERIOUS guy ...aw~~~in fact, he makes me to talk cautiously in the conversation so that i wouldnt get into trouble by showing his piece of mind to me..kaka~wel, i was kinda inquiring myself why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind too huh?!hmm...i doubt that shud be a real nice verbal war...unfortunately , im not that kind~i'l rather keep it than spilling it out...isnt it hurtful to the frenship? i'l choose to stay calm than revealing my DEVIL side...NO WAY~~~but im wondering how far could i and shoud i to control this emotion of anger from exploiting out ?hmmm...im sort of proud with my EQ ...hehe...although i easily get piss off with ppl...but i could control it successfully ...AWWW~~~im such a COOL dude...YEAHH~~
OMGGG...im stil sooooooooooooo....argh~~~why could he treat me like that??how could he said those to me???i felt myself sooo innocent in that incident...F***......and one thing ...I DISLIKE OR SOMEWHAT HATE PPL SAYING "WUTEVER" TO MEEE~~~~hmm,why wouldnt i give him my piece of mind on this????KAKAKAKAK...YEAH~~~''im sensitive on ppl saying 'wutever' to me..i feel offended or being not respected..."...kakakakak~

anyway,my big day is jus round the corner, but i dun think i'l be in the mood for it due to all this stupid happenings...ARGHH~~S**** i tot of having a fascinating bday night with intangible bday pressies..kaka~~how i wish my dream would come true...how i wish they would actually sing me songs....how i wish they rmb and give me sms of greetings...this actually meant sooooooo deep to me~kaka...i think things would not happen in its way once i've expected it to be...i noe it well~it'l definitely nv come true once i've tot of or mentioned or expected..kaka~~perhaps no expectation brings surprises...*smile*

reader has stronger imagination than spectator....

have been getting up with some reading materials recently, trying to get on track with wutz happening in the real world instead of living in my dreamland, knowing nothing, being lagged behind, at least i noe wut happening in the board..kaka~

anyhow, my best fren delivered me a book by surprise all the way from UK, which i have heard of it by the movie shown, anticipation but no action in regard of marching into MPH and gets the book, paying at the cashier, this is me. rather spending dollars on ridiculous stuff than treating myself something that i want or interested. somehow, im glad and feeling great reading this book mainly itz meaningful and sweet although the story regarding a woman's life after the death of her hubby. yes, u got it right, P.S. i love u, tatz the title of the book~

strangely, i got the picture and images drawned up clearly in my mind, with my powerfully imaginative and dillutive brains working so perfectly togather merely with the sentences written in the book. i could picture the scenery, the facial expressions and physical movements of the hero and heroin, the interior design of the places, the behaviours of the characters...etc. sometimes i may even tear when reading the PS notes from the hubby that specially dedicated to his lovely Holly, it seems like i could und the entire msg and feeling that hez trying to deliver. wel, i found myself so strange being this way....kaka~cos reading nv been such a wondering thing to me all this while until i realised that nothing is much better than reading it by ourselves with our innated imagination. movies cant satisfy everyone, even you and me might find it imperfect in some ways. i began to adapt the concept of reading...kaka

darn it~

how shud i do now?i really feel so frustrated on them..how could it happen?i nv expected him to be like this...i really feel pist even i shudnt have had any this kinda feeling though.how he be like this?or im jus being too subjectives towards wut he has been doing?wel ,i really have no idea shud i help him to complete his courseworks or jus stay calm by doing nothing at all?wut shud i do?

i have a feeling that hez been thinking i'l be the one that steps out to assist him every last minute of submission but this is not the way it shud be happening.why am i doing this to actually kill him?but i jus think that hez been kinda reliable onto us,where he thinks someone is gonna helpp him at last. he seems not to put much effort at this moment and this is not the way man~and why are all these keep bothering me?i really felt pist when i was so worried with his courseworks and exams yet hez asking me for songs~i feel stupid on myself..why am i being overworried with him since he even dun bother bout it?im doing the additional work, am i?furthermore is non of my business so why shud i care so much with his matters?i shud have left these for his gf, and as a fren, spending time for tutoring and guiding is more than enough.sigh~im not sure whehther or not im thinking it correctly ,somehow i jus feel pist with them~im really pist..not one...but few...why are they doing this kinda things to us?we have feelings too...u guys are nothing much but just frens..thatz why i've been trying hard to forget bout wut has been happening recently...

i might not see it wit my eyes,but i could feel it with my senses...i can~wel, sometimes i've keep asking myself why am i being so suffer to remain the friendship and other ppl wil nv care bout it at all?why shud i bother bout it?jus bcos i wanna have frens since loneliness will actually kills me?perhaps im afraid to be left out from the gang and this makes me to have tortured myself much in order to adapt the culture of others and been alienated my personalities?i really dunno wut to do ..or isnt it the way to survive in the society?adoptable with wutz happening around and get use to it?somewhat, i got tired with all these..i wanna stop~how am i gonna do it?be firm by myself?pay no fuck to them?my DD told me to be selfish cos it's becoming one of the main principles in surviving yaself..wel, i realized that lately. ppl wil jus come to u if u noe something that they do not noe, u have the knowledge where they dont...sharing is caring..but i dun find trustworthy here, all i get is being fooled, being used~~why cant they jus do it themselves?i believe they can cos i did it too!come on...jus try to get rid from all those stupid reasons of I CAN'T and im sure u guys can do it.


other than this, i started to dislike someone..hez making me to feel that im annoying even i might not~somehow, he makes my intention to delete his contact at MSN,his number from my cell phone,not to talk to him at class, not to bother bout wut's happening to him...hez jus so suck til it hit my boiling point~

miserable life~

since ever the term break has begun,i knew that im so gonna recharge myself for beginning another new life rite after this period..i tot i would have struggled for nobody business for that week,despite i was a little by the boredom,perhaps it seems like i've found my path that im clear with wut shud i be doing for this coming semester..im jus trying hard to put myself on the right path..i hope that i'l be real determined in my edu..i dun wanna put much hope and high expectation onto him anymore..im getting really tiring from day to day...of seeing him every classes...everytime we play badminton...everytime we go for lunch...i dun hope to pay complete attention onto him,which is kinda out of my control whereby i'l notice wutever is happening around...tat feeling is jus dam shit..i really hope to get rid with all these in a peaceful way..where he would nv notice bout it yet we remain as frens~

somehow, i think i've improved much since i have no intention for him anymore,i'l somehow have the feeling of avoiding him whenever hez there or he might be there...i'l jus avoid any eye contact with him....the conclusion here is I DUN WANNA SEE HIM~~


wel,another thing tat brought up my anger is one of my frens..where we have been running closely as classmates and frens..however,sometimes i jus feel that he has been brought over to a certain limit where i dun really like it~how could he jus read my msg without my permisson..and i really hate it when i were in the conversation with someone and he came to interrupt by teasing me...i hate it seriously~i really hate it that he alwis have his piece of mind without thinking on wut others are thinking,i hate it when he feels that hez alwis right in everything..i hate it when he feels that hez knowledgeable than others...i hate it when hez too overconfidence with himself...i hate it when he takes things for granted...i hate it when he feels that he deserves the best of everything since he has paid for it...how would aries be compatible with leo?itz totally out of sound..they are best frens..but nothing more than that...i really hate it~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
who is he to me?how could he has such authority to control me?how would he say such thing to me?he has his piece of mind..so do i...i have mine tooo~im so gonna throw it to him one day...

another issue is,me and my fren went on a confrontation for our best fren...where this guy has been making use of her for his assignments..and fooling her feelings all this time..although i felt that i've being busybody since we are jus 3rd parties in here,somehow he'z been going over the boundary where i think we shud pay him a fuck and give a kick at his ass~hez so sucks..how could a guy be acting in such a way..being defensive on such thing even he has not make it clear ever...and he claimed that he did declared it to her...come on,we are not fools~frenship may includes sharing love and caring each other, but not using her money, her time and knowledge for the purpose of completing his courseworks~~furthermore a gentleman shudnt have take things for granted~and tatz why hez gone speechless when we asked him bout his motive of being good to her~hez jus extremely sucks among the guys and being such an embarrassment in the guys world~the point is he din even realised his wrong doings and keep thinking hez been doing the rite thing..this really brought up my anger again whereby i din expect him to say all this..i tot hez been placed in dilemmas and consequently he din give a dam to begin the relationship..but now he jus said he has no good feelings towards her...then wut were those memories and things that they've done?obviously itz more than being frens..wel,no matter how, i really hope that she'l get rid with all these real soon..i hope she'l cheer alwis~~

please forgive me~

the feelingn is funny...ridiculous...perhaps i've let go wutever i was supposed to ...shud i be feeling happie and grateful?heheh~

he jus told me that he has good feeling towards a gal who has recently been so closed with him....he oso told me how is he feeling towards her at this moment...and everything sounds like the gal likes him more than he does...and hez so thankful that i have act get to the point bout his prob of feeling such way..well,i didnt mean to analyse everything for him..jus tat i was telling my point of view and how am i gonna do if i were put into his shoe..

and wut he told me today was..something really sad...he's decided to hint to her slowly...oh god~~this is gonna be hurtful to her...seriously~i noe the feeling of being rejected by someone that u are so in loved with~~tatz gonna be sooooooo sad~~~~~~~~~~~~the feeling is really hurt~~~poor gal~i shudnt have said tat to him...i shudnt have pointed out the stupid idea bout nature in happiness...tiring in entertaining...am i gonna be the sinner here???please forgive me~~~please~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

happie birhtday DD~

my DD is gonna have her bday on 5th jan~~~of cos im happie cos shez happie with my present to her...but seriously im sad at the same time cos i cant be there with her for such meaningful moment~anyhow,stil the same..stay happie and healthy alwis..this is wut i wanna greet u~~of cos loads of love and kisses from me~~hahahahah~~~no matter wut...we'l be frens forever~and i'l wish u bday no matter wut happen k~

big bear hug~~~~~~love u DD~~~~~~

happie birthday ~~~~~~~~~toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ~~~~u~~~~

happie bday kai~

my very first blog for the year of 2008~~~

how i wish to get all my dreams come true...everything to be done and realised under my wish list..although it maybe possible but would be a tough task...jus hope for it~~~hehe~

wel, feeel released at this moment..surprisingly i felt so funny and even laughed non stop when he said tat..hahah~~i knew he was joking to me...if i were to the CSL in year 2007,i would have twist and turn wut he'd said..i would simply tot that he might have trying to hint something beside saying a jokes..but CSL has released something...the burden seems to be no longer in here..i felt funny when he said that...hahha~~thx to my gf who gives me support in doing everything..hahahha~of cos being a best fren would jus reply him..you are welcome~hahah~~

anyway..i hope i could have been to JB and celeb ya bday with u dude~~~i really have no idea wut to buy for u...the oni thing is to give me to u as a present..hahaha~~~i can do wutever for u
(jus one day oni)..cos u are my buddy~~~happie bday kai~

btw,my dear dear is goin to have her big day soon...this is so sad to me cos i cant be there to celeb wit her~how i wish everrthing is jus like wut i expected....but i noe although we are so far..yet we are so near ~~~heheh~~~and of cos i hope u'l wear the watch..and show if off..hahah~~~i noe the watch is jus a simple..but i do think itz nice and meaningful~~~noe wut?i was really happie and glad when u said the watch is nicely fitted on ya hand..i was so amazed..cos i tried on the sales person hand...and i intended to ask her to loosen it..and i din expect it to be so best fitted~~~~OMG~~that moment really makes me feel that we are so fated to be fren in my life~~i really feeel so blessed and pleased~~~

feel it with ya heart...

wut do u get from a song when u listen to it?

at the very first time where u got approached to this song..that u have no idea bout it..which is a whole new song to u...wut would be the first thing that attract ya attention?something that catches ya soul to combine with the song and play along with it?something that makes u so tempting on the song and even feeling full by listening to the song....something that u feel fantastic with as if u have got the right thing at the right time...something that arise all ya inner feelings...ya memories..or some song that represents something or meant for it..a song that u'l nv feel bored with thru out ya whole life...

or maybe u'l jus pay total attention on the arrangement without bothering on wut have the composer or song writers are trying to express thru such medium...perhaps a great arrangement is the point to it..wut if the song is jus played with a single instrument..mostly unplugged??or a solo without a word of lyrics?then u've gotta feel it...

i share with him and he doesnt~

itz been a habit for me to notice whether or not his name is appearing at my MSN list...i'l somehow feeel like missing something for the day if hez not online..sigh~

is this gonna indicate that im goin to a more critical stage of falling on him?haha~i was a tremendously emo person....my feelings can be a rollercoster for now and a total change to a ferris wheel in next min..and i felt really disappointed when i knew my 2 close bros were not gonna attend todayz class..i noe im gonna have a hard time..and i nearly told FY ,my fren while on the way to campus..phew~~~i jus cant tell her the truth although i wanted it so much..i noe i jus cant tel her if i wouldnt wan things to be even complicated~of cos i do hope that he noes my feelings towards him,but i've been thinking of wut can i give to him?

anyway, i was really down in the morning whereby i had nothing to speak about,even if hez sitting by my side,the feeling was jus to remain silent for some time..and this was so not my style..ppl think that im talkactive,which is not the 100% of CSL~i do but im do not all the time..i do have moody time in my life rite?and i din feel like bothering wut he was saying or doing since he din even bother wut i said to him...sigh~~thatz more than enough to hurt me~im realising that i've been trying to think in my own way,without thinking on wut he has does to others..perhaps everything happens to be one sided...i share everything with him...but he seems to keep everything away from me....perhaps this has shown that hez not willing to share his personal feelings with me so isnt it the answer saying that he's jus treating me as a normal fren?obviously rite~and yet im stil so falling so deeply into him...and the feeling is getting stronger everyday...which is so gonna kill me~

i need u when im at the bottom,i need u too when im at the peak

MY CLOUD~~im trying my very best to be happie since we are celebrating ya birthday..but thh fact is there..i jus hardly display something else rather than moody on my face..i dun wanna pretend but i noe i have to..and the lucnh was really a tough task for me..i rather stay at home and enjoy watching TV...i keep wondering wut have i done to him..i mean another fren..did i do anything that makes him dislike me?did i?i really have no idea..why has he to treat me so cold recently..perhaps i have done something wrong towards him..but shudnt he be treating me like this??how would he feel if he were to be treated in this way?dam itz hurt k~~u are making me to hate myself..u making me to feel as if i've done anything wrong in my life..i rather wan u to tel me my wrong doings..and ask for forgiveness...at least i noe the mistakes..

anyway..i was kinda lost today ...as in i really have no idea wut shud i do.everyting jus happened in a sudden and im trying to handle it with my very best..im so lost~~~i hardly recall my memory...everything seems to be a mess..i feel so lost~~~i wanna get rid wit this kinda lifestyle..i wanna have my determination back to my life...i dun wanna let a guy to ruin my entire life...and i noe im not cos im selfish enough to say that..i hate myself of fallin into him..i really hate it~~im feeling as if im abnormal since i've fallen into my buddy~~~i wanna cry~~dear dear..where are u??i need u to be here with me when im upset..i need u so much cos u are the one which allows me to cry on ya shoulder without thinking of embarrassment..im not as tough as u do..i really admire the way u take things..when can i be like u?i need u when im at the bottom..i need u too when im at the peak~~

why am i to go thru this moment..i've experienced the same thing last year..which my koh koh was there to support me and went thru everything with me..but things've changed..no one is here to support me in getting over all this...jus feel how stupid am i to repeat the same mistake..same feelings..but i took 3 days to heal myself up..and i hope i'l make it shorter...

hottie+sexie=lesbian post

i knew itz gonna be u hottie~~muax~~~huggies~~~im so happie to share my ups and downs wit u..somehow we are xx miles away..yet we stil care for each other...im really glad to known u as fren~~~

anyway,jus feel like talking something bout the prom night whcih was held last fri at MPHall of my campus..frankly the atmosphere was oni so so as compared to last year..and even the food was jus normal..but the goodies bag was not worthy..and of cos the ppl were nicely dressed up even better than previous year..it was such an amaze..but of cos u would see the emcees without their excitement this year even they remained unchanged..i jus couldnt see their flame thru their eyes..everything was jus done in the so so way...and even my performance was really a mess..cos i din went thru the sound test b4 the performance..and jus told the DJ at the very last mins...which cos them trouble..but luckily we managed to coped with it..anyhow, we were really panic cos we did practiced twice officially ..and i wasnt familiar with the song since it was the first time for me to listen to the song...of cos i'l try my best to do it~

the make up was really nice cos FOC..my fav~~yeah~~jus nice and pro skills..all thanks to the make up team from creative..they were really gorgeous and helpful as the guys were really chunned~~cos they were so tender and caring when u were willing to let them to apply those chemical onto ya face as they wish..they respect u and even listen to ya suggestions or opinions..and the main thing is they are really nice and friendly persons~~keke~

anyway..another thing that had flied me up to the sky was..i took pic with this guy~~~i din expect him to take pic with me cos i dinno that he attended the prom..coincidently he was there queing for the food..and he saw me..wowow~~i was really happie and shy when he put his hand at my shoulder and jus took pic..as in hez so close to me..kekekekekke~~hapie cos hez the first one~keke~~~~better not to dream ~

anyway..my fren said our performance was really nice..i was amazed that we sang pretty well as compared to other singing groups..cos our style was soft and sweet instead of DIVA..luckily we choosed the right song instead of continuing with the DIVA songs which might have jus spoilt ouu voice and reputation..keke~we enjoyed the applause...we enjoyed the cheers..i felt great to see that my frens were there to support me and my fren as well~~although there were some prob of the mic..and mistake in lyrics..but we'd tried our best and have no regrets~we'd done it finally~

the most happie thing was took pic with many ppl..they were really awesome and gorgeous..pretty and handsome faces everrywhere..

how i wish u were here with me to post for lesbian shots..hottie~sigh~~~

small matters..but itz mesmorize~

my lips...i feel really itchy now..sob sob ~~~and fri is the prom night..and im gonna sing on the night~~~wut am i supposed to do??the most important that i've done was to seek consultancy from a doctor..and i did~~but im stil worry...sigh~hopefully everything wl be fine by tmr...pray hard~~~

and also ming huiy to get well soon ...cos shez gonna duet wit me for the performance...i really hope that she'l get well soon ...and really sorry that im making much trouble for u...get scolded byt joanne...got sick...got stressful..get into tso bz with my stuff..SORRY~~

anyway..im kinda happie today although it was jus a small little thing...but i was really happie with all this small matters..with his attitudes...with his merajuk..with his shoes...heheh~~~
although he might not felt anything..but it was really nice and funny to stay right by his side...and i wont be feeling embarrasing in front of him..even i fall down today...my knee has gone blue black for a spot..but i din felt embarrased even i jus fall in front of him..keke~~perhaps frens are like this...

well,many things seem to rollling of the snow ball...everything seems to be linking one to another ...which really gives me a hard time to make decision...whether i shud continue with the effort to carry on with the club...or jus give up by saying 'i quit'....but then everything seems to have linked me into it..can i be irresponsible to jus leave everything to another person...i really had a hard time with all these..i got pissed off with it..i teared bcos of it...perhaps it has oso brought to me some happie memories..but sad thing seemed to happen more often~~keke~~

yeah~

im sweating now...dear dear~~~~~~~~~where are u???kekek

dun la angry me la..i din meant to fool u around ...hehe~~jus tat i was in front of the PC..and i saw u online at tat moment...u were not the oni one that being fooled by me..kekek~~there were other ppl tooo..even his elder sis~~~heheh...hopefully he dun angry that i've brought him a mess..anyway,it was fun~~SHARON KONG~~am i smart?cos even u couldnt even recognised my way of speaking..kekek~~oh no~~~~hurts me man~~and u said im gonna kena from u..OMG~~wut are u trying to do to me???oh no~~~dun scare me man~~keke~~

anyway..today was really fun ..cos the feelings were really nice...although it wasnt any nice clubbing venues...or pubs..or any nice restaurants..but the feeling were real good.lay under the sun ...wowo~~i like it..and of cos with them wil be alwis the funniest activities to do in my life..they will really give u an attempt to laugh out as loud as possible~keke~and please becareful with ya jaws when u laugh..
and the pan mee was really nice as breaklunch~of cos the most happie thing was pan mee+leng chais~~~kekeke~~this had really made my lunch even more fantastic than ever..wowow~~and of cos the point of the day was...they've learned a song-secret~~~wowow...im so glad cos i taught them the song...both of them able to play after 2 lessons~~~they are noobs..or i may say beginners in learning piano~~but im really glad that they've pay attention into it...i appreciate their effort dude~~u guys really cool~~~

MY VERY CSL~

i dun like the feelings of being annoyed..and of cos i think everyone does the same thing as me rite,dont u?

therez alwis a border line in my dictionary as everyone can have funs..fool around and play jokes...but of cos therez alwis a boundary no matter wut or who u are...of cos i do have...and some of them out there doesnt seem to notice that im hot tempered person ..and will get into anger mode easily...and sometimes wut they said would have really hurt me deeply or even annoys me without them realising..but wutz the point of tellin them face to face if they dun even wanna bother bout it?isnt it meaningless if i were to pour tat out face to face..

on the other hand..it might be a good aid or remedy during the healing process...where i'l et annoyed by...until the max stage where i couldnt stand it anymore...where i can act give up everything..where i can act let go everything...where i'l make up my mind to say 'bye bye' and start a better life...i seem to goin thru this stage..where im gonna have my very CSL soon~~~im gonna have my very CSL~~~

aza aza fighting CSL~~

i felt funny yet angry~keke

my heart was like stop functioning as in the fluid is not goin thru the circulation..as in my heart is goin to stop beating at that moment..where he asked me something regarding on studying abroad..wel,i finally und ya feeling bro chau..sigh~i was really upset when he said he's gonna get info on studying abroad..wel,tat moment makes myself even confused than ever..cos i've been questioning myself whether i do fall in love with him or not..perhaps i jus not give a dam to face the truth whereby i really have feelings towards him..yet i've gotta pretend nothing has happen since it might be too obvious for me to show my feelings out..furthermore i was jus sitting beside him...argh~~~stop asking me bout that..stop saying that..i really felt like tearing out..the intention is there ...jus that whether i do have the guts to confess..NO~~~CSL ..please beware of wut im gonna say~~~NONONO~

anyway,i did asked him for opinion that wut shud i do to the guy which i have feelings..can u jus imagine tat im asking the guy that i like for opinion regarding on how to confess to himself~wut da~~~perhaps i was jus trying to give some hint to him..since some of my frens suggested me..but it seemed like not working since he even asked me whoz tat guy..the one that hurt me the most "itz the truth..u like a guy..i din like anyone..'' ...he doesnt like anyone~~perhaps im jus being too sensitive and being 'tepuk sebelah tangan' over here..sob sob ~he even asked me not to give up ...jus giv it a try..walaoo~~~im so scare...and my frens kept asking me wut am i trying to worry about...wel,itz jus so simple- im scare of losing him~i dun wanna loss a fren..i'l be real happie ala he stil keep in touch with me even he has gone somewhere..

somehow, the intention is there..i noe that there'l be a big trouble if im to confess to him..cos i noe myself well,im selfish~i wil even have the intention to ask for him to stay~~CSL~~~~~~~~~~u've gotta stand firmly~~CSL~~~~~~~~~u've gotta support yaself..u've gotta stand tough~~~u cant fall so easily~~~

i've won since i have u guys~

it began with a good day,ended up with a bad day..

but one thing i noe i've won..which is friendship which gives me a strong feeling of supports from my gang..i really love u guys...those ppl,i so glad and blessful of knowing u guys..i love u guys and i appreciate the friendship..which i hope wil never fade...and not going to fade..

even my lovly dear dear would give me kisses and hugs although we are miles away..although we are being apart from each other..but i could feel how much she cares for me..wut a great fren that GOD has brought to me..and not to be forgotten...my gang,they are such nice persons to give me supports and advice..and even listen to me as i have no where to pour out my feelings...they allow me to turn to them...im glad to hav them!


noe wut?sometimes i really have 2 sided behaviour...i really have no idea wut to do..whether i shud carry on and fight for it...or jus choose to give up everything...perhaps ppl might say that im being irresponsible if i do this...but wutz more can i do then?it'l be more worth it if there are ppl to fight the battle along with me..im keep asking myself wutz the point of continuing all this shit??for my own fame?for the club?but i dun seems like enjoying music,but more on management or human politics..wutz the point?is this the main reason that i'd join the club?no~~wut i wan is jus to play music..to produce music with a gang of ppl...to enjoy music!but wut it has turn to be is so much different from my expectation..i realised how stressful i've been after being part of the BOD..perhaps u might say that im behaving as how a loser behaves..escaping or giving in whenever there is hardships or probs...somehow,i alwis make my mind up in thinking in different perspective which may make me feel better..''this is jus some kinda hardships to train myself up...im jus leveling in my life...learning to be tougher and stronger from day to day..itz a good time for me to learn the other side of the society at coll time so tat i'l get more used to the egoism of the real society...it may help me and teach me many things through the experiences.....''

however, it questions me on why shud i to been through all this at my edu time since isnt it the time for me to enjoy my study life?jus let it be when comes to career stage..im really struggling in wut shud i do now..

give myself sometime..

"love is when someone that u think bout when u wake up"...by one of my frens..

this sentence makes me think of the one that i've thinking of every morning when first open my eyes..but do i act think of him every morning?or someone has appear in my mind when im in fear,when i feel upset,when i feel happie,when i feel lonely,when i feel helpless....who is act appearing in my heart all this time that brings me back to the path??i cant even answer myself cos i got confused with my feelings too..sometimes i jus think that feelings are the one that guiding me to the way without analysing whether or not itz the right thing to do..

anyway, the feeling is jus weird..i got really curious with how is his feeling towards me....somehow, i jus think this guy is just more than a perfect guy to me..i feel comfortable to be with him..hez a nice guy to talk to,to hang out with,i really feel warm and nice to stay by his side...but wouldnt it to spoilt our frenship if im gonna demand something more than wut we are currently??i dun wan this to happen cos im not willing to lose him as a fren..i care for him very much..anyhow, i was thinking there might be a possibility for me to be thinking too much and being to sensitive on my personal feelings...sighz~~~

i gotta give myself some time...

i love u as my fren!

i shudnt have tot so much...i've stopped to think bout this long time ago..and the feeling has once again came back to me..hmm,i wonder im feeling either curious or worry bout wut im feeling from him..i've been questioning myself..am i jus being oversensitive over him?frankly i wouldnt get to feel a guy who has feelings towards me..cos im the kinda of person who needs clarification if a guy has not open his mouth to pour out his feelings towards me..furthermore,i've been treating him as a real good buddy...of cos i wouldnt wan something 'extraordinary'' to take place which might destroy our friendship..if it does, then it'l be a sad case and even out of my expectation to accept the fact..

somehow, i jus hope that wut i've been figuring is nonsense and i doubt i wouldnt handle it properly.....wut shud i do then?shud i ask him?or shud i jus keep it by myself?but wutz the point of confronting to him since i dun hope to get involved?

however,im sure with one thing..which i'l love him as my fren!!!!!!saranghamida...my fren!!

wut can i do?

really feel bored wit my life at this moment..

i noe shudnt have complaint so much since i might live a better life than many ppl in the world,but i feel bored with the real side of the society..the actual reason for living and surviving..somehow, i really dun wanna accept and adopt but there isnt a choice for me..i'l be lack behind if i dun adopt to the norm,i'l be alienated if i hesitate in being part of the norm..anyhow, i really worry that i might lost my personality and being one of them..i dun hope this wil happen to me one day,if it does then everyone wil surely hate me and be apart from me.

sometimes i really have no idea wut shud i do..and how shud i overcome those situations..i really dun hope tat anyone wil get hurt..and i dun hope anything that happen wil destroy the interaction...i dun wanna have enemies...i dun wanna hate ppl..and i cant control ppl to dislike me or even to arise their hatre towards me..i wan everyone to be my buddy instead of enemy..i really dunno noe wut shud i do..do u think itz worthwhile if no one gets hurt but yaself?no one noes bout ya feelings except yaself?no one noes bout ya hardwork except yaself?no one noes bout ya sorrows except yaself??if it happens to bring harmony into life..shud i give it a try?

shud u fight for it even i noe i might deserve a better treatment or respectation?but isnt it worthwhile for me to fight for it at the first place?and wut will be the consequences of the battle?wil anyone get hurt?wut the point of begining the battle?or shud i jus give up even i noe i have the ability and confidence to fight for myself?or am i jus being over worried with it?i've been thinking too much where im not supposed to think bout it?

desperate???u may say tat...and i think i am in the situation of being so desperately to have a bf...kakakak!!

i feel strange as whenever they send me a nudge or something ...it act means that there are more updates waiting for me to discover...they have something new to tell me...which im really happie since they have the intention to share all this with me...

somehow,i jus feel myself a loser...i've wondering isnt my attitudes or personalities a problem ...as i've been treating guys and gals as the same species in my world...why cant i just get someone from the same class as me..or from the same campus as me as my bf?perhaps my attitudes are really a matter into this..

sometimes i really wonder isnt he the right person that i've been looking for??or itz jus the same old case...im really tired at this moment...i really have no idea wut to do...to continue to put all my love and cares onto him..or jus seek for another one..i really have no idea whether im doing the right thing...