feeling insecure!

few days had just past on..and i have 3 more subjects to go..

do i sounds recovered?this is wut i hope so..but the fact is not really!i cant concerntrate on my study,i tried my very best to do it..but it doesn't work!i cant stop thinking of it!the one that i like so much,where i thought i could have let go someone and pay 100% attention on him!i thought he could save me up,but it seems even serious than the previous case!i feel so stupid with wut i've done...how could i like him at the first place?!i keep cracking my head with this question....i got deeply hurt this time,which i've never felt before....i may accept him to be togather with my frens,but not a guy!and this guy is so good to me where i treat him as my bro!how could my bro being togather with the one that i like!?itz pretty suffering for me to accept this....n stil i have to face them!can u imagine im helping tat bro to deal with his prob between the one i like??or u may say his partner!im trying to consult him to stand tough..treat him calmly....give him freedom...etc!in exchange of this,i got tears and sadness..furthermore,i just found to be strange to one of my frens,i should have known that he may not be honest to me...or he is being honest to me..nevertheless,i just listen wut he says and get into myself after that!im trying to believe his words,somehow,too many ppl have told me the other sides of him...which i've never seen that before,perhaps i dun hope to see that one day!anyhow,i have no idea when is he saying the truth or telling the lies!perhaps,simple makes life easier and happier!perhaps i should have put a trust on him so not to destroy the frenship!my fren asked me to beware of his sweet words..n this makes me feel insecure when dealing with him!!im really curious of his words everytime we talk or discuss some issues.wut shud i do then?i know i should trust my frens.....but..........u will never know if u without experiencing such situation.

im laughing when im crying...hahah!

continue from the previous post...

first of all,i would like to tell mun that they is invigilator but then she has to take care of too many ppl,thatz why they cant bother too much...thatz why they have chance to come n asked me questons cos i was sitting outside at the stairs n waited for my frens...sharon,do u think im daring??i dun noe wut shud i do...but i just thought of helping my frens...but of cos i wont make myself to get into trouble...

anyhow,im kinda in a trouble now!!!!i need u guys to help me out of my prob!!!i need ya opinions!!!tatz really important to me...i've keep reminding myself...just trust myself!!!but sometimes the enviroment will just influence me...wut they say will always influence my point of view definitely!tat makes me feel worry bout it!wel,i think i may start my story now...

i just finished my exam..my very first sub of the course,i was really happie cos it was fine to me...i was supposed to be very happie for the day cos everything seems to be perfect for the day!i've got all my frens here,i've got the one that i like to send me a msg,i thought i would be really excited for the whole day!!but this didnt last long!i knew something unpleasant might going to happen this week since i was really happie last friday...this really came to be a truth.i saw my fren,D n we talked..i asked him,since he has turned to be so differ recently,as a fren,i would always concern bout their conditions,he told me his prob..which i was really happie to it since hez willing to share with me:
"he met this gal few months ago..shez from hong kong...they have good feelings towards each other n turned to be a couple lately....but shez kinda moody in treating him....that makes him feel like dying!he hardly concerntrate on his study...n his examz on during the week...many of his frens have been trying to consult him since they are worried bout him!i noe hez a very serious person in dealing with relationship....he was really unhappie n tend to walked around...he went to mid valley at last...after that,he wanted to see this gal,we therefore called n asked her whether shez around at home or not...n she said yes,but when he saw her with another guy in the house watching some kinda drama!!"

i was really pity him n tend to give him a hug as a fren..he just warned me not to do so cos H was there,i thought he knew tat i fancy him........but the fact is not!HE is the SHE!!!!!my mind was blanked at that moment!i was confused!!"will u prejudice me?" D asked me.hez a gay n the partner is H!!!!!!how could it be???i feel like crying even im just typing out here!of cos i've nv treat them differently cos i dun really mind bout it..but why is this happening to me?D told me H was the one who started everything..he was the one that asking him to have a relationship...of cos i wont believe rite?we then went up n eh showed me some 'evidence'!both inboxes are fulled with the msgs sent by H to D!n the there is one word keep appearing in every msgs..'honey'...yucks!!!!!!!!!!i really couldnt stand it n my tears just dripped off!"i just wake up,i'l call u later!honey!"..."where are u?honey!im feeling hungry..how bout u?"..i cant even type it out!!how could he?my heart just broke off....n D just knew that i like H too!!but some one just told them that i like D..n tatz why he dun bother bout me when i talk to him!n the worst thing was that we even had lunch togather!they have no idea that i knew this....i was trying to act as normal...just talked to eric as usual..n i was so dam angry with eric!H n him are good frens,but he has being so supportive to me to approach H!!wut has he trying to do huh?"i treat u as my best fren, n see how u have treat me!"i hinted to him..i didnt dare to say out since H was there,until when we finished the lunch n both of us talked bout this.."why are u doing this to me?cant u see them being togather?why are u keep supporting me to do so?"i questioned him."u think they are gay?i can guarantee u...for sure not!i dun treat my fren so nicely if hez a gay!"he told me confidently.how am i not supposed to believe it?the evidence just persuading me to believe it!i hardly put a trust on them since then,not even eric!i found them to be too tricky!

i went to library n revised with my gang..i just hardly concerntrate..itz like a drama n the day havent end yet...my fren noticed me n we went to have a talk...she listened to me n i cried out when telling her...i was trying to get rid of it..later on we went to have an ice cream,someone wave to me n asked to have a talk..itz D!he told me that H din reply his msg,H din go back to his own house,he has suspected him to be gather with eric..hahaha!!tat shud be something funny man!hez so suspicious!i then called eric n asked where is he now...hez at home,he thought that i dwas crying n consulted me..n Ddun dare to call H!they asked me wut had i talked to eric...i just told them..i din noe that this has brought a bigger trouble to A!they thought that eric would have told H bout this...which makes Hrefused to bother bout D!i felt even guilty bout that,n msg eric.."will u promise me,if not i'l hate u forever,i'l never forgive u for that,im serious k!"it took me a long time to type out cos i was writting it in chinese..haha!"i dun know why?can u tell me?wut did i do to make u so?"...i was feeling so guilty bout it!!i intended to give him a call.."wut we have said just to be kept between us k!tatz all i wan it to be...i dun hope other parties will know bout it..i dun wan other ppl to be involved..."i was really rude to him on the phone.my gang was so surprised by me!i was really angry with him though he might not have told H bout it!i felt that he cant be trusted!i then went home..Dcalled me n we talked for a long time,they apologised to me where they felt they have being rude to me..i dun mind cos i really felt bad for it!throught the conversation with him,i discovered something,D is kinda suspicious with H,n the relationship sounds unsteady,or u may say that H is trying to get rid of him!

ridiculous

my exam just began this morning...everything seems to be fine until i finished everything n came out early n seated at the stairs...was waiting for my frens appearence...

i saw someone in green shirt,he was walking towards our exam rooms,hez zeng hui.he had exam too in the morning..tatz why i sent him a msg to wish him..he did replied..haha!i was really happy at that moment...we were talking there...n jerry was out..i just found this guy to be rather arrogant...which i dun realised last time..n gal came out from the exam asked me a question bout the exam paper!!i was kinda shocked n just told her..am i doin the wrong thing??suddenly,eric came out n asked me how to answer the last question!!!!!!!!how should i reject him??i dun dare!!!!i just asked him to refer to the answers from MCQ where there was a question similar to the required answer in the last section!!he asked me to sms him the answer n jus rushed back to his place!!how could he do this to me!?i was standing outside the room...n he even showed me the question which he couldnt answer throught the side window!!!!!!!please dun treat me in such a way k!!the invigilator might fail me if she have see that!!how could he??i jus walked away n asked told another fren bout it...they just asked me not to bother bout it!!haha!

to be continued.......

hey!!the battle will be starting on this wednesday!!my first sub!!!im so nervous bout it....

many things are happening n i tend not to update here..i've so lazy bout blogging last few days.letz begin with last friday.i went to college to revise with my gang of frens,to the place where we usually hang,i was kinda surprised when eric told me he wanted to come to college to ask me some questions on the past year papers.wel,i've always help my fren..haha!!n he said he'l bring someone as well!it was around 1.30pm n i had planned to leave there at 2.30pm to have my practice,i did something stupid!!i tend to left there at 3pm,which i wouldn't have time for my practice before my lesson starts..haha!i was really happie when leo was here,n berry came for a moment,wel,hez always the gorgeous one among his gang...but this is not the point to it...

my guitar class ended at 4pm n i saw eddie was there with pat!!!i thought their class supposed to end at 3.45pm,then i intend to say hi to pat..haha!!that was the best thing when a cool guy plays my fav song...thanks to pat man!eddie is so sweet though he sounds like a rock person...hez playing is clear n the chords are perfectly played out!"we can perform this song,i'l be playing the guitar,u'l be playing the piano...then have a few more players around..."he told me.that shud be really cool k!however, i was so happie with that,i thought this would be the most happy thing in my life for the day...who knows the roller coaster has just started!i saw a person which i love so much,i've so mad bout him,i've admired him so much,i've not seen him for ages.......tt!i was taken aback,i know that hez not learning on friday n i intend to stay back n have my practice until 6.30pm!how could it be huh???itz all fated....kekekekekeke!

anyway,i would like to mention here..specially dedicated to kar mun..haha!noe wut?i was so impressed when we chatted last night..i din realised that u did think the same as me..i mean some of them...i thought u might not und i mean,instead we are kinda same too...hahah!

secondly,to my dear dear,bout our 'sis'...haha!that shud be cool man!obviously!!i hope they can have a happie ending..hahah!my sis wo...if he comes oftenly then he can help me to infa some songsmer..rite?am i being cruel to him???no rite??????

last but not least,my luvly n handsome bro!!!i hope u have received my mail...itz kinda long but i really hope it helps ula....u shud noe ya sis me kinda supportive for u towards ya music rite????jus to say here,life wont be perfect,but at least not regrets!

untitled!

im feeling so dam low now!!!i really wanna say out but then i hope my words wont hurt anyone....n i have to say sorry for beig rude to u guys!

lately i feel that the ppl around me change n this is a normal thing in life rite??i wont ignore it whereby im trying to get myself used to it!n im forcing myself so difficult to go it!!i noe itz not a good thing but i dun hope to get lack out with that...but sometimes i really feel exhausted cos i dun hope to disappoint them..but i dun wanna stress up myself to get used to it!!!i feel kinda reluctant to do that..perhaps i have done it i exchange of unhappiness in my life!i dun meant to hurt them but then i dun wanna make myself get hurt as well!!im feeling so dam sad cos im so worried that i might get left far behind there...but i dun feel like doing it at the same time...i dun wanna force myself any more!thatz enough!!!perhaps u may say that im being too selfish...i should have think of other ppl before telling all this craps here rite?i alreay tried my best..i dun hope to face the same situation for the second time....i dun dare to cry in front of my frens cos they may think that im too sensitive or emotional...i really wanna tell u bro!!!i dun intend to tell my sis cos she has been so dam sad bout her project...i dun wanna trouble u!!!perhaps i might tell u later bout my prob!i really hope that hez here to consolt me when im feeling so down....im running out of idea bout what is gonna next...wut should i do...but i would always question myself at the first place:am i doing the right thing?i would always ask my frens bout it...n listen to their opinions....perhaps there are other alternatives in dealing the same prob...

im so dam over exhausted!!!!!!!my exam is just around the corner...NO!..should be next week...i din practice my piano exam pieces at all...n my teacher is going to lecture me...sooner or later,i might started to dislike my piano lesson...wel,i have less interest in that!im so dam worried bout my sem 1 exam!!!though ppl around me keep saying that itz easy n itz just the beginning...but i really hope to do well in that exam...i wanna prove to my family that im serious in my study!!im not playing a fool in my study!somehow,i just feeling that my sister n my dad dont put a trust on me!!this make me lost my freedom!!they think that i dislike wut m i studying now!frankly,i would say maybe n i did thought of that...but i dun bother bout the subject that im studying or bout my interest...i jus wanna study!!!i dun bother!i jus wan my freedom!i wan my style!i dun wanna treat my frens in such a way that im supposed to making them satisfied!thatz not me!sometimes,i really dun like explaining to them...i dun wanna bother!!i jus wanna say "oo...","ok...",hmmm...nothing much to talk bout it..."...or perhaps just a smile!i think this should be better!!at least i dun have to crack on my head to think of any reasons or explanations....sometimes,i found there is no topics amomg us n im forcing myself to figure out some kinda nonsense n just bring it out when a moment we have zero things...only a silent moment with the air flowing!i hate that n this has changed me to become a talkactive person!i stil rmb one of my frens told me that she prefers me to talk n laugh instead of being silent!i sounds weird n arrogant in that way!!since then,i crap all the time...n this has naturally become part of my features!!!therefore,my frens would found me unpleasant if im not talking for that day...or maybe a moment!im an easy-going person in their point of view n i dun have any idea bout myself!i prefer to see myself in others' point of view!!perhaps they might say im fake,inmoral,arrogant....etc...n wut i can response is "ooo...ok..."n just get to know myself better!

somehow,i jus feel that there is 'trend'..i dun believe that at first...i thought things wont be as like wut other ppl told me..perhaps i was too stupid at that time...back to this,ppl will behave in this way when they are approach to that situations..n the equility wont maintain all the time...the lifestyle would be differed...perspective of thinking may not equal..

last but not least,thanks bro for giving the support indirectly!i appreciate that!of cos im excited bout that!music brings us alive rite???once again i would like to apologize for being rude...much love to everyone!peace*

back n red

im sitting in da pc lab..feeling so dam boring!!!i feel like crying...for wut??i think itz meaningless to mention it out!

somehow,i jus feel like i've being so lost in my life..bad things are happening every moment in life n i do nothing to it!wut i can do is jus pray hard...listen to them....everything sounds like drama...n i think it only happens in the scripts...n espress in form of movies,series,plays...etc. who knows the 'drama' is happening in real life!recently i jus heard many sad cases happening n i jus cant give them a hand!i feel so sad!!i believe in fate...n everything has been arranged by GOD!i believe in that...i really feel like giving him a punch(i mean my cousin in law)!!!!im so disappoited towards him!!i hate him..i thought hez the right one for my cousin!!i put him a trust though he sounds naive at that time...he has convinced me by the way he treats my cousin...i was so happie cos my cousin has finally found her right one!who knows things are even worse than the 'drama'!my cousin couldn't have been hurt so deeply if we refused to agree the marriage at that time!perhaps.we have destroyed her life!i love my cousin so much,i've been hoping things to be fine in her life all this while..i might be impossible for them to last forever,but at least please dont hurt her in such a way!hez being too inhuman...how could he being so cruel n brutal to my cousin???don't they have love each other though divorving is making them being aprt???he has no moral at all!he has lost his mind!!!i couldn't picture that!!perhaps this is the other of him!!n the true colour of him is black n red!

craps!

im sitting in da pc lab...my mind was blank for a moment....im kinda lost in my daily routine...

i havve been always thinking bout is this life??i mean goin to coll n study...goin home after this..play my guitar....play my keyboard...perhaps i might skip classes to chill out with my frens...so would it be thatz all??i mean how am i supposed to make my life more colourful in this way??i noe i shouldn't be so demanding with my life...but can i have some excitement in my life???of just something unusual everyday....or every week....im kinda bored with it...furthermore im having a study week....haih...

out of my craps...im kinda sad recently....n oso have been kinda worried all this while....first of all, tt is leaving soon...my frens told me that i would have forget bout this guy very soon...perhaps i might not be able to forget him for the rest of my life...this may be prob for me...as for myself,i dun hope to forget this guy..cos he has appeared to be so awesome in my point of view...he has everything i wan...but somehow,there are no perfection in life....im being so worried that i might get him out of my mind in future..wouldn't it be a good news for me??i totally have no idea bout it!!

next,someone that i like is leaving so soon.....i think u should have some idea bout this person rite???ya....thatz the one...da1 tat makes me feel warm n secure...da one that makes me feel comfortable to talk to..i noe that hez goin back to his home soon...but i dun dare to ask him...but this question has in my mind for some days...is he coming back for his degree??would he be going to another cuntries for his degree???i dun have the guts to listen to his answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!perhaps the answer might be something favourable to me..perhaps he might says "nope,im not coming back..."......how would i feel then?what should i be my response to it!?i dun hope to get hurt....

KORG.OASYS

hey guys!!!dont u think this is really gorgeous????
i love this so much!!!!!!that shud be my ideal working tool uh!im showing u guys that wut i like n wut i interested in my life....i really wanna share with all of u out there...thanks for looking at it!!!!i hope i'l get it one day!!!!haih.......

my dear bro!!!!!can u see this!!???i love this so much!!!!just to tell u that itz a product from KORG!!!my fav brand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!this is so dam coool rite????

my ideal elect g!!

im listening to leehom's songs...simply inspired me of wut i supposed to post in my future posts..

wutz my blog title?no music no life rite?i wanna share with u guys out there bout my thoughts,favs,...etc in music here...so i think im gonna post pics or some tabs here..haha!

firstly,i would like to show u my ideal elect g!!!!i think bro u should know why do i like bout this elect g!
i really hope to have this...but itz expensinve for me!!!i love this so much!!!!!

b.o.ring...

im sitting in da pc lab...pretty boring cos i have to rush for my coursework,which i have to hand up tomoro...

im so dam boring cos all this time i've been doing courseworks for all the subjects...so dam boring..nothing seems to excite me!truely a study life...no more funs and joys in life!i wan something exciting!!!!but recently i've lost my mood due to da disappearence of someone in my life...perhaps hez not here..perhaps he has fall sick..perhaps he has fly home....there are many inquiries in my mind now....i really wanna see him....im act kinda missing him...hahahahaha!but i told o one...except u..the one that reading now...sadly i dun have a chance to ask eric bout wutz happening with him now...i dun intend to ask andrew or berry!!!but i really wanna noe...at least bout his location now.........im being so dam down this few days but i have to pretend as in like im fine all the time...itz so dam suffering to do this..frankly i have no motivation to do things cos everything seems to be so boring in life!i miss those days with them...i think ppl out there shud und wut i mean...i miss my sisz... miss my bro....i miss chatting with u guys....i love crapping with u guys...we had so much funs...but everything has became past tense...im so da boring now...i mean at this moment...

somehow,i just think that we shud do something really exciting in our lives rite...life is like a candle as always seen in books...and i personally think that itz true..my business lect used to ask us a question during class..something related bout our life...and she told us there is a hieracy in our life....n not many ppl could achieve the peak of the pyramid...usually we are borned n been fufilled with the basic needs in lives..later we've have education if possible and starts off the carrier lives...we'l try the best to fulfill our desires..then we'l have social lives and this is the time to thinki bout the future time...when money n family is not a prob in live...then we might wanna have something unusual n we'l do something out of the expectation....

i personally think that we shud enjoy our lives all the time rite?we have no idea of wutz gonna happe in da next second....regrets are considered a sad case in life...but it might be experience gained and teaches us to be more aggresive rite?

anywayz,thanks for reading all this craps...i appreciate!

happie marriage is happening now......

i've planned to save some money cos im in a pk situation!!!anyway,i stil spent..haha!

we met up!!!finally...we met up...3 of us!!!!it has been a long time that we never seeing each other..since ever after the examz...after LCCI!frankly,im really happie to see her again..though things had happened..happie1..sad1...but all this wont be a matter to me cos everything has became a past tent or a memory to be kept in my mind!back to this,i was so pleased to see her since ever she told me that shez gonna be a housewife next year!!!if u r reading this..i really wanna talk bout ula..haha~dun worry...itz all complements..haha!

shez a dynamic n energetic gal in my point of view...she does things without consideration of the results...n this is the best thing of her...shez so straight n pour out every of her opinions...n i think this is good to maintain an ever-lasting friendship..i loves the way she makes her decision...shez such abrave person...she'l say out who she likes n dislike...she'l take actions towards the person that she loves...BUT...i discovered something..she has act changed now...perhaps u grown..haha!

shez becoming more feminine...in another word u ay say lady-like...which is a good news to u..dun think that im saying u old!but u has become mature now...u care bout him...u care bout the family...im really happie when u told me that hez ya mr right!u never say that for the previous guys...which i was kinda impressed!!when would be my turn?!?!?!hahahah.....sounds extremely desperate rite?anyhow,i really hope that u'l be happie cos as like u said...itz like a fairy tale in the story book...i think every gal hopes that in their lives rite?so to me!!!!i hope to be like u..but my time has not reach yet..i trying to consolt myself!u r the lucky1..i hope u guys will be an ever-lasting couple....please dun think of those bull shit anymore..think of doing something chun for the relationship instead of divorcing...hahaha!!!i love u guys so much n i wan to see u guys happie all the time!GOD blessed n keep it up for the ahem ahem..hahaha


wel,im in the pc lab now...i din see him today n this makes me feel so down for the day..perhaps,losing tt makes me lost my drives in my life....losing leo makes me lost my mood!!!so who do u think is the most important person in my life?me myself dun even have the answer in my mind!!i really hope to see leo!!!im kinda miss himla...haha!tt is just being too far......and the possibility is equals to zero!wut can i do to get him out of my mind?the answer is none!!he has appear to be so perfect everytime i see him...that reminds me of everything...that makes me feel like crying....that hurts me so deeply...

so hungry!!!

things were just happening in its ways...itz totally out of my control...

recently i've discovered something which is out of my expectation...i used to mention bout this guy previously n his name is zeng hui...someone just suggested me to start off as a fren...wel,i did n everything is going pretty fine...but da feelings just seems to be so weird...i like him...and i like him!i mean i just like him...can u get it?i like being as his fren..i like talking to him...but just so simple..i care bout him...just like this...me myself dun even know how do i feel bout him....anyway,i love this feelings cos itz so simple and comfortable...not thinking bout too implicit..not being too sensitive...just simple n lovely frens!

back to todayz case...i was paying my 100% fully concerntration in the class..listening to my lovely mr phang explaining bout the coursework...he gave us some guidelines bout which books to be referered...what shud we write bout....etc..suddenly i heard a msg tone...i thought would be some msg sent by 32888..i seemed not to bother bout it...but some1 just need my help...itz my bro eric!!i dinno wut to do since da lect was explaining something really important..but my fren just needed help for his coursework...thatz why i asked him to hang on a moment...but he intended to ask me to go down now!i got fire up at that moment...but wut to do...hez my fren n he ask no1 since my gang seems to dislike him(without mentioning to him..haha)wut are frens for?i think everyone would have their personal answer to this question...so do i!ijust went down and see wut has happened....though it was really troublesome cos we had tried several pc to open up his file..and i gotta rushed back to my classroom so to get my payment to enter the pc lab...to get everything settled..haih....i felt so hunry after this cos i din have my breakfast...im happie cos i act helped my fren!!!but my gang think of me one kind when i help him....i would do the same thing to them...i always help them in their courseworks..but they have thought something bad bout me..

SS2

i sitting in da pc lab...waiting for my lovely mummy to pick me up afer class...kinda boring here..but wut to do..i have to wait for them rite?

i enjoy my day!!!seriously!!not bcos tat sharon is reading or others are reading it..i really enjoy my day!!!i met up with my sis n bro today...and a new fren which i would like to introduce here-patricia!shez such a nice gal...but tremendously quiet compared to me..hah!we are same age but shez soo dam polite!perhaps this is the example of being as a pj gal..haha!meanwhile,i would like to say that i was really surprised when i received a call from my bro!!i din expected it cos i was bathing n heard my mobile phone ringing...i thought that shud be sharon at first...who knows...then,i got to my coll and waited for bout 30 minutes...wel,i was kinda pleased cos i could get my part of my coursework question done during that period...GOD blessed!finally they were here...sitting in a really red car(looks like a tomato)i was really pleased to see them!!!!!!!!!long time no see huh!i really miss them so much n i was so worried that we might not have as much topics as we used to be...and i know this wont happen cos i got all da feelings back!!!!!i just love to talk to my bro....and please dun jealous k!!!!sharon!!!!!!itz truely from my heart cos we have da topics...music,jaming,guitars,cars....n all da craps!!!i act like it cos ijus cant find anyone currently to have this topics with me especially music!!my current gang loves pc games...online games...which is out of my zone..haha!noe wut?i thought i would get myself use to their topics but i just simply have no intereset in that particular area!i hardly und the fun of being in front of the screen n playing the game for hours!!perhaps,they just cant und the joy of jaming with the band rite?

back to my day,we went to sri hartamas for lunch..do u go to secret recipe if u have da chance to have lunch there while there are so many choices in front of u?my answer is NO!!u may ask me wutz da prob here...but i would just prefer to have something differ where i can act get it at SS2!this was the first time i've been to souled out!my first impression was:nice and clean...'white-color-places',too many 'securities' around...for my opinion,i just think tat this place is a nice place for businessmen,but not to seek freedom.i do mean that this place is to commercial..which i cant find anything fun there...excludin the cocktails n other alchoholic drinks!anyway,i stil enjoy myself cos my gang is there with me!!

one more thing tat act makes me feel happie today...feel like flying..haha!some1 just gave a a compliment bout my mandarin speaking!!he said that i have improved my mandarin!!!yea!!!!!i was really impressed cos no1 ever says that to me before....ppl will only criticise on my mandarin...i really appreciate that...cos this gives me confidence to speak to him..haha!

do u know wutz da meaning of SS2??S=sri hartamas, S=souled out, 2=we went there by with gen 2!haha!

feelings.love has no reason

as time passes on,i found myself has really fall in love with this guy!

u may think this guy is tt right?but this time u have mistaken..itz another person which i actually mentioned in my previous post...his name is leonard!wel,i do prefer his chinese name,zeng hui!i knew him through my fren,eric,which is also a fren of him,they are kinda close to one and another..i like him when i first saw him,not that he has an appealing outlooking or six packs or cool or tall...etc. in fact,eric n berry are even more handsome...but hez so unique to me!i mean hez a nice good to talk with,hez such a sweet guy in my point of view,comfortable...and i told eric bout this since ever i treat him as my 'bro'...and he seems to 'blackmail' me with this...haha!he told me he din tell zeng hui bout what i thought bout him though,somehow i could feel that must have something in the other side..i think he might have told hui bout it!!im so worry of seeing him face to face cos i think he might have known something which he shouldnt have known bout it...this makes me refuse to have conversations with him and he actually realised too!!haha...he told eric that i rather talked to andrew than talking to him...i was kinda impressedcos he realised it!!!eric sounds like a middle person cos i would sms him whenever i see hui..and surprisingly he tells eric that he sees me too!!!!eric keeps supporting me to know him better..therefore i intended to talk to him more,ask for his opinions,i really wanna know how he thinks..but this didn't work out actually!we had lunch today togather,eric,berry,andrew, and him were there...frankly i was trying to have a sit beside him but andrew was sitting beside him...haih!then,i tried to talk to him...i tried to ask him things,i tried to have topics...and i got the answers from andrew!!!!!!!!!!i mean he grabbed the questions and i was actually asking hui!thatz fine anywayz,and i could see that he seemed to be not feeling happy with his life!i really wanna ask him bout it,but he may think that im annoying right?i hope i can help him or share his probs!i feel bad when i see him without his smile on his face!

the main prob is i seems not really understand what he says cos he speaks perfect mandarin and my mandarin is really poor..sometimes he cant even catch my words!!im so upset with it...this cos us no conversations...i have no confidence to speak my mandarin in front of him!furthermore,he seems to be a shy n keep-everything-in-heart person..itz tough for me and i got so fade up..hez kinda differ from the guys that i usually like..i like guys who are energetic,dynamic,mischievous,independent...etc...something like tt...and i can assure u that zeng hui is opposite of tt!i dunno why do i like him?i used to answer eric the same question that itz all bout feelings!!!do u think itz true?wutz ya opinions?

chicken hunter V.S. little worm

i really have much things to talk bout here...i wanna express everything here but i just cant...

frankly,i wanted to cry when eric told me a new which he thought that i should be happy with it..i thought so and ended up with some drops at my face...i kept asking myself..'shouldnt i feel happie?'..i thought the answer should be yes but why was i crying???why must i felt sad and guilty bout this!?

i have been interested into tt for almost three years...since i was 16 year-old..i may considered it as a love-at-first-sight situation...when i first saw him,i was kinda impressed by the way he dressed,he rushed for his lesson,was wet at the back of his shirt cos he sweated,was paying his fees and i was just beside him...i like his style..i could remembered he always waited for his mom to pick him up after lessons..and he would showed off his talent out there,i just easily melted off by him!!i love him!!!!!!!!this was those days...i love bout his style,his appealing appearence,his talent..however,things has been changing as time passing on...i found myself got seriously crazy over him when we could have a chance to perform in a group last year...it was such a sweet time tat i would not get it out of my memory!!!i din expected this thing to actually happened..they are really talented players....of cos i would give the priority to him!but i couldnt do much thing after the performance cos he seems to be so strange to me!i have nothing to say then,he has drives me so crazy towards him n now hez gonna further his studies in UK!!!but da feelings are stil here...and this is wut i think so....until i met this guy named li zeng hui!when i first saw him,i felt kinda impressed by him..i mean he gave me some kinda feelings which are so unique...i feel so warm n secure to see him...but i have been trying to control my feelings towards him cos i feel bad whenever i think of tt!

birthday on thursday at friday!

hey everyone out there...im turning 19 year-old today!!

i feel myself getting so old n so differ from the previous year,whether itz physically or mentally!but i think my attitudes might not change..stil in old ways!

i have lotz to pour out...i wanna share my meaningful day with all of u out there..im really happie n pleased to have them for my day!i appreciate everything tat they had done for me..even the lies..even i was asked for singing with a ketchup bottle holding in my hand n standing on the chair...i dun mind cos i have my best ever frens with me all da time!i love them so much!!!itz not to be explained in only few words...u noe!!

i reached there early n waited for them with the ice-blended chocolate..looking around..seeking for the handsome1..haha!yk was here wit me n we chat..itz really nice to hang out wit old fren!!km then came n joined the conversation...she told me tat ks couldnt come cos she has extra class!!i was really sad cos i expected her to come over n celebrate with me!!!!i wanted to call her n ask her..but she might be studying in da class n unable to anwer my phone call..or perhaps they were just fooling me!!after an hour..i tried to accept the fact that ks n kim would not come over..n qw has prob to come here...i was kinda sad but at least i stil have km n yk with me!!
i was soooo hungry n really wanted to have something for my stomach...suddenly some one appeared in my view...n i was taken aback cos i din expect her to be here!!!itz qw!!!!i was sooo pleased n wanted to cry cos shez now here with us!!!however,therez stil something missing....someone wasnt here..wut a sad case rite?i just talked to them n no1 seemed listening to me...who were they looking at???hahaha...stupid me!!i got punk'd!!
they cheated on me!!!!ks walked towards me...i nearly cried out when we hugged each other!!i was really happie n glad that shez here!!!all my best ever frens were here for me !!!tatz wut i wan for my birthday..i never hope to get prez from them...i never hope them to treat me luxury dishes...i never hope to have high-class places..the most important point is the ppl tat celeb with me...wut i wan just to celebrate my day in a simple way..they made my day meaningful n memorable!i love u guys!!!thanks for everything....thanks for the prez...n oso thanks to friday..haha!!

berry+leonard+eric=tt****

have u came across wit forming equation which involve human names n comparision??
i've done an equation to represents a guy that i like so much in my life!

u shud be familiar wit this guy whose name berry..i admired him since last year..hez considered to be the most appealing guy among his gang..where he would reminds me of tt whenever i see him!i was so desrerate to make frens with him last year,n this really happened without my expectation!!of cos i would felt kinda nervous at first,n oso being shy when talking to him...but it din last long..however,i felt myself to get interested into a fren of him!!!he comes from china...simple looking guy!!but i just lile him!!he gives me a very special feelings when i talk to him or meet him up!i feel warm n secure when i approach to him..hez such a nice person to talk to...he has a deep vocal tat makes him sounds steady..he has a normal guy's height,not too tall,not too tough,but just nice(of cos it might not be as good as tt..haah)which makes me feel secure!!!!i like this guy!!!!!i told my frens n they seem not to agree wit my point of view!!!i really like him!!he loves singing..which i really hope to get a birthday song from him!!unfortunately,eric has broke the promise!!i like him so much!!!

back to berry,hez a nice guy was wut i thought at first...the fact is hez soooo talkactive,crapping all days,but i was really impressed when he said he plays keyboard n elect. guitar!!!tat really drives me crazy when he said that!!furthermore,he loves F1..which is one of my favs too!!we seem to have similar interests but i like another guy...hah!does it sound ridiculous!?maybe itz just happening now...perhaps my next post might be saying tat i love berry..haha!life is like a rollercoaster!!

recently i found out that this guy does have the similar characteristics as my cousin-kah hou!!hez just like him!!i mean the way he behaves..the way he speaks...the way he does thing!!!this guy is tall n tough..u would feel secure wit him!!!seriously!!

loves him?loves him not?

wut shud i talk bout here...i have much to pour out here...but jus have no ideas to express...

it has been a long time tat my blog has not mention bout the one tat i really concerned...the one that drives me crazy...the one that act made me cried like helll..the one that motivated me to have such a dream to u.k....u shud have known bout this guy if u read bout da previous posts!
perhaps i've get him out of my life..perhaps he's not listed up there...somehow,i would always compare him with those that i like....somehow,hez too perfect in my point of view!!!hez such a great guy where no one can act replace him!!!but he really makes me feel soooo freaking frustrated...which i dun hope this will happen in my life...u might claim that im a loser..but i really dun wan all this to happen...disappointment,frustration,sad case man!

however,i think im trying to recover as ideal guys are appearing into my life!!!i like them so much..but not as perfect as tt...seriously!!!perhaps he got the majority of my mind!!!i mean those new guys are really chun...they are really nice to be with...somehow,they remind me of tt whenever,which itz hardly for me to get a 'new' life!!!

it has been a decade tat i've never blog out my daily life here...n im blogging now!

wut has act make me feel like going all da way back to coll..walking under da hot sun...however,da room temperature is really nice now,where im sitting at a corner...looking at a guy..hahah..hez really cute...n how i wish to see his fren-berry..haha!
back to this,something essential happened tat makes me wanna share wit u guys...my feelings...my very persoanl1...he has drove me crazy!!!i love him so much even he got married..haha!please dun be misunderstood wit this...i love lynden too...haha!!i think u shud have got the hint rite??itz all bout music!!!

how m i supposed to begin??i have much to say...but have no idea to begin my story!!!

after my lunch,i went to mahogany wit my fren,patrick..he wants to buy a guitar..acoustic n have guitar lessons...n hez considered kinda lost since he has not been to any music classes before...therefore,as a fren n oso classmate,i would like to bring him to my fav guitar store...which i would see my fav bob there..haha!however,a different person approached us this time n hez such a great guy!!!hez married n this is not a sad case cos hez wife would be sooooo dam contented where her hubby is soooo talented!!!!
tell u wut??i love guitarist...i mean i wanna have a partner who able to play guitar very well so tat he cuold melt me off!!!!i love guitarist...classical,acoustic.....and da most is electric guitarist!!i just love it!!!they are fantastic!!!

wait...this guy..his name is andre chiang..hez a really nice guy..and i saw bob at da same time...blue is da best suit colour for him!!!and hez really fantastic...i thought he was gonna intro to us at da first since he seemed to be so free there...well,it doesn't matter me cos andre is my type-electric guitarist!!!haha...he got married!!he tried out some songs for us...n i was like...'cool huh'...he said his students would have learned tat song after a month...which i d learned during my first lesson wit lynden..haha!i was kinda proud cos lynden has taught me tat..hahaha!!i could ac say it out loudly..hahahaha!!!can u imagine tat!!???

wait..he asked me whether i do have music lessons or not...and my answer would be sure....im a pianist...n he asked me whether im a lefthander or right hander...well,my answer would be right...n he wanted to see my left hand...'good'...haha!

hez such a cool teacher until he shown us his skills on elect guitar..omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i was speechless...n he was trying to play with our interest..wut bands do i like????of cos i would say my fav....haha...linkin park...n he demostrated some parts...omg!!!it was really nice!!!!wut would i say is just awesome!!!he has made my day alive!!!he makes me feel soooooo sad cos i have no money to act buy an elect guitar,which i have desire so much!!!!i wanna have elect guitar lessons wit him!!!!i wan it so much....n i have no financial supportment from my parents!!!im saving my pocket money so tat i would have a chance to have guitar lessons wit lynden!!!i appreciate everything!!!and andre told me tat lynden is a very nice teacher where hez act a replacement of lynden..wow!!!and he knows adrian personally,which he knows tat hez a really skillful player...n i noe this...wel,hez kinda serious...

i hope to have this as my birthday present...

true love for no reason!

somehow,i just feel so lost in my life!

i feel like crying at da moment where i told my fren tat i shud have get rid of it!i shouldn't have any feelings towards him!!itz stil fresh in my mind tat i used to dislike him or prejudiced him at da very first day we met up!!i thought i wont like him but who knows im so mad bout this guy!

i feel so embarassing to face him!!people around jus claim tat i like him..im trying to approach him by having guitar lessons wit his teacher!!though they din speak it out...somehow,i jus feel itz happening...n im trying to do something really silly !!
"eddie is so dam cool!!!hez so dam chunla!"i told lynden...i told t.sylvia..i told t. suzie....i told t.joanne...n lotz more...
im trying to let others noe tat i think eddie is chun!!!they might think tat i like eddie...so did they..hah!somehow,they just think of getting chances for me to approach eddie!!!wuta joke man!!!however,i dun mind...frankly hez chun cos hez a guitarist...n i would love to have a fren or bro like him!!!

well,lynden n me had a conversation..where he really makes me think of something which i thought i was in da right path all this while...
"u'l noe when ya right has appeare....u r stil young...youngsters now only treasure glamour..GOD wil send da right one to us...."lynden was telling me all this which makes me thinks for a minute..."true love for no reason"which i always think itz correct n happens in my life..but i think i shouldn't have take things so seriously in life...