just read a blog written by my cousin..



happie birthday to my cousin sis- wei wei ...sweet 14 huh!how i wish im stil at teenage..but no more looo..reviewing wut i 've done during my teenage life,i felt pretty ashamed with myself,i act was a boring person,i did nothing special during the 5 years of my high school life..itz pretty sad!i was such an obedient daughter to my parents,obeying everything tat they asked me to do..why shudnt i be a little ignorance to them?!perhaps i shud have done something tat is memorable which at least makes my life to be a little bit colourful..something meaningful so tat i may have some stories to tell my grandchildren..kaka!



anyway,reading the blog,and sometimes watching some series,i felt that i am a truely loser!!!i've nv been through the feeling of having a bf over the 20 years!!!sometimes i might just feel so despearate of jus getting one...but am i suppose to get anyone else in order to fulfil wut i want?though i really hope to have someone there to love me..but isnt it good to just pick anyone out there?or i jus get whoever which is single and go ahead with the confession even i have no good feelings towards the guy!?or i would jus say yes to whoever that is available around me?hmm..i think i might not do this at this moment...i have doubt in future if im stil a single for another 10 years!i have worries on myself for not doing anything, and being pressure to regret in future whereby i have done nothing and nv appreciate my lifetime...or i might regret tat i've just left my lifetime passed in such a meaningless way...im so worry bout this!furthermore,i have no idea wut shud i do except the wishes tat i've listed down..

btw,i really have doubt on myself wutz happening in my life now..i tot i should achieve wutever targets that i've been set...however, i lose the dynamic and enthusiatism to continue my battle towards all my targets..sometimes i really need supports,either literally or mentally..i jus need supports!!!but no one seems to bother bout it...perhaps everyone has their own responsibility in their life..so would they bother bout others?i noe itz being bad to say this cos i noe tat there are of cos ppl who act care for me...i really cherish for their consideration!i love u guys!

hopefully i'l get to find myself very soon..i wanna get back to who i was to be..my confidence,my curiousity towards the surrounding,my passion towards my life,my reason of living in this world..

my listed wishes and targets to be done:
-lose weight preferably to 50kg
-do well in my study,wish to achieve distinction in degree
-write songs,compose songs...
-to be a friendly person,down to earth...learn from mistake...i dun wanna be sportlighted,but someone where ppl wil turn to me when they have probs,sadness..i dun mind to listen to them..

to be continued..

sometimes i dun even noe wutz the purpose of switching on the pc..

perhaps to dl wut i have choosed..to update some info..to chat with frens..my life sounds really boring..jus read my fren's blog,where she has found the purpose of living in the world,where she found herself,her reason of living,that shez here because of jesus!wel,i heard of this from others as well,and i think im blessful cos im here!

listening from my another fren,where her frens were killed in an accident..this really scares me away cos life is jus so miserable,as in we really have no idea wutz gonna happen next..no prediction but we do have a choice to appreciate everything that is with us now!i dun wanna live in regrets,i dun wanna look back to the past..maybe the experience will build me into a tougher person..but not to fear me off!i dun wanna let the past to be a reason for me as burden..

btw,i found my gang to have splited into 2...we used to be so united as one team..u'l for sure to see us togather at anytime and any place..but thing has changed at the beginning of the year..and i have doubt in trusting some of them..perhaps they've found something even better than wut we have...

simplicity brings perfection!

this guy is making to confusion...

even i get confused with my own feelings..when i tend to smile to him,he seems so cool to me...when im forcing myself to be calm down and not to bother so much...he tends to arise my feeling again...seriously i have no idea bout wut is playing around in guys mind!i got tired of it..i jus wanna have simplicity in life...i dun wanna think too much ...complixite things...making it to get worsen..i jus wan something pure...but sometimes itz hard to get in reality...oni in movie!i hope i'l get wut i wan ...something less than complication...something more than perfection,something simple!

sometimes,i really wanna confess to him...are u feeling the same as how i feel?i really wanna noe the answer,perhaps there isnt any answer,jus tat i've been thinking too much ...rich imagination on wutz happening around me...maybe im too free and have nothing to do...tatz why my mind has been non stop thinking of the rubbish!

i feel so boring staying at home...i've got wut i wan finally though,i tot i would be happie and satisfied,but this is not the fact!the fact is i wanna have my space and freedom...whether is with my gang or not..i think i need to travel...either with someone or jus by myself!i wanna see the world...wutz act happening outside there..something tat is wating for me to discover..i really envy wut my other frens have...i really hope to have my freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna have myself...i dun have anything nice to be kept in my memory...nothing much to write in the listed diary!i really hope to get to experience the fun and joys of wut i wan!i really desire it...and i think i deserve it!cos itz human rights!

during freetime,i even tot of how shud i be an ideal parent if provided i have kids in future..i'l nv treat them like how im eexperiencing now...make frens with children instead of parenting them....im sure i might be good parent if i do have the chance in future!hope this day wil come!!

the first time ever to feel "close" from him..

act it wasnt really close in the sense,but we jus talked bout the bands,singers,artists...and i think he really has the skill to hold the clients back huh...but i hope this wasnt his objective..i hope he really wanna teach me as a student..but i really enjoyed the lesson today!it was dam fun !!!i like it so much!!cos itz my style...back to my style...i love tat kind of music...i love tat kind of oomph!i jus love it~and itz so nice to have lessons...oni today..hahahha!i mean previously was found to be kinda boring...cos hez a boring person...but we really talked today...as in really have some kinda discussion...but i found something funny...where i like those tat he dislike...kakakkakaka!sorry la..i really like their songs...nice ma!different taste lo...we listen to different accompaniment..so different preference lo!kakaka!and i finally realised the fun of playing drums...the joy of jaming...itz dam high man!!!!nokidding!!!

no turning back...no regrets!

no one else but you
to be the one that has been stunning shimmering in front of me
and never gonna get you out of mind

no one else only you
to be the one i've thinking of
everyday and every night
and any second anytime
in my life

written and composed by cheong shiaw lee..;p

this is oni the chorus part..can u imagine i act wrote him a song?wow,even the same thing happened...but the inspiration wasnt strong enough for me to jus turn on the recorder,had the guitar on the hand,and jus strummed out...somehow, it might sounds a little imperfect as compared to a recorded song by the singer...but itz my masterpiece k!!!this song expresses my feelings,my obssession towards him!!!!and i've thinking of the silly stuffs all the time...im so worry that i might be seeing him one day holding someonez hand,probably his gf..but i couldnt picture if he holds a guyz hand,which possibly a bf!or maybe he already married with another woman,and have kids...im so worry this day wil come...i jus think that i couldnt stand it!and this is the first person that makes me feeling in this way...where i have much worries,imaginations,stupid thoughts...etc.he makes me melt off onto him..as in i think i have fallen deeply into this guy...no turning back...no regrets!somtimes i jus feel myself so sick in mind..even i knew itz gonna be likely impossible to happen..but i jus like him!!!and i keep thinking of him...even a bunch of keys has cause me to think for tonnes of possible reasons!!!i jus couldnt control myself from thinking of him!itz so crazy man!!so scary....i couldnt believe tat my feeling is getting stronger from day to day!!!OH NO!!!

5 months time...

this is why i feel so comfortable to blog out here...since none of my frens is reading it..blah!

i may like to announce here that i let go gavin lai jor!!!!!kakakak!a feeling got to me ytd..that asking me to dislike him,perhaps someting that annoyed me..i really dun und wut was i so adore to him...perhaps his outlooking is charming..but there are others who are much better than he is out there..perhaps he plays guitar..but i dun think hez the best..even my bro can play better than him...perhaps he has his personality shines,but there are even ppl who behaves much better like kai...etc!kaka...i got all his bad things after i've listed im in the recycle bin!yeah!seriously i felt real good..itz something like u release something from ya hand,or u release a anchor from a ship,flying up the sky in an aeroplane,having a nice scuba dive,having a nice taste of red wine...somhow i jus cherish this moment!the feeling cam to me in a sudden...n it was kinda increadible..i tried so hard to let go previously,but jus one second,it did!and everything was like wut it was supposed to be in the past. someone new wil come to my life...this is wut i hope for...kaka!!furthermore, i was pretty surprised that the person that i miss to leave here is wilson!hez lect from my coll who teaches computing classes..hez not old,come on!and im so adore to him...in which imnot gonna see him anymore after shifting to the new campus!im sooo upset with it...surprisingly im kinda happie for not seeing gavin!kakak!i dun think he treats me even as a fren,i jus think that itz so sucks!why shud i stil keep admiring someone who treats me so suck up?no point of being in that way..perhaps a normal fren wil be better!i dun care whether he likes me or not..but the fact is i dun like him...n i dun have the heart for him anymore!kekek!i dun bother anymore wut he has done to me,wut hez goin to do to me,wut heztrying to do to me..wut he'l do to me!it'l nv influence me...my reply wil be ''oo,,ok''!tatz all for him!

bad v good

really feel like bloggin last night but my modem got prob!!sob sob !

stayed wit no msn,no blogging,no surfing the internet...n finally i realised how important pc n internet in life!anyway...something sad n something good happened ytd...

letz begin with the sad thing...somehow,i jus felt not good when seeing them chatting n laughin there..but weirdly i jus couldnt get along with it...i jus feel that there a gal between me n them!i jus dun feel like forcing myself to laugh or looks happie but feel stupid in heart!perhaps i dun even give it a try to get along wit them...perhaps this is my fault!but the intention is not there anymore....n i think my attitude wil nv force me to do that!!lack out!!!!!i jus dun hope the day wil come to have no conversation...no topic...jus silence!!but i would say im starting to dislike his attitudes...hmmm,i dun agree with the ways he is,but this wouldnt be my business rite?somehow i jus feel disappointed towards him....n kept asking myself how could have i fallen into him even it was oni for 3 days long?stupid me!i felt ashame!!hez totally out of my world!!

another good news is...i saw him!at first i tot it would be a tough task for me to get along with him!it happened though where i really felt harsh to see his facial expression replied to my HI!but i kept telling myself not to expect much from him...cos itz surely impossible.....try to control my feelings n emotions!not to fall sooooo deeply into him til i hurt myself!somehow,i jus felt tat it was the happiest part for the day to chil with them!i hope everything will be fine from day to day!

itz early in the momrning..and im feeling somewhat...kinda weird...itz likedunno wutz happening in life....i jus feel like dun talking at all...as in i have no mood to talk to him...anyhow,i dun wana this situation to getting serious til we have no topic to talk bout...but sometimes it seems like i dun the intentionto even say hi to him!!i dun like this feeling...itz soooo cold!!

anyway,i got kinda confused when chatting with my frens ytd night...hmm...she jus asked me who is my current target?huh??i dun even noe whoz my target....perhaps im clear with myself...jus tat i dun wanna admiteit,...perhaps im kinda interested into him...buit then i sholud have fall in love with such a person....but wut to do....i dun wanna like him anymore..but whenever i close my eyes...he tends to appear in fonr tof him!im sooooo geram wiht his attitudes...how could he treat ppl in this way????DAM IT!!!!but at the asme time, i kept asking myslf why shud i bother so much bout him?somehow,,,itz jus a pain kille rfor me to mention tt all this time.

''sum tham''!!!!

it simply means frustrating or disappointing in canto..i would say that what am i to him?perhaps not even a fren..but i felt really pissed off when i saw him sitting and having fun in the room..i mean not being jealous or what..but i tot he was supposed to be bz with his coursework since he has gotto submit it this week...he even decided to cancel the lessons...or even no more guitar club or lessons at all.....but why has he to do in this way...without inviting us?perhaps he jus wanna have his own gang with him...but isit it irresponsible?i mean he was the one who started off in inviting us to join the club..and hez the one who asked to stop the class...wut shud i express to him?

furthermore, i even feel embarrasing and frustrating to have pumped into such a guy!!!i dun even bother to ask him since he has treated us in this way!somehow,i jus felt that he has nv treated us as his frens ever!no point of asking a question where the answer is predictable...i jus think that everything has gone meaningless at tat point!furthermore, i jus feel that he has made my to feel annoyin towards wut he has done!i dun hope this will happen cos i dun wanna let myself to love in hatre or anger...i really hope to treat him as fres..but i think it maybe a tough task to me!

confused!!

sometimes,i'l inquire myself whether or not i have good feelings towards this guy?or whether or not i have pumped into this guy?somehow,i jus think that situation wil be lessly complicated if the person is a gal!i mean i wouldnt have thought that i got fall in love the person when im missing a gal fren..in fact, i would ask myself do i act fall in love with this person if hez a guy!therefore,i do think itz the gender problem that cause me think sophisicatedly....perhaps i do have the same feeling towards gals..but jus that i'l think in detail if the same thing happen on guys!however, there may be situation where im sure that i really love this guy!the feeling is jus unique whereby nothing will come before him!ya mind appears nothing except him!but there may be no return though u have sacrifice much!but isnt it love to where i sacrifice for nothing but to love him!?wel, i do consider it as my perception...somehow,it may sounds foolish!

anyway,i found myslef kinda dumb or numb to feel wut happening around!perhaps im trying to not to feel?or im not good in getting the sense or signals!even someone may consists to have confessed to me..but i couldnt get anything!i personally think itz a big prob!i really dunno how to sense it!but hopefully itz not the bad thing!!

btw,i think i have seen him almost everyday...though itz not too long..perhaps jus a hi or bye...but the intention to seek for him..to just have a view of his face is alwis there!it happens to be funny that i miss him when hez not around..but i tend not to appreciate him when hez in front of me!i try not to display wutz in my mind on the facial expression..i wouldnt wan him to noe that i got good feelings towards him either...somehow,i jus feel that he noes something...n trying to prevent it from happenin..which i think itz a good thing!cos i dun wan all this to happen...sometimes,these makes me feel scare or afraid to approach him!perhaps i jus wan to remain as good fren or even bro n sis with him so tat i stil have him!!

wutz happening into me????

i had been crazy over this weekends..kept thinking on wutz he to me.why shud i concern bout wut he has done to me...how he has treated me??why shud i bother bout all this????the more i concern, the more often i think bout him...n this is sooo gonna drive me crazy!

the feeling is somewhat,in fear to see him or even meet him up..before i got out of the door heading to my college in the noon,i kept praying for not to see him...cos i'l feel somehow stress up whenever seeing him or dealing somethings that related to him!but i was soooo shocked that the first person i saw when i pulled the glass door was him!i tried to head down n jus passed by by walking straight to the cw department...when i found no one was there, i turned back n intended to walk to the pc lab...and i saw him again,he asked me to attend the guitar lesson tmr n saying that nadicson will be there too...shit wei!i was kinda pissed when i got the news!!after a long,i jus went out of the class when during break time,saw him..the same feeling arouse..i jus walked over there since kwung was there..then jus chitchatted for a while...it started off nicely..but ended up quarrelling...though itz nothing much serious..but why we tend to quarrel everytime over some small matters?the feeling is soooooo not nice!somehow itz kinda hurtful...even feel like sayin sorry to him..but i wont!

why is he to be so influencial in my life?

i love my frens...they are appreciable to me!they'd done something tat really surprised me,made me laughed,happie,excited,even wanna cry out!i really wanna hug each of u guys!!i'l rmb u guys in my life....promise!

anyway,i gotta noe something bout this guy..i jus felt frustrated towards him..i mean wut can a fren do for ya birthday...jus a wishing will make it jus nice to me!i think he knew bout it..perhaps he was jus too exhausted with his assignments..perhaps he was jus too tired for the day..or negatively maybe he might have jus dislike me...but i was pretty upset..he saw me..i appeared to be standing in front of him..i even walked there n talked to him..but why had he to treat me like that?he seemed to have treated me as no one was there...cant u jus picture the situation how harshly it was?i told myself not to feel tat anymore..not anymore..i even cried during the class.i jus felt how stupid i was to have cried for such a person..who nv cares...itz pain!

im 20 today!!!!wut i hope huh?

world peace..
happie family...
happie edu..life...
of cos not to be forgotten....my prince charming!!kaka

anyway,i saw him ytd..he looks exhausted...seems like he has been stress up with his assignments...and he said the submit date for the cw has changed to be earlier...i was pretty 'sum thong' when seeing him like that...but kinda geram cos he rather went to GENTING than finish up his cw...so kinda padan muka!but i see him like that...really feel soo pityful to him..really hope to be at his side...give him support!hope everythinh will be fine in ya life...dude!

hmmmm....

hihi!!itz been ages for me not blog here...

apparently i've been blogging at friendster, furthermore jus felt lazy to log in here..somehow i tot of deleting this,but this blog has kept all the memories with tt..so im not gonna do tat!many things had happened in this few months...itz year 2007 now...wow!!

met many ppl...get to noe them better..the better one wil be closer now..perhaps the closer ones may becoming further now...

kai-i knew him since 2005, we studied LCCI togather,but i nv get to noe him better tat time cos i had my gang!but we are really best frens now..noe wut?i found myself to have pumped into him..hmmm,jus for some moment..perhaps the feeling has gone..kaka!hez a nice guy,responsible,i admire the way he treats others,he'l nv promise u if he noes that he cant do it!i appreciate him as my fen...but sometimes i jus find myself to be jealous when hez treating other better than me!isnt it weird?i dun consider it as pumping into someone...jus sometime confuse bout it..somehow i may also feel the same thing if hez a gal...rite?

simon-this guy is awesome,in the sense hez charming in his way!he has his personality clear..im adore to his style!i love his personality!noe wut?i saw him in 2005,where i was studying LCCI n hez doing multimedia.my first impression towards him was-such a gurlish boy!but i gotta noe him last year,or even better this year!we act came from the same primary schoool...OH NO!itz all fated!kakak!i was kind adored to him at first cos he tends to be soo tempting!but sooner or later,when i get closer to him,i jus wan everything to remain at the current position,perhaps itz pleased to have such a fren!u'l melt off with his eye contact..hez absolutely a killer to girls!with his nice deep vocal and his eyes...wow!gorgeous!

gavin-hahah..i was kinda crazy bout him when the time he sang at the dinner n dance..perhaps thing tat happen seldomly will seems to be appreciable n precious..but when u get to approach to it frequently,then it'l be something ordinary!i was kinda excited when there were any opportunity for me to approach him..but it'l be different story when it happened to be true!im currently attending his guitar classes...sometimes feel kinda enjoying,but sometimes are jus so-so!why?i dunno....sometimes may really melt on his singing n playing..but mostly end up with an 'out-of-tune' bang!somehow,this makes me to be awake!!kakak!

evert-knew him last year...everyone thinks that i got pumped into him cos of his physical appearance...kakka!somehow i gotta communicate with him cos we were in a group for the performance..furthermore itz nice to have someone who is on the side of u!same interest perhaps!we like playing guitar..the classical?or electric?the jaming?wow!!!tatz y i have topic with him!itz nice to talk to him cos u'l see him with a smile everytime!wow...u'l feel happie n please to see such a person!it warms ya heart even u have tonnes of stressful workloads with u!i stil feel tat moment was sweet...when u were alone sitting with nothing to do,and decided to sms him...but wit no reply..somehow he just appeared in front of u surprisingly!though itz someting simply..isnt it simple the best?i like this..
..thomas tan??nothing to talk on him cos he'l alwis have a position in my heart!but just full of inquiries...love

happie birthday to Ms Vicky!

lotz to blog...gotta take my time..

my parents brought to have breakfast,and i told my dad that my class starts at 10 before that.who noes when i was jus finished my breakfast n jus to get into the car,my msg tone beeped...fengyun asked me didnt i noe there is a class now!OH NO!seriously i dinnolo!i was kinda nervous but wutz the point rite..cos i was at sri petaling,it takes me bout 30 mins to get back to coll!anyway,i was stil considered early since i reached coll at 9.45,if my class starts at 10la..kakka!anyway,costing...i thought i could cope up with it easily...and the fact is true!kakak..sounds arrogant!?i discovered that yuen likes to play a fool with me or joke with me now!hmmm..he alwis saying n doing the opposite of me!itz soooo obvious!sometimes, i dun even noe that im being angry with him...but stil laughing like hell..kakka!hez funnyla...but he got sick..poor dude!my mind wasnt in the classroom cos i found myself dreaming..kakk!not with tt...but a korean actor..kakka!i've got crazy bout him!
anyway,after that we had lunch togather..and revised later!lok n that gang was praticing a scatch for a wedding night specially dedicated to their lect-Mr Eddie!the story is bout the couple!!n i think this is so sweet cos the groom is preparing this surprise for the bride!OH NO!such a sweet guy!i dreamed for a moment when seeing them practised!i wonder how would i wan my ideal wedding night to be huh!?playing a song written by him n singing it with a guitar!?i hope he'l be a romantic personlol!!wait,i dun even have a bf now...kakak!evert was dancing so smoothly where he was demostrating the female part to a gal...so gentle!kkakak!n lok sounds funny when they were trying to be the aid to sem!after fengyun went off,we went for dinner.hmmm...had a short conversation with them before goin home to have a bath!

i was late to the church...everyone was sitting on the floor,n this is the first time for me to join their REAL events!eugene jus got me a place...n this part was act to share ya thoughts,feelings,activities that are happening recently in life.well,im stil not willing to share..then i jus told them im stressful from my preparation for the exams.after then they prayed for us,for the preparations of X'mas,the exams,health...n we received blessings from them!then there was a scatch prepared by some members as an opening and oso for us to laugh after a whole day of tiring and stressful work!then began to sing some workship songs!i was truely shocked here!cos wan theng,fengyun ,chunlee, and me are not christians, but we til enjoyed the songs since there was a live band there..so we jus sang!but wut i saw was different.....i looked around..lok,nadicson and some of them were so 'near' to GOD!they seemed to have closely connected to GOD!i was speechless when i turned my head to look at simon!!he seemed to have give himself to GOD!i was taken aback wit him!however,my concerntration was on bryan!hez the elect guitarist here,jus reminds me of tt!anyway,he plays well!bible time!perhaps i was new,so therez much thing which i dunno!but we jus sat togather,i din really listen to wut he said in front...so when he pray for us...or giving blessings to us..i felt kinda guilty!cos i din do anything for them...yet they stil pray for us!somehow,i jus asked GOD to forgive me for not being as a follower to HIM,i jus asked for forgiveness for everything that i've done...at the same while they were praying!u must have inquiring why did i go since i nv join REAL all the while...wel,the main point here was Ms Vicky!!i go there for the celebration of her birthday!and oso not forgotten to eat the cake!kakkak!everything seemed to be nice...n she likes our present too!itz act a photo frame where she can put 10 pics at the same time!i did insert all our photos taken togather with her!
chat n laugh....play!tatz all for the day!

perhaps im not used to attending events or activities like this...perhaps im not a socialable person...perhaps i not religious enough..perhaps im not respectful enough...perhaps im not open minded enough...i believe therez a GOD with us all the time...

another thing was...i discovered that bro fall into LT!i was kinda geram at first..not that jealousy has arose...itz jus that sem is putting much effort onto her...n now hez doin something...wel,u noe i have no rights in talking bout it..perhaps they'l jus compete..but i'l stand at semz side for this time!cos when i saw the way he talked to her,hmmm,sounds a little kinda fake!i dun mean hez fake or pretending..but jus not the ordinary one!whereas sem is jus being shy...

my ring!

yea!!!finally i got it back here...

tell u wut?tat day i was so frustrated wit the prob to log in here...i needed so much to blog out..but then i couldnt log in..so i intended to blog at friendster..however, blogger.com is more preferable...cos i hardly pour out everything there....especially secrets..kaka!so letz continue here...

recently im watching two korean series..im so crazy with them!'My Girl' and 'Wedding'..wel,i watched My girl before but since my sis bought it for me...then i jus watch in the car....while channel 18 is broadcasting 'wedding'...hmmm!!im so so so into both actors in both series!OH NO!there are awesome!!!my type!!kakkaka!though not super duper handsome..but i really love them!
yaya...i went to Ikeano power centre today...and something happened makes me feel sad!i lost a ring!!!!!!!!OH NO!my frens gave it to me when my birthday...itz act two rings and can be combine into one....i spilted into two n wore them on different fingers!who noes!!sad!they bought it since based on my starscope!im soooo sad!!!!how could it be!?i searched for a while..but really have no idea where did i lost it!!i realised when i was queing up at the cashier!OH NO!how could i be sooo slow!??haih!!can i have it back!!!????sad!itz not bout the price,....itz meaningful in the sense!shitla!i wonder where can i get the same thing!!!!!!but itz meanigless!!!!!!

wouldnt it be surprising to continue after a long time?supposingly i would be excited to share with u guys bout my experience bout the D&D..anyway, somethings and someone makes me dun feel like bloggin out, or even thought of collapsing this blog as well!anyhow,i wont cos this blog is meaningful to me!i really hope to remain this..
anyway,many things happening continuously,firstly i got my D&D,unexpectably that we stil get together and have fun though the performance had over...but the friendship is stil there...somehow, i jus dun feel like joining YA,perhaps im not their kind!as in im not as socialable as them..i do enjoy goin out or yum cha with them..but not those events!letz talk bout last week,someone called me up n intended to say nothing!who could it be?the first person i thought was him-kah hou!nonetheless, i jus couldnt give it a dare to make the second call!itz pointless if he jus answer me reluctantly!i dun wanna him to talk to me like how he used to be previously!itz pain!i cried almost half of the day..serious!i couldnt control myself!i was trying my best to stop crying,but the tears jus dripped off so naturally...my mind was filled with the memories we used to be together,we used to have fun...wel,everything has over!
this monday,i went to red box to celebrate semz birthday!i tot it would be dam dam dam boring at first cos we dinno each other well!i was so not in the mood in the morning cos cws not done yet...stil gotta have fun with them!but i was kinda shocked when feng yun had got into fire...she was soo angry since the guys were not punctual...but how could she angry the birthday boy?i jus think that itz not rite to spoilt everyonez mood...though she thinks that the guys are to be blamed!shouldnt celebration be happie!?anyway,thanks lokie cos he was trying to let me to sing with evart!kakak!my face gone red like a tomato k!anyway,he has a nice vocal!hez jus awesome..talented,brilliant,.....such a nice guy!wutz less than blowing off 19 candles and giving the gifts during celebration...i got sooo fed up with this...since the same thing happened last monday at red box but that was sunway pyramid...n this was the curve!i felt sooo dam sien!why cant the celebration be kinda outstanding!?perhaps this is the culture of celebrating birthday among the coll students!and some kinda birthday celebration is gonna take place the day after tomoro!wut can i do?how can i reject!?can i jus go there n sit...can i jus talk nothing cos i have nothing to say excluding happy birthday!i miss the harmony,i miss sitting down chatting with my dears,i miss jaming,i miss chattin in the blues,under the stars and moon,with a glass of wine in the hand...laying on the huge n soft pillow,talking heart to heart,with laughters and tears,i jus missing it!somehow, i jus dun like to have a big gang cos there would have no chance to share the inner feelings!or u may jus say..couple!but sometimes not necessary to be that stage,perhaps a fren is enough!suddenly i jus feel that those celebrations would jus blow my mind off!i cant be celebrating like them..isnt it important to see the numbers of ppl coming to celebrate with u!?isnt it the greater the better!?buying cake?having a birthday song?isnt it the normal thing that we usually do?can it be something extraordinary!?gift....the valuable one will alwis be the best!?i think a hug n greeting would jus simply melt off!something which is meaningful...a poem on a card?a song written by yourself?why do ppl alwis evaluate the price of the gift!?isnt it priceless?!

before.....

finally the night has spotted out our hard work...

the annual dinner and dance had jus over ytd night...finally got some time to have a good rest!we were really tired since rushing here and there through out the whole day long..morning class till break, fengyun and me went off the class n joined them to prepare our hairstyle..though itz not as nice as the loreal one..at least we dun have to crack our mind for the hairstyle!after that eugene fetched me back to coll and i did accompanied my gang to have lunch but i couldnt since i passed my wallet to fengyun!later, i went to the library to search for the law reference books...and went home to bring the keyboard to eastin hotel!by 2.30,we were there for the practice and everything till the night!i was feeling kinda bored in the morning where i act sms my dear!how could it be cos itz the day where we're gonna show our master piece...our smiles...and everything!i tried to relax my emotions n things seemed going fine!after getting the rooms, we went up n had a rest...played poker cards..nice!after that,we did went down and had a short practice section again...but this time i felt really really pissed n bored cos the Djs had jus reached the hotel n doing the settings...we couldnt do anything...but edwart was busy with the slides...kakka!sounds funny man!but we did find something to do..playing with the flowers,candles,singing,dancing,laughin around...but Ms vicky seemed nervous but we were jus fooling around!itz almost 5.30 and we act had an hour time for us to bath and set up everything for the D&D!!back to the room,everyone was rushing...bathing,make ups,dress...kakakka!anyway, it was real fun!putting on mascara,eyeliner,eyeshadows,lips,glitters,perfume,etc!but the gals were kinda late...n the guys din wait for us!we went down by 7.30..but the dinner began at 8.05..so it didnt matter to be late!the guys were normal,but necdecson was kinda 'cool'..i think he must had invested a large sum of money into that!btw,simon n edwart were jus simple and nice!

to be continued....i hope to upload some pics here!

wutz life!?

somehow,i feel nothing but strange to him...

wel,we seem to be closed to one and another..he tells me bout his family,feelings,relationship..i tot i would have met someone really nice n true at first..tatz why we are like bro n sis...but sooner or later, i realised something,therez a one-way-frenship where i will forever be the listener..i noe itz good n excellent to lend a ear to ya fren when they need me...but i jus feel relunctant to pour out my thoughts, my feelings,instead i jus keep inside n goes on with his prediction...sometimes,im not feeling as wut he has say,but i dun intend to explain or even tell him the truth cos i think this is my personal things where im given a choice to share with whoever i wan!i feel bad cos this is gonna be so lame n mean to treat a fren like this...cos this might hurts him as in i dun hope he'l noe my this blog!kakakk!anyway,i'l jus keep listening to him...whenever he tells me staff!cos i do think he treats me as fren so im not gonna take the bad way towards him!

basically i would crack my mind of getting wut kinda gift for m frenz birthday..or thinking wut kinda surprises for them...surprisingly i thought of getting my courseworks done instead of thinking where to celebrate with him...i dun feel like doing that cos itz not truely from my heart...i mean i dun intend to send him even a msg..but i did wished him last night!i thought of getting him a card n send it to his letterbox...but i dun feel like walking all the way from coll to his house!i thought that itz a wasted of time..i went to library n searched for some facts!i felt myself sooo weird as in im thinking that hez soo different from the ppl i met all the while!i mean my frens are sooo differnt from him..or u may say them!i dun really like to mix with such a gang...though i noe they are nice ppl ..but jus not style..i dun like ppl to cheat during exams!i dun like ppl to behave in this way!i shudnt be complaining cos no one is perfect..but they are jus sooo different from my gang!i really cant compare them with my gang cos they are soo ''root''!though barry comes from hk,but wutz da point even he doesnt noe how to respect others!?ivy is a nice gal..but we hardly have topics cos somehow i think we have age gap...perhaps im not at their stagelol!!he doesnt seem to be a student..wutz da point of buying all the certificates!?wutz da point of cheating in the exams!?wutz da point of studying in class?!wutz da point of doing all this in life!?why cant he jus rely on himself!?therez not point in paying other ppl to get the courseworks done!i dun like it!itz useless to get such a degree!

one more thing i would like to mention here...i dislike netherson!i really feel annoyed with himla!wutz da purpose of brining his tux here!?i mean why has he to bring it up!?i really dun und!to show off to his frens!?perhaps im not really familiar with him...but i do found him pretty weird some ways!i dun really like his behaviours in treating others...i dun care whether hez from a wealthy family or not...the oni thing i feel irritated is his attitude!i jus dun like it!hez sooooo perculiar!i really dun wanna talk to him sometimes..as in i dun even wanna have a look at his face!i dun wanna choi him!i dun wan!!!!!!!!!!!stupid fella!

wherez my shoe?wherez my phone?

i decided to go for the practice today...

reached there by 9.45am...well,really felt tiring cos i really couldn't slept yesterday night!!seriously this was the first time i'd been through these...i felt really sleepy but my brain was stil ''working''..i felt sooooo suffering...i tot of getting to bed early so that i would have stamina for the next day...who noes....i couldnt get into sleep...til in the middle of the night!i was so scare that i felt myslef mentally depressed...therefore,i decided to got up of the bed and grabbed the MP3 player...i tot i would do it this time...who noes it nv helped!and i jus tried my very best...

anyway,me n crystal decided to practice earlier for the song...but we were both late..hahaha!while waiting for the rest to come...we had jaming for a short while!now i finally realised why my dad refuses to buy a bag to put my keyboard...hahha!i wont be studying now if i have that...cos i'l go jaming all the time til i cant rmb my home!kakakak!anyway,itz nice to listen to a bossanova song but haih...practice n listen to bossanovala!practice began..edward din come...anyway,he came so at least something...kakaka!sounds funny but kinda boring lo...cos we couldnt practice in a syncronised way since not everyone was here!later,we decided to go a break!!CC time!kakakka....we went there to play Counter Strike..well,i used to play this with my gang..but i had forgotten the procedures...kakak!nice man!i really like it now..cos itz so dam nice to play it online with frens...kkaka!they are really pro in playing this gamelo!!chun man!kakak!then bro came to pick up crystal...n we went for a lunch!''shall we meet''....itz a name of the restaurant that we went...i like the atmosphere here...all white...looks comfortable n clean...anyway,i was kinda guilty when they said the food sold here is costly..i nv thought of that at first...i thought they were be no prob since bro told me they often chill out there after cg...haih!sorry guys...i wont give any suggestion next time!sorry dudes!this gang of ppl sounds funny as in they really can speak heart-to-heart...which i think!they seem like willing to share their probs with one and another..anyway,im not too closed with them...perhaps i alwis deal with my dear dear..so our thinkings are kinda similar!get wut i mean dear dear!?

he looks cute

he sounds funny when he sang tat song...

hmm..today was the first day of coll after 5 days of hols due to celebration of hari raya...i felt refreshed in the morning...but the class somehow was a little bit boring...i did enjoyed cos with my gang there..kakka..n oso my The Sims 2!!!i love that game much ...i wanna play it again tmr.i dun care!yuen must lent me his hp!kakakak!he sounds different today..hez so funny recently..as in his attitudes, his actions,his emotions...kakak!!funy la!anyway, after class we went for lunch...hmmm...i was so surprised that kai act has the same taste as me...i mean we have topics on searching the best n right food for our choice!kakakka..finally i realised!anyway,i went for my drum lesson...i was kinda pissed cos o couldnt play out tat particular variation...i was so dam frustrating tat he even demostrated to me..haih!when i walked out the studio..i heard his voice from outside the studio..where there was this boy which is his student...n his dad was waiting down there..i would surely feel pressure with such situation..he did raised up his voice..n i felt kinda scary!later i went to cc ith fengyun!surpringly we spent our time there..where she surfed the net..n as usual i would play my games..andrew called me in a sudden saying asking whether im coming to his house or not...sooner or later,he came to have a drink together!i soooo dam surprisd when he told me that he has a new gf!wow!amazing man!i m glad to hear that !after having a drink with him...we went for our practice..while waited for others to come...i jus tot of seeing simon cos he might be coming for wed n thurs practice..who noes...hez not coming...fortunately someone was here,edward!kakakka...he looks silent n shy...but when i played out that song...Lok n Sem seemed like singing it..n he was by the side trying to sing together...anyway,he forgotten the lyrics...he looks so cute!!!kakakka!

the reason.....chicken hunter vs taurus

i will alwis rmb ,n i noe,let it goes with me..i'l nv leave this part of u...with u gone it plays on itz so hard to move on i wan to but i wanted u now u stay in mny head..im not over u yet,.i tried to but i wanted u...

sounds familiar?i used to put this thing as my display name for some period of time..somehow,i jus miss him...or u may say that im trying to remind myself bout him!anyway,i had pratice in the noon...i was kinda worried cos when things started to be nicely n excited in the beginning,it will end up witha sad conclusion!i was really scare that i might not click with them anymore!i told myself not to think bout it cos as long as he nv then itz fine!this sounds bad to think of a guy who has a gf where i knew both of them!i cant be doing this to myself!im shouldnt have pumped into him!itz a mistake!im so gonna hate myself from moving the wrong step!how could it be!?cheong shiaw lee is not gonna like this guy k!no more!i dun hope things to go wrong n serious n ends up without frenship!''the reason'' by hoobastank..i love this song!itz meaningful!i stil rmb he asked me bout the score last time...i played this song today with the some one playing the drum accompaniment..well,im so glad to have found someone who act have chemistry in music!im pleased to get a person who can have jaming or maybe to compose song togather!tatz real great!yayya...we wore the same colour of t-shirt n jeans as well!!kakkaak!
though it means but gals would think of some creation about it!kakakakak!

i talked to a new fren today...he was act a fren of sharon...dear dear..this is gonna be so fun!!kakak...cos u are trying to get my opinion by introducing him to me..kakak!so dam funnyla...like im gonna make the deision...kakka!anyway,itz nice to talk to him...his name is chau..sounds a nice guy!later,i talked to yiko..wel,he remind me somehting where i ought to put 100 concertration on my edu!thanks bro...i noe it!i'l keep ya word in my mind alwis!i'l try not to get near him!i 'l try to get rid of getting involved into relationship!

taurus vs sagittarius

i did mentioned that i pumped into this guy in my previous post..

his name is simon..hez a nice...this is wut i can say bout him...i would make u feel happie n laugh though u are in a bad mood!i feel kinda regret why didnt i meet him up last year...dear dear!i shud have join youth ablaze last year!haih...everything should have started earlier!
anyway,itz pretty good to have known him too!i realised someone who is act not as ''teruk'' as i tot last time...his name is netherson...well,i found him kinda irritating at first..but when knowing him better...everything seemed to be differ from the fact...kakak!when the first time he took up the roach n threw it to the dustbin...the first time we talked bout music...the first time he listened to my playing..the first time i played his Art & Lutherie acoustic guitar costs RM 1300...the first time we act had the most topics to talked bout....anyway,is til find simon is the best of all...cos of the way he looks at other..the way he treats other...he so lovely...perhaps hez the one i like...so,wutever he does seems to be the best for me!we have topics...the feeling is unique...he would bring comfort to u...

the coll sounds silent for the first ever..

all the lecturers have gone for a seminar...therefore all the classes have cancelled!but we had practice in the morning...so i jus went to coll as usual...practice starts at 10 am but i reached there at 9..i did some work at the library...around 9.45 i called up fengyun n we tended to walk there togather...while i was waiting for her..i met up with ms vicky...then we had a short talk...she said i look enjoying with the dance!kakakka...memang cos hez there!alalalala!
at first i tot the practice shud be boring cos hez not here...since hez working whole day...but then everything seemed to be the opposite of wut i thought!i din expect things to be like this!there were a drum set,bass guitar.acoustic guitar n a keyboard!as usual...cheong shiaw lee would play all that...kakak...though im not prob in everything!but i jus wanna try out mer!is there any prob in trying out those?shud be no rite?but i think she might be feeling bad cos da guys were like so one kind with me cos we found to be kinda 'click' with each other...sorryla....jaming is my fav!so for sure guys would be my frens..act jus that we have the same topics!Lok ask me to teach him..n he was jus complaning cystal...hmmm..i felt bad when he did this to herlo...n even netherson came to me cos he'z learning guitar...kakka!oni had the first lesson...kakak!but hez passionate in music...gogogo!moreover sam was asking me to teach him this n that...lok was asking me to teach him piano n guitar...netherson was listening to my playing of my fav song''more than words''...i felt imrpessed in a sudden cos i dislike this guy all this time..even ytd i was so mean to him where i said hi to simon but showed him a bad face!n everything seemed to change after 24 hours...perhaps we have the same interest...anyway,sam is a nice guy...hez so cute!he looks like a shy guy..and Lok is a very funny guy!they are nice ppl....i really hope can chill out wit them or maybe have jaming section with them!

later,i met up with my dearie!but sadly there were some ppl here so made me not to pour out everything....cos there'l stil have something to be kept between us dearie!

u are so true...cos i dunno that i would pumped into simon this year!kakak...me myself feel surprised too!cos i'd been saying that this guy is sooo dam kem last year...but i got pumped into him this year!shitla!

i must not!

wut a nice day...

i went to coll in the morning..wel,as usual i'l be late to the class..n u saw the guys were sitting at the same roll...4 of them togather...but she seems to sit at the different side n roll..so where wut shud be my decision?i intended to marched towards my guys!!kakakk!cos i dun wanna be sitting there without 'aids'!we did enjoyed our law lesson...after class,we went for a lunch,hmmm...i had thought of goin somewhere to have lunch at first..i told kai that i dun feel like eating at medan selera!but she wanted to have some rice...but i wanted to have a air-conditioned place..but finally we decided to go to McD!somehow i felt kinda guilty cos she nv odered anything..i felt that im the one cosing her to have no lunch!i kept telling her that i'l be accompanying her to have rice but she refused..so i din bother bout that anymore!later we had FA2 lesson,we sat in a roll..i was feeling so dam boring during the class cos i din see my LCs for both classes!suddenly i took kaiz wallet n have a look of wutz inside..i saw a platinum credit card!he old me there might be around RM15k for the card...then i jus took it n placed in my wallet immediately!!kakak!am i mean enough?anak kampungmer..nv see credit card b4,kakakk!class finished,i saw simon at the doorway,i was kinda glad when he said hez gonna practice with us!wut did i feel like this!?then andrew had asked me to accompany him to eat his meal..so i jus went with him since i was free at that moment...but i wanted him to have a look at simon!!!aaaaaaa!yikoh said this guy is gorgeous though hez not those handsome n muscular type!!but his sis jus pump into this guy...kakka!but i noe i must not since i knew whoz the gal,i even knew her!so yiko asked me jus to keep an eye n not to do anything...hahah!this is something playing in my mind all the time whenever i like a guy!!kkka!sounds so loser rite?anyway,we practice at a classroom..with the gals n some guys there..simon,netherson,sam...sadly edward wasnt there!haih!when the guys were practising for their part,i saw a dead roach at the corner of the floor..i got entire scared off...netherson then took a small piece of paper n i tot he was trying to pick it up to scare me...which i alwiz got bullied from my frens!so i jus ran out of the classroom...when i got back to the classroom,i was keeping an eye outside the classroom through the side window,simon jus locked the door!to bad,Ms vicky jus needed me n he had to let me in...kakak!he said the roach was no longer thereliao...he even told me that they wont scare me wth thay!kakak..i suddenly i felt so sweet with this 2 guys!but sorry...cos before that i saw Mr Wilson...OMG!did he take his pills for the day?i has totally changed his style today!i wore a red buitton up shirt...with a black denim long pant!wut an awesome he is huh!he simply shines!im so adore to him!after the practice,i went to search for yiko but couldnt got him..then i saw taikoz car..n we went for a meal..but i was time to go so i din eat anything...we had a short chat...bout his work now..bout his studies now...bout his financial condition now..wel,i asked him to show me a guy ...but the guy name kit was later today...he came with a motorbike...not scooter...the huge one!seems cool huh!but taiko took dmy spect so i couldnt see him in a clearer view!there surely have another chace!

such a sweet guy~

i feeling so uncomfortable at after the practice...

well,back to last saturday,i had piano lessons with teacher suziez students since 9.30 in the morning...wel,it sounds fun but i nearly slept off when they played me their pieces!!akaka...i noe i sounds so bad cos i shud respect them rite?but wut to do..the air-con was dam cold...n i had no break time,furthermore i forgotten to bring my money as well!!kakak!but i did discovered something..while i was looking at the results slips...i saw sharpurz name!!he got merit for his P5 guitar exam...n i saw his IC no...kakka!am i bad enough?0813...kaka...hez a leo!well..the best suits aries!!!hahahaha!but then i wan another guy!mirado really reminds me of him so much...reminds me everything...i wonder how is he now?i miss him much...im wondering howz he doin now?i hope everything is fine in his life...then i'l be so blessed wit it!i wan him to live a happien n healthy life!no matter wut...i'l love him much!

something happened today...which is nothing happened during the whole long day..we had extra lesson today for FA2...n half of the classmates nv attend the lesson..well,i have to get the attendance signed!anyway,the main thing was we had practice after lunch...n i thought shud be fun cos..yaya...jus let me to mention here...this guy name simon..saw him since last year..but knew him this year...cos tat time he asked whether interested in CG or not..anyway,i found this guy so secure...as in gals would probably melt off with him!though it might not be melting to u..but i really like it when he touched my head with his hand...n sounded like a big bro...n asking u ''have u got ya lunch?''...wow...i think with his voice softly spoken out that sentence...seriously would melt u off man though hez not those musculine-well-looking-trendy-dude!he simply shinesla!jus put him aside..i would say i dislike this guy name netherson,who is a teamate with me in performing the play for the D&D!i hate this guy...for no reason ..perhaps u might say im pretty crictical..but i really dislike him!wut the hell!

after chilling out with my yiko...

this morning i felt kinda weird cos the excitement of attending class has decreasing...since ever i saw him walking with another gal ytd!well,this might not be an issue but then i was kinda pissed since that is a guy which i was kinda pumped into...anyway,this wouldnt be a prob to me since i wasnt that serious into this question!but the main point is i was kinda bored with my classmates..i thought we wouldnt have topics to talk bout..anyway,when i got into the class,i was kinda late n everyone was there...wel,fengyun was sitting behind the guys...but i stil intended to sit with my guys though it seemed like full!we all five persons sat at the same roll..when she asked me why wouldnt i sit with her...since she has received a place beside her for me...but my mind just ignored to sit there...cos i knew i would have no topics to talk with her!i dun wanna be sooo dam lonely sitting at the corner...n crapping n listening to those rubbish!u might say im kinda cruel..but then i really dun wanna have this kinda feelings anymore!i wanna talk to my guys!i wanna laugh with them!i wanna talk bout games!wut shud i talk to her!?i felt kinda enjoyable today cos i had my topics back!at least they have the same topics with me!!!

after class..i went to have my drum lesson..well,kinda fun but then stil the same thingla...cos i would nv melt off!but i do think that jim was kinda trying to give me a test!but i did treated it as a challenge!yiko came to pick me up after my lesson...n we took action our plan!we planned to spy for bob!!kakak!this man is truely gorgeous!i think i did mentioned him in my one of my previous blog...

anyway,nothing much to say...

generation gap!

i was suppose to stay at home today..

i got a moody morning when i got up from my bed...when i thought of going to coll for the extra lesson...the sense of reluctant aroused!however,i tended to attend the class since she might be teaching a new topic today rite?
i received a msg from fengyun when i was on my way to coll..but just too late...she informed me that the class starts at 10 till 12 noon...wel,my mind was blanked out at that moment cos i couldn't find anything to do for tat hour!so where am i supposed to go n wut am i suppose to do now?then,i saw my gang of frens just reached the doorway of the coll...they came before 9 to have breakfast...so we all had nothing to do beside of goin to the library!well,the atmosphere was real weird here..everyone seemed to treat each other like strangers...sounded like a first day of coll..or u may say an orientation day for the students to get to noe one n another!kai n ayuen were sitting next to each other..they were discussing bout some games, while pat was sitting beside me...well,i just took out my MP3player n played on the music....n played some games with kaiz hp!this situation remained for almost an hour,until someone has asked us to enter the class!i was seriously feeling boring with the class...fortunately jerry was there to talk with...this guy jus came back from his hometown last few days...so we did talked!!
after the class...i went to medan selera wit fengyun...to have our lucnh!i knew the guys would not wan it..but since she wanted there then i jus followedlo...finally the guys went somewhere else...after the lucnh..i went to find for andrew!we later went to songbird to relax...however,i nearly slept when he was singing his songs!i think we have generation gap n different channel!!!wut a nightmare!

sarangeul

i found myself some kinda trouble maker...haha!!!

wel,i met up with my gang today...i got a feelings in a sudden...wel,i've gotta say that i've considered u as in the gangla dearie!back to this,when things happen,i might tell my classmates or maybe even andrew,somehow,they'l have the story only,however,the very personal n inner feelings will be kept to my gang!itz kinda weird to say this...i found that true frens are precious in life...the one who really shares ya predicaments..ya ups n downs..and such!the one that really takes u as themselves no matter wut!they are willing to share wutever things with u!no matter wut,true frens will nv give up or let go u!im soooooo proud to say that i got the true fren in my life!n the greatest of all is i got them...not oni one!those are the dearies who can share my thoughts,my emotions,or even the bad side of me..being embarrasing in front of the public.and such!not even bf!

last but not least..i love u guys much!i appreacite u guys!thank GOD for letting me to meet u guys in my life!sarangeul!

many cases...let me mention it one by one here...

as usual,i have costing class with ms por in the morning....but i was kinda surprised cos the class was kinda packed,i thought we are starting the class by 9 and another group by 10...haha!anyway,when the moment i went into the classroom,i saw a guy in black shirt and sat at the corner side there..so i decided to sit with pat n tim cos they were jus behind him!i thought he was the one that i've been bumping for..but this was another guy..haha!anyway,hez kinda cute too!suddenly eric came to the class n sat beside me...haha!i was kinda surprised that he act attended the class...hahah!wel,we were talking bout downloading mp3...i've gotta thank u man!!i was writing down the MP3 which i wan..and he said he'l transfer to my mp3 the songs that he has...and see whether we like the same songs or not!!wah...such a luvly guy!!kakka!
after class..i had my drum lesson with jim..wel,he told me that therez an underground performance held this saturday at KL...for the local bands to perform their own composed songs...to show their talents n skills as well!!he'l be there...but the prob is im gonna celebrate my granpaz birthday this saturday...furthermore do u think my dad will let me go??u shud noe the answer rite??dearie!!jus forget bout it!but i feel like goin to watch thisla...cos i wanna see the local bands!!
later,andrew came n had lunch togather..as usual,,taiko has flied to Langkawi...i've wondering will he buy us some sourvenirs????but i dun think so lol...haih!!this taiko...haih!i really wanna have a look at tai soula!!!i think she might be pretty then oni be able to steal my taikoz heart!!!kakakak!
i cant wait to see taiko...cos bob is back!!!!u shud noe wut i mean so im not gonna tell u rite here!!!shhhhhhhhh!

taiko is awesome but kinda mature

friday again...

i was kinda moody this morning...my tears jus dripped off when i was showering...sometimes i do feel funny!then i went to coll for macroeconomics!im being kinda worry cos itz hard to me!wut shud i do?i gotta catch up by myself...no one is there to help me...i have to put much effort on it!yaya..before that,i saw taiko when i got down from the car...he was looking awesome...seriously exactly like tt from the back view...he had his presentation in the morning so he had gotta dress up formally...he was really awesome but kinda mature..kakak!later i sent him a msg to wish him all the best!later after class,me gang had planned to have lunch n later go to cc...since our break is from 12 to 4 before the next class began...yiko jus gave me a call..n my reaction was to go there n meet both of them!i felt bad but i felt really closed to them...though im happie with my gang...somehow,they are really bros to me!we had lucnh at another place...then jus went to taikoz car to put his stuff n paid for the parking again since he wanna play with us!later we walked there...n we played the same game again-battlefield 2!with more players today..where my gang joined us to play as well!kakakak!for sure me n yiko would be the same team!!we lost !!!!then another time we played...but not with them...it was really geram since taiko kept tricking on me!!!later he gotta go since he has a replacement class then he jus fetched us to go home!!wah..wut a nice taiko...of cos we wan since we dun have to walk back!we went back to yikoz house to play the sim2...haha!i created a guy...looks kinda handsome..eveyrthing was based on tt...kakaka!even his name...kakak!

UK again!

i met up with my ex gang...

after class i jus went for my drum lesson..well,jimmy is a skillful player n pro teacher...i admire his playing..somehow i wont melt off..kaka!after the class he asked me to whether im interested in teaching keyboard!wow..such a great offer..teaching a tthe roland rock school...sounds something that i desire much rite?i was really excited at first...but when i thought further on it..something fear me...im not patient..im not experienced,perhaps u might ask me to give it a try...but im the oni one...so wut ever i do will indirectly influence the music school where i dun hope soomething unpleasant will happen!i jus wanna get rid of it!furthermore my expression is not good enough to be a music teacher!perhaps i might play well or compose well...but i jus hardly express my knowledge to others...i'l rather choose to teach without paid so that pressure is not there!
then,i went to section 14 to meet up my gang!i was so worried that i'l have nothing to talk to them..well,at least not bad huh!kim is gonna fly to UK on 23rd sept 2006 at 1am!!well,i knew this gal since form2..we were so 'clicked' to each other..we can read each other mind well..though we din say out but we noe wutz playing in our mind!i hope she'l have a nice life there!all the best my dear...GOD blessed!

battlefield 2

im back guys...letz begin with the day before yesterday..

it was wed,as usual i'l have english law with mr stephen in the morning n later FA2 in the afternoon after the break..i was kinda pissed cos ms rupha jus cancelled her class in the morning,therefore i jus chilled out with yikoh after law lesson..around 1pm huren came to coll without knowning that the class had been cancelled..then we jus went for a lunch since i was kinda hungry..anyway,happy belated birthday to u!but i din buy him a cake since i jus brought 10 bucks to coll cos i wanna make up some savings!i feel kinda bad..but he nv treated me badly cos that this!he even treated me a strawberry sundae which i was kinda surprised with it!he was asking me which flavour do i like when we were queing up at the cashier..n i dinno that he bought that for me!!kakak!such a luvly guy!taiko came but he went to another place to have his lucnh before entering the exam hall!yiko went to meet taiko n me jus stayed there cos i think itz kinda rude to jus leave him up rite?after finised my lunch then we walked back to coll to meet up taiko!!huren had something to do...so he jus went off..but i did sing him a birthday song after this!yiko n me were being stand by for taiko with his notes out there so that he can have some 'emergency aids' whenever he needs it!after the exam,we went to cc since they're gonna have class at 6.30..where it was around 5...3 of us went for battlefield 2!me n yiko wanted to walk there at first,but taiko was so caring to drive us there...hahah!n we did chatted some issues in the car..the feelings were jus like real bros!then,yiko n i vesus taiko alone..kakak!of cos we'l win rite...but the main point here is getting 3 of us sitting togather at the same roll..playing the same game...screaming togather...enjoying though taiko alwiz trick on me!the moment was really sincere...really enjoyable where i cant get it with my classmates...though there are nice guys but jus the feelings of sharing everything is not there!later i jus went home n they went for class!

im gonna be alone!

congrats to andrew!!he had won the singing competition through out the contestants came from various countries...he did really well!!im pretty proud of him!!!

anyway,i feel kinda boring during the weekends though i did went for some shopping with my parents but im seemed to have done window shopping so far..kaka!

one of my best frens is leaving on this coming friday to further her studies in UK!why is everyone leaving this year?the one i love so much ,my frens,even the one i care so much has not come back for a hols or any visits!haih,the oni thing is to wait for them to come back here..but this would hardly happen to some of them especially the guys!i feel so empty inside my heart in a sudden...the feeling is just being so unsolid bout wut i have...somehow i just cant control anything..anyhow,i think that my feelings towards tt has been lacking,since the feeling is jus so unsolid!i mean therez nothing possible to happen between us..n i shouldnt have being so stubborn bout it!sometimes,i do feel gloomy whenever i feels lonely cos i would think of him at the first place...of cos i would miss seeing his face...his smile...listening to his laughters..his playing..his position would nv fall and to be maintained for long time..
since the one i loved so much has left n im trying to accept the reality so i think my disappearance of my frens would oso wont matter me rite?i dunno whether i can do it or not..but im being so worried that there might be none of my gang continue the degree course with me here!!im fear to be lonely...i dun hope to be left alone here...but my family jus cant afford me to study overseas!!this is such a sad thing to me!so many of them are leaving to UK!!perhaps some of them dun intend to do the degree n jus go to the pro course!

i dun wanna disappoint my parents!

seems like many things happened in a day..

my first class of macroeconomics..i have got the same lecturer teaching me since my first semester until now...we've got so familiar with her...shez a nice n friendly person...and i think shez so knowledgable...she used to teach me microeconomic, business communication and now macroeconomic!seriously i found it pretty tough...cos i dun really know wut happen during her class..anyway,i would try my best to crack my mind!!during the short break,i accompanied feng yun to buy some food from the wet market which is out of my interest,but i did buy some snacks!noe wut...i was kinda late to class this morning,but luckily my fren reserved a place for me!!thanks guys!i was kinda impressed cos we were all six ppl sitting at the same roll!!with oni two long tables...n this was really packed up!!but the feelings was really great...so closed to each other n we could chat!!not forgotten,therez this guy studying the same class with me this morning,his gang n him sat at the other side of the class!hez considered as my type of guy which i was kinda attracted to him!!kakaka!but badly pat told me that he smoked out there during break!!haih....after the class,part of my frens went off...so i jus met up with taiko n yikoh and oso choo!i act saw taiko in the morning where i asked him wherez yikoh..but he jus asked me to call him later n blahs!!after class,we went up to the pc lab,wilson was judging their presentation at another lab!he cut his hair,i heard that hez kinda strict in marking their cw!wel,i think hez cool n brilliant!!kaka!then,choo n taiko were negotiating bout the cw!somehow,i would not hope to put much personal view on it cos itz between them!suddenly allen came!!haha!!we've nv seen this guy for such a long time!then me,yikoh n taiko went for a lunch!it seems that evry friday is a family day for us..kaka!at first we went to coffee bean just to chase after wilson..kakak!but unfortunately hez not there,so we tended to choose the shop next door!the food was jus averagela!on the way,taikoz anger aroused since they had compromised the price ytd but choo changed her mind today!she wans RM100 extra...taiko was pretty angry with her attitude he'l pay for it as long as she could get things done on time.later,david came,taikoz teacher n had lunch with us..we gotta have some topics since we were discussing bout starscopes!!can u jus imagine that 3 guys act discussed bout their horoscopes???i thought this would oni be a topic among gals..haih..the world has changed!kakak!after taiko went to his class,i went to andrewz house to play some games!later i went to coll...n i saw wilson!!!!poor thing he has to teach until 9pm!!from 9am to 9pm!!!but hez stil look fresh anyway!we had a short talk n after that my dad came to pick me up!

my daily routine jus sounds boring n useless!!!i've gotta do something meaningful!!i cant be doing all this all the time!i really have to pick up my studies!!i never thought of being the perfect one,but at least to be equal to wut my parents have paid for me!i feel sorry if i cant do weel for them!u might be saying that im doing these for myslef not them...but as long as they wan me to study,no matter how i would bring something back for them!

take a look around

the linkage of a situation to another has been happening...

after viewing the dvd,some inspirations aroused in my soul to take up the challenge to complete the song ''take a look around'' by limp bizkit,where we used to perform in a rock version,with our own improvisasions!!wut an amaze!i hope this would nv over but the reality has told me to stop drowning in my dream!later,when i got home,the very first thing was to switch on my keyboard n tried to complete the solo parts for sharpur,bassist and tt!of cos i would not be able to maintain the entire song..but at least i would tried my best to make it sounds something previously played!i put much of effort on it..but i couldnt finish it on the day...wel,thatz fine cos i would spend time n effort on it!i even dun intend to replace the new file with the old file cos i think the old one would be somehow a memory to me!kakkaka!wut a stupid gal rite?anyway,i do admit that!

after i got kinda tiring,then i jus went to bed..i thought of getting my MP3 player with me so that i would have a nice dream at that night!i went to bed pretty early but i couldnt sleep!i shared at the ceiling above..my brain was functioning which tonnes of ideas and feelings ruined into my nerves...i felt pretty depressed in a sudden..i felt lonely and sorrowful!'i would never have a chance to meet him again in life'...'no one would be as good as him'...
the tears just dripped off where i felt something stroke into my heart at that moment!i felt really harsh!!despite,i did felt worried bout this burden...i felt scary if i were to take a long time to recover!????i've compare the guys around me with tt n my heart would tells me that tt is the best!somehow i think this has becoming a burden to me where im limiting myself to live in a cage!wut shud i do?though nothing has happen between us,im the oni one who loves him like hell..i thought it would be so contented to love someone at first,but this fact has turned to be a mistake to me!

no chance of approaching bob!

i got kinda pissed off with taiko!!

early in the morning,i had blogged out a pice of my mind cos i felt bad mood...i knew this gal from thai n we had a long conversation..after that me,Dao(that thai gal) and taiko went to have a breakfast..after that,he went to the lab to begin his cw n i tended to bring Dao to her frens house,which is the houseing area nearby there.she asked me to walk back half way n thanked me for accompanied her!wel,shez nice n able to speak fluent english language!then i jus went to the pc to meet up taiko..he asked me to use the pc to online then i jus followed as wut he said since my class was cancelled due to the sports carnival which we were supposed to attend it at a field nearby our coll..but i dun really like it since i din even attend it previous year!we just stayed in coll...he was surfing the net n figuring out the java error!i found him kinda irritating cos he was listening to the MP3 from his laptop,which was kinda loud and other classmates were doing their cws!u din bother cos i was listening to mine!then i heard some song that sounds nice...'the corrs','shania twain','same same' which i wanted to get their new MP3 but couldnt,so he just asked me to pass him my MP3!wel,i was kinda impressed with my taiko cos hez not like this all the while to me...good taiko man!hahah!after andrew had came to meet us up..he thought of seeking wilson at coffee bean,so me n andrew were so excited of getting a cup of ice-blended drinks!unfortunately wilson wasnt there,and we saw a cool guy,dressed casually,carrying a back-pack with a laptop inside,was dressed in singlet n shorts,listening to his MP3,i saw a real cool tatto on his right arm!cool!yiko knew me well,n we intended to choose a table beside his...wow!i got a strategy place which was just beside him...but wutz wrong with taiko to sit at my place though i was jus disappeared a while to purchase my food!?i was dam geram where yikoh was trying to calm me down!we did enjoyed our lunch cos it was really nice!friday seems to be a 'family' day for us!then taiko saw his teacher there-david,who teaches keyboard n drum at mahogany,who is a colleague of bob!!!taiko seemed helping me to get some info bout bob..he was asking david whether bob is here or not...but the answer was not favourable.he got so sick til hez now in a hospital!!wut happen?i was taken aback!they looked at me but i was speechless at that moment..how could it be?i felt thankful to taiko cos he got me some facts...but this feelings have disappeared not until he had gave me a big prob!he asked me n yikoh to reload the parking fees for him as we did walked n paid up n got back to mahogany jus to return his key!we walked all the way from coffee bean to our coll n back to mahogany cos hez our taiko!we went up to the music store..i was kinda uncontrolable cos varies types of music tools n instruments are there...i hardly ignore n just played the digital piano there!wel,though casio privia is not my favour but i stil felt like playing it cos itz irresistable!i did asked david bout the fee,deposit n regustration fees,n this approximately costs me rm330 which i think was kinda expensive than other music school!then taiko asked me to play some songs so i jus played..i played ''the reason'' since he has the score with him...i couldnt believe that he said i even played better than his teacher!i ought to be proud with it but his teacher was just next door!how could he not hear that?i felt so shameful!n david asked me wut grade am i..i just told him that i finished my grade 7!then taiko told me that he has nothing...and he just passed by me!then taiko kept asking me to teach part time here...he even asked the boss there...shit!i was kinda blur when she asked my qualification!i was dam shameful cos david was there...i dun wan this to happen cos i dun belongs to there!there are teachers ready there so i dun wanna fight with them!itz not a good case!furthermore my purpose to there is being as a student to learn drum n oso to grab a chance to see bob!i think itz a mistake for me to went up there...things happened out of my expectation n i think my first impression to david was kinda bad...but i did nothing wrong,just played the piano!why has it to be so complicated!?i nv meant to show off,just the sense of playing aroused!i just followed my heart!i jus played when i felt like playing!

escape

i wanna get rid of it...

the very first thing that comes to my mind every morning is someone appearing in my mind!someonez picture just flashes in a moment!i thought time could decides everything...i thought time could cureme up!but this seems to be useless at this moment!i got bad mood every night when i got to my bed...ready to walk on my dream path..but i got fail everytime to get to the doorway!the same thing happen to me every morning,which would destroy my mood for the day!the same thing happen in everydayz routine...where i feel like crying at night and early in the morning when i jus got up from my bed!i hate this feelings....im trying to improve by listening to MP3..but it never helps anyway!things got worsen when i have no class for the day!i un hope to meet my frens with a bad face..i dun wanna spoilt their mood as well...so i'l keep telling myself that i have no prob with it!but sometimes i really wanna espress it out!

my first day of semester 3

first day of semester 3....

im not feeling excited in the morning,perhaps i was kinda down cos i had a bad rest last night!i couldnt sleep well cos something was interrupting my mind from seeking the peacufulness!i turned off the pc very early and tended to get to bed earlier than usual cos i wanna have a fresh mind for my first day!who know i couldn't get myself relaxed since i kept thinking of him!how could it be!?i thought everything has over...somehow,the powerful tune of the electric guitar reminds me of him,the sentimental tune of the classical guitar has reminds me of him,the song titled ''the reason'' and ''take a look around'' have remind me of him!there are many more which would bring his picture out to my mind!though itz just a memory,somehow the feelings are there n the picture is clear enough to make me fall deeply into it!
back to my rountine,i went to college to meet up my frens!well,andrew called me early in the morning where i had just took my bathe..the first sentence i told him was ''i felt like crying'' he felt the same thing as me too!it pretty usual to hear this from his mouth!we know him very well!then,we went to clucth since we havent been there for a long time!i wanna scream and this seemed to be a good place to release my stress!!sooner or later,tim just msg me but i din bother bout it cos i was at the peak time!but i gotta say sorry cos i saw him coming up here!!i felt bad..later,pat called me whether to have lunch or not..but taiko was coming over to meet us up...so of cos i would hope that 3 of us would have lunch rite!?but we ended up not having lunch cos i gotta go for my class!ENGLISH LAW!sounds boring but i think this shud be kinda interesting!somehow, the class was kinda boring cos itz jus the begining!when break time,i went to have some food with andrew,well,this time i met his classmate,who is a guy named kevin that came back from US!hmmm,he seems to be kinda friendly n outgoin but the feeling was kinda differ until the time we shook our hands!hmmm,i m pretty concern bout how a person shakes their hand as in this might give me a judgement at the first impression!he can be considered kinda well looking person n speaks in a gentle way..but this is oni the first time i met him...sometimes,itz jus hardly to judge a person without knowing him in a longer period!after that,i got another class until 6pm which i dinno at all cos i dun have the time table with me anyway,i was kinda bored with the lecturing!we planned to write a letter to request for another lect cos she seems to just focus on the exam questions!!!shez not teaching us for knowledge but jus to prepare to sit for the exams!i think this shudnt be the proper way whereby we have no idea of wutz she teaching in front with the aid of projector n power point presentation!how could she be like this?we wan knowledge as well to sit for the exams!

felt annoyed by someone.....

i got really disappointed with him!

andrew is my best fren,and oso as a second bro of mine as well.we love him much,but sometimes i really dun wanna bother bout him cos he has been repeating the same thing all this while!why has he to behave in this way?excuse me!hez a guy k..i dun mind he has a bf..but please not to behave like gals,or sometimes even worse than a gal does!i mean why has he to become like this?he alwis been telling us that leo has changed his entire life!well,why have u to be like this?being so suspicious,curious,jealous bout him and oso the ppl around him!though hez my bro,im not at his side i doing all these!i could feel that leo is being kept by an eye on his personal life!even me do feel that hez being captured every moment...every movements!i knew u cant control ya emotions but cant u just stop doing all these!?have u ever try of thinking why has he to avoid u?why has he to do things secretly?if i were leo,i would jus chuck u off like a pan cake!or jus torture u until u decide to break up from me..but for sure i'l just change my handphone number!sometimes i do tell him that u've being kinda over to his life..i mean u guys are oni couple...is he supposed to tell u every single things that he does?there is a boundary n he has the right to choose keep as P&C!im kinda pity leo though andrew is my bro!i knew u love him very much ...or u might wanna die without him in ya life..but i think thatz not the way to maintain a healthy relationship!ya caring n sincere have turned to be restraint and dread!i do feel kinda annoyed cos he'l telling me all this things all the time!cant u jus have ya own life instead of looking into his?he'l wanna have his life though hez in relationship with u!cant u jus have some time on ya education instead of purchasing all the courseworks which i feel kinda stupid in doing that!stop playing with fire if u cant!love is not everything...

taiko+yiko+saimui

i was dam pissed off last fri...

i din go to mirado cos my teacher suggested me to stop my piano lesson for a period of time..furthermore tt is no longer there,so wutz the motivation of being there?kkakakak!anyway,iw as supposed to hand out my MYOB coursework on last fri,and apparently i'd done 90% of it,who noes i forgotten to back up some sheets...so i gotta use up some of timz work!thanks buddy!i act could leave earlier but who noes this person was kept following me wherever i go!im so annoyed by him k!i knew his objectives but how am i gonna reject him?i really have no idea bout it!i got really fade up with him!why cant he jus attend classes!?i hate this kinda ppl!!but i have no choice,so to ayuen!i just gotta stay back n get his piece of shit done!wel,i could tell u that he might just pass his exam with flying colours...but without any knowledge n skills!i dun intend to spend my time teaching n explainig to him every single steps n purposes if oni hez the one i love!i dun hope my love one would blindly pass up the work that i've done for him!somehow,if hez just the normal one,i will just get the entire done!perhaps i got the advance in doing the extras!

the happie thing came now,wel,before my class started,i went to coll in the morning so that i could met up my yiko,andrew!wel,taiko,barry was there as well,just finished his class!then me n yiko just went to his classroom,waiting for him to go for lunch!wilson was there,the lecturer,he was helping him in breaking some kinda codes,we were then discussing some issues!!haha!taiko asked me to teach him ''the reason''!hey bro,tatz my song,dun ever steal it!how could he said that im clever???this word would nv come out from his mouth ever!i was dam proud when he said that!kakakaka!after that,we went to the bank for him to withdraw some cash...but this wouldnt belong to him in a long time,not an hour i think cos we went to coffee bean for lunch jus becos the lect dare him!hahah!wilson is such a funnny n friendly person!the feelings were pretty nice cos three of us seldom sit down n had lunch gather!futhermore the atmosphere was dam comfortable!we had a long chat...almost 2++ hours..got to now him better...all of us better!i'd discovered that wilson act plays very well classical guitar!ahuh!i was so impressed with it!cool man!after the lunch,wilson has to attend class,taiko has to attend his keyboard lesson,yiko has to discuss his proposal wit his frens,i have class..then i walked to coll with wilson!wow!i felt so protective walking beside him!hez so dam tall...despite im too short!hez so kinda n friendly,the way he speaks shows that hez educated,gently english spoken!chun!i hope he'l be lecturing me for INS!

fearless v.s. final countdown

continued.......

during the practice section,we bought something for jean during the break time!we act planned to buy it but we dinno her taste!therefore,we kept asking her when we went to shop for a while!i even asked her whether she has buy her fav album or not n she tended to figure it out!!kakaka!stupid me!fortunately we din buy that for her!each of us bought her a necklace n oso wrote her a card!i hope she likes them!

on the day,act shud be 3 days!friday,sunday and the national day!well,it was really crownded cos term hols was on that time!i saw many lcs as well...kakaka!the first n second times were nicely performed!but the last concert was the greatest!seriously!im not being to show off or wut...but i was dam proud with our team!aparrently the DJz teams are performing on friday n sunday while the 1U teams perform on sat n the national day!who knows we were the invited guest performers!!!kakakaka!n on thurs,we felt so being alienated cos we were the only team from DJ!luckily alan joined our gang!he boosted up our song with the mixer..he did his best to make our song sounded powerful so to attract more audiences!frankly we did enjoy the applause n cheers!i waited for the last team to perform their 'final countdown'!well,i was told that this guy named bernard was asked for autograph!oooooo!i really wanna have a view of their show!i waited till i got gastric cos i din eat my lunch!i asked lunlun for sweet n he asked why..i just told him that i got gastric!wow!!!how great if u are olderle!!i have to say thanks n u're such a sweet guy!he turned to get me some sweets!yaya,back to this bernard,i saw him when i reached the music center n he looks fine at first!but,the impression turned to go bad as his attitudes n characteristics have found to be exactly like eddy!yucks!when itz his show time,he walked to the side of the stage..n just turned to us n gave us a share!sucks man!however,the performance was jus so-so since alan had done something...kaakkakakakaa!why couldn't i hear the electric guitar part?kakakaka!!!why was the keyboard being played so loudly?kakakakakak!sorry my dear..u have to accept the reality that my electric guitar part sounds stronger n more powerful than yours though i played it out using keyboard!where are all ya effects?pull?bend up?bend down?hammer?the ascending n descending running notes?even my power chords were more pwoerful than yours since u used ya electric guitar with eddyz strip!kakakakakaka!

fearless

she just left this morning at 3am!

3 weeks had just passed,after the exam,i was kinda sad cos my hols were gonna begin,how am i to see my frens everyday!?how bout my taiko n yiko!?sad case!at that time,some one was gonna leave to UK!this issue was a big torture to me!i thought i would be crying during this 3 weeks!fortunately,this concert has bring me the solution but not entirely did!at least i have got something to as my pass time!at first,i was supposed to have a group performance,n i thought of inviting tt n sharpur,who knows they are leaving so i was really disappointed n lost my motivation in any performance!but itz a compulsory to me..so i teacher has found a teamate which is a gal for me!the first day we met each other,hahah...shez act my senior where we were from the same primary school!itz nice to talk...cos we do have the chemisrty!n another teamate is my fren!by the way,my senior is jean n my fren is shireen!this has begin the frenship among us!alan is a reall chun guy!he did the song for us..which i was jus helping him to add more parts n teaching them for their parts!u might say nothing special,however,the process of teaching n learning,the practices,the shopping hours have brought laughters n joys to us!and not forgotten our hard work has brought the best resukt of all!!where we got all the recognisitions and appreciation from them!!furthermore,being at the spotlight n receiving applause from the audiences would bring u satisfaction!

to be continued.....

with u gone....

i've been crying all night long...

i was chatting with andrew,i intended to tell him my feelings,bout how i felt at that moment...something that i put much effort on it!!i felt tremendously gloomy...hez leave in this month..n therez nothing i can do rite?wel,if im not goin to mirado today,then last wednesday might be the last time i saw him in my life!perhaps we would never meet up again in future!im in fear...that someone is here with u in the morning and found to have gone at night...i cant stand the feelings of seeing someone leaving....i felt really down n cried!i really hope that someone was here with me...somehow,andrew said something right bout my life where my situation is much more better than other ppl n i shouldnt have take it so seriously..but i wish to control my feelings too,jus that i cant!after today..i wont be seeing tt in my life anymore...hahahhaa!therez no remedy for me at this moment...nothing could really cure me!most of frens were telling me to look for another guy...well,i tried but...hahahahahha!things are not happening in my way....i found myself escaping from the prob!!i dun wanna hear though i got the idea of it...or lynden might be telling me "tt has gone!"...seriously i cant stand though i knew it from the beginning of the year!i guess he'l be staying there for the rest of his life!haizzzzzzzz....wut shud i say bout it?anyhow,i hope time would decide everything n get me out of this!

R&B

this blog is act regarding to ytdz routine...

i din intended to on the pc n blog out my feelings cos i was pretty confused with my feelings...i was pretty fine in the morning n we practiced(shireen n me) in the noon at mirado...everything was going smoothly n i was really fine before i saw someone!well,shireen was asking eddy to play with us for our song 'breaking free'..he did played for us..i mean during the practice section..n it was pretty cool!!he'z got the skill man!after shireen has gone home,i was there to help up my teacher n oso to listen to their probs!well,she seems to be over stress up n oso being frustrated with her current working condition,n we even discussed bout having drum lesson togather...kaka!i was kinda happie cos that shud be really fun to have lesson with my teacher!i was having a guitar on my hand,the feelings were just to play some classical pieces at that moment..suddenly came back after 'recharged'..well,i was strumming a song n he dinno tat i was the one sitting in the room n playing all this stuffs...kakaka!suddenly,he suggested me to ask tt to play the guitar part for our song!well,i was kinda annoyed when he said that,but then he jus walked off n said 'i go ask tt...' wel,i dinno he was there,i din intend to go out n have a look...n teacher did said..'tt is there..' wut came to mind was stop playing a foollol!n i tended to walk out from the studio n i did see him in a white shirt!i got killed!i became really down then n had no concerntration for my teacher..i got confused with my feelings!i mean i dun intend to see him when hez here cos i might feel destress;but i would be even desperate n miserable if hez gone!this issue has been appearing in my mind all night long n i couldnt get rid of it!andrew called me up when i was playing my keyboard.....well,i told him everything n he suggested to sleep early...well,therez nothing i can control lol!i couldnt stop thinking of this!n intended to take some wine instead of looking at the ceiling...but this couldnt have help me off!suddenly i received a msg from a fren of andrew-ivy!well,i talked to her on the phone before,shez friendly n kinda mature for me..anyway,i really appreciate when she send me a caring msg,but this wouldnt help me perhaps!the tears jus dripped off naturally when i was playing the pieces,i jus felt like composing something at that moment..but everything sounds groomy n sorrowful!

i've changed,im changing...

hey guys....im back!!!

finally,i got the chance to pour out some of my feelings and thoughts here,recently i've been buzy with my sem2 exams n oso some stuffs..hmmm...act many things happened during this period of time...n i was kinda ignorance to write them out here..but i'd thought of sometimes n intended to tell u guys...why did i have such an idea?hmmm...act i was afraid that u guys might have some bad ideas bout me since me myself have realised that u've changed a lot...perhaps physically but for sure my attitudes and mentally has changed a lot!frankly i was kinda worried that i might change to a person that u guys would nv accept me as ya fren,or as ya sis bro!!after reading wut had happened to me,,,n u would surely say that i've changed!

where shud i begin then..hmmm....but i noe im feeling pretty desperate n lost a this moment...the feelings are kinda perculiar...as in i dunno whether wut im doing now is correct or a mistake in life..perhaps everyone has to fall once in their life...but i do think that itz kinda over since i found myself has got many things hidden behind my family...i dun wanna be like this...feel kinda guilty...

have u heard of em-pay.com?yea...i've invested a small sum of money into it...but wut im feeling really frustrated is when can i get the profits?i know i shudnt have complaint so much but then im an impatient person....i wan something fast recovery though it might be high risky!but at least i could see the rebates in a short term!i think i might prefer that!for me,i really dun have the passion in investing in such thing...itz so dam boring!i dun wan d...30% tat im kinda worry bout the money,60% tat im kinda boring with it cos itz slow recovering,10% tat im not interested anymore!wel,dear,dun get misunderstood if u read this...cos i dun meant to hurt u or blame u,,,jus that i really need a medium for me to express my desperation!the main thing that makes me really frustrated is how could barry earn so much i cant!??????BARRY!!!!!!he told me that u r not gonna search for ppl and wait for them to arrange for u...cheh!!!purposedly wanna show off to me!!!!geram betul!

next,i would like to say that tt is leaving to further his studies...well,at first this would be dam killing for me...but the most killing part is the result of avoiding it..i mean im trying to aviod myself for not seeing him...so that i wont be feeling so sad or even better,why has he to appear in front of me!?i know itz all my fault of loving such a person that who even not treating me as a fren...or etc...YES!i stil admire him much cos there is no reason for me to hate him!though he seems to be really annoying..but....haih!but then i really have no other alternative to make myself clear!wut shud i do?andrew,u'l nv help me out man cos we have da same prob...noe wut?i tried to concern all my feelings towards u...sometimes i do admire ya styled in doing some stuffs...but then the prob is the feelings...i mean i have no heart beating whenever with u,itz like really comfortable to be with a true fren..or really good bro,for sure i'l care bout u much ...jus that we are too closed with one and another....anyway,i really love u much !!tatz for sure!and one more bad thing is ...BARRY!!!!he reminds me of tt whenever i see him...they look alike!sobs sobs!